A few days later, I was woken abruptly in the middle of a dream that may or may not have had something to do with lacrosse sticks and strong arms wrapped around me. Groaning, I smacked my alarm clock repeatedly to halt the incessant beeping. Cassie shot up in bed. "What is that?" she yelled, obviously disoriented in the early morning hour.
"It's just my alarm," I reassured her, slowing climbing out of bed. "First day of class, remember?"
"Aww, man. I completely forgot we're actually here to learn."
I giggled. Cassie was right. We had arrived at school three days before classes started, supposedly giving us the chance to adjust to college life. Cassie and I had spent the time making our room feel a little more home-y. We took the shuttle to the mall and wandered around for hours, picking out posters and colorful knickknacks for our room. In an effort to make more friends, we wandered the halls of the dorm, popping in any open door we found. I'd even found a little time to sit outside and sketch some landscape around me. It surprised me at how quickly I carved out a little niche for myself in this new place.
Despite our obvious personality differences, Cassie and I bonded tightly in just a few days. She was wilder, louder, and definitely more scatter-brained than I was, but we made a good pair. I helped rein her in, while she pushed me to be bolder and move outside my comfort zone.
The only thing I hadn't done was see Ryan again. It wasn't that surprising considering there were a couple hundred freshmen, and we didn't live in the same building. I shouldn't have even given it a second thought. Wasn't I strong in my conviction to not get involved with anyone romantically for the foreseeable future? Plus, the warning Alexis had given to me the first night still rang in my ears. I didn't want to judge him without really knowing him, but I'd yet to hear of a guy being called a player when it wasn't actually true. But at the end of the day, I was still a girl. He seemed to have enjoyed my company, and even went out of his way to bring the ice, and it bugged me a little that he hadn't at least sought me out again.
"I swear 8:00 a.m. classes are some sort of torture device," Cassie grumbled as she pulled on a pair of jeans.
"I know what you mean. And I have a feeling they're only going to get more painful as the semester goes on," I stood in front of my drawers, rummaging around, attempting to find something appropriate to wear.
"What's your day look like today? Can you meet in the dining hall at 12:30?"
I looked at the schedule on my desk I had yet to memorize. "Yeah, that works. Good luck today. I'll see you then!"
***
Of course my very first college class had to be math, my very worst subject. I'd barely passed it in high school, how was I going to survive the next level? Taking a seat in the last row, I hoped to keep myself invisible. Students filed in, looking as tired as I felt. I slunk further in my seat, keeping my eyes trained on the floor, waiting for the professor to arrive.
"Hey there, Sunshine Girl," a male voice snapped me out of my daze.
I looked up, shocked, as Ryan slid into the seat next to me. "Hey," I choked out.
"How've you been?" he asked, pulling out his books and a pencil.
"Umm, pretty good," I stumbled over the words, a million different emotions coursing through my body. "How about you?"
"Good. Getting up this morning was rough though."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," I gave a half smile, not wanting to be rude, but definitely keeping my guard up. I tucked a stray hair behind my ear and stole a look over at Ryan. It annoyed me that he looked so good this early in the morning. He had probably grabbed the jeans and black t-shirt off the floor and rushed out to class, but they fit him perfectly. It wasn't fair the minimal effort guys had to put in to look good.
"Good morning, class. Welcome to College Math 101."
The door shut with a bang and I immediately turned my attention towards the professor. I was screwed. Passing this required class was going to be hard enough. I didn't need Ryan and all the mixed up feelings he'd already brought out in me on top of that. It was going to be one long semester.
I didn't know what to expect from my first college class, but this professor dove right in. He was writing problems on the board for us to solve as soon as he'd finished handing out the syllabus. The only positive was that I was so busy trying to make sense of the numbers, that the class flew by quickly. I didn't even have the opportunity to look over at Ryan. Though the fact that he was only about a foot away from me stayed in my head like a constant buzzing.
I gathered up my books quickly once class was over, already drained and overwhelmed. My next class was across campus and I was going to have to hustle just to get there in time.
"Where's the fire, Sunshine Girl?" Ryan asked, an amused look on his face as he watched me shove my books into my bag.
"I've got to get to class," I answered curtly.
"Oh, okay. You want to meet up for lunch later?"
"I have plans already," I brushed passed him.
"What about dinner?"
I paused and glanced at him quickly. "I don't think so," I said and left before I could see his reaction.
***
"You're never going to guess who was in my math class this morning," I said to Cassie as we sat down with our lunches at a free table in the crowded dining hall.
"Who? Ryan?" she guessed correctly as she cracked open her soda.
I had tried to hide my disappointment over Ryan's absence the past few days to Cassie. But she managed to pull it out of me, despite my protests. She had written the whole thing off as Ryan being the typical college jerk as Alexis had warned, and felt I should be setting my sights on upperclassmen, the way she had. "Of course it was Ryan. Someone in the universe hated me this morning apparently."
"What happened? Did he blow you off?"
"The opposite actually," I began, unwrapping my chicken sandwich. "He sat down right next to me and asked how I've been. Oh, and he keeps calling me Sunshine Girl like some sort of pet nickname. I ignored him well enough during class, but afterwards he had the nerve to ask me to meet him for lunch."
"He did?" Cassie asked, stealing one of my chips.
"And then when I told him I had plans, he asked if we could have dinner together."
"He didn't!" Cassie gasped in surprise. "What did you say?"
"I told him no, and then left before he could say anything else."
"Oh."
"What do you mean oh? What else would I have said? I mean I know we've only been here a few days, but he is so hot and cold already. I absolutely don't have time for this. This is the reason I don't want to date. Especially a guy who will probably move on to another girl next week."
"I agree. But it just seems like you're making a bigger deal out of this than you need to. If he's a player like we heard, then he probably is interested in you, but still also pursuing other options. It's not that weird that he asked you to hang out. And honestly, Lil, if you don't want to date him, why do you care?"
She was exactly right about that. I was spending an awful lot amount of time thinking about a guy I didn't want to date. I just couldn't figure out why I cared so much...either that or I was afraid to admit the truth. "You're right. I'm done talking about him." I finally said to her, taking a sip of my soda.
"Good. Time to put that boy out of your head and concentrate on those hot football players over there," Cassie pointed and we fell into a fit of giggles.
The rest of our lunch was spent commenting on the best physical attributes of the boys. We rated each of them on a ridiculous scale we invented just for the occasion. They eventually caught on to our laughing and pointing and we scuttled out of there as quickly as possible, before they could come over and confront us.
The only bonus to having classes so early in the morning was that I was now free for the rest of the day. The responsible thing would have been to head to the library and get started on the massive amount of work I already had to do. But I was so drained, I just couldn't face it all. Instead, I dropped my stuff off in my room, grabbed my sketch pad, and settled myself under a shady tree in the quad. Flipping to a clean sheet of paper, I immediately felt all the stress in my shoulders melt away. This was my happy place. I took a few deep breaths and relaxed as I scanned my surroundings, searching for the perfect subject. I finally settled on an old oak tree with a weathered, chipped, stone bench sitting below it.
I blocked out everyone and everything around me while I worked. Focusing on the lines and shading gave me tunnel vision. Hours ticked by in what felt like minutes. So I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a cough behind me.
"Ryan, you scared me!" I locked eyes with him, trying to calm my erratic breathing.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He settled himself down on the grass next to me. "I got mesmerized watching you work. I know you said you were an artist, but man, this is really incredible."
"Thanks," I blushed at his compliment, inwardly chastising myself for caring what he thought. As a distraction, I began putting my pencils away and cleaning up my space.
"Please don't stop on my account."
"Don't worry, I was finished anyway. I can't seem to get the shading exactly how I want it, so it's better I put it down for now and come back to it tomorrow." I started to stand, but Ryan place his hand gently on my arm, stopping me.
"Wait, can I ask you something before you go?"
"I guess." I tried not to focus on the patch of heat where his fingers had touched my bare skin.
"Have I done something to offend you? We really clicked the other day, but then you kinda blew me off this morning."
I sighed. I wanted to say no, and act like everything was fine and that I didn't care one way or another. But the fact that I would be running into him all the time since we both lived here made me think it was best to put the whole truth out there. "Okay, here's the thing, Ryan. I'm not looking to date right now, anyone. I'm going to need to work really hard to stay here, and I don't need anything or anyone getting in the way of that." There. Now he knew exactly where I stood. Maybe saying it out loud would put everything straight in my head as well.
A look of disappointment flashed across his face, so quickly I barely saw it. He recovered though and said, "Wow, you're breaking up with me before I even ask you out? That's a new one."
"I'm sorry. I know, I'm being ridiculous. We only spent a few hours together and I'm completely jumping to conclusions. I just wanted to let you know where I stood."
"No, I understand where you're coming from," he said, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked at me. "And I appreciate your upfront honesty. It's refreshing actually."
I smiled, feeling a weight lifting off me.
"I'm the one who sought you out and showed interest. I respect that you're not looking to date and you're right, we only just got here. But you seem really cool and I'd like to get to know you better. How does being friends sound?"
"That sounds good to me."
I finished packing up my things as Ryan sat and watched. I said goodbye and had just started to walk away when he called out to me.
"Mark my words though, Sunshine Girl. One day you're going to fall in love with me."