I spend the rest of the afternoon scrolling through Facebook. I haven’t been online since I moved here and besides, nothing new ever happens. But I guess that’s because I’ve only got 20 friends on there and all the posts are statuses about how they love their boyfriends/girlfriends, post photos of parties and their food. I honestly don’t care who’s dating who or who’s eating what. I could block them all, but I guess I like having something on my feed considering I’m not liking any pages, except for one posting funny pictures but they barely update anymore.
Truth is, I’ve never liked Facebook. I’ve never understood why people ‘like’ things. Is it for acceptance? My profile pictures has 2 likes while I’ve seen a girl with 87. Not that I care though. A like doesn’t make me feel better. 87 likes…maybe, but I will never find out.
The only reason I joined Facebook was because of a group project in school a few years ago and we had to communicate in some way. The teacher then decided to create a group for the class on there so we could contact him if we had any questions. No one ever did. I left the group the minute the year ended.
I see the symbol for friend requests turn red and a 7 is next to it. 7 new friend requests? This is a new record for me! I click to view them.
Michael Clifford, Emma Harris, Ashton Irwin…He’s wearing a red beanie on his profile picture, a little hair sticking up under it. You can tell he took it himself, one of his arm holding the camera. The other one doing a half thumbs up. He smiles and his dimples are showing. I open his profile, but it’s no luck. It’s not public. Should I accept him? Three seconds after I do, my phone buzzes.
*What’s up?*
Just stalking your Facebook page, but you probably got a notification about me accepting your friend request so you already knew that. The last status he’s tagged in is from three days ago with Calum and another random guy. I go to Calum’s profile and notice he’s sent me a friend request too. I accept it and then move over to accept the rest, Michael, Emma and some people from class that I’ve actually talked to. The glasses girl is one of them. Her name is Sarah and when I click on her profile all I can see is recycling, save the environment statuses and links and pages that she likes. I’m glad at least someone has a passion for something.
*Nothing special. You?*
*Same. Mike told me he met you in the park?*
Did they really tell each other everything? Since you can put people as your sister, brother, cousin, and God knows what, I bet Michael and Ashton would do put each other as ‘best friend’ if the label exists here on Facebook.
*I was running*
But he probably told you that too.
*Can I call you?*
I’ve never talked with Ashton on the phone before. And there is a reason why I haven’t. I hate talking on the phone. Why? Well, because you have to talk. You can’t just nod or shake your head. You HAVE to talk, right away. By texting you could at least think a little before you type something back.
I answer on the 3rd signal.
“Hey.”
“Hi. I just figured it’d be easier talking on the phone than texting long texts.”
Texting long texts? Sounds like something I would say when I’m nervous. I wonder if he’s thinking of what he told me yesterday, about his dad. I’ve never lost anyone close before so it’s hard understanding what he went through. I can only imagine, yet that is hard to do.
“But it requires you to speak,” he says, and can hear him smirking on the other side.
“What’s that sound?”
I hear people talking loudly in the background.
“Oh that…that’s…” His voice suddenly becomes distant.
“I thought you said you weren’t doing anything special?”
“I didn’t do anything special, actually.”
“So what’s not so special?”
“Someone’s being nosey.”
I shrug, but quickly realize he can’t see me.
“I’m at Cal’s. Game night,” he quickly adds.
Surprised I didn’t see him tagged in anything. I click back on his profile. Oh, scratch that, there it is. I must have missed it. I see Michael and Calum tagged as well, together with some names I don’t recognize. I don’t see Luke’s name and somehow it makes me relieved.
“Night? It’s not even dark outside.”
I hear someone cheer and another one curse. Probably someone getting mad at the other one winning whatever game they’re playing. When someone says they play a game, I think of backgammon, memory or battleship, but I don’t think they’re playing any of those games. It’s hard seeing that picture in front of me, a bunch of 19-20 year olds playing go fish. They’re probably playing FIFA or any car chase game.
“It will turn into game night.”
“So you’re not having fun then?” I ask, drumming my fingers on my desk.
“I am having fun, why?” He asks puzzled.
“Then why are you calling me?”
“I wanted to hear your voice,” he breathes into his phone, making it sound like he’s right next to me. “And I wanted to talk to you about…uhm…yesterday?”
There’s a sudden change in his voice and I hear a door open and close. The background noise suddenly gone.
“I’m sorry I didn’t stop to say goodbye. My mind was…elsewhere. I’m not really good with goodbyes either. I mean, we will see each other again so why say goodbye?”
Now that I come and think about it, he never has said goodbye to me. He’s said ‘see you later’ and whenever I’ve said goodbye, he’s only nodded or smiled, sometimes waved.
“It took a lot of energy to tell you that story. I’ve never…” He takes a deep breath, searching for the right words to say. “I’ve never told anyone everything before. Yeah, people know he’s dead but not how much I miss him and think about him daily. And how oblivious I was about his death. So thank you for listening.”
“Don’t worry about it. I could listen to you all day. If there’s anything else you’d like to share, just know I’m here.”
I’m close to tears so I look up on the ceiling. I’m not gonna start crying. God I’m sensitive!
“Appreciate it.”
“I don’t really know what to reply to that.”
And neither does he. We stay there, silently breathing into our phones. I wait for him to speak first, while he is probably doing the same. I hear a muffled sound in the background, I guess someone lost whatever game they are playing. There’s a door opening and closing, a few footsteps, someone says hi, Ashton replies and the footsteps disappear.
“Hey, do you wanna maybe hang out?” He suddenly asks.
“Like now?” My heart is beating faster.
“Yes, like now.”
“I thought you were having a game night.”
“They can manage without me. Besides, I don’t play video games.”
“Sure.” I bite my lip.
“Great. Uhm, I can pick you up?”
“Sure.”
“Is that all you can say?”
“Is that all you can say?” I repeat and I hear him chuckle on the other end. I remember the time he texted me, asking me if I was okay the day after the Luke incident.
“I’ll be there in half an hour.”
With that, the call ends and I notice neither him nor me saying goodbye. He’s right though, we will see each other again, very soon this time, so why say goodbye?
Exactly 30 minutes later, he pulls up on our driveway. He doesn’t have to honk, I run out the minute I see him, not wanting him to know I’ve been standing by the window for the past 5 minutes, just waiting for him to arrive. His car smells of vanilla and I see one of those little trees people use to hand in their rear view mirror.
“I see you’re admiring the tree.”
I catch his eyes and blush.
“There’s nothing wrong with admiring little trees, also known as air fresheners. I bought it after I had been at the mechanics. I wanted the car to smell something else than dust and oil.”
“I thought cars use to smell of new cars after being fixed?”
“I thought so too, but apparently they don’t always do. Vanilla’s the next best thing.”
I have to agree with him. I like everything that smells of vanilla. I have three scented candles in my room, all vanilla. It’s amazing how one smell can make you relaxed and pull your thoughts away from everything around you.
“Have you been to the beach?” Ashton asks out of the blue after pulling out of the driveway.
“Actually, no.”
“You haven’t been to the beach!?” His eyes widens and his mouth looks like an O.
I shake my head.
“Well, then that’s where we’re heading.”
It’s not far to the beach. The city is, after all, located right at the coast. Yet, I’ve never been there. I’m not one of those girls who spend their days laying on the beach, tanning, checking out shirtless guys, play volleyball or whatever people do at the beach. I like being in the sun but I love being in the shade, where I can sit back and enjoy a good book. Plus it’s always packed with people; it’s hard finding a quiet place.
When we arrive there’s not as much people as I thought there would be considering it’s a Saturday. I actually told mom the truth this time when she asked where I was going. I told her Ashton and I were going to hang out. I didn’t say where, because I didn’t know, and I didn’t say when I’d be back, because I didn’t know. She didn’t say anything but I reminded her he’s got a girlfriend so we’re not gonna do anything. She turned bright red, started stammering. But I knew that was what she was thinking. Then she told me I’d really grown much more confident during the time I’ve been here. I agreed with her. Even I felt that I have. I’m more secure even if I’m still insecure. I’m still shy even though I’m better with words now. I’m better with words when it comes to Ashton. He’s the reason behind all of this. The reason why I’m happier and my self-confidence not so low. The reason I’m not afraid to actually have fun and let go, even if it’s just for a moment.
That boy really is something special.
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Not sure if I like this chapter or not...Anywayyy Thaaank you for 4000 reads!! THAT'S CRAZY! Insane! I just wanna tell you guys it means a lot to me that you take your time to read this story and to comment and vote. I wouldn't continue if you hadn't done it. So THANKS A LOT. I love you all :) xx