Jackson's pov
"Arizona, I need you to be honest with me. How bad is this?" I ask her as she gets scrubbed in, preparing to start the c section. I was scared out of my mind even though I was trying my best to hide it in front of Liliana knowing this has to be even scarier for her.
"It's not good, but it could be worse. The main concern for the baby is that the placenta is what provides oxygen so it isn't getting the oxygen it needs right now. My main concern for Liliana is bleeding. Whenever the placenta separates it causes bleeding, which is visible most of the time, but sometimes the blood gets trapped inside of the uterus and its internal which is Liliana's case. I won't know exactly how bad she's bleeding until I open her up, but the fact that she's alert and awake is a good sign." She said trying to give me some sense of reassurance.
"Okay. I just need you to promise me something. I need you to promise that you're going to get them through this. I need you to take care of both of them."
"I will, I promise." She nodded. "Now go be with Liliana, she needs you right now."
"Okay." I nodded. I took a deep breath before walking into the O.R. where Lily was getting prepped.
"Jackson, I'm scared." She sighed as I sat by her side by the operating table. Looking at her I could see the fear in her eyes. She looked so vulnerable. I knew that it was taking everything in her to remain calm right now.
"Everything's going to be okay sweetheart. You're so strong." I assured her caressing her face.
"I'm not worried about me. I just care about the baby. We've been through to much to lose this baby. We can't go through that again...we can't." She sniffles as tears began sliding down her face.
"We won't. Arizona is the best at what she does. We both know it, that's why we chose her, right?" I said as I wipe her tears away even though they just continued flowing down her face.
"Right." She nodded
"Okay, so don't worry. I'm going to be right here the whole time."
"Okay." She nodded. "Jackson, I need you to promise me something."
"Of course, anything."
"If Arizona opens me up and she can't control the bleeding..."
"Lily, don't." I say stopping her. I knew where she was going and she didn't need to think like that.
"No, Jackson I need you to listen. If Arizona begins operating and something goes wrong and I don't make it out of this I need you to move on and be happy again, because you deserve it. You deserve to have love, I don't ever want you to be alone and our child needs to grow up in a house filled with happiness. I need you to promise that you're not going to turn dark and twisty no matter what happens today." She said looking me in the eyes. I looked down blinking back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I knew right now wasn't the time for me to break, no matter how scared I was. I needed to be strong.
"Lily, you are going to be okay. Our child is going to grow up in a house full of love and happiness, because it's going to grow up with us as its parents. We are going to get to raise our baby together and I don't want you to think any differently." I said leaving no room for debate.
"Okay." She nodded. I caressed her face before giving her a kiss.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you too." She smiled weakly.
"Okay, Liliana. Are you ready to meet your baby?" Arizona asks walking into the O.R.
"Yeah, let's do this." Lily nods nervously.
"Hey, I've got you. I've got you and the baby both." Arizona assures her.
I take Liliana's hand in mine as Arizona begins the surgery. I was sitting so that I was by Lily's side, but able to see everything that was happening with the surgery. My mind was racing and of course I was nervous, it wasn't easy sitting here watching Lily be operated on. I felt completely useless knowing that I couldn't do anything, but sit here and hope for the best. Knowing that all Liliana and I could do is trust Arizona right now.
"Okay, Liliana I can see the baby's head. I'm about to deliver your baby. You're going to feel a lot of pressure." Arizona says.
"Okay." Lily nods
"You're doing great. Just squeeze my hand as much as you need to." I tell her. She nodded her head gripping my hand tightly and taking deep breaths as Arizona continued operating.
Within a couple of minutes Arizona delivered our baby and the room filled with her loud cries. Liliana and I both let out a sigh of relief hearing her cry, knowing that she was okay. There aren't words to describe the feeling I felt at that moment. Seeing our baby for the first time. Hearing our baby for the first time. It was the definition of love at first site.
"Oh my God, that's our baby. Our baby's okay." Lily says as tears of happiness began falling from her eyes.
"Yeah, sweetheart. She's perfect." I say tears filling my eyes as well.
"She? We have a baby girl?" She sniffles.
Yes, we have a baby girl." I smile.
"A perfect, healthy beautiful little girl." Arizona says as she carries the baby to the other side of the room to clean her up. I walked over to the other side of room so I could get a good look at my daughter. I couldn't keep a few tears from rolling down my face as I looked at my beautiful baby girl. Once Arizona finished cleaning her up she wrapped her in a nursery blanket before handing her to me. I walked over Liliana so she could see our baby.
"She's so beautiful and perfect. She has your eyes." Liliana smiled weakly reaching over and softly caressing the baby's face.
"Yeah, she does. We created this perfect little girl." I chuckled looking down at our baby as she stared up at me wide awake.
"We did, we did good Avery." She smiled.
"You did good." I said. At that moment words couldn't describe what I felt. Liliana and I finally had a healthy baby, something I don't think either one of us thought would ever happen after we lost George. After going through a loss like that, it made me even more thankful for this moment. This moment of pure happiness, but a moment is just that. A moment. A brief period of time and your life can change completely in those couple of seconds, sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worse. Something I was quickly reminded of as our brief moments of joy were interrupted by the sound of Liliana's monitors beginning to go off.
"Lily, Liliana." I said frantically feeling my heart drop as I looked at her, seeing her eyes flutter shut. "Arizona, Arizona. What's going on? What's happening?" I panicked, causing the baby to begin crying from the sound my voice raising. I began rocking her trying to calm her back down, impatiently waiting for Arizona's answer.
"She's bleeding a lot more than she was showing signs of. I need to get this under control." She says focusing on operating.
"Arizona, I need you to save her. Please save her. You said you were going to take care of her."
"I am Jackson. I just need to focus. I need you to put the baby in the bassinet and I'm going to have the nurse take the baby to the nursery to finish examining her and I need you to wait in the waiting area. You and the baby don't need to be in the room while I'm operating."
"She's my wife I need to be here."
"And I'm her surgeon and I'm saying that it's best for you to wait outside of the O.R. and let me focus on surgery. I've got this Jackson, I promise. I'm going to save her."
--
Liliana's pov
Calm, peaceful, tranquil. Those three words described what I felt as my eyes began to open. One moment I was laying in the O.R. looking at my beautiful little girl, the next moment I felt myself losing consciousness unable to keep my eyes open no matter how hard I fought and now I was here. Standing on a ferry boat in the middle of the ocean. No pain, no discomfort, just contentment. It was so peaceful.
"It's so beautiful and perfect isn't it. The ocean. I always did love it out here." Hearing his voice sent chills down my spine making me instantly turn around and to my surprise I saw Derek standing there right behind me.
"Oh my God, Derek?! What are you? How are you? You're here. Oh my God." I gasped wrapping my arms around him hugging him tightly. "You're real. I can actually feel and see you right now."
"I take it that you missed me." He chuckled. The typical Derek Shepherd humor.
"I just can't believe that you're here. How? How are you here?" His smile began to fade and I realized what was going on. "I'm dead aren't I. That's why I'm here, that's why I can see you?"
"You are flat lining yes, but rather you stay here or not that's up to you."
"I don't understand, since when do you get to decide rather you die or not? I mean you didn't get that decision did you? If you did you would've chosen to come back to us." I frowned.
"No, I didn't get that choice. Not everyone does. You know if I had a choice I would still be alive I would've never left."
"I know you wouldn't have." I sighed as we walk over to the side of the boat looking out at the ocean. "It's not fair. How do some people get another chance, but good people like you don't. You didn't deserve to die." I shake my head tears filling my eyes.
"You're right it's not fair, but we don't get to make the rules of life." He reminds me.
"I just, I still miss you so much. I still think about you everyday."
"I know. I'm still with you all the time. You might not be able to see me, but I'm there with you."
"I know, but it's not the same. I can't hug you, I can't hear your voice anymore, I can't come to you for advice when I don't know what to do." I say not bothering to wipe the tears that were now flowing down my face.
"Well from where I've been it looks like you've been doing pretty well without my advice. You and Jackson worked things out, you two have a baby now." He smiles.
"Yeah. I finally have a healthy baby." I smile at the thought of the brief couple of seconds that I remember looking over at my little girl. "George and my other baby. Have you seen them since you know.." I ask.
"Yes, I've been taking good care of them. Your little girl and George."
"My first baby, it was a girl?" I sniffle.
"Yeah, a beautiful little girl. Both her and George, they're taken care of. There's a whole team of people around to make sure of that. There's me, O'Malley, Izzie, Mark, Lexie, and your mom. She's always watching over you too and she's really proud of you." He says. I couldn't help, but completely break down in tears. I lost so many people in my life and I missed every single one of them every day, but it gave me so much comfort knowing they were in a better place and they were all together. Derek wrapped me in a hug allowing me to cry on his shoulders.
"I'm sorry. I just, I'm so happy that you guys have each other. That you're standing here right now. I don't want to let go. You don't know how much I missed your hugs." I sigh just appreciating being able to see and feel Derek right now.
"I know that you don't and I don't want you to, but time is passing. You have a decision to make."
"I have to decide whether I die or live." I sighed as I pulled away.
"Yes." He nods
"If I die I get to be with you and everyone I lost, but I'll be leaving Jackson and my baby, but if I live and go back to Jackson and the baby, but I have to keep living without all of you."
"Yes. I know it's a hard decision, but you have to decide. Do you want to live or is it time for your journey on earth to end?"
Sorry if there are any mistakes. I've been really busy so I didn't have time to sit down and edit, but I wanted to update for you guys.
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