'i rule with the velvet tongue, and my dress undone.'
(holy - king princess)
-
"Marry him. Now."
I laughed, flopping backwards onto my bed and letting my head hit the pillow, "A little soon for that."
"Ugh, why? I say you elope and run away together," Tasha shrugged, laying down on her back beside me.
"And what about you and JJ?" I asked, propping myself up onto my elbow to look at her.
"What about it?" she grinned.
"Look at your smile!" I exclaimed, poking her frantically, "have you seen him since you fucked in my bathroom?"
She gasped, "Shut up, oh my god! But, yes, I have."
"And?" I prompted.
"And we had sex in his bathroom this time..?" she covered her hands with her face, and I gasped.
"Tasha Montgomery!" I shrieked, "let me rephrase my question - have you guys talked since you fucked him in either of our bathrooms?"
"I mean.." she chuckled, "he invited me to his place to talk, but.."
"You fucked in his bathroom?"
"Exactly."
I laughed, "Well, you do you - I won't judge."
"Good. He's hot and all, plus he's totally great in bed, but - I can't see myself being with him. We're nothing like you and Harry."
"What's 'like me and Harry'?" I asked, "A relationship that isn't based on fucking in bathrooms?"
"Exactly," Tasha pointed at me, causing me to chuckle, "plus, have you even seen the way he looks at you? I've been telling you this since the day I met you."
"I think that's just his eyes," I shrugged, "he really has beautiful eyes."
"No! Seriously, Ana. That's love when he looks at you," she said as if it were obvious.
"Mmhm," I hummed in response, dragging the sound out.
"I mean, you're in love with him. Who's to say he isn't in love with you too?"
I bit my lip, "Isn't it too soon? For love?"
"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard," Tasha scoffed, "you've known him for months now."
"And I've only been his girlfriend for a few weeks, I just-" I sighed, "I know how I feel about him, but - labelling it as love makes it so much more.."
"Official?" Tasha finished my sentence, and I nodded. "You're scared of being official, now? You're literally dating the guy."
"No, that's not what I'm saying.. I've never- I've never loved somebody before."
"Tell me how you feel about him," she said simply, "Let it out."
I cleared my throat, "I don't know where to start."
"Yes you do."
"Fine," I huffed. "Harry is.. well, he's everything. I never thought I'd find somebody like him. He was so.."
"Broken?"
I scowled, "No, don't be a bitch. He was so closed-off; hidden away. I found him interesting and I wanted to be his friend, but.. he got into my mind in ways I didn't think possible. I always want him around, I always want him to be happy - he makes me feel like nobody else ever could, and.." I trailed off, the realisation forming in the pit of my stomach.
"And you love him," Tasha said gently, as all I did was nod my head.
"I love him," I murmured, testing the words on my tongue, "I love Harry."
"You love Harry," Tasha repeated, breaking into laughter as I did the same.
And it was then that everything fell into place. I never knew the night I stumbled outside of the bar on the corner of the street and wandered past Harry Styles that I would come to know all of him. That I'd know how he walked; how he talked; how to tell when he was excited, or when he possessed that captivating sparkle in his eyes when he talked about something he cared about, or even when he told me about some crazy dream he'd had the night before. I found myself doing whatever I could to make him smile, desperate to watch his eyes wrinkle and his dimples deepen when he threw his head back in laughter, or the way his lips twitched into a wide grin when he told some shitty joke. I knew the way he poked out his tongue when he ate, and the way he tried to stop it after I'd pointed it out once; the way he would force a pout onto his lips only so I could kiss it away when he would pretend to be annoyed at me. I knew his kind of weather; his kind of music; what kept him up at night; what he deemed as his imperfections. The bad days became good ones when I knew I could wake up to see him; even better ones when I could wake up beside him - it empowered me, it boosted me, and it completed me. I knew the prominent ache I felt when he wasn't here; the emptiness that lay in the bottom of my gut when I craved him. I loved him.
I hadn't seen Harry since Christmas Day, and tonight it was New Year's Eve - and I would finally get to see him again.
I would finally tell him what I was feeling.
Though the doubts only built as I slipped into my dress and followed Tasha downstairs.
He would be here soon, the party was due to start at seven, and it now neared half-past. How was I supposed to tell him? "Hi, Harry, I love you"? No, that was weird. "Do you want a drink? Love you"? What the fuck??
And what if he didn't love me? That was an easy option - maybe he didn't feel that way about me at all; maybe he had been having second thoughts recently - oh god, maybe he'd been planning to break up with me tonight? New Year, New Harry? Oh God, oh God, oh God-
"Stop freaking out," Tasha rested her palm on my back, reading my expression easily, "he loves you."
"Anastasia?" my mother called, "James Jefferson is here, as well as Peter Roberts - come and socialise, will you?"
I groaned, walking into the kitchen as my mother muttered something to the obnoxious looking man beside her. I ran my thumb awkwardly over the charm on my bracelet, as Tasha linked her arm with mine.
"Ana, how are you?" JJ smiled politely, before sending a wink to Tasha, "Tasha," he nodded.
"JJ," she bit her lip, as I watched them closely. Yeah, they were totally taking each other's clothes off with their eyes.
I'd never been so relieved to hear a knock at the door, realising it would be Harry as I sent Tasha a look.
"Go get him, girl."
I headed for the door, swinging it open to see Harry standing there, a wide grin on his face.
"Hey, baby," he grinned, stepping through the door to wrap his arms around me, "I missed you."
I kicked the door shut, burying my head in his shoulder and inhaling his scent, "I missed you too."
"Anastasia, who's at the door?" my mother spoke suddenly, her heels clicking as she wandered into the hallway, causing Harry and I to jump apart quickly, her eyes widening, "Oh, Harold - it's you."
"It's just Harry, ma'am," Harry corrected her politely, and I bit back a smile at my mother's glare.
"Right. Harry, do come in," she said in what might have been the most unwelcoming way possible, before clicking back into the kitchen to converse with her guests.
"I know she's your mother," Harry mumbled, pressing a kiss to the side of my head, "but I can't stand her." He shrugged off his jacket, hanging it up where he usually did, and biting his lip as he looked at me, "You look beautiful, by the way."
I hummed a 'thank you', pecking his lips quickly before leading him back into the kitchen and handing him a glass of water. Tasha was leant back against the island deep in conversation with JJ, and I nodded towards her so that Harry would follow.
"Harry," Tasha smiled, and he sent her one in return, shoving her over slightly so he could lean against the island.
"Move then," he nudged her and she shoved him before the two broke into laughter, and I smiled. I was glad they got along; it was a bonus point to say the least.
"I'm JJ," JJ spoke up suddenly, outstretching his hand to Harry, while Harry stood with a look on his face, glancing at me as if to say, 'is this kid stupid?'
"I know," Harry said coldly, "we met the other day, mate."
"Oh, we did?" JJ frowned, and I rested my hand on Harry's forearm, "When?"
"Christmas," Harry's frown deepened, clearly irritated that JJ hadn't remembered him.
"Oh, right - I was a bit preoccupied that night," JJ chuckled, a smirk growing on his face as Tasha giggled, while Harry looked unamused as ever.
"Right," he took a sip of his water, his arm snaking around my waist as I rested my head on his shoulder, only after ensuring my mother was deep in conversation.
"Ana.." Tasha whispered, her eyes shifting to JJ as I rolled my eyes.
"Go, then," I sighed, and she immediately grabbed JJ's wrist, leading him from the kitchen as Harry shot me a confused look, "They're fuck-buddies, apparently," I clarified.
"What?" he laughed, almost choking on his water, "You're kidding."
"I'm not," I grinned, turning to stand in front of him, "I just hope they don't leave a mess in the bathroom - ew," I wrinkled my nose now, suddenly not so excited for my best friend.
"I hope they don't either, 'cos I'll have to listen to you complain about the cleanup," Harry sent me a smirk, and I rolled my eyes again, "I hope you get a bloody strain in those eyes of yours."
"Me too, I won't have to look at you anymore," I said nonchalantly, causing him to scoff. I stuck my tongue out, and Harry poked my stomach, touching his tongue to mine.
"Stop being cute, 'cause then I'll have to kiss you, and then your mum will drag me out of here by my hair," Harry grinned, and I shook my head with a smile.
"You don't ever have to kiss me," I argued lightly.
"I do, actually - as a matter of fact; where's somewhere I could kiss you? You're looking pretty kissable right now."
"We can go upstairs," I told him, turning around only to meet eyes with my mother.
"Upstairs?" my mother asked skeptically, and I nodded in best attempts to appear unfazed.
"Yeah," I swallowed, "I said I'd show Harry around."
"Oh.." my mother's eyes shifted from me to Harry, and then back to me, "Don't take all night, Anastasia - you mustn't make a habit of being unsociable."
"Yes, mother," I huffed, grabbing Harry's wrist and leading him out of the kitchen and to the stairs.
"She knows," Harry hissed once we were far enough away from the room, and I frowned.
"What do you mean? No she doesn't."
"She does," Harry said simply, as I threw open the door to my room and nudged it shut behind the two of us, "She was giving me the look."
I scoffed, "if she knew, she would've banned you from the house by now. And besides, she can't get in here - so we have a bit of privacy now."
"Good," Harry nudged my chin upwards with his nose, pressing a single, long kiss to my neck before sitting down on my bed, "I still think the fact Tasha is going down on that nerd in your bathroom is fucking golden," he chuckled, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it.
"It's not that funny, is it?" I sat down opposite him as he balanced his cigarette between his lips, and I took his ring-clad fingers in my own, finding fascination in each piece of jewellery, before running my thumb over the neatly inked cross on his hand - it was new. "When did you get this?"
"Day after Christmas," he clarified, blowing some smoke into the air between us, "You like it?"
"I thought you didn't believe in God," I frowned, and he shrugged.
"I don't. 'Cross looks cool though, 'dunnit?" he grinned, and I tutted, causing his grin to lessen, "I like it," he pouted slightly.
"I do too," I assured him, pressing a kiss to his hand and watching his pout fade, "promise."
Harry shifted his position on my bed, leaning back against the headboard with his back against it and his legs stretched out, "C'mere."
I crawled up the bed as his arms wound around my waist, my legs straddling either side of him and I buried my head into his shoulder while he embraced me tightly. I revelled in him; his scent, his touch and his warmth as he held me close to him, my finger running over a loose strand which had fallen from his bun to frame his face. I leant back to look at him, my arms around his neck and my eyes on his. His gaze burned through me like it always did, his eyes the familiar olive, captivating as they always were.
"Harry.." I found myself saying, as he rubbed his hands up my bare arms, his eyes boring into my own in a way that sent chills up my spine.
"Mm?" he hummed in response, tilting his head aside to press gentle kisses to my jaw, my hand resting on his stomach lightly.
I hadn't meant to say it - it wasn't how I'd planned to. But, then, I just-
"I love you."