A/N: Hey my beautiful lovelies! I still feel like the worst author ever because this took me far too long to get done. I appreciate all of your patience and continued support, which I know I say a lot. Especially since I've been slacking so much in this whole update schedule thing. I've also been struggling with serious writer's block. Which is dumb because I know where I'm taking this, it's just a matter of getting the in between stuff. I don't know...I'm rambling.
Hopefully, with Christmas break here, I can sincerely work on lots of chapters. I think things should be much easier with my semester being over. Keep up the love, support, and comments, because you guys are what motivate me to keep writing, even when I slack off.
I love you guys so much! Thank you for all you do for me!!
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"Why are you doing this?" you asked Dean as your bodies were pressed together.
"I don't know." His voice sounded louder and deeper with your ear rested against his chest. "I came in here to check on you, and this just felt like the right thing to do."
You weren't going to complain. It was nice to be so close to him and to feel wanted and like maybe you had a chance with him. It was a farfetched hope, but you allowed it to exist anyway. Chuck and Lorelai seemed to think he loved you as more than just a sister, and they were supernatural beings. Maybe they were right.
They probably weren't...
The song ended all too soon, and you didn't want to separate from him in any way. His arms were comforting.
"See, I told ya you could dance." He grinned at down at you as you stepped away.
You ignored his comment. "So how about that beer?"
'That sounds awesome."
Dean walked out of the room close to your side, so close that your arms occasionally brushed together. The more you thought of him and the proximity of your bodies, the more you felt a deep heat settling inside you. It was frustrating because you knew nothing would ever come of that feeling.
"Hey, Sammy, look who decided to join us." Dean called out.
Sam walked out of the kitchen with a huge grin on his face, and a few beers in his hands. "Hey Y/N/N."
Sam tossed a bottle to Dean and he caught it effortlessly, handing it over to you. You thanked him and popped the lid off. The three of you walked to the makeshift living room and settled on the couch and chair. Dean was next to you on the couch and pulled a blanket from the basket on the floor and rested it over the both of you. What had gotten into him?
"Do we wanna watch TV shows or movies?" Sam questioned while loading Netflix on the television. "Y/N, it's your day. You choose."
You groaned, hating to make decisions. You didn't have a preference one way or the other, but you knew the boys would make you choose. You sat for a few moments and thought about it. "Sherlock."
Sam set it all up, and Dean went out to get some pizza halfway through the first episode. You tried telling him you were fine and sandwiches from the bunker would do just fine, but he insisted. Truthfully, the thought of eating made your stomach upset. You couldn't help but think about the still healing wound on your stomach and wonder if it had anything to do with it. The fact that God himself couldn't override the demonic power the wound had terrified you.
Sam paused the show and you looked over at him with a joking glare. "Hey, I was watching that."
"Sorry," he replied with a somber look. "But I have to ask how you're holding up."
"Fine," you said in confusion.
"I just mean..." he hesitated. "Where did you go?"
"Heaven."
He expelled a sigh of relief. "We were so afraid that you were going to end up in Hell being tortured. Do you remember much?"
Your heart began racing at the memories of Lorelai, of Chuck, of your family...you wanted to talk about it, but at the same time you didn't. It seemed easier to ignore it all than to think that you gave up the opportunity to be with your family in some sort of sense. Rather than tell him everything, you settled for a half truth.
"Did you know God is a scruffy man named Chuck?" you asked.
He stood up and walked over to you, staring questioningly. "What? Is he about yea high?" He placed his hand close to a foot below his own height and you stared at him with slight shock.
"Yeah. Did-do you know him?"
"I thought he was dead." He sat down rested his elbows on his knees. "Did he have blue eyes?"
You nodded your head, stuck on the fact that Sam knew God and that he somehow thought God was dead. "Why did you think he was dead?" you questioned.
"My brother and I knew this prophet named Chuck. He wrote all kinds of books about our lives. He was kind of annoying, actually."
You smirked, thinking about the man you met. You could certainly see him being an annoyance from time to time. He was a tad eccentric, to say the least. "Do you think they're the same person?"
"It seems that way. But it doesn't make much sense because he was a prophet."
You shrugged your shoulders. "Maybe he lied."
Sam shook his head and his face was set on frustration and hurt.
"Sam, what's wrong?"
"I always had faith that something or someone great was up there watching out for me and the rest of the world." He paused for a few moments and you stayed quiet to give him time to think about what he was going to say. "I was so wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Years ago, Dean and I had to stop the apocalypse. More than once, actually. We prayed and begged for God to help. Then we found out the God was MIA. I started to think maybe he didn't even exist, if he did her didn't care about us."
"Wait," you stopped him, focusing on word. "Apocalypse?"
He nodded and proceeded to tell you about the fight against Lucifer and Michael, and the time they opened up Hell by breaking seals, and something about some demons named Ruby and Lilith. Your mind was racing with all of the information. The people you were staying with were heroes. Most hunters were, but these boys had saved the entire world.
"So everything exists because of you two."
Sam shook his head and you could see the self-hatred in his eyes. "Everything almost ended because of us."
"You can't look at it like that. Each time you thought you were doing the right thing."
"Y/N, I drank demon blood! I knew it wasn't the right thing. I let my brother down and almost destroyed the earth."
"Quit," you said. "Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is that you came back from them."
Your mind forced to relive your mistakes starting with some hunts gone wrong, and ending with Niki. It was painful to remember the things that haunted you most. One memory that was clinging at the moment was when Becket's dad, you Uncle, was killed.
It was a Wendigo, the same one that killed his mom a few years prior. Your Uncle Jim and you were out for revenge on the bastard. Uncle Jim volunteered to be bait. The idea didn't sit well with you at all, but it was the quickest way to get the job done. You wanted to tell him no, but you were both desperate.
Your uncle was taken as planned, you followed the Wendigo back to where it took the victims, and that's when you witnessed the death of your uncle. The details were much more gruesome than you allowed yourself to dwell upon. Those details, among the others involving the death of the people you loved, were the ones that sent you spiraling into depression.
"This has been uplifting," you said with a hollow chuckle, your mind still forcing you to dwell on the past.
"None of that stuff matters," Sam replied. "Sorry I even brought it up."
"Sammy, don't apologize."
"It's Sam," he scolded with a grin.
"I'm glad I'm back." You stretched your arms way above your head and worked the stretch all the way out through your toes, making a noise as your body worked out some soreness. The stretch hurt the wound in your abdomen and you winced, praying that Sam didn't notice.
"So am I. So is Dean. You should have seen him when you were gone..." Sam's voice trailed off as he shook his head. "He needs you."
You folded your arms across your chest and sighed. "Yeah, well I unfortunately need him too."
Sam's head cocked to side. "Unfortunately?"
"There's nothing that's going to happen between us. You were at the bar with me. You saw how he acted."
Your voice was soft and ashamed as the feelings of hurt and betrayal washed over you. There was no reason for you to feel betrayed because you and Dean weren't anything to one another.
"You're both so insecure. If you guys would wake up, you might just see that you both feel the same about one another."
"I think you're wrong, Sam. Dean is...Dean. He's amazing and could get any girl he wanted. Why would he ever go for me?"
The sound of the bunker door opening made the conversation cease. Sam settled back into the cushions and pressed play on the show, pretending that nothing had ever even happened.