Mallory
My heart leapt with happy relief when Shawn opened the door to the condo and smiled at me. I'd been so worried that he'd be angry.
He sat down next to me wanting to talk. I knew it was what we needed to do, but I was scared. Our talks had ended in fights lately.
Gracie finished up nursing and I pulled her away from my boob. Shawn reached out his hands to take her so she could be burped. I handed her over and fixed my bra and shirt.
"Why did you leave, Mal?" he asked me as he patted Grace's back.
"I thought you wanted me to leave," I said quietly. "You said you were done."
"I just meant I was done with that conversation. I needed to cool off. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear."
"My emotions were running high and my mind went to the worst possible scenario. I thought you were agreeing with me that we needed space or time apart." I paused for a second. "Honestly, Shawn, I'm not completely sure that we don't. I'm back now because I acted on impulse and didn't think things through. I'm not so sure you and I don't need to talk further about the idea of a separation."
Shawn just stared at me for a moment, though the expression on his face said everything he couldn't find words for.
Finally he spoke.
"No."
I expected more. He usually had so much to say.
"No?"
"No. No, you should not have left and you shouldn't think about leaving," he said calmly. He was holding our baby so yelling wasn't an option.
"We don't seem to be capable of working things out," I said.
He shook his head and then got up to put Grace on her activity mat. She immediately grabbed a monkey rattle that seemed to be her favorite these days.
Shawn sat back down right next to me. He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the mouth, which seemed very out of place given what had transpired today. But it felt wonderful. I'd missed his kisses.
"Do you love me Mallory?"
"Yes. You know I do."
He smiled. "I do know that. And your love for me makes my life complete. The fact that you've given me Gracie and your love is everything to me."
He took my hands in his before continuing.
"I love you, too. You may doubt it, but I know it's true."
When he said it like that, I doubted him less. It felt real.
"Mal, honey, we love each other. That means we can work things out. Maybe it won't be easy, but we can do it."
"How can you be so sure?" I asked.
"You're the one. You're my only one. I know that you and I are destined to be together for the rest of our lives. I can picture us forty years from now surrounded by grandchildren in a big house in the country. I just know that's our future."
Hot tears started to spill down my cheeks. Shawn brought a hand to my face and wiped them away with his thumb.
"I need you to stop being a quitter, baby. When things get tough, you need to stop saying you're going to leave. You actual did it today, and that killed me. I can't live in constant fear that I might lose you and Gracie. I need to know that you're going to fight for us," he said, his caramel eyes looking deeply into mine.
I knew he was right. I tended to jump right to leaving every time things got tough. It's what I'd done today when I went to the hotel. Maybe it was the easy way out, or maybe I was afraid to invest too much and not have things work out. God knows why I was like that. I needed to change.
"I'll try," I said.
"What do you need from me? I've told you what I need you to work on. It's your turn to ask the same of me."
He was holding my hands in his again. I stared at them as I tried to think about what I wanted from Shawn.
I looked up at him. He raised his eyebrows slightly, waiting for me to speak.
"There's nothing," I said.
"Come on, Mal. Surely you can think of something I need to improve on to make things work between us."
"Honestly, at this point there's not. You're damn near perfect to me."
He chuckled. "I used your stupid free pass and almost missed Gracie's birth. I'd say I'm far from being the perfect husband."
"But those things are in the past. I mean, I guess I could ask that you don't cheat on me, but my gut tells me you wouldn't do that."
"I wouldn't. I've told you how seriously I take our wedding vows," he said solemnly.
My husband was an honorable man, and I believed him wholeheartedly.
"Shawn?"
"Yes, hun?"
"I'm starving. I never had lunch." My stomach punctuated that statement with a loud grumble.
"Same."
We got up and looked in the fridge. I'd planned on going to the store today. There wasn't much to choose from.
"How about I take you and Gracie out for an early dinner?" he asked.
"It's like retirement community early," I said looking at the clock on the stove. "Only old people like to eat before 4:00."
"Good. We'll run into fewer people, and the ones there won't know me."
He changed Grace's diaper. Neither of us was particularly well-dressed, so we opted for a burger place close to the condo. Over burgers and fries we talked about what was happening this week.
Shawn was dropping two songs next month, so he was gearing up for that. He was doing all promo work from Toronto and New York, though. He'd venture further when the album dropped. If all was going well between us, Gracie and I would do some traveling with him. The thought of getting out in the world was exciting.
After dinner, we went home. I held Grace and sat on the couch. Shawn sat next to me, draping an arm around my shoulders. I snuggled against him.
"Are we back to square one again?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I've given this some thought. Starting from scratch wasn't a bad idea, but maybe it's the wrong approach."
"You have a better idea?"
He smiled. "I do."
"Are you going to share it with me?" I asked. He was obviously drawing this out on purpose.
"I think we need to do something that will make us both more invested in making things work."
"And what do you think we should do?" I asked, though I was fairly certain he was referring to sex.
He smirked. "I think we should fuck each other's brains out."
I covered Grace's tiny ears, though it wasn't like she understood him. And yeah, I knew it was sex.
"Shawn!"
"What? We're married. Let's start acting like married people. Maybe that's what we need to help fix things," he said.
"I'm not sure that sex is the answer to our problems."
"I know that. I'm saying that it will help bring us closer. It will be incentive to stay together," he explained.
"Wow. You think very highly of your skills in the bedroom. One night of hot sex with you and I'll never want to leave again?" I said jokingly.
"Something like that."
I laughed, which made Gracie laugh.
"It's been a long time. We've forgotten how good we are together. A reminder can only help," he added.
I hadn't forgotten at all. I doubted he had, either. We were amazing together. No one else did it for me like he did. As we sat there talking about it, even semi-kiddingly, I realized how badly I'd missed his lovemaking. Although it really hadn't been lovemaking before, since we weren't both in love. It would be now, though. The thought of that made me shiver.
"Tomorrow," I said.
His face fell in obvious disappointment. "Tomorrow?"
"I'll make an appointment at the spa. If we're jumping back into this, I want to look and feel my best."
He sighed. "You are always perfection in my eyes, baby. There's nothing you could do that could make you any more beautiful."
"This isn't just about you. I want to be my sexiest for me, too. We've done without it for four months. Another day won't kill us."
He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "It might kill me, especially now that I'm thinking about it."
I returned the gesture, brushing my lips against his ear. "Then maybe you and your hand should go to bed early tonight."
Shawn smiled. And then he started to laugh. "Okay Mrs. Mendes. You can have it your way. You'd better take your vitamins and eat your carbs tomorrow, though."