August.
Dating Toby doesn't even feel like dating, it feels like nothing I've ever known before. Which is how I can be sure it's love. July completely flew by, spending almost everyday with him. spending time with him makes me forget time exists at all.
We have two weeks until college starts.
I roll over and look at the boy who's changed my life.
Strands of dark hair that are usually pushed up, lay gently on his forehead.
We haven't slept together again since the first time, not that it wasn't good, it was amazing to share that experience with him..it was amazing all together. There were no rose petals, candles, or romantic music. But I knew we loved each other and we both equally wanted it, that's what matters.
Just as I think about getting up to make coffee, Toby's eyes flutter open.
"Good morning."
He says softly.
"Good morning."
"Did you have fun last night?"
He asks.
"Yah, camping out in your backyard was a great idea."
"Good."
A small smile creeps up on his lips as he stretches his arms up.
"What do you wanna do today?"
I ask, sitting up and stretching too.
"Whatever you want."
He answers, kissing my forehead.
"Hmm we could go to the beach, or we could go see a movie..."
"Or..."
"Or?"
"We could drive up to one of our campuses and look around."
"Yah, sounds great!! With everything going on I kinda forgot I have to start college."
"Yah, me too."
"I wanna shower first and stuff."
"Yah, of course, what time is it?"
"I didn't bring my phone..oh here's yours."
I pick up Toby's phone that's laying there me.
I click the screen on and there's a long list of missed calls from his mom.
"Uh Toby, your called you like twenty times..."
"Oh. Here let me call her, do you mind making some coffee."
"Sure." I smile slightly, and kiss his forehead before I head inside.
Short after that the coffe is done and I hear Toby coming to back door.
He walks in and I glance over at him. He''s standing by the door and staring at the floor.
"Toby?" He doesn't move.
"Are you okay?"
He hurries over to me, and I wrap him up in my arms.
"What's wrong??"
"It's..my dad. He has cancer..they gave him five to six months maybe...."
"Oh my god...Toby I'm so sorry...come on let's go to the couch."
I sit down with Toby and hold him, he's quietly crying into my shoulder.
"Do you want to go home?"
"..Yah, I need to be there for him."
Everyone experinces their world fall apart at least once in their life. You remember exactly how it felt, how your hands trembled, and how tears filled your eyes. But it is so different watching the person you love, have thier world fall part. There's nothing I can do but go with him, and tell him everyhting will be okay, even though I have no idea if it will be. All I can offer is my support.
~
Our plane left at 8am the next morning. We figured we would at least have to stay for a few days. Toby's eyes usually matched the North Carolina sun light, but today they match the soft gray fog settling over the sky as we land in his town. It's small, and it seems like eveyone knows eveyone, it must have been a big deal that he moved away. As we waalk through the dinky airport a few people wave to him and we get picked up by Toby's mother. As we walk up she shakes her head gently, and pulls him into a tight hug.
After a few moments Toby introduces me, she offers me a friendly hug and I tell her I'm so sorry about her husband, she offers a small smile back at me.
Their home is small, and warm.
The un-matching furniture, and small TV, sit clustered close together in a light blue painted living room.
This is where I wait as Toby is guided to a bedroom, in the next room over, where his father is. The cancer was caught in stage four. The doctor's said he has eight months, at the absolute most. There's a chance that the cancer could get more agressive, wich would cut that time in half, or more.
About ten minutes later Toby comes back out.
"Could you come in?"
"Yah, of course."
He leads me down a short hallway, and into the bedroom.
Toby's mother is seated in a cushioned chair. Her soft black hair is know gathered up off her face. Her small hands wrap around one of her husband's.
Toby's father has breathing tubes for his nose, and a white knit blanket covering all but his chest, up.
"This is Alexandra."
Even though the circumstances aren't the best, he still offers me a warm smile and extends his hand.
"It's great to meet you."
We shake.
"It's nice to meet you too."
"How long are you kids in twon for?"
"A few days..or more..if you need me dad."
"Toby, when do your classes start?"
"Dad that doesn't matter."
"I don't want you missing out because of me."
He smiles tiredly at his son.
I hadn't even thought of that...
Is Toby going to give up on college and move back here? It's selfish to think of right now, but what about us? I hate myself for even letting that thought slip in my head, but what if he doesn move back here?
"Don't worry about that right now. We'll go to the store to pick up some things for dinner."
Before we leave Toby kisses his mother's forehead, and puts our bags in his old room. It's bare now, there's still a bed a drawers, but nothing but a white quilt, and a framed picture of the three of them occupy tthe room.
At the small store we pick up lettuce, salad dressing, a box of pasta and tomato sauce.
The walk home is short, the store was just a ablock away. A few house down before we reach Toby's I stop him in his tracks.
"How are you doing?"
He slowly puts the bags down on the sidewalk and hugs me tight. I wrap my arms around his waist.
~
The next few days our filled of making meals and sitting with Toby's father, talking about eveyrhting but cancer.
Toby doesn't want to leave so I decide I need to fly home fore at least a week and get ready for classes coming up.
"Are you sure you're okay with me leaving?"
"Yah..it's fine, you need to go home and get ready."
"I just feel so bad leaving you here-" He cuts me off by kissing me softly, a presing them hard just below my ear.
"Go. You're going to miss your plane."
Nothing about this feels right. HIm being so far away, I need to go get on that plane, I need to get prepared for college. College. The thing I've been waiting for, for four years. My new beginnning is waiting for me, but suddenyl I want no part of it. I just want to be here, or I want him to come back with me, which I know I could never ask him to do that.
"You belong there." He says, his eyes locking with mine, the look in them could almost convince me he really ment it but they suddnely drop to look at the floor.
"You know that's not true."
I say quietly, the words come out before I can barely think them.
"I can't ask you to..."
"How about we fly out together another time?"
"Like when?"
"Like, in a year."
"A year?? No Alexandra you are not going to leave your life behind for me...I won't let you, that's not fair."
"Toby! Look around. None of this is fair, for anyone. I want to stay here with you. That's where I belong. It's where you belong. College can wait."
"I proabably won't even be able to affor to go next year.."
"I'll pay for I don't care, Toby you need to be here with your dad, you could have eight months with him, you can't throw that away for college."
"You're right, but I still think you should go home..you know you could fly up whenever you have a chance and..you could still go to class.."
Except for the flying all the time, it's not the worst idea.
So we decided I go home for a few days, a think about it, talk things over with my aunt and unlce.
~
On the plane ride home I still can't believe this is all happening. One second you're staring at the love in someone's eyes, the light, hearing the laughter, then the next everything breaks, shatters around you.
I worst part is how the peices cut you when you try to pick them back up again.
~
A/N
Thank you so much for reading! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been really busy. My next update should be next week sometime, again thanks so much for reading, I hope you are enjoying the book.