prolouge
song:
hard 2 face reality by Poo Bear ft. Justin Bieber
☼
ethans pov
[5 months later]
summer break
I laid softly on the sheeted floor, blankets thrown everywhere to let my body sink in. My head sunk deeper into the pillow, the warm summer air being cut out by the large fan that sent cool air throughout the lounge.
The blankets and sheets that hung loosely down began to sway from the fan, the fairy lights i had been so stubborn on hanging, lighting up the inside just nicely.
The blaring light of the tv was a big negative, but the space was so big that it didn't faze me too much.
A large exhale of air left my soft lips, my eyebrows knitting together at the loss of knowing what to pick. The netflix options all laid out on the screen, yet not one stood out to me.
My lips began to purse together in a straight line, frustration slowly getting to me as i began scrolling for what seemed forever.
Another exhausted sigh escaped whilst i dropped the apple remote for a few seconds. My hand raised towards my forehead, my thumb rubbing in a circular motion over my temples as the now annoying silence began to tick my nerves. My body needing something other than a fan and light ticking of a clock to be playing right now.
I shut my eyelids, inhaling through my nostrils to then soon shake my head and cut out of it. My hand dropped from my head, picking up the remote as i clicked across the line of shows and movies.
All of a sudden, i take a long pause as i stop clicking, focusing on 'the vampire diaries'.
memory
"Nope!" A loud and demanding word escaped from Baileys lips. Her head tucking itself into the blanket; hiding herself.
The tv continues playing, my eyes peeling themselves away, looking at the stubborn girl beneath me. A chuckle creeps its way up form my throat, echoing through our fort.
"What? Stop hiding." I speak between giggles.
"No Ethan! This part is too sad!" She hides her face, snuggling deeper into the blanket. Her pillow is clearly seen with tear stains from her
I chuckle slightly, slowly peeling the blanket away. Her fist collects the blanket, pulling it back to keep her face hidden. But a simple tug is all it takes to remove the blanket, her bottom lip dropping.
I stifle a small laugh, picking her chin up.
"I am always here for you when you cry Precious.." I rub her cheek with the pad of my thumb. The simple gesture making her eyelids flutter shut with a sigh.
"But Stefan is so hurt!" She whines, the tv playing his words in the background. Just hearing it made her face scrunch together with a smile trying not to show as she stares at my silly expression; trying to cheer her up.
"Its just a show Bails" I tease, poking the side of her body. Her jaw nearly drops; gasping at my words. She scrambles away, holding tightly onto the blanket as she kept it tucked into her chest.
"And?! Real emotions here!" Her eyes pop out, her dramatic gestures making me laugh as she throws her arms around. She throws her arms around making me laugh harder.
"Oh Bails... You're too cute." I lean in to place a soft kiss on her cheek, her body freezing at my actions, giving me enough time to shuffle towards her; wrapping my arms around her body.
She doesn't fight it, instead she sighs while bringing herself closer.
—
I feel myself choke up as the memory flushes through my mind. Being so close to someone and then having nothing to do with them is so weird.
With my mood now slowly dropping, a lightbulb switches on in my brain. I skip past the few movies and tv shows, making my way onto 'The Fresh Prince of Bel Air'.
Yet another show Bailey watched. She had gotten me so caught up in it that i watch it so much now.
Whenever i feel the slightest bit upset or even scared, I watch it.
memory
"Again Bails?!" I whine as her body is now sat up, sitting criss-cross as she turns the show off. The netflix main screen popping up.
"Mhm! That scene was too sad!" She crosses her arms, pouting her bottom lip, my eyes watching as it dropped down. Her finger presses down onto the circular button, the show now loading on the screen.
I notice every time we get to this point, she doesn't choose any other show but this one. "Why Fresh Prince of Bel air?" I ask, my arms crossing as well from needing to know what happened with the last one.
"Its just a down to earth real show you know?! Its uplifting, funny and happy but it is so realistic." Her eyes shined as she spoke, my head shaking as I listened carefully.
"Whenever I stay up late and get scared or sad I watch it." She explains thoroughly, my eyes glowing as i stared at her.
She always has little things that i don't usually hear anyone talk about so seriously, it blows my mind at how adorable she can be when being completely serious.
My eyes must of sparked her attention, my mouth slightly agape as i don't speak; staring at her in awe.
"What?" Her head tilts, pulling my heart strings as i sink down into the blankets, my body spinning around.
Her small giggles at my actions just increased the feeling i was receiving, her curious eyes digging holes into me. I exhale a deep breath of air, looking up to her blue eyes.
"I just.." I pause, everything being somewhat perfect. "love you.."
—
My throat swallows the hard lump that was fighting to stay, my eyebrows furrowing from the uncomfortable position I was laid in.
All these thoughts and memories beginning to flood my brain was slowly weakening my body. I try shaking it all off, my mind focusing on my screen.
During the middle of the show, I hear the front door being opened with laughs following along with it. Through out those laughs, Graysons voice yells out, echoing off the walls. "We're back E!"
Without intending too, a smile forms onto my lips, the thought of my friends returning being everything i needed right now.
My body picks it self up, crawling through the large fort i had made, soon peeking my head through the opening crack of the doorway blanket I had created. My eyes catch on to them, seeing each person remove their shoes.
"Hey guys!" My voice booms through the house, every person turning their heads with a large grin. "Another fort Eth?" Riley giggles, her eyes scanning how large it was.
"Yup." I say, popping the 'p' whilst she shakes her head. Malia gasps at the sight of me while Scott bounces his shoulders, his bottom lip poking out as he races over.
"Im in!" His voice seemed excited like every time they had seen one. He chucks his shoe behind him, just missing Grayson as he jumps in. He nearly tackles me while he does so, my body falling back as his laugh echoes inside.
I shuffle through the fort and peek my head through seeing all of them put their shoes off.
"Wait for me!" Malias voice travels along while her body follows, leaping inside careful enough to make sure the fort didn't collapse.
Gray and Riley are next to join while Alex scoots his way in. "Holy shit you are truly a fort master." Alex compliments, his head rested upwards as his eyes wouldn't stop scanning the entire thing.
"I don't get it honestly." Grayson agrees with Alex, his eyes doing the same whilst we are huddle together; fitting perfectly.
Each and every one up us place our legs in the air as we shuffle into the sheets beneath us, sinking down with sighs of relief leaving our lips. My lips rolled inwards as i begged myself to ask the question.
"How was it?" My voice laced with nerves.
Every pair of eyes dropped a little, knowing this topic to be quite awkward and weird when we bring it up. But i truly wanted to know how she was, i wanted to hear about their time together.
"She is doing good." Malia ends the murdering silence, my eyes pinning onto her with a small smile. I nod my head, hoping for her to carry on while my large hand snuck to the chair holding up the fort, a bowl of popcorn rested on top.
"She got a puppy!" Riley joins in, excitement heard in the way she spoke, but you could still clearly hear the hint of nerves.
My eyes widen while the smile of mine began to grow, memories flooding my brain about conversations of pets. "A puppy?" I ask, again hoping they would all join in and tell me about it.
By now I was truly intrigued and wanted to know more.
"Yeah its name is-"
"Guppie?" I cut Scott off, each and every persons jaw nearly dropping as it seemed like i were some sort of mind reader. Malias growing smile is what i notice as her eyes slowly squint towards me.
"How'd you know?" Riley asks, her head tilting with confusion and shock.
"We talked about it.. She always wanted a fluffy black pup named Guppie." I smile just remembering, everyone smiling in awe whilst Scotts face changes completely. It took me off guard a little, knowing him to be a soft guy.
But when he speaks, I know he wants to talk.
"Hey E, wanna help me grab some sodas for everyone?" His voice clearly sounding demanding, my mind catching along quickly as i nod normally. His feet lightly kick off the light blanket that rested on the lower half of his body, myself doing the same.
We crawl our way out, my hands lightly brushing my legs off while we began walking towards the kitchen. I hear Grays soft voice before the volume of the tv increases, the familiar sound of Will Smith filling my ears.
I lead the way, soon hearing Scott stop in the middle of the kitchen. Instead of turning around, i carried on, reaching towards the fridge as my fingers hook on to the handle and pull.
My hands grab a hold onto several cans of Pepsi, the cool metal sending an instant chill through my entire arm. I shake it off, carrying on the action as I place them on the counter beside me.
Scott doesn't speak, soon causing me to let out a sigh before turning around. My eyes shift onto his hands, noticing how they were placed on his hips as his chocolate orbs were pinned on me.
"Ethan." He speaks sternly.
"Scott?" I reply, my hand leaning on the counter as my arm extended out. My body was on a lean as i stared at him, wanting to just get what ever he had to say, over with.
"Why," he takes a long pause, my eyebrows raising for him to carry on. "why don't you just make up with her.." He exhales sharply, eyes nearly fluttering shut.
I go silent; thinking.
The only thought that came to mind were the last few words she said to me. The tone and pain spoken with it, whirling around in my head. Taunting me as i reminisced.
"There is no point." Hope had given up, all of it as i spoke those four words. "She hates me." It was as simple as that.
"Because she didn't get the story!" He growls, my eyes widening at how weird it felt seeing and hearing him like this. His eyebrows were nearly scrunched together as he defended me.
I purse my lips together, soon forming into a straight line. I just honestly couldn't be bothered with this same thing over and over again.
"Look. She got hurt." I stare into his eyes, hoping i could finally get this through to him. "I lost her trust way before the accident even happened. She deserves someone better than me."My eyes fall down to the ground, my voice growing weaker as i spoke.
As i peel them away, shifting onto Scott, he gives me an 'are you serious' look. The expression nearly screaming at me to shut up.
"Ethan. You both haven't even faced each other! For what? 5 months?!" His voice grew slightly louder, suddenly whispering the last part as his eyes shot towards the lounge door.
"6 months..." I mumble quietly under my breath. The thought of how long it was for me is insane.
Scott notices my lips moving, body moving closer as he speaks. "What?"
I shake my head, backing off him for a little bit as i try coughing the large lump formed in my throat. "Nothing, dont worry." I looked down to him, almost as if i felt that the whole subject should be gone.
"Okay, well..." Scotts foot tapped a few times before stopping, the background noise of our friends talking amongst each other and Wills voice taunting Carlton faded.
"Let me get one thing straight." Scotts voice made my eye blink a little from my mind wandering off. I give him my full attention.
"I get it, Scott is too sweet to do or say anything." His eyes roll dramatically as his hands fly everywhere. His facial gestures soon taking a pause as his eyes now dig deeply into mine.
"But I'm just going to say it." His lips suck in before i see his hand fully drop. He inhaled a deep breath, then exhaled deeply.
"This isn't fair what you've made us do."
"Malia had to move in to the apartment because you left!" His voice laced with raw emotion, almost as if he felt as if he were in the situation. He was in a way. Bailey is one of his closest friends, and i feel as if we have reached a really close relationship as friends as well.
I guess I've always thought hard onto how i felt that i didn't always think about how it affected our friend group. My heart dropped a little as i realised, my eyes sinking into his body language.
"You left and took online school!" He spoke not too loud that anyone would assume something was happening. But due to how long it seemed we were taking, i knew everyone would knew something was up.
My eyes couldn't help but drop, now wanting to look at him.
The big wave of guilt washed over me once again, my bottom lip nearly trembling from not knowing what to say.
"I couldn't face her.." I admit, exhaling sharply afterwards.
This whole 6 months I have felt like utter shit, not many good memories or moments happening other than the ones i get to spend with my friends and family.
She sounded good for what i've heard.
I let that thought cut in, bringing my mood down soon bringing a new thought to pop up. She never really needed me.
She has been fine without me.
So if i'm so down without her, it just shows the vulnerable effect she has on me. And i don't like that one bit. She has a power over me, and it seems as if I've got nothing on her.
"You've at least got to come back to school E.." Scott sighs, slowly turning around as his hands grip around a few cans.
"No one wants me there." I groan to myself, not really expecting him to listen in. But to my very surprise he did. He turns on his heel, his face sending me an 'are you for real?' look.
"We all want you back E!" His eyes peer back towards the lounge for a quick second, his brows furrowed annoyingly.
"Not her!" I fight back.
"You don't know that Ethan!" Scott snaps at me, his voice kept low. Frustration clearly heard in his words. "Sure," he nods, sucking in his bottom lip as he walks back towards me. "she is pissed, only because she has created this story about you."
"But being a close friend to Bailey, i know that she needs you." He explains. My tongue licked my bottom lip as it separates, letting out a small breath from my mouth.
"She may tell her self she doesn't want you back, but we all know thats utter shit." Scott being the one to tell me this was weird for me, but his words were slowly cutting into me.
His chocolate brown eyes meet mine once again.
"She needs you more than you know." My heart began to increase; just from the thought of it being true.
"You've somehow always made her shut up about her stubborn thoughts and calmed her." For some reason i felt a little string pulling the corner of my lips upwards. A smile forming from his words.
"I don't care what you say, but she needs you." His shoulders bounce; shrugging.
I let that sink in slowly, my eyes dropping to see his feet walking away from me. The yellow warm light in the kitchen glowed on my skin, my feet slowly swaying as i inhale sharply through my nose.
My hands reach over to the left over cans, gripping them carefully and following behind.
☼
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[heavily edited]