Chapter Seventy-Eight
Dani
After Eli is gone, I close my eyes and try to settle myself. My emotions are all over the place right now. I can't even begin to process the last few hours. Actually, it's longer than that. It's since my nightmare last night. I can't believe I made Eli take off his shirt, let alone feel up his chest. I know I was scared and I wasn't thinking straight, but that really wasn't the smartest move I've ever made. Still, I can't help but think that maybe I'm making some form of progress. A few months ago I would never have done something so bold.
I hear my poppa's voice whisper, “That's my girl. Just trust Eli. He's here to help you, you just need to trust him.”
If I didn't know any better, I would swear that he was sitting right here with me. My eyes snap open when someone knocks on the door again. This is turning out to be an annoying day. Does anyone else want to appear? My mood softens when I see Eli's dad at the door, smiling at me.
“Hey, Dani. Can I come in?”
“Yes sir.”
“You're looking a lot better than when I saw you yesterday. No more head bandage, that's good. You had PT today?”
“Yes sir.”
“How did it go?”
“Ok, I guess. I have exercises to do, so I'm getting there slowly.”
“Good. I brought books. Eli was very specific about what to bring. Him and Ash had an argument over which language to get, so I brought both of their suggestions.”
I'm excited by the news of books, and I see Don's face light up a little at my change of attitude.
“What did you bring, sir?”
“Well, the encyclopedias are pretty self explanatory, but Eli said to bring Chinese and Ash said Norwegian. They were arguing over which one would be more challenging, so I'll leave that with you to determine.”
“Chinese will probably be more challenging. It's character based though, so I might be able to memorize it quickly. The intonation is very important to the meaning of words.”
“Do you like learning new languages?”
“I just like learning, sir.”
He places the books on my little table and I snatch up an encyclopedia straight away.
“Do you mind if I sit with you for a little while? I start work in 40 minutes and I've got no where else to be right now.”
“That's ok, sir. I don't mind. How is Connie?”
“She's good, thanks. Work has been busy so she hasn't had time to stop by to see you. She did promise to stop by before Friday though.”
“It's ok. It's not important that people visit. I'm ok on my own, honestly.”
“We want to visit though. We care about you, so we want to make sure you're ok.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“So, you want to read me something? Maybe translate it into another language?”
“My poppa used to get me to read a book in my head and as I'm reading it, translate it into another language. It made me have to think quickly. I can read fast, but it slows me down to translate it on the spot. I haven't done that in years though. You want me to give it a go?”
“Yes ma'am. Let's see what you can do.”
I nod quickly and open up the book. As I read each sentence in my head, I say it out loud in Spanish, just so he knows I'm not making up random words. When I finish the article on Arculf, a Bishop from the 7th century, Don is smiling from ear to ear.
“You are an amazing woman, Danica. I hope you realize just how special you are.”
I was about to disagree with that statement, but Eli's words about negative comments floats through my mind, so I say nothing except mumble a thank you. For the next 30 minutes I read to Don, exercising my mind and learning at the same time. By the time Don has to leave, Nurse Mandy brings my lunch to me. As she sets the food on my table, I'm just finishing the last few pages of the first book. She smiles at me and says, “Your Lieutenant called a few minutes ago, just to check on you. Everything ok in here?”
“Yes ma'am. Is he ok?”
“Oh yes, mostly concerned about you. He did tell me to let you know he's ok and that work is going to be busy this afternoon. He'll be back as soon as he can. You've got a good one there, sweetie.”
“I know. He's a good man.”
“He sure is. Some of our nurses are very jealous, but he only has eyes for you. He's only ever concerned about you.”
“He is?”
I can't stop the question from slipping out.
“Oh yes. He barely acknowledges anyone else. He's polite, of course he is, but he just wants to get in here to be with you. What you have is very special, everyone can see it.”
I blush and drop my head. There's nothing I can say to that. As Nurse Mandy is leaving, she says, “Make sure you eat. Don't think we didn't notice you skipped breakfast. I know it's been a busy morning for you though. Do you need something to help you sleep after you've eaten?”
“No ma'am. I'd like to carry on reading.”
She nods and leaves me to it. This really is turning out to be a strange day. I don't know why people feel like they need to comment on whatever is going on with Eli and I. Maybe it's because I've been in here so long and now I'm part of the furniture. I don't know, but I decide I need to be brave and have a conversation with Eli about it. I eat my food slowly and then I get back to reading. I start with Norwegian, seeing as that should be an easier language to learn. As long as the book has a pronunciation guide, I'll be able to pick it up.
So, the next few hours are spent learning Norwegian and I am so grateful for the break in the monotony of the day, especially seeing as I am on my own with a pile of books. That is my favorite thing in the world. Sarah visits at 4pm, but she doesn't need to touch me. She just watches me complete the exercises, to ensure that I am doing them correctly. After she leaves, I nap for a short while before a nightmare wakes me up.
I read the Norwegian book again, mostly to distract myself but also to make sure I have picked everything up correctly. At times like this, my mind is amazing. To learn another language in a day is quite an achievement. I'm not perfect in the language, don't get me wrong, but I can get by. I just need to practice more and then I'll get better at it.
Dr. Stone makes an appearance at 7pm, his last rounds before going home.
“I'd like to check your head wound, Dani. If that's ok?”
His sudden closeness hits me and I feel the panic rise in me. It's now that I notice the lack of drugs. I don't feel quite like myself as I growl out, “Don't touch me!”
“I just want to check the wound, Dani. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise...”
“I don't want you to touch me! I don't want anyone to touch me! Just leave me alone...!”
“Ok, ok. Don't panic. It's ok...”
As the doctor is trying to calm me down, Ash appears in the doorway. I hear Dr. Stone let out a sigh of relief, but I don't calm down. Instead I just say, “Just get out, all of you! I want to be left alone!”
“Darlin'? What's going on?”
“Go away.”
“Whoa, Dani. It's me. It's Ash...”
I'm in a foul mood and I know exactly why. My body is craving the drugs and I'm not in control of myself. I knew this would happen. Now I'm going to treat everybody terribly and I have no control over it. It's the drug fueled monster that is coming out again and no matter what I try to do, only drugs will console that vile voice inside of me.
Upon this revelation hitting me I have a moment of clear thinking. I let out a sob and apologize profusely.
“I'm so sorry. You all need to leave before I say anything else awful to you. I'm so sorry.”
Ash's voice is concerned when he asks, “What's going on, darlin'?”
I can't stop the harsh words from slipping out, “I don't want him touching me! He wants to touch me! No more touching!”
“Geez, doc, what have you done to her? She wasn't like this before... What's going on?”
“We've reduced her drugs, that's the only thing that's changed. Do you think you can calm her down enough for me to just check her head?”
As Ash moves closer, I feel the growl in my throat before I actually hear it. “If you touch me, I will hit you...”
“Seriously?”
I have another moment of clarity and I realize what I've just said. “I'm so sorry, sir. Please don't hurt me... Please...”
“Darlin', I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. The doc just needs to check your wound, that's all. Can you let him do that?”
“I don't want to be touched. Too much touching...”
“Doc, I don't think you're going to be able to do this. Either you'll have to sedate her or look from over there. I'm not Eli; I can't work his magic. I'm sorry.”
“I have to check it now; my shift is ending in about 10 minutes and I need to make sure I write up her notes before I leave.”
Ash takes a step closer to my bed and I stiffen, ready to make a run for it. Then I remember my leg is in a cast and I can't go anywhere. They really can do anything to me and there's nothing I can do about it. I panic and I can't breathe. My fingers start tingling and my lungs feel like they're on fire. I can't see or hear anything as I struggle to breathe. The edges of my vision start to turn black and before I can even try to bring myself out of it, everything turns black.