That night, John didn't go to his bedroom. Instead he went straight to Amelia's room, he knew that she would be in bed by now. He swallowed his pride and opened her bedroom door before slipping in and shutting the door behind him. Even in the dark he could she her figure, laying in the bed with his back to him. He didn't know why or how, but he knew that she was awake.
As he walked toward the bed, John kicked off his shoes before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Nightmare?" Amelia asked quietly. John would have thought that she would make fun of him if he came to her after a nightmare but she actually sounded concerned.
"No, I haven't slept yet" John shook his head even though she had her back to him.
"Neither have I...so why are you here?" She asked, it coming out as a mumbled against her pillow.
"Are you really leaving tomorrow?" he asked, sitting against the headboard and staring down at the back of her head.
"Yeah, I am not hanging around to become your pet project. I am only staying for my last warm shower and a night in a comfortable bed" Amelia mumbled as she turned around to face him, he was already sitting beside her and looking down at her. The words tasted awful on her tongue.
"You aren't my 'pet project' Amelia. Listen...when you first came here, when you first stepped into the church I knew that you were different. You were never strictly business or just another person to pull a confession from. When I first brought you here I just wanted to make you confess, I thought that it would be my redemption but it could never just be that...the thing that we have, whatever it is, is real" John assured her, now able to make eye contact.
"You say that but then you will go back to being completely closed off and expecting me to tell you everything" Amelia rolled her eyes as she shifted, sitting up. She sat on the bed, her legs crossed just like her arms, looking at John expectantly. Expecting some sort of poor excuse.
"You're right, it's hard for me to open up to somebody...especially you Amelia" he sighed, adverting his gaze from hers for a moment.
"Then what are we even doing here?" she asked, started to get frustrated and tired of him.
"But I want to tell you, I am going to tell you. I am going to tell you everything" John said, trying to sound confident, as he met her gaze again.
"...alright..." Amelia nodded, her expression softening. She uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on the bed behind her, resting back on them.
"What I said in the bunker, about my parents...it was true. They were my foster parents, they always claimed that my soul was tainted and that there was evil inside of me. At first they just tortured me mentally, to get me to behave and they made me confess all of my sins, but then they became more physical. To beat it out of me. I meant it when I said that they beat me to the point where all I could do was laugh and say 'yes'. After that I looked for other things to say yes to, and I found them" John began to open up and Amelia's face softened completely. She had already been told this but there was always a part of her that thought he was lying to manipulate her.
"I became a successful lawyer and when my foster parents died I inherited a small fortune, I thought it was a reason for celebration. So I bought that bottle of champagne with their money. I knew it wouldn't be enough, so I used their money to throw a party. Alcohol, women, drugs, all things to say yes to" he the turned his attention to his lap, looking down and unable to look her in the eyes. It wasn't hard to see that talking about this was hurting him, Amelia could see the shame on his face.
"My parents...they had killed my ability to truly feel, I just felt numb. I found that all of these things made me feel something and I began to crave that feeling of just...feeling. Eventually theses...habits began to work less so I just did more. I wasn't stupid, I realised that no matter how much I drank or took, the feelings weren't real and no matter how many women were in my bed I was still alone" John confessed. Another thing clicked into place in Amelia's mind.
"That's why you don't drink?" she asked. He didn't want to fall back into old habits...old addictions...John just nodded, still refusing to look at her.
"Then Joseph found me, he forgave me and gave me a purpose. I was just happy to have my family back, the people who cared for me" he finished, letting out a shaky sigh.
"Your nightmares...what are they about?" Amelia asked, shifting onto her knees and moving a little closer to him. When she took one of John's hands in hers, he instantly looked down at them. That small gesture of affection and attention meant more to John than anyone could understand, it's been too long since somebody cared for him.
"My foster parents...sometimes they are about how I used to indulge myself...mainly my foster parents though" he sighed. He had already told her about his past, why hold back now?
Amelia frowned again before adjusting her position on the bed for the third time. She lifted herself up and straddled John's lap, he was caught of guard and didn't really know how to react. Amelia used her hands up cup his face and make him meet her gaze. "Why is your sin sloth?" she asked in a whisper. She used one hand to move the unbuttoned part of his shirt to the side, then tracing her fingers over the SLOTH scar. Her touch made his skin tingle in the most pleasant why he has ever experienced.
"For multiple reasons. Before Eden's Gate there were days that I simply couldn't get out of bed. I didn't drink, eat, answer the phone, I just couldn't get out of the bed. I didn't have the will to live..." John explained quietly, this was the hardest part for him to talk about or to even remember. His hands found their place on Amelia's waist, just resting there comfortably.
"And then when I joined Eden's Gate I couldn't always do what I was meant to do, people don't always reach atonement and that means that I failed to fulfil my duties. Now I do this to be forgiven, to walk through Eden's Gate" John admitted and let out a soft sigh, tilting his head back when Amelia leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the scar.
After kissing the sin, Amelia pulled away and John returned his gaze to meet hers. "I'm glad that Joseph pulled you out of that dark place but he isn't helping you anymore. I saw you when you talked to him, you regressed into that scared little boy. Before you joined Eden's Gate you were just lost, you needed help but you didn't need forgiveness. You just...need to forgive yourself" she told him.
To say that John was shocked would be an understatement. His eyes were reddened by the tears that had been threatening to fall since he walked into the bedroom, and now Amelia's eyes were tearing up as well. John felt a warm feeling spread through his chest when he looked into her eyes, that genuine emotion and care for him. It was foreign to John but he accepted it.
"I just-I just wish that I found you before Joseph did" Amelia admitted, stroking her thumb against Johns cheek while her other hand rested on his chest. Once again, Amelia's words surprised John.
"If you had met me then, you would've hated me just as much as you did when I first captured you. Plus you would've been too young, you are almost ten years younger than me" John attempted to joke, forcing out a small laugh as his hands began to stroke up and done her waist in an affectionate manner.
"You're right, I would've. I would've just thought that you were a rich, playboy, asshole. I have to admit that Hope County has opened my eyes, the whole 'not everyone is what they seem' thing" Rook admitted, forcing out a small laugh of her own.
"From darkness comes light" John smiled tiredly but charmingly.
"How poetic" Amelia chuckled, running her hand up his chest and resting it on the back of his neck. She was happy that he finally opened up to her, and now the strange things that he had said and the hesitations on certain words made sense.
There was a moment of silence, John ran his hands up her back and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Amelia leaned into him and buried her face in the crook of his neck, embracing him, John let out a relaxed sigh before wrapping his arms around her waist securely. John scanned the freckles on Amelia's shoulder, visible due to the simple white tank top that she was wearing, before planting a firm kiss onto her shoulder.
"You should get some sleep" Amelia whispered into his neck.
"Will you be here in the morning?" he asked and she pulled away, making eye contact. "Stay" he ordered but Amelia heard the pleading in his voice.
"I'll stay" Amelia promised him. John didn't say anything but his expression softened and she could feel his body relax. He leaned towards her and pulled her into a gentle kiss, one arm wrapped around her waist and his other hand cradling the back of her head. She instantly responded to his kiss, moving her lips with his perfectly.
John held her against him as he turned them around, laying Amelia's back against the bed and hovering over her. He felt her tense a little as he ran his hand up her waist and under her tank top slightly. He casually removed his hand before placing a few chaste kisses on her lips. He then smoothly rolled off of her and pulled her into his side. Amelia curled up beside him and rested her head on his chest, her hand laying gently on his SLOTH scar.
John's hand rubbed up and down her back absentmindedly as they both fell asleep together.