Y/n's POV:
Shawn: Coming home later, don't wait for me xx
.
Sighing, I shut my phone tossing it onto the bed before sitting down next to it. Again a night where he comes home later then he promised.
It's been like that the past three or four weeks. I'm sick of it. Our relationship was going downhills long before though. We barely had time for each other, due me having to study for college and Shawn working on his album, causing everything to fall apart.
Fights are the only way of communication we have. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him and for how far he has come but... it feels like our love for each other faded.
A few months ago I would have left everything behind without hesitation if he told me to leave with him but now... I'm not sure if I would still do that. I had enough time to think about it and I came to an realization.
We aren't good for each other and today I'm gonna end this. He will be way happier with someone else. Maybe he already found someone else, who knows. We barely talk.
I grab some of my clothes and essential things, stuffing it into a sports bag, before placing it next to the door. I'm not gonna cry tonight, it's no use. I sit onto the couch not even bothering to turn on the TV or something.
There's nothing that can make me feel less nervous before ending my three year relationship with the person I loved unconditionally. Or maybe I still do... I don't know.
After two hours of biting my nails and pacing around the room, I hear the door click open, my heart dropping to my stomach. I can do this. It's the right thing. We are just holding each other back.
The light turns on and Shawn strolls into the living room rubbing his eyes before he notices that I'm sitting here. „What are you doing up, baby?" He asks, walking into the kitchen. Baby. I wonder how many girls he called like that lately.
"Shawn, can we talk?" I question, standing behind him with my arms crossed. He sets the glass of water, which he just filled up, down and turns around to me placing a kiss on my forehead. „I'm so tired. Let's talk tomorrow." He answers, walking past me.
„Shawn please. It just takes a minute." I say, following him. „Hun, I told you I'm tired. Tomorrow we have all the time you want to talk." he responds, getting slightly irritated. That's enough. He used that excuse so many times now.
"No Shawn." I snap, stepping in front of him to prevent him from going out of the room. "Stop doing that. Since weeks you dodge it everytime I want to talk to you. You always say ‚let's talk tomorrow'. We are gonna talk now, not tomorrow!" I add, heading towards the couch.
For a few moments he just stands on the same spot, his facial expression impossible to read before he eventually follows me, taking a seat next to me. „Everything okey?" Shawn asks, making me look at him.
"Does everything look okey to you?" „I don't know what you mean..." he mumbles. „Yes you do. You know exactly what I mean." „Baby, I really don't. Can we please go to bed?" Shawn sighs standing up.
"If you leave this room now I'll be gone by tomorrow and you are never gonna see me again." I say, trying not to show that my voice is trembling. That's actually what I'm doing anyways.
He stops, turning back to me with a puzzled look on his face. „What?" „You heard me. Stop ignoring that we have a problem, Shawn. Stop that. What are you avoiding huh?" I ask, my voice raised as I stand up too.
I don't know how to feel anymore. I just want it to be over. He lowers his head, staring at a spot on the floor. „God damn it Shawn. Just say it! Are you cheating on me? What the hell are you avoiding since four weeks now?" I ask angrily, pushing him back lightly.
Differently to all the other times we started a fight like this, he says nothing. Not a single word leaves his lips, which is enough of an answer to me but I want to hear it or else I might want to go back to him.
"Shawn f*cking answer me! I have enough of this! Spit it out!" I shout, pushing at his chest but he catches my wrists taking me by surprise. „This!" He suddenly shouts, making me shrug.
„I'm avoiding this! I heard how you talked to your friend about breaking up with me. I don't have time to fix this at the moment, so I'm avoiding it and no I'm not cheating. I would never!" he adds, frustratedly running a hand through his hair.
„And I don't have time to keep waiting anymore." I whisper, feeling how the tears well up in my eyes. I said I'm not gonna cry tonight. „So you m-meant what you said to her?" Shawn asks, hurt washing over his face.
"Yes, I think it's better if we break up Shawn. Guess, we aren't meant to be." I murmur, keeping my gaze on my feet. „No No. Don't say that. Please." He pleads,?attempting to grab my shoulder but I step back.
"Why? Shawn, we never see each other and when we do, all we do is fight. Tell me, when was the last time you told me you loved me?" I ask, letting the tears fall freely as I look into his glossy eyes.
He remains silent, giving me the answer I already expected. „See, you can't tell me you still love me like you used to. If you even do a little bit." „I do love you." he says, his voice cracking as tears are threatening to run down his cheeks too.
I shake my head, looking at all the pictures of us hanging on the wall. Funny how happy we once were and now look where we are standing.
"Our love is gone for a good while now, Shawn." I say, feeling my heart breaking into pieces from finally speaking it out loud. It still hurts to let everything go.
All the memories we shared. „So you don't love me anymore? Because I do. I know it's not easy right now but we can get through this." Shawn says, hurt and disappointment visible in his hazel orbs.
"You don't. You are just used to the fact that I'm waiting for you when you come home. You are used to having me around but I can promise you, you won't miss me for long." I reply, taking a deep breath while wiping my tears away.
By now Shawn is the one who stands there crying and the sight alone breaks my heart once again. I don't want to see him like that but I have to do that now. "Y/n... please baby." He sobs, stepping closer to me again.
"Shawn." I speak softly, reaching up to wipe his cheeks with the sleeve of my shirt. "It's better if I go now. Thank you for everything." I say, a sob escaping my lips aswell, before I walk past him but he grabs my hand.
"No. I'm not gonna let you." He whispers, shaking his head. "Please don't leave me. You are my everything." He croaks out, before cupping my cheeks.
"Shawn stop. I can't go on like this anymore. You don't know how much it hurts to fight with you all the time, realizing everytime that I'm holding onto something that isn't there anymore." I say, trying to pull his hands away but he refuses to remove them.
"Listen, I know that I've been and asshole of a boyfriend but I promise you, we are gonna make this work. I-I just need a bit more time. Please give me only that and I'm gonna fix this." He begs.
"Shawn, please don't make it harder than it already is. I can't do this anymore. I truly am sorry but I just can't." I reply, prying his hands off my face before quickly walking towards the door. "Y/n. No!" He calls out, following me immediately.
"God stop! Shawn, don't you understand? I care about you but I don't love you enough to make us work. It's no use. I'm tired of fighting and saying hurtful things. We are better off without each other." I say, tears running down our cheeks uncontrollably.
Maybe I'm lying about what I just said to him. Maybe I'm going to regret it but I have to. "So that's it?" He asks, his voice low and shaky.
"That's it." I sigh, grabbing the sports bag. My eyes meet his for one more time and all I want is to forget his broken look but that's gonna take a while. Gulping, I press down the door handle but Shawn places his hand over mine.
"Can you promise me one more thing?" I nod, waiting for him to continue. "Don't forget me. Please don't forget the good moments we had and that I'm always gonna love you." "Shawn-" I sigh, shaking my head but he cuts me off.
"Please promise me just that." My gaze meets his as I press my chapped lips together. „Y/n." He whispers.
"I promise." I respond, before turning and walking out of the all too familiar apartment without looking back. Walking out of his life.