Chapter 2
When I was born there were little other gods and goddesses and even less spheres containing the different pantheons. In our sphere it was mostly my parents, my siblings and me. Back then our sphere had just come into existence and it was still beautiful. A fresh blank slate ready to be filled with endless numbers of lives. We didn't have a sun since Apollo hadn't been born yet, everything just kind of glowed. Young me didn't know that it was a form of bioluminescence. It just adored the way the plants and bodies of water glowed and quite frankly I had been a little jealous because I wasn't able to do that.
The grounds were made of black earth and covered in deep blue moss that made it feel like heaven to walk on it barefoot. It was one of the softest materials back then. Over your head would tower ebony trees with spikey leaves and fruits that would emit a soothing white light and tasted like a mixture of honey and yogurt. Once in a while you'd stumble upon a nymph tree and the creature would play with you or sing you the strangest most enchanting songs. Sometimes a harpy would chime in. Unless you tried to eat one of the tree's apples. Then the nymph would wreak havoc on you and try to rip you into pieces. And being the little shit I had been, I tried. Several times. Learning effect, what's that?
The animals had been different back then as well. Snakes with heads as big as a grown man, each easily spanning a few hundred meters, black scales and glowing turquois eyes. Wolflike creatures the size of a grown elephant lacking eyes with ragged fur as black as the night that would imitate the voices of your loved ones so you'd go outside for them to hunt you. Large sea monsters as black as the seas surrounding the land and weirdly empty blue eyes, chasing merpeople. Dark blue colored griffins and hippocampi soaring through the sky covered in stars and making you wish you could fly too. Hydras and Manticores the size of a guinea pigs attacking you when you accidentally stepped on their black tail. Deer with black fur and a single horn in the middle of the head that would stop by in the distance. I even had a pet phoenix which would burst into blue flames just to be reborn in its original black state. Everything had been eerily beautiful and so awesome.
Yet when I was born none of these was the first thing I had seen. One moment I was part of the chaos that spit out our universe and the next moment I was being slammed into a body. I had been very confused. Being part of chaos, you had known everything that had happened, was happening and would be happening and now that the connection was cut I was on my own. I had to make my own decisions, deal with the consequences and it was scary.
I had opened my eyes and looked into the most beautiful silver eyes I had ever seen. Also, the first pair I had ever seen for that matter. My brother had been so happy to see me and had pulled me into a bone crushing hug.
"Welcome."
Still kind of puzzled I had looked at him with big silver eyes myself. He had laughed at me and ruffled my hair. I had barely reached his hip being a toddler and clung to his leg. He then greeted my twin brother Hypnos.
"Your family can't wait to meet you two." He had told us, smiling excitedly.
I hadn't yet known what a family was but I had been so excited to meet them. I had willingly let him pick me up and carry me together with my twin over to a cavern hidden between bushes at the side of a mountain. They had collected the glowing moss and decorated the walls with it to have some source of light as well as covering the ground with it. I had clung to Aether's shoulders as he continued carrying us to the end of it where it had opened up to a wide opening.
My parents were Nyx and Erebus. Most of my siblings had yet to born but the three fates, Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos were already. As soon as they had seen us they came over to greet me and swoon over me. They had shown me my sleeping site which had been heavily decorated with rocks and moss and black leaves, given me presents, cuddled me and played with me. My parents had told me how proud they were of me and how they couldn't wait for me to grow up.
And I had grown up quite soon thanks to the god blood that rushed through my veins. I couldn't wait to finally figure out the powers I had gotten and to equal my siblings like the overly ambitious teenager I was. Aether had shown me how to summon orbs of magic that glowed in the dark but that was about as much as I could do. Nothing that would give away my true purpose and I had grown increasingly frustrated.
The fates were the incarnations of destiny, my mother the one of night, my father the one of darkness, my twin Hypnos the one of sleep. I had thought it was highly unfair that he got to discover his power first and had waited eagerly for mine to show up but it didn't much to my disappointment. So, like the brat I was I pretended to not care but everyone had known. They had thought it was cute. Cute my ass.
Soon after that Geras was born. My siblings and I had been picking fruits off trees and rummaging through the forest in search of objects to decorate our home with when it had happened. We had felt an energy burst and immediately took off back home. Our parents had greeted us and presented us with a limb body. I had been very confused. Hypnos had been as perplexed as I had been. Shouldn't he be like us?
"Is he broken?" Hypnos had asked, worried.
Our parents looked at us with wide eyes, confused before they realized we had never seen this before and chuckled before handing our brother over to Aether.
"Oh no, his spirit just hasn't received his body yet. He needs some help to find his body. Just like you both did."
Hypnos had just accepted that and went to add some moss to his collection but I didn't know what that meant. I debated whether to stay with my family or to find out for myself. Curiosity won and so I had snuck out of the cave to sneak after Aether. He had went to the same place my brother and I were born.
"I know you are hiding behind the bushes. If you want to take part you could have just asked, you know?" He had laughed. Back then he had laughed a lot.
I had crept closer peering over his shoulder down onto the empty vessel. It had the same black hair all of us had and the same pale, almost translucent skin. It just hadn't looked right. Or smelled. It had smelled like nothing and I hadn't liked it. Everything had a smell. It had to have. It had crept me out. I had growled at it only for Aether to scold me.
"This is your brother. Don't be like that."
As time had went by and absolutely nothing had happened yet I had started getting fidgety. And then before I had gone completely insane out of boredom he had looked up to the sky. A gentle silver glowing globe slowly twirled and danced downwards towards us. I held my breath in awe as it landed in Aether's open palms where it remained for a few seconds before melting and being absorbed into his body. He then had leaned over our brother and kissed him on the forehead which made his skin glow up and he opened his eyes for the first time.
Naturally, I had flipped my shit. It was the most awesome thing I had seen. I had trailed Aether for weeks, drilling him with thousands of questions. How had he known what to do? How had he known when to do it? When was the first time he had discovered he could do this? Did everyone get a glowing orb? Were there different orbs? In the beginning he had answered my questions willingly but after the first couple dozen he had groaned and told me to shut up. Of course, I didn't. I had become obsessed with him. It even went so far that he asked Hypnos to put me to sleep for a few days so he could catch a break.
Oh great, torturing myself with memories of better times when I used to be happy. Good idea. Best thing I had ever come up with. I grunted and rubbed my face. I could forget about sleeping after this. I wasn't in the mood to torture myself with nightmares anyway. Instead I was going to torture myself with being awake, trapped in an eternal state of feeling nothing and too much at the same time. Oh joy. Who wouldn't want that.
It was kind of hard to explain what I was feeling. I just flip flopped between being numb, craving any feeling I could get a hold of even if it was just anger at my inability to feel because then at least I felt something and being flooded with emotions I didn't want that just made me want to scream at the sky until my throat would give in and I'd fall asleep.
I had spent the past few days in bed due to pulling that stunt with my brother's spare time activity. Removing the seal from the dragon's soul had cost me much more energy than I expected and I was still in pain. Now that the aftermath slowly subsided I was starting to feel hungry. I rolled out of bed and marched over to my closet pulling out my last set of clean clothes. I should probably do laundry. Or hire someone. They could also buy groceries and cook. Since I was clearly unable to take care of myself. I huffed and stepped on the porch.
I had built my one-story house at the other end of the island as far away as possible from my birth place. It was made out of the same material the black cliffs were. Beneath was just the sea and an old sea monster. It was the last of its kind and had gone blind a long time ago. It was also missing most teeth. I fed it regularly because I felt bad for it and it was the only thing that kept me company. Which was just pathetic. Everything else on the island was either dead or had fled when the war started. Except for some persistent blue grass that now sprouted everywhere. All the other plants were burnt in the process.
I had enough of this sphere with its stench of depression and teleported to the gates of the underworld. Not that this place was any better. I reappeared clutching the sides of my head. Teleporting while recovering was another brilliant idea. I groaned at my own stupidity and threw up right before Cerberus, who looked rather offended.
The three headed beast had fur the color of coal covering bulging muscles and eyes that smoldered like embers with slit pupils. Smoke wafted from its mouths and nostrils. Some very impressive chompers glinted in the moonlight as he growled at me, raising his hackles. And naturally what did I do being confronted with an angry beast ready to tear me apart? I pet him like the good pupper he was. I was kind of surprised he didn't swallow me whole but rubbed himself against me. Disappointing. I had never been eaten alive before and could have probably gotten some sick fun out of it.
Since I had nothing better to do or somewhere to be or any sort of common sense I climbed up the mountain of fuzz and laid between his shoulder blades one arm thrown over my head scratching Cerberus while the other rested on my stomach. Hades was going to be so pissed that I ruined his guard dog. Oops.
I lost track of how much time I spent there. Originally, I had come to pass the gates and get something to eat from the tiny shop behind the border. They made the best waffles and they usually put extra whipped cream and caramel sauce on it for me. Honestly life goals. Maybe check in with my soul harvesters that collected the less important souls. But Cerberus was so comfy and warm that I fell asleep.
I dreamed of one of the many times Aether had taken me to the lake nearby. I had collected some of the berries growing on the bushes nearby while he had tried to catch fish with his bare hands. Every time he had missed one I would throw berries at him and our laughter succeeded in scaring all the fish away. So we just sat there for hours munching down on berries and telling stories to each other. It hurt how much I missed this.
I got woken up by Hades yelling at Cerberus for sleeping at the job. Poor puppy.
"H, give him a break." I yelled down from behind Cerberus' fuzzy ear.
Hades just glared at me from down below. He had the same black hair as all gods had and the same silvery eyes but due to him being one of the newer generations the coloration of his eyes was less intense. Just a ring around the pupil. The rest was a neat green color. And oh god, he was so tiny. Not because I was looking at him from an elevated point. He indeed was tiny. Very tiny and very angry. I snorted half amused, half annoyed. I could easily squish him.
"Why the fuck are you up there? And why the fuck hasn't Cerberus ripped you a new one?" He snarled.
I decided to give Cerberus one last scratch and then made my way down to the ground. He whined disappointed. Same, dude, same.
"Why the fuck not? I was bored." I replied. Honestly, I could have come up with a snarkier remark but I was still feeling like rubber. I began to slowly regret getting up. Making a deal. Being birthed. The usual.
Hades just stared at me and then sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Look, I have to run my sphere and I can't have people going in and out as they wish. Hence the barrier and the gate. So, could you not turn my guard into a fucking cuddle machine? I'd greatly appreciate it." The sarcasm was oozing off that last sentence.
I rolled my eyes. Cerberus reputation alone would keep people in and outside and who in the right mind would actually try to pet him. I turned to Cerberus.
"Be a good boy and guard the gate, please? I will come back to visit you." I promised him and I meant it.
Hades looked like I had gone completely bonkers which was probably true but the beast licked my face before eagerly returning to its former position. Yum. Beast mucus.
"Sometimes you just have to ask." I smiled more to myself than anyone.
Hades just looked at me irritated before he vanished. That dude had no chill.
I walked passed the gate to get to that shop and get my hands on those waffles. I wasn't even hungry anymore but I felt empty and a sugar high always helped with that. I also had severe caffeine withdrawal and was planning on fixing that. I ordered a plate of dessert for myself and then a steak. I asked them to leave it raw which earned me some weird looks but they fulfilled my wish willingly knowing I would tip them generously.
As I ate my food the other people in the restaurant kept looking at me and whispering. Some of them got up and left. I was already used to it. My own family did that as well. The looks and the whispers followed me everywhere. People were either too ignorant or too stupid to know that being a god of death didn't mean I'd slaughter everything in my path. No one had time for that and frankly, I'd probably be too lazy and stop before even hurting a single person. I had never tried addressing the issue or defending myself because the rumors kept the people from getting too close to me and additionally me from being hurt. Which was good. I had made my peace with being alone for eternity long ago.
I stood up and walked back to the gates, tossing the steak at Cerberus who devoured it like it was the best thing in the world. I waved at him making sure he knew that he was being such a good boy and teleported back home, skipping the work visit, where I changed my bedsheets and attended to the mountain of dirty laundry. Once I finished that I went to throw away all the takeout boxes that covered the floor and most of my surfaces. Some of them had already started to grow mold that looked like the final boss in a video game. I scrunched up my nose and hauled it into the trash. I thought about throwing myself in there just for the joke but I decided against it. Trash might belong in the trash can but this trash had two thumbs and shit to do as long as I was in a semi decent mood.
I ripped open all the windows to let in some fresh air and get rid of that smell and wiped over all the counters and flat counters leaving behind a pleasant smell of Jasmine and cleaning product. After being finished with cleaning the house and vacuuming the floors I jumped in the shower to finish of my cleaning with cleaning myself.
I hated the house being constantly messy, me looking like a homeless person yet most days I couldn't even gather the energy to face to world let alone cleaning properly and I was too ashamed to hire someone to do it for me. This time I'd try to keep it clean for a little longer.
As if. Who was I kidding? I would lose motivation soon enough and then return to being a slob.
The only thing I regularly gathered enough energy for was watering my plants and checking if they were healthy. I actually had quite an impressive garden with plants that were a cross overs of plants that used to grow here and close relatives. I had tried so desperately to restore the flora of this sphere but I had failed. I couldn't bring back the bioluminescence no matter how much I tried. But I refused to give up. I had even turned my guest room into a laboratory so I could mess about with different samples and specimen. I had all off eternity to get it right. It was just a matter of time until I succeeded.
I had to succeed. I wanted things to be like they used to be. I didn't want to be alone anymore. And step one of my master plan to restore things was to restore the plants. That was one of the easier things. Next up I'd give animals a shot. If I could pull all that off maybe I could patch things up with my family again. I missed them so much. My parents, my siblings. It hurt so much just thinking about them. How they just passed by me and didn't even look at me anymore.
Great. So much for my semi decent mood. Back to being a grumpy grandpa. I didn't even have grandchildren or children for that matter. I never wanted any. Babies made weird sounds, looked weird and were incapable of supporting themselves. Just like me. So why dealing with more than one baby. Despite the fact that for making a baby a second person was required and I had made sure that no one even thought about touching me. I couldn't bear the thought of it since the last disaster.
I wished the pain would cease after a while but it was still there like an open wound, slowly festering, right at the center of my chest. I had fallen in love with a mere mortal again. I shouldn't have given their limited life span but I just couldn't help it. They were the only ones who didn't look at me and instantly condemned me. They didn't know about the worlds that coexisted with them. I had a chance to start a new life.
He had the most beautiful smile. His honey colored eyes lit up every time he was happy and he was almost always happy. A happy ball of energy that had brightened up my life. I loved the way he would tell me about his day as a sheep farmer when we were lying in bed at night and he'd just babble on and on until he'd fall asleep. His mouth had been the last thing to close at night and in the morning the first thing to open. He had loved to talk. I missed that. Now the silence was just unbearable at times.
I sat down on the couch to watch some TV, shoving Doritos down my face hole, getting crumps everywhere but my thoughts drifted back to Enda. Apparently, I couldn't resist tormenting myself and went deeper down the hole. Fun.
I had become bored and lingered around a village in the mortal world for a while. The villagers mostly ignored me or tried to rip me off by selling me overpriced items and places to sleep. I wasn't too upset about it. I had the money and it would give them a chance of a slightly better life. He had used to tend the sheep right through the main street to let them graze on the hills behind the village. I had instantly felt attracted to his joyous personality.
In the beginning he had been confused yet excited by my suggestion to start a relationship. Male - male -pairings hadn't been a thing back then. I could have changed my appearance to a female one if he wanted me to but he had said he wanted the "real deal" for some reason and that's what he had got. We moved in together after a while and I had been so happy. I had wanted this to last forever. I had even considered proposing to him although I thought of it as an unnecessary custom. He on the other hand had always swooned over the mere idea of getting married.
A sad Dorito crusted smile tugged on my lips.
In the end we didn't get this far. His smile had been strained, the sparkle in his eyes had been reduced to a minimum and his breathing strained. He had caught pneumonia and back then medical resources were almost nonexistent and I didn't have any healing powers and those who had denied my request. Some shit about fate and they didn't want to mess with it. I had cursed myself over and over again for being unable to help. What was I good for if not protecting the ones I loved.
I had wanted to live the rest of my life with him and made preparations to get him cursed with eternal life if he wished so as well. In the end we only had a few years together. He had died soon after catching that sickness and I watched a god of death come and collect his soul. I had bawled my eyes out for a few months until I got my shit back together. Since then I had been alone. I just couldn't deal with being left behind again. Every single relationship I had ended like that. I didn't want to go through the high that would make me feel like I could fight the world with my pinkie just to have everything taken away from me again. I preferred to be stuck in an endless loop of emptiness, rage and loneliness.
Aether had shown up at my place after this had happened. He just watched me sob my heart out. I could clearly remember the way he looked at me. Those silver orbs glowing with satisfaction. He always did that when things like this happened. He was always there to make sure I knew I would never be happy and find someone to spend the eternity with.
"Remember this feeling, Thanatos. Internalize it. I will always be there to make sure you will feel it again." He had purred.
I sighed shutting off the TV and brushing off Dorito crumps off the cushions. Instead of crying like the pathetic little bitch I was I decided to be a bitch at work. Time to be a pain in the ass of my harvesters and stopping them from slacking off.