“Drew! Stop staring at them dude and stop staring at everyone else too, that bear over there is going to pummel you he doesn’t know you haven’t been to a gay bar before!” Max yelled in my ear.
“I am not staring at them and if that bear doesn’t want people looking at him then why is he dressed head to foot in leather that is three sizes too small for him?!” I snapped.
“Look Billy and Zak aren’t gonna appreciate you gawking at them and hell I am not sure he appreciated you interrupting him in the first place so just come on and dance will you?” Max sighed.
“You invited me remember, trying to annoy Billy but now you’re left with me so deal.” I shuffled around.
I had come to this bar to see what it was like, Billy had suggested I go to a gay bar to meet someone so I had cornered Max during training and asked him if I could tag along. I know it sounds stupid but I have never been surrounded by gay people before, my brother Calvin and I grew up in Minnesota and lived a pretty sheltered lifestyle.
Our parents are Mormons and we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other. It was incredibly boring and because of that Calvin and I began cheerleading for a laugh. We are really close and do everything together, people have often assumed the worst but our parents stamped those thoughts out of their heads and they all eventually shut up.
As soon as we could Calvin and I left Minnesota for California, we planned on going to college but then this opportunity came up. Cheering for one of the biggest football teams in the US was not something we would willingly turn down so we signed up.
As we met new people and they got used to the way we are with each other we had to take over the role of our parents and remind them that we were just brothers. I couldn’t understand the minds of some people, brother’s wrestle, fight, hug, laugh, cry just like anyone else so why is it that we are the ones accused of screwing each other?
Anyway as luck would have it about a quarter of the football team was gay and my coach Billy Sylar was dating the star player Zak King. At first they both believed me to be straight but I am bisexual, without an ounce of experience or knowledge so I used them to my advantage.
My teasing nature allowed me to get away with asking Billy the most personal of questions by turning it into a joke. After a while however he knew I was no longer joking and that I was genuinely curious and he told me the only way to meet someone was to put myself out there.
Easier said than done, I was literally terrified that my smart ass remarks would get the living shit kicked out of me. How did they know if people were gay or not? At first I didn’t want to sit about in a gay bar all day and night waiting for that person to come into my life, but when Billy mentioned that they were all going out I had to get myself an invite.
They were all going on a triple date so I didn’t want to interrupt the whole evening so I squared it with Max so that I could join them at the Abbey. It was the best gay bar in Los Angeles and I was sure that I would at least be able to look at guys freely without upsetting anyone.
Big mistake
I have been here all of twenty minutes and already Billy has ditched me to lap dance on Zak and as I was looking around my mouth was hanging open at the huge differences between gay men. I didn’t mean to gape like that but Eli came to my rescue just before the huge bear could get to me.
So I tried to stop staring at the bears in leather, the camp dudes with feather boas and especially the hot men in tight jeans and t-shirts that showed every contour of their bodies. I just focused on Eli and Max and danced along to the music, unable to drink and completely horny but slightly more content than I imagined I would be.
I knew a lot of people thought I was in love with Billy or Zak but I also knew that Billy knew otherwise. He was the only one apart from Calvin that I talked to about how I feel, I am confused and for the first time my cocky attitude isn’t getting me what I want.
Girls are so much easier to attract, give them a cheeky smile and stare at them for five minutes and they saunter over and ask you to buy them a drink. I have been dancing with Max and Eli now for an hour, I have stared, smiled and blushed and not one person has approached me.
Maybe they were waiting for me to approach them but Christ I am not ready for that yet, I am not even sure what the hell I am doing so rejection would not go down well at this moment in time. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, not in the slightest if anything I annoy Calvin by constantly reminding him I get the best of both world. He always scoffs at that and just tells me I am being greedy but I know he is just joking around he isn’t bothered about my preferences either.
I am young, nineteen and I have my parent’s mantra in the back of my head telling me that there’s plenty of time for everything to happen. I don’t want to wait, I want what Billy has with Zak or Max and Eli’s close relationship, I want it all. At first I thought I wanted that with my girlfriend Britney but she was too clean cut for me and even her name began to irritate me- nice right?
When I had watched the way the guys were with each other I found myself pulling away from her and eventually she had enough and moved back to Minnesota. I wasn’t bothered and that annoyed Calvin a lot so that’s when I had come clean about my sexuality.
I expected him to be pissed but he didn’t care he was just glad I hadn’t led Britney on any longer. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want it all with her, I wasn’t sure why after all the years of fancying guys at high school and never acting on it, that I wanted it all now.
But I did and I had a feeling that wasn’t going to change anytime soon, I looked over to Zak in his wheelchair and Billy sitting in his lap. The look on their faces told me they couldn’t see anyone else in the room right now, it was just the pair of them stupidly wheeling themselves in circles as if they were dancing.
“Jealousy doesn’t suit you Andrew.” Eli said in my ear.
“I am not jealous…and don’t call me Andrew you sound like my dad.” I grumbled
“And you sound like a spoilt brat just go and talk to someone…that guy over there has been looking at you for the past thirty minutes but you’re too focused on Billy.” He yelled over the music.
I looked to where he was pointing and a guy turned away blushing when I caught his eye, he was standing talking to a group of friends with a beer in his hand. He didn’t look like he was paying them any attention as he kept rocking on the balls of his feet and stealing glances towards us.
“What am I supposed to say to him though?” I whined annoying myself now.
“For god’s sake I don’t know Drew ask him if he’ll suck your cock for all I care, I really don’t give a shit just go and talk to him!” Eli snapped and pushed me away.
I walked away but not towards the guy, I went to the bar and waited in line to buy a soft drink. It was completely humiliating that I couldn’t get a beer but I was lucky that the guy had let me in at all, the only reason he did was because I was with his football team.
“So I figured that if I waited for you I would be waiting all night so I thought I’d come to say hi.” A voice beside me whispered in my ear.
I turned to look at the guy that had been watching me, up close he was even better looking. He was one of those movie star type people who put others to shame. Kind of like Zac Efron, people like that dude shouldn’t be allowed out until they are willing to share those looks around with less fortunate people.
He was tall, almost reaching my 6.2”, his eyes were cobalt blue and had a cheeky twinkle to them. His hair was light brown with natural highlights from the sun, he wore a Prada shirt and I am totally gay urgh he was gorgeous let’s leave it at that.
“Well if I caught you staring one more time I might start to believe that I had a huge pimple on my face, dude you should have just come over I am knew to all this, what’s your excuse?.” I smiled.
He was older than me and by the looks of it by at least five years, the stubble covering his jaw just made him look older but not in a bad way. He laughed at my cockiness and leant on the bar as my attention was drawn back to the barman who had just come over to take my order.
“Driving?” He asked.
“Nope too young.” I said watching him. “This about the time you run for the hills?”
“I…er.. look I am twenty eight it would just be wrong you know?” He stuttered.
“Whatever man, if you’re bothered by age then go.” I looked at him pointedly.
“I am sorry.” He mumbled and walked away.
Great first night in the world of dating men, one rejection down and a million to go. This wasn’t really working out the way I had hoped and the night was just going even more downhill when I noticed Billy wheeling Zak from the bar with an eager look on his face.
I took that as my queue to leave, at first coming here has seemed like fun as I gawked at people like they were on show I quickly learned that they didn’t appreciate that. I didn’t mean to and I didn’t mean to give that guy the wrong impression, I can only hope that this is the worst it can get.
I walked home thinking about the night, hot guy hitting on me then rejecting me because I am a child and a big hairy man almost punching me because I was looking at how he was dressed. What a disaster and if I am too young to be in bars how am I supposed to meet people, especially when I know Billy doesn’t really want me hanging around him?
I need someone who will sit me down and just talk to me like an adult about this, I am not asking for the birds and the bee’s speech I just need to understand what the fuck it is I am doing. I know what their answer will be already though ‘it’s the same as dating girls Drew’ no it’s not and I wish they could understand just how confused I am and help me.
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Well that’s the first chapter… didn’t really want to go straight in with Teddy (Can’t believe I’m stuck with that name now lol) I hope it was ok for you xx