'every single word builds up to this moment, and i gotta convince myself i don't want it.'
(back to you - selena gomez)
-
H.
Liam was home within an hour, and it unsurprisingly didn't take much convincing for him to come with me to dinner with my family and Bill.
"So you'll come?"
"Uh, duh," he said as if it were obvious, tossing his backpack onto the floor, though I liked to call it the 'nerd-pack', "I'm always down for some quality family time!"
"It really won't be like that," I wrinkled my nose, shaking my head as I dropped my towel from my body, grabbing a pair of boxers as I caught his stare, "sometimes I forget you're gay," I grinned guiltily, pulling on a pair of jeans.
"Gross, Harry," he whined, folding his arms, "just 'cause I go for dick, doesn't mean I go for yours."
"Fair enough," I chuckled, grabbing a black tee and pulling it over my head.
Liam spoke again, "Plus, how could you forget - never mind. Still, I think tonight will be fun."
"It won't," I said simply, running a towel through my hair, "I'm sure this Bruce guy is total shit, anyway."
"Bruce?" Liam frowned, "I thought you said his name was-"
"Bill," I nodded my head, raising my finger as I realised his actual name.
Liam's frown deepened, "No, no - you said it was Benjamin."
"Did I?" I frowned in response, "could've sworn it was Benedict.." I trailed off.
"Anyway," Liam clapped his hands together, changing the subject with a squeal, "I'm well excited, now. Let me go shower and do my hair, then we'll go, yeah?"
I groaned internally, "Yeah, go on then, mate." And with that, Liam stood up from my bed and scurried towards his own room. It took at least a couple hours for him to finally let me drag him from his room; his violent protests that his 'hair wasn't sitting the right way', and that he 'couldn't find his moisturiser' all went ignored by me.
"Liam, it's already past fucking seven, and it's a ten minute walk - you have thirty seconds to be out this door before I pick you up and throw you out of it," I nagged, heading for the front door of the flat and pulling it open.
"I'm 5'10, you couldn't throw me anywhere!" he called from his room, as I heard something drop onto the floor.
I scoffed, frowning although he couldn't see, "I'm 6'0, you silly prick - ten seconds."
"Alright, alright - I'm ready," he sighed, hurrying into the kitchen and towards the front door, "You're an arse for rushing me."
"Yep," I said dismissively, not really listening to what he said, as I kicked the back of his leg to usher him out of the door, "Get on with it." I locked the door quickly behind us, and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
The walk was far too talkative for my liking, and though Liam knew this, it didn't seem to stop him from nattering on in my ear.
"I'm well excited to meet this Benjamin guy," Liam grinned widely, "D'you think he'll be fit?"
I wrinkled my nose, snapping a leaf off a bush we passed and fiddling with it in my fingers, "Doubt it, since he's dating my mum, Liam. Bloody hell."
"What?" he huffed, "you can't blame me for asking."
"I can, actually."
"Whatevs," he stuck his tongue out at me as I tossed the leaf aside, "just let Mama Styles know there's no hard feelings if her bloke gets it for me."
"What, you expecting this old bloke to whip his dick out when you ask him to pass you the gravy? Don't think so, mate, but wishful thinking," I teased, poking Liam's side as he yelped.
"Ugh," Liam groaned, kicking a stone ahead of him as he struggled to keep up with my pace, my legs longer than his, "I need a boyfriend."
"Yeah, you definitely do," I nodded in agreement, and Liam scoffed.
"Coming from you," he huffed, and I raised my eyebrow.
"There's a difference. I don't need a girlfriend," I argued, and I wasn't entirely lying. I didn't need a girlfriend, but I certainly needed her.
"I think you'll find you definitely need An-"
"Piss off," I snapped, cutting him off from finishing his sentence, as I headed up this 'Benjamin's driveway; in this moment slightly grateful Mum had suggested dinner at his place - even she wasn't stupid enough to push me to go back to the old house where she was somehow sleeping. I raised my hand to knock on the wooden door, my ring-clad fingers making a loud clink against the surface, as I exhaled deeply, glancing over my shoulder to see Liam intensely eyeing a bird in the tree beside him, "What the fuck are you doing?"
"Nah, mate, that bird is proper giving me the evils," he glared at the tree, and I frowned.
"What do you even mean?" I furrowed my eyebrows, stepping back from the doorstep to where Liam was standing.
"Look," he pointed towards a large pigeon perched on a branch a few feet away from us, sure enough giving Liam a death stare, which Liam didn't break in return, "that fucker is ready to annihilate me."
"Oh, bollocks, will you just-"
"FUCK!" Liam let out a loud squeal as he tackled me to the ground, my back hitting the gravel and Liam on top of me as the bird flew over us rapidly, flapping its wings harshly.
I shoved Liam as an ache shot through my back at the contact with the gravel surface, "Are you fucking mad, mate?! Get off me you sack of shi-"
The front door swung open, and a tiny voice suddenly sounded, "Um - Daddy said we don't want to buy any Christian magazines, and.. um.."
I sat up quickly, pushing Liam off me entirely and standing up, straightening my shirt and smoothing down my hair. God only knows what that looked like.
"No, we're not-" I stopped myself, blinking confusedly. I was certain this was the right address - certain. What I wasn't certain of, was why I was standing face to face with a young girl who looked no older than five; eyes a bright blue and hair a light blonde as she nervously chewed on her nail, looking just as confused as I did.
"Harry?" Mum's voice sounded from inside of the house, and I clenched my jaw as Liam stood up to meet my side, "Darling, is that you?" she appeared at the door, a nervous smile on her own face, "Oh, you made it - Livi, what did Daddy tell you about answering the door?" she turned to the small child, and I closed my eyes for a moment in attempts to soothe my own rage.
"Don't do it," the little girl responded, as Mum said something else I couldn't make out, and Livi went scurrying off.
"Harry," Mum bit her lip, snapping me from my thoughts, "I didn't mean for-"
"Whose fucking child is that?" I demanded, and Liam placed his hand awkwardly on my shoulder to tell me to dial it back.
"Harry-"
"Whose fucking child is that?" I repeated slowly, my eyes meeting hers as she sighed.
"Benjamin's, but-"
"Fuck this," I threw my hands up into the air, storming back down the driveway despite Mum's calls for me to come back, as well as Liam's.
What had she expected? That was all that ran through my mind as I took off in a frenzy down the street - what had she really fucking expected?
Had she expected me to welcome a bloody child with opening arms? To smile, play a game of bloody cards with the girl, and cut her fucking chicken for her at dinner? Mum had nattered on for months on end about how serious this relationship was, about how she 'really thought it would get somewhere', and how she 'pictured a real future' with him. For months on end, she'd begged me to meet him, so she could see how much she loved him - yet somehow amongst all her fucking nattering, she'd failed to mention a bloody kid was involved.
I didn't need another bloody sister, thanks.
"Harry! Stop fucking pacing, my God," a familiar voice sounded from behind me, and I huffed, taking a seat on a nearby bench and folding my arms, pulling out a cig and lighting it.
"Go away, Gem," I gritted my teeth as my sister sat down beside me, running a hand through her newly-dyed hair - a colour similar to mine, now.
"Why're you acting like such a priss then, hm?" she chided, and I ran a hand through my own hair, biting my inner-cheek.
"I'm not being a priss, Gem," I rolled my eyes, bringing my cigarette to my lips, "There's a fucking kid that Mum's trying to bring into our family."
"Right, and?" she raised her eyebrows, "I don't see what your problem is."
"Are you messing me about here?" I narrowed my eyes, "why are you so chill about this?"
"I don't see why I shouldn't be," she shrugged nonchalantly, "you're being a bit of a selfish prick here, Haz."
"Harry," I said firmly, "and I'm not being a prick."
"You are," she shrugged again, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back into the wooden frame, "Mum's happy. Why won't you be happy for her?"
"You can't-"
"I can," she said simply, "Mum went through a hell of a fucking lot with Ken," she continued, and I felt as if there were bugs on my skin the moment his name was mentioned, "We all did. If she's finally found that love and happiness she deserves, then who are we to stop her?"
I sighed, burying my head in my hands as she continued, "Plus, Benjamin's not that bad - I swear."
"Right.." I mumbled, unconvinced as I blew out some smoke, and a half-smile spread onto her face.
"So, you done with this hissy-fit, then? The kid is quite the sass-master, actually - no one's asking you to skip around the garden with her, are they? Just put on your famous Harry Styles killer smile, and come to dinner, yeah?" she grinned, standing up from the bench.
I sighed, a ghost of a smile on my lips, "Whatever, Gem."
As much as I hated to admit it, my sister was right sometimes. At least - in this case. Mum had been through just as much as; if not more than the rest of us, and she deserved that happiness that everyone strove to achieve. If this Benedict guy was the source of that - good for her. Me being an ignorant prick wouldn't do her any favours.
I slowly made my way back to the house, Gemma leading the way as the sun didn't even seem to be close to setting, as the Summer night drew on and we made our way back up the drive.
"I found 'im, Mum!" Gem called as she slammed the front door shut behind us, and she dragged me through the hall.
"You're out of your strop?" Liam surfaced from the kitchen and I shot him a glare, silencing him immediately.
"You're really pushing it, Lima," I prodded, as he scowled and shoved me with literally no force - weak bastard.
"Why am I even friends with you?" he groaned, and I shrugged.
"Dunno - where's Mum?" I changed the subject quickly.
"She's finishing off dinner - 'said for us three to wait outside in the garden til it's finished," Liam explained, nodding towards the back door I assumed let to this guy's backyard.
"Is Mum really trying to keep me separate from her boyfriend?" I mused.
"Can you blame her?" Gemma teased, heading for the back door to be followed by Liam and I. The garden was large, well-trimmed, and smelt clean and fresh - Liam making the joke of "this is a literal representation of my dick", as Gemma groaned and I wrinkled my nose.
There was a large outdoor table with half a dozen chairs around it, and I plopped myself down onto one of them, Gemma doing the same beside me. As Liam was about to follow, his ringtone began to sound from his back pocket, and he pulled his phone from his pocket, frowning down at the screen.
I frowned, "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, yeah," he said unconvincingly, "I just need to take this." And with that, he headed for the far opposite end of the garden and brought the phone to his ear.