Pain, that's all I've felt my entire life. Sadness and love, drowned out from a blood-filled childhood. Empathy, gone in a haze. Curiosity, lingering with barely any face.
Anger, bloodlust, madness, pain. Major contenders in my minefield of emotions. From when I was born, to the age of five, I was my mother's pride. But I was also a disappointment to my father. The only thing he would have ever been proud of was when I protected Namjoon and Taehyung.
At the age of six, he started disciplining me. Mother couldn't do anything but scream for him to stop, because I was just a child. Age seven, I was forced to go on assassination missions with my father's right hand, Kwon Ji-yong.
Age eight, I killed my first victim. A boy, the age of Taehyung at the time. Father's rule was to show no mercy, even if they're innocent of crime. There was no more mercy left in me after I gouged out his eyeballs, and stared in fascination at what the sockets were like.
I split the abdomen open and inspected each internal organ. The blood flowing out from the sides was a bit troublesome and messy, but that's ok. At that time, I was studying the human anatomy because I was hoping to be a surgeon. Killing the boy changed my mind, because who wants to be careful when you can be ruthless?
Age nine, Mother died. The day of the funeral, Taehyung draped himself over her casket, crying like a newborn. Namjoon tried holding his tears in, but you could see him biting his lip and a few tears sliding down his face.
Sadness finally returned to me that day, and I cried with every fiber of my being. I was also angry, because Father never came. He didn't come before, during or after the funeral. He was at a meeting with other mafia bosses from the different quadrants of Korea. I called him, but he claimed to have no time, and was busy.
After the call, I ran out into our garden, looking for a place to hide and mourn for my mother, until I spotted a little girl, lost and looking for her older brother.
Initially, I didn't care for her, I just wanted her out of our garden so I could weep in peace. But she provoked me and made me chase her around. After we stopped, I chuckled out of amusement, but paused shortly after because I felt it was wrong to laugh on such a sad day.
But she kept bothering me, so I opened up to her. To my surprise, she started crying for me. I let my guard down and cried with her that day. Before she left, we made a promise, and I never saw her again.
When Father came back, I returned to the world of pain, but this time, I dragged Namjoon and Taehyung with me. I might have made them even worse than what I am now, but that's all right. The more psychotic, the merrier.
More than 15 years after that, I met the little girl once again. Except she was no longer little, she was beautiful. I met her on a bloody day, and she took me in and accepted me like so many years before.
I wanted her, and I got my hands on her. But a part of her personality from the past had drastically changed. She was a psycho as well, and I've never been more happy to find someone so fitting yet poisonous for me.
People say your past does not define who you are now. Well, they were wrong. Because my past made me who I am today, and it's been one hell of a ride down this path.
Surprise! Another chapter. I've been thinking long and hard, but I actually don't know how long I want this book to go for. Do you guys want it to go on longer? Like 10 more chapters longer? Or end it while it's at it's peak and have a killer ending?