Day 11
...You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't let anything, past present or future, alter your thoughts of you...
...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Your past didn't take you out then, don't let it take you out now...
...You're a lady, so you will always carry yourself as one...
...Speak clearly. Dignified, but not uppity. Four letter words are for hood girls. Big words are for stupid girls. Find a middle ground because articulation is important...
...Don't hold your head down so much. Being meek and humble are okay, but don't give off the impression that you're easily intimidated. It shows you lack confidence and people will run all over you...
...Your body is a temple. Inside and out. Your mind should be clear. Your body, centered. Your heart, open. And your soul, whole. If there are some things you don't like about yourself, change them. But in AND with good ways...
....Slouching when you walk or sit will cause you to look like a Hunchback. Shoulders square, back straight. Knees together and ankles crossed when seated. A lady reveals nothing...
....If you're talking to someone, maintain eye contact. It shows respect and that you're engaged...
I think I've been taught more rules and approaches to life in the last week and a half, than I've learned my entire 21 years of living. Shit is hard, yeah...I'm sorry, let me say that correctly...It's been quite tedious. But, I'm managing. Ms. Adele has really been pouring into me mentally and emotionally. Sometimes it can be overbearing. I've dubbed her Colonel Chalmers when she's in high gear. Swear when I wake up in the morning sometimes it feels like I'm a little girl again, back on the Air Force base in England. I know she means well though and that nothing she tells me is to steer me wrong, even if I don't take heed to it the first time around...
(Ivi) had never been to a church like this one before. Her first time attending, the Sunday prior, she left the large edifice complete shook and somewhat horrified. How does one leave church scared? Ms. Adele had warned her that her church was radical, but Ivi didn't know what she meant.
Just as last Sunday, the praise and worship team opened with a song that seemed more so on a secular side than church. They had some kids out front who danced along to the song, that rivaled any dance battle team from that MTV show where all the teams were pop-lockers or twerk champs.
Then, things switched to more than half the congregants, including Ms. Adele, yelling and screaming in some foreign languages that Ivi had never heard before.
One lady even passed out on top of Ivi after moving her feet like lighting and talking in the different tongue. Ivi figured she had warn herself out and needed a nap. But why did the woman have to land on her though like she was a bed?
(Ms. Adele) had to hip Ivi to her inter-denominational religion that was all inclusive to different versions of Christianity. It was all so new to Ivi, but for this Sunday's service, she was much more prepared. Ivi enjoyed the minister. She had never seen a woman pastor before.
Pastor Marshall spoke on the seven deadly sins this Sunday and how they can play off each other, leading us on a road to damnation. Ivi listened and took in Pastor Marshall's words, applying them to her life, in retrospect. Just like she had in the lessons Ms. Adele was teaching her, currently. It was eye opening to say the least.
"That was a wonderful message, Pastor! Thought provoking." Ms. Adele said speaking to Pastor Marshall at the exit door of the church after service. Pastor Marshall made it a habit to greet and say bye to the congregation each Sunday.
It shocked Ivi last week that the Pastor knew all these people by name. It had to be 300+ people in attendance the last two Sundays, and they attended the 10:00AM service. The church had two more services at 8:00AM and 12:30PM. Ivi didn't see how the pastor kept up.
Pastor Marshall smiled. "Glad you were blessed by God's words, Adele! Now it's up to us, as His children, to take heed to it." Pastor Marshall said and then looked over at Ivi. The smile she wore was still there, but it was something in her eye that caught Ivi off guard. Like the pastor was trying to figure out something about her.
Instantly, Ivi started to fidget with nervousness. She slightly lowered her eyes, while twiddling her fingers together. Ivi heard Ms. Adele clear her throat, her subtle way of chastisement. Ivi lifted her eyes to meet the woman's and stopped her finger wringing, but was still nervous. She didn't know why the look the woman gave her unnerved her so.
Adele cleared her throat again. "I'm sorry, Pastor. Let me formally introduce you two. This is Ivi Nance. Ivi, this is our shepherd leader here at God's House of Prayer, Pastor Sheryl Marshall."
"Welcome to GHOP. Pleasure to meet you formally, young lady." Pastor Marshall said extending her hands.
Ivi sneakily wiped the sweat from her palm along her dress before shaking the woman's hand. "Hi." Ivi said small.
Since Ivi offered nothing else, Ms. Adele quickly jumped in. "Ivi just moved here from Okaloosa County and will be staying with me for a while." Ivi was glad Ms. Adele left out the part about her just coming out of jail. She doubted the pastor would want her there anymore if she knew.
Adele had been a member of the church for almost 25 years, so Pastor Marshall was familiar with her outreach work for young people, especially young ladies. Unbeknownst to Ivi, the pastor had a gift for seeing things in the spiritual eye.
She looked back at Ivi, attentively. Ivi could feel sweat forming in certain crevices of her body. "Well, since you'll be here for a while, I hope you get involved in at least one of the many activities we have here at the church."
Adele interjected. "Yes. I planned on bringing Ivi to some of the young adult functions, starting next week. And the choir too. I hear her humming around the house sometimes. She has a lovely voice." Ms. Adele said, throwing Ivi for a loop.
Ivi wasn't much of a people person, so she wasn't keen on participating in any extra curricular activities with others. And singing? That was definitely a no-no. She sung in the choir once when she was around 8 years old and the kids were so mean to her, she never did it again. No, singing in the choir was NOT gonna happen.
"I'll see how my work schedule looks and go from there." Ivi responded, politely. She had just started working last week at a local hardware store. She wasn't too fond of the job itself, but it was legal money and the people who worked there didn't get on her nerves, so she was cool.
Pastor Marshall nodded, squinting her eyes more at Ivi. It was then that Ivi noticed that the woman hadn't released her hand yet. It was coupled tightly between both of hers. Ivi went to remove her hand from the lady's grasp, but for whatever reason, the woman wouldn't let her go. It's like the pastor was ignoring Ivi's subliminal request to be set free.
"Adele I remember when all of your kids use to practically run the youth department around here. Nakia was over the dance ministry, Tucker was our top junior usher, and that Travis the Third? Boy he could play you under a bench on the piano. Sing you under one too!" Pastor Marshall chuckled. "How are they?"
"They're all wonderful. I plan on getting them back into church more too. Since they're grown now, they don't go as much, but they need God in their lives. Plus, I want my grand baby brought up in the way just like his father, aunt, and uncle were." Ms. Adele said adamantly.
"Amen to that!" Pastor Marshall looked back at Ivi one last time and snuggled her hand closely with hers one more time before letting it go. "You take care of yourself now, Ivi. Look forward to seeing you next week."
"Yes ma'am. You as well." Ivi said, thankful that she had her hand back.
Pastor Marshall said good bye to Adele and looked at Ivi once more before going over to the next parishioner. Ivi ran her fingers anxiously through her voluminous hair as she treaded to the passenger side of Ms. Adele 2016, candy red Range Rover.
She patiently waited for Ms. Adele to start the car, so that she could kick the air on full blast to calm her raging emotions. This was the second day in the row of her emotions being out of control, even if it was from different aspects.
"You've been quiet." Ms. Adele asked Ivi, sitting across from her the restaurant they choose to eat at after church.
Ivi sighed. "You said that yesterday." Ivi said placing her hands under her chin and elbows on the table, lazily.
"You know better." Ms. Adele said narrowing her eyes at Ivi. Ivi quickly removed her elbows from the table and sat back. "And I said that yesterday because you haven't said more than a few words since my son came by."
Ms. Adele's son. Tripp.
Ivi heard when Ms. Adele's large front door opened from where she stood in the kitchen. She assumed that it was Detective Chalmers coming in unannounced. Well not really, because Ivi was assisting Ms. Adele with preparing a meal for him.
He was coming to check on Ivi, and Ms. Adele thought it would be nice to feed him during the visit. Ivi was not a cook by far. Ms. Adele had started to teach her basics, like how to wash certain foods or season them. She was standing to the sink, washing off some potatoes when Tripp came in.
At the sound of his feet skidding, she knew that wasn't Detective Chalmers. He was a loafers kind of man. His shoes wouldn't skid. When she turned to face him, Ivi couldn't explain the sudden, sharp tightening in her stomach.
Did she have an unexpected case of gas coming on? Ms. Adele told her not to eat all those beans the night before, but they were so good. Ivi tried to shake the feeling off, literally tried to shake her head. But for the life of her, she couldn't move.
It's like her body was stiff as a board. Her mind's eye furrowed, because the ones on her face wouldn't, and she wondered what the hell was wrong with her? Ivi inhaled as deep a breath as she could, which in reality was very shallow. And her heart. Her heart felt like it was beating against her ribs with a harsh thud. Ivi tried in the minutes that passed by like an infinity to say, do...something, but it was like she was cemented like a statue.
Ivi recognized the person standing before her as Ms. Adele's middle child. During her excursions through Ms. Adele's gigantic house, she'd seen many photos of her family. Ms. Adele told Ivi about each person in the photos individually. She knew Detective Chalmers of course.
She'd met Nakia and her husband a couple of days after her arrival. Tucker had dropped off his son, Asher, for his mom to keep, so he could go out with his brother. Both Nakia and Tucker had been nice to Ivi, saying they were glad she was staying with their mother. And for some reason, Asher drew to her like she was his girlfriend or something. Weird.
But Tripp? Tripp was not as..welcoming. "W.who the fuck are you?"
Ivi hadn't had any reaction to seeing him or anyone else for that matter on the photos, so why was this happening now? She could see that he had a distant look in his eyes, that undoubtedly mirrored hers. But she didn't know why.
She also didn't know why she couldn't move her lips to answer his question and say 'Hi, I'm Ivi'. Or for him to say, 'You must be Ivi'. Certainly he knew about her being here just like everyone else. But the strange expression he wore didn't reflect that he did.
"I said, who the fuck are you and why are you in my mamma's house?" He spoke harshly. If Ivi could swallow, the lump in her throat would probably choke her. Yeah, he definitely didn't know anything about Ivi or her being here.
Why hadn't they told him? Was it because they knew he wouldn't be as receptive? Ivi didn't know for sure, but his current tone evoked as much. And still, Ivi's mouth wouldn't budge to reply. She just stood there, like a deer caught in headlights. She kept trying to will herself to snap out the trance she was in to no avail.
Tripp's facial features had changed from blank to pensive to annoyed. "Yo for real, you need to tell me who the fuck you are and why you're here, before I get real ignorant with your ass!" he spoke with more venom. Ivi's mouth did at least open this time around, but no noise came out. Damnit, Ivi thought.
It bothered her that she couldn't peg what her nonverbal, restless inside response to Tripp stemmed from. Couldn't cypher the exact emotion that was consuming her.
"What's the matter, you stupid or something? Usted no habla inglés?" (You don't speak English)
"Yo hablo inglés bien." (I speak English fine) Ivi said and was thrilled that she finally got her mouth to cooperate with her brain and say something. Why the first thing out of her mouth had to be in Spanish, she didn't fathom though. She'd picked up the language from one of her former cellmates. The girl spoke Spanish all the time. Ivi paid attention.
"Podría haberme engañado." (Could have fooled me) Tripp smarted.
"Usted no se ve fácilmente engañado." (You don't look easily fooled, no)
Tripp's left eyebrow arched in a perplexed manner as he folded his arms across his chest. It made his already well toned biceps protrude even more. It was then that Ivi figured out why she hadn't been able to move.
His defined, 6'2 frame, with bulging muscles and many artsy tattoos...scared her. Not like a nervousness or intimidation scare that induced lack of confidence, but real fear. What the hell, Ivi thought. Why was she scared of him?
Ivi hated being scared. Made her feel trapped, corner. And if it's one thing Ivi knew, if she was ever backed into one, no one was safe when she came out.
Ms. Adele came into the kitchen, holding her stomach. "I should have slowed down on the beans too, Ivi. I..." Ms. Adele stopped short when she saw her middle child standing there. "Tr.Tripp?! Wh.what are you doing here?"
Ivi felt like her emotions of fear were justified by the way Ms. Adele stuttered upon seeing him. Subconsciously, Ivi's feet began to move her backwards out the kitchen. Tripp saw her retreating and his menacing stare sealed her feet to the floor.
He looked back at his mother. "No hey baby? How you doing? Come give your mamma a hug? I miss you? Nah, the first thing you ask me is what am I doing here cause you know you foul!" He barked. "Who the fuck is this?" Tripp asked, pointing to Ivi.
"Don't make me slap all the taste out your mouth boy! Coming up in my house talking to me like I'm one these little hoes you deal with..."
"Excuse me." Ivi said, her feet almost taking flight as she scurried from the room. She didn't want to be in the middle of confrontations between two parties. You live and you learn your lessons about shit like that. Ivi didn't go far. She made it to the hallway around the corner from the kitchen before she crotched down, finally starting to breathe. It felt like she hadn't taken one breath since laying eyes on Tripp.
In the kitchen, Tripp put his large palm up to stop his mother's rant. "Uh uh, don't try to flip it. I come home to visit you and the first thing I see is some fat assed broad I don't know up in here comfortable like she live here, looking at me like I'm not suppose to be here? Where...OW!"
Ivi didn't stick around any longer. Not because of the weight comment Tripp made hurt her feelings. Not totally anyway. But because she could hear his feet moving like he was coming after her. Ivi scurried like a mouse up the back staircase and hightailed it to her room. She locked the door and slid down in front of the door. Her face was wet and she didn't know why until she realized they were tears.
"Fuck!" Ivi hissed, mad that she was crying.
She tried. She really did. But she couldn't go a minute longer without some relief. For a few days, she had been holding out on taking the pills. A co-worker she had become more acquainted with, Sharenna, had hooked her up with some THC pills. Said Ivi looked like she needed them since she seemed on edge. Ironically with Ivi's drug history, she had never smoked weed or taken pills made of it.
Sharenna said they were like the best thing God ever created. Calmed you instantly and didn't make you look like you were high. Just mellow. Ivi voiced her concerns that she didn't want to get piss tested and this shit be in her system. Luckily, Sharenna had pills for that too.
Sharenna suggested that Ivi crush it before taking it so it could get into her system faster. She crawled to the bathroom and looked under her sink where she hid the pills. Ivi crushed one up and looked at it for a second before eating the powdered substance. She swallowed it down with water from her faucet and let the medicine quickly take its effect.
Downstairs, Tripp groaned in agony. "Damn mamma..." Tripp said holding his chest, trying to breathe after the haymaker punch his mamma gave him, "..I done told your heavy handed ass about hitting me. I take off my shirt for a living. I can't be having bruises and shit all over my body."
"You curse one more time in my house and I'll knock all your teeth out. Coming up in here disrespecting my guest like that. You don't know that girl to be talking about her like that and even if you did, I raised you better. God i hope she didn't hear you talking about her weight! She's very sensitive about it and.."
"Okay. Okay." Tripp pleaded. "It's obvious I've struck a nerve concerning her whoever she is. FYI, I wasn't talking about her weight. I was calling her ass fat because it is! Did you see how that thang was sitting in those shorts she had on...OWW! Alright mamma!" Tripp yelled when Adele hit him again.
"Stop being ill-mannered then!" Adele warned.
"You gone tell me who ol' girl is or what?" Tripp asked. Ms. Adele sighed and prayed silently before beginning to explain.
Five minutes after taking the pill, Ivi heard yelling. In her hazed state, she couldn't make out words. She didn't want to hear or know what was being said anyway. She felt so...good. She had a Bose radio in her bathroom so she just turned it up to drown out the noise.
Ivi waited, checking herself out in her mirror some time later after the initial haze her eyes left, before she went back downstairs. Ivi could hear voices as she descended, but thankfully they weren't raised, and one of them wasn't Tripp. It was Detective Chalmers and Ms. Adele, who looked to be consoling her. Ivi was too high to wonder why.
Ms. Adele wiped her face, trying to get the flushness out of it Ivi guessed. "I was just about to come get you. Food's ready."
Ms. Adele had told Ivi the meal would take about an hour to cook. Had she been in her room that long? Ivi didn't care if she had. At the moment, she didn't have a care in the world. It must have been obvious to Ms. Adele yesterday during Detective Chalmers visit, like it was now with them sitting in the restaurant.
Ivi was extremely calm after her encounter with her son, didn't even mention him or inquire about the turn out since the incident. That intrigued Adele to see Ivi act as if nothing happened. She'd become familiar with her mannerisms and this not in Ivi's character at all. "I'm just making sure you're okay." Ms. Adele said looking at Ivi closely.
"I'm fine." Ivi said sipping her water. 'As long as I never see your son again, I'm cool!' Ivi said to herself.
And Ivi swore to it on everything. She wanted no dealings with Travis Chalmers III.