5:43am.
Dan and I are still sat around the campfire.
The rest of us are in the tents, sound asleep across the field.
I’m sat on upturned trough, swaddled in my sleeping bag desperately trying to keep warm in the cool morning.
He keeps pacing. I know he’s tired, and I know he’s feeling the awkwardness because I feel it too.
Every time I shiver slightly he looks up and remembers what he said and what he did last night.
Neither of us have said anything for approximately 14 minutes, purely because we don’t know what to say. It’s too late to break the silence with small talk now.
I know that we’re both thinking about it.
We’re both so tired.
I know Dan went to sleep for around 2 and a half hours, but I’ve been up all night. Thinking.
"Hey look it’s Phil!", Dan exclaims monotonously, as a savior emerges from a tent.
"Someone’s snoring in there, I just had to get out!" Phil laughs. When neither me or Dan even stifle a sound, he knows.
””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
Last night people watched us in the dark. They watched us and they should have said something or stopped us because now whenever I look at that fire, I want to throw myself into it.
I wasn’t drunk, I’d had two can’s of Pimms; all I felt was loose. Dan was drunk, he’d had 6 cans of beer and 2 shots, then he’d passed out, thrown up and woken up drunk as well.
I’d left the tent at about 2am, and rejoined the group of mostly boys around the fire. I was tired and cold. The only available seat was next to Dan. I’d sat down and he immediately put his arm around me asking if I was alright.
"I’m fine, I’m just cold"
"Okay, I’ll warm you up"
He was drunk at this point, he must have been. He’d periodically ask if I was “warming up” and I’d say yes and he’d just repeat it again and again, continuously rubbing his hands along the length of my upper arms, occasionally slipping down to my waist and pulling me closer to his body.
"I’m not coming on to you. I have a Girlfriend" he reminded me, he did have a Girlfriend, yet I stayed put and he kept on rubbing.
"Are you warming up?"
"Yes thank you. I’m fine now"
"I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, I just want to make sure that you’re not cold"
"Stop apologizing, it’s fine. I am warm now" I’d shifted my own arm over his back, resting my hand just below his neck. Every now and then I’d play with the thin downs of hair that lined the base of his head.
People were watching us from beyond the fire, it’d flicker and I’d see a ‘disapproving’ grimace, but nobody said anything, it was late and everyone was tipsy.
In an attempt to angle the fire’s warmth at my body, I’d begun to tilt further towards Dan. He enveloped me in his arms, which then turned into a hug.
"Are you warm?"
"Yes Dan, thank you"
Being that close to him was an entirely different kind of warmth. As we pulled away from each other, my cheek brushed past his and then his lips grazed mine and then we were kissing.
””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
I’d written down everything that he’d said to me so I’d remember in case he didn’t. “I’m not coming onto you. I have a Girlfriend”
"I have a Girlfriend."
I don’t know how or why it happened but nobody questioned us, although there were ample witnesses. We didn’t question it either, although I could tell by his face right now that he needed to get something out.
Phil had joined us in the silence now, shifting awkwardly on his feet. He took a seat on a log opposite me and shot me a sympathetic look, which I read as ‘You should have known better, Y/N’.
Dan’s face crumpled under his thoughts. He walked over to me, I watched him all the way. As he passed, he briefly placed his hand on my shoulder and said as flatly as possible, “Sorry.”
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