Its been about three days since the flashback. The image placed in my mind like a movie only the movie never ended. I was waking up every half an hour, tossed and turned, and nothing seemed to make any sense. It was 1:00 am and I decided to go to the restroom to rinse my face to clear my mind. I stared at the mirror. All I saw was me...pale as a ghost, baggy eyes, sunken skin and gloss eyes. My head started to hurt the more I stared so I looked down on the sink. I felt a chill go up my spine, goosebumps formed all over m body, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I looked behind me but no one was there. Why would anyone be here? Lisa is asleep so it's just me in here. I took a deep breathe and let it out slowly and turned my attention back to the mirror. The unknown man popped up in front of me and I gasp and fall flat onto the floor.
He just stood there staring at me..menacingly with a devilish grin across his face. He slowly approaches me each step making me push myself back until I hit the back off the tub. I was shaking with fear, grabbing on to the edge of the tub for dear life. He leans down and places his index fingers on my lips, shushing me, grinning at me like a monster who found its prey.
"I told you, you can't escape from me. You're mine and always will be" He says in a low voice.
"He-h-help me! Someone help me!" I scream as I fight off the unknown man who was now holding one of my arms and using his other hand to cover my mouth. Tears were flowing out of my eyes, my lungs lacked in oxygen. This was real. Who is he and how did he find me!? I close my eyes waiting for whatever was coming to me.
The door to the bathroom opened and Lisa shouts my name rapidly. My eyes were still closed as I continued to scream, waving my hands hysterically. She drops to the floor and starts to shake me harshly, yelling "Y/N! It's OK! Stop! Snap out of it!"
"No please! Stop! Let me go! Please don't hurt me!"
"Y/N! Listen to me! You're in a safe place! Listen to my voice!"
"No! Stop hurting me please I'm begging you!"
"Listen to me! No one is hurting you! Take deep breathes and let it out slowly."
I can suddenly hear Lisa's voice echoing in my head. I'm slowly being taken away fro that dark place and I open my eyes and I take a look at my surroundings. I'm back in our bathroom, my whole body and face shimmered with sweat, my heavy breathing starts to calm down. I look up at Lisa, who was holding my hand, confused as to what happened but glad she was here.
"What happened? You were screaming so loud you woke me up."
"I-I-I don't know. I couldn't sleep so I went to the bathroom to rinse my face...then I blacked out."
"Are you sure you're OK? Do you need help getting up?"
"Yeah" Lisa grabs me under my arm and helps me up. "Thank you" I say out of breath
"You're welcome. Has this been happening to you just now?"
"Well it's hard to explain" I say as I rub my forehead to lessen the tension that was forming on my head
"You're appointment with Dr Namjoon is today, right? Gives you a chance to tell him what's been happening" She says as we head back into the room and sets e down on y bed.
I sit up on the bed and grab a pillow behind me and hug it "It is. I have a 15 minute appointment with him at 10:00am and hour at 6:00pm. I don't know why I'm feeling nervous all of a sudden"
Lisa leans on me and gently pats me on the back "Trust me. Even the smallest detail can help you figure out what's going on" She looks at the time on the dresser, yawns and stretches out her body. "I should get some sleep. You think you'll be able to go to sleep tonight?"
I shake my head "No, I'm just afraid that I'l have another episode if I try to go back to sleep. You go ahead and rest. I'll just stay up and write or read. Sorry to keep you up"
Lisa goes to her bed and buries herself under the covers. "Ok. If you need anything just let me know. Good night"
9:50 am
We had just finished our morning workshop. It was a workshop on how to deal with stress, anger and anxiety. The workshop was alright but it still didn't keep my mind off of last night. I don't know, the workshop just made me for more anxious, which was the opposite of what I wanted it to do. All I kept thinking about was Namjoona and how he looked when he saw me dance at eh workshop. It was like he saw a beautiful creature or model, memorized by it beauty. I couldn't stop thinking about him all week.
As everyone was getting out of the workshop, Jungkook is standing near the doorway, waiting for me.
"Good morning Miss Y/N. I'm here to escort you to your 10:00 am appointment with Dr Namjoon." He shows of his pearly whites and I couldn't help but to smile back.
"Oh. Where's Jin?" I asked out of curiosity
"He's off today, so I'm taking his place. Why? Are my pearly whites intimidating?" He raises his eyebrows at me and chuckles and I laugh.
"No I'm not." I laugh "I'm just so used to Jin that's all. But I don't mind."
"Cool. Shall we go then?"
"Yeah. Lets go"
We walked down the hall and took the stairs to the floor of Dr Namjoon's office. We walk a couple of steps and we reach Dr Namjoon's door. I inhaled and exhaled and shook my body to ease my nerves.
"Are you ok Miss Y?N? You seem nervous" He peers at me
"I'm fine. I'm just a little nervous that's all"
"Ok...If you want you can get a sip of water before I let you in"
"No it's alright. I'll be fine"
"Ok. Just making sure"
He knocks on the door and Namjoon yells for us to come in. Jungkook opens the door and I'm let in. Namjoon looks up and smiles at me as always. I always melt when he gives me that gentle and inviting smile.
"Thank you Jungkook. You may leave" Jungkook bows and leaves.
"Good morning Y/N. How's your week here been for you?" Namjoon asks warmly
"Umm...it's been quite pleasant but nerve wrecking at the same time." I say nervously
"Really? How come?" He fold his hands on the desk and leans forward
"I couldn't;t sleep well for the past couple of days...since last night. It's a little hard to explain but I did write some stuff down so I could tell you about them"
"Hmm. We'll take a look at it when we meet again this afternoon. During out fifteen minutes I'll just be asking you some questions about your medication, checking your weight, and your heart. Is that alright" He smiles and I nod yes. He tells me to get on the scale across the room and weighs me.
"You're at a healthy weight. Looks like you've been eating well. You looked a little lethargic when you first got here." I felt his hot breathe against my skin and I shiver a little. Having him stand this close to me was making me die a little. He tells me to go back to my seat and to sit up straight. He takes out a stethoscope and places the earpiece into his ear.
He stands right behind me and places his hand on my lower back and the other to where my heart. The cologne he wore was clean, crisp and fresh that I melted. I could feel myself slowly sink into a puddle just by his touch "I need you to breathe in slowly and out slowly, OK" I nod my head OK and took a deep breath. He places his hand on the other side of my back and tells me to breathe in again and I feel my legs weakening. My heart was beating so fast it could burst at any moment.
Namjoon clears his throat "You're..you're heart is beating really fast Y/N. Are you nervous?" He smirks
"You can say that. It's been a while since I've had a check up like this." I say out of breathe
"Don't worry, it's a quick procedure." He chuckles "It's almost over" He then positions himself in front of me and lowers himself to meet my face. He puts away the stethoscope and takes out an Otoscope.
"I'm just going to check your eyes really quick."
He turns on the light to the Otoscope and checks my eyes. I can feel myself sweating the more he looked. He was basically staring at me with his beautiful eyes. I distract myself by drawing my attention to his parted lips. They were plumb, slightly pink and soft. I then look at his luscious, velvety soft hair. Then at his dimples. Everything about was perfect. It was like staring at handsome idol. How did I become a patient to this breathtakingly handsome man? I was snapped out of from my day dream when he told me to keep looking into the light and I did what he asked. I gulped nervously, trying to keep calm.
"Everything seems normal...You have beautiful eyes Y/N" He comments and stands back.
"Really? Thank you....yours are beautiful as well" I blushed and covered my face with my hands. I couldn't believe I said that out loud. He sits back on the chair, behind his desks, and takes out a folder and a pen.
"Don't be shy sweetheart" He grins "Smile when given a compliment. And thank you. I get that all the time" I couldn't help but to smile and I blushed even more when he saw me. smile "There goes that beautiful smile." He winks and points at me "You've been taking your new prescription for the past week. How has that been going for you?"
"I don't really feel changes other than feeling nauseous."
"That's normal. Do you feel the dose is too strong, or too light?" He asks
"I think the dose is just fine."
"And you're taking it with or without food right?"
"Yes" Then I suddenly remember the flashback from earlier this week and I felt uneasy again. He looks up at me and his smile fades into a worried frown
"Is something wrong, Y/N"
I stare at the ground for a moment and quickly shook my head "It's I just-I had a flashback earlier this week...it was related to my medication"
"We ca talk about that. I'm sure it's been bothering you. We'll talk about it more later on today. Anything else you need to tell me about your medication?"
"No. Everything is fine" I smile nervously
"Great." He smiles "Then I'll see you at 6:00pm. Have a great day Y/N"
"Thank you..and you as well, Namjoon" I get up from my seat and slowly walk to the door. I stopped before I touched the doorknob and turn around. He looks up at me inquisitively.
"I hope I'm not being rude when I ask you this but...are you married?" His said with a shaky voice.
He sits back in his seat, with his hands folded and gently laughs "No you're not being rude at all. But all I can tell you is a woman who has strength and courage to face her demons is the one I would want to have in my life." He bows his head and I leave the office.
What's wrong with me? Why did I ask that stupid question and make an embarrassment of myself? I wonder what he meant by that.