After All

Chapter Thirty-One

            Ryan's apartment was a fifteen minute drive from the hospital. The four-story building was nestled in between residential houses on a side street off the main part of town. And by town, I meant a five-block street straight out of a magazine about small town life. Shops and restaurants lined either side behind the sidewalk and twinkling lights shone at us from the treetops. As it was just past dawn, the area was deserted. Ryan pulled the car into the almost full parking lot and shut off the engine.

We grabbed our bags in silence, shuffling up the three flights of stairs to his door. He unlocked it and turned on the light as we stepped inside. On first inspection, I could see the change the years had brought out in Ryan. Compared to his old dorm room, the place was sparsely decorated but clean. He no longer had posters of half-naked women and ironic sayings plastered on the walls. A huge couch sat in the middle of the living room, with a coffee table in front of it. They both faced a flat screen television which hung on the wall. To the left was a small dining area with a simple, round table and two wooden chairs. Beyond that was a tiny galley kitchen. There was a hallway behind the living room, which I assumed led to the bed and bath rooms.

Ryan tossed his keys on the table and set down his bags beneath it. I placed mine near the door, unsure of how long I would be staying. After taking off his suit jacket, he sat down on the couch and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, untucking it from his waistband.

"Come sit with me," he reached out a hand in my direction.

Stepping out of my shoes, I crossed the room to the couch. As I sank down on the soft material, Ryan cradled my body against his. I rested my head on his shoulder and tucked my feet underneath me.

"Some day, huh?" he idly played with the strands of my hair. It was such a simple thing, but so familiar. He'd always had a strange obsession with running my hair through his fingers.

"You could say that again," I mused. "So, Jack was really okay?"

"Yeah he was," his body relaxed the way it did whenever he talked about his son. "He was tired and said his stomach hurt a bit, but other than that, he's good."

"I'm glad." Nervously, I picked at the hem of my dress. We couldn't keep dancing around the real issues with small talk much longer. So finally I dove right in and asked, "What your mom said earlier...was it true? Did she force you to break up with me?"

Ryan leaned his head back on the couch. "Yes and no. She did tell me to end things with you. But you have to understand, Lil, I needed my parents' help. I was barely nineteen and a dad. I couldn't have survived that first year without them. And their help came with a few concessions on my part."

"They really hated me that much?" A people-pleaser by nature, it hurt to think someone didn't like me, especially when I couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong.

"It's more complicated than that," he tried to explain. "My mother and I have never had the easiest relationship. As her only son, she's always had all these high expectations for me. Even if they weren't things I wanted for myself." He sat up straighter on the couch, adjusting his position. I laid my head down on his lap, so I was looking up at his face, my legs hanging over the edge of the couch. Ryan continued to play with my hair, letting the strands slip between his fingers.

"When she met you back when we were in college, she got worried. She feared I'd get distracted from all the plans she had for me."

"But we weren't even together when she met me."

"Yeah well, it didn't take a lot to see how in love I was with you, right from the moment we first met. She sat me down over Christmas break and tried to convince me to end things with you. She said I was too young to be getting so serious. That's a huge part of why I flew down to see you for New Year's Eve. I had to get away from her and prove she couldn't control me. You were what I wanted, I wasn't going to let her ruin that."

"Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I didn't want to upset you. My mom's opinion didn't matter to me, so why hurt you by saying something?"

"That makes sense," I said. It still didn't set right that she disliked me simply for the fact that Ryan had chosen me to love. All of a sudden my eyes grew wide. "Your dad doesn't hate me too, does he?" I'd always had a soft spot in my heart for Mr. Parker and his blunt, teasing ways.

"Not at all," Ryan assured. "He's always liked you. A few years ago he told me the stupidest thing I ever did was force you away. If he was thirty years younger, I'm pretty sure he'd go after you himself."

"Stop!" I giggled.

Ryan laughed along with me until his face got serious again. "You need to know though, my mom's desire for us to break up wasn't the reason I did it. Yes, she tried to make it a contingency of them helping me with Jack, but I knew I had to do it before she said anything. I couldn't live with myself if I'd held you back in any way."

I reached my hand up to stroke the side of face. "You truly are an honorable man, Ryan Parker, you know that? And while it is one of your best traits, it is also your worst. In the way I need to stop running, you also need to stop making decisions for me. We need to make them together."

"I know," he twisted his lips and kissed the inside of my palm. "And you're right. I was just doing the best I could."

Sliding my hand around the back of his neck, I pulled him down to kiss me. Our lips pressed together in the way I'd come to see as home. Nothing ever felt as right as being in his arms.

As if sensing my next thought, Ryan pulled back slightly, almost reluctantly. "So what do you think, Sunshine Girl? You've been given the whole truth about everything. I come with more baggage than a girl on vacation. Think you want to take all this on?"

He looked down at me, hopeful and with so much love and trust. My instinct was to tell him yes, of course I loved him and was willing to commit to a relationship. But we couldn't mess this up a second time. We'd waited so long for this, we both needed to be one hundred percent sure of it. I needed to protect my heart, and Ryan to protect Jack. We were both adults now and had to look at everything with our eyes wide open. We could no longer rely on the impulsive recklessness of our youth. And nothing should be settled after an emotion-driven, sleepless weekend like the one we'd just had.

"I think," I started, pulling myself upright and crawling back into his lap, facing him, "that we have done enough talking this weekend." I kissed one side of his neck, then the other. "What do you say, Mr. Parker? Do you think we should take a break and do something else?"

I leaned down to kiss his lips, but before I could even think, Ryan had picked me up and was carrying me down the hallway to his bedroom as if the apartment was on fire. "I thought you'd never ask," he growled before slamming the door behind us.