After All

Chapter Nineteen

                The rest of the semester flew by with us barely realizing it. In order to savor every moment, and adequately prepare for finals, we went without sleep more than seemed humanly possible. We survived purely on coffee, energy drinks, and adrenaline. I could barely keep track of whether it was day or night most times.

The girls and I had plenty of late-night conversations and chick flick movie marathons. We attempted to make dinner together one night, to celebrate the end of the year. Though the still-raw chicken and burnt rice proved we still had a lot to learn in the kitchen. Thank God for Chinese food delivery.

Ryan and I took study breaks every few days at Piccola Famiglia. Primo and Giovanni bemoaned our leaving, but we promised to come back again regularly next year. He and I walked to class together whenever possible, and studied in either his room or mine every free minute we had. We were inseparable when I wasn't with the girls and spent each night wrapped in each other's arms, fighting for space in our tiny twin beds.

To ease the pain of our upcoming separation, we made plans for how we'd keep in touch. We each decided to visit the other over the summer, and promised to send a picture each day of ourselves or whatever we were doing, to the other one. I knew I would miss him terribly, but our love had grown so strong, I no longer feared that the separation would destroy us. Our trip to New York City proved that the distance wasn't too great. It would only be a hurdle we would get through together.

***

"Wahoo!" Cassie and I screamed in unison as we danced around our room. We had just come back from our last finals and were celebrating the end of our first year of college.

"I can't believe it's over," she said. "I swear this was the fastest year of my life."

"I know. And there were a few times I didn't think I would make it. I couldn't have survived this year without you roomie."

"Me either."

We hugged each other tightly, an endless stream of tears running down our cheeks.

"Okay, enough," she said, pulling away. "That hot man candy of yours will be here in a minute. He'll think we're crazy if he sees us like this."

"You're right." I brushed the tears away with the back of my hand.

As if on cue, Ryan pushed open the door and walked in. "Hey, ladies."

"Hey, babe." I planted a huge kiss on his lips.

"Gag me," Cassie moaned. "I almost hope you go to New York next year so I don't have to deal with you two making out constantly again. I don't think I'll survive another three years of it."

"You're just jealous," I teased, sticking my tongue out at her. Cassie practically had a parade of men throughout the year, never wanting for a male companion. But I could tell she was gravitating toward monogamy, and becoming a little more selective with her choice of bed companion.

Ryan cleared his throat. "I hate to break up this party, but we've got to get going or you'll miss your flight."

"Some things haven't changed this year," Cassie mused.

She was right, I had to rush to the airport every time I flew out. I could never quite learn to say my goodbyes in a timely matter.

We hugged one more time, and then Ryan helped me load my things into his car. It took quite a bit of maneuvering, since all his belongings were crammed in there as well. He would be driving straight home to New Jersey once he dropped me off. We held hands the whole way, our fingers intertwined over the cup holders. I tried to calm myself and pretend that this was just another short separation we'd have to endure. But I knew it wasn't. At minimum, it would be almost four months until we were back at school together. And if I got into SVA, then our entire relationship for the next three years would be comprised of short visits and long goodbyes. The prospect felt like a giant wrecking ball, crashing into my stomach. I had to make a conscious effort not to think about it. To focus only on taking one breath after another. Or it would surely crush me.