Flashbacks of my childhood appeared out of thin air, like gusty winds that either push you forward or backwards. A chill ran up my spine, it was neither pleasant or or uncomfortable but it was enough to bring me back to a specific memory. I was seven years old, walking hand in hand with my mother and father, happily skipping our way to the park, somewhere early afternoon. It was a big park surrounded by bright and tall trees that covered the tan brick buildings, with a large pond in the center where ducks swam gracefully in the water as they fed on the pieces of bread that the other kids were tossing , purple and white flowers grew from the crisp green grass, and the sound of birds chirping as they flew all across the park. It was just another beautiful day.
My mom and dad let go of my hands, sat at the bench that was across from the playground and I ran towards the group of children that were huddle together to go on the slide. I climbed up the stairs and lined up to go on the slide, anxiously waiting to go down the slide. As I was up next I felt a slight pain in my chest, my stomach turned to knots, and hesitated to go down the slide.I didn't know why I was all of a sudden scared of going down the slide, I always played at this playground so why was I so scared? The children behind me started yelling at me to hurry up and kept shoving me in all directions. I was stuck and I tried so hard to pass through the group of kids. I yelled for them to step back but my voice was too low for them to hear me, so I was still being pushed back to go down the slide. Tears start to run down my face, I kept looking back at my parents who were sitting at the bench and all I could see was my mom covering her face and my dad with a red angry face yelling at her in the distance. The screaming and yelling was so overwhelming that I knelled down and covered my face and ear , to block out the noise. Their body heat mixed with the chills and shivers from my anxiety attack was unbearable I stared to feel nauseous, until I heard a kid's voice and felt a pair of hands grab my hands and pulled me up.
"Stop pushing her! Can't you see she's scared and is trying to get off the slide!?" The kid yells and gently guides me out of the crowd and down the stairs. The noise started to fade and we finally made it out. My hands were sweaty and my body was weak but I didn't pay any mind. He takes me to another jungle gym that was empty and we sat down and I dust off the any dirt that was on me. I kept looking down at my feet because I was nervous and did't know who the kid was and I was too embarrassed to say anything. The kid turned towards me and breaks the awkward silence.
"Are you ok?"
I nod my head yes.
"I'm sorry that this all happened to you. They like to take over the park sometimes. I see you go to this park sometimes." He tilts his head to get my attention but my head is still down. So I just shrug in response.
"At least we're here at the monkey bars. No one likes the monkey bars, you know. Your hands starts to hurt from the bars rubbing your hands and you end up falling on your ass anyway." He says under a chuckle and I couldn't help to laugh a little at what he said since it was true. I was a bit surprise that he cured since he was probably just a year or two older than me. He takes out his hand and I just look at them, unsure to shake them or not. But I manage to shake them.
"I'm Lim Jaebum. My family and I just moved here about seven months ago from South Korea. I go to school here. I'm in the fourth grade. What's your name?" He smiles at me and I start to warm up to him.
"My name is Y/N....I was born and raised here..I also go to school here. I'm in the second grade." I say in a shaky voice ans play with the sand with my feet.
"You have a nice name. Do you have any friends? Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"I have one older brother. I don't have a lot of friends...I don't know..Most kids don't like to play with me...they say mean things to me." I start to feel hopeless and another stream of tears fall out of my face. Suddenly he takes my hand and holds them firmly but gently.
"I can be your friend! Lets hangout at the park more often! Would you like to meet my parents!? My parents are over there. Come on I'll let you meet them!" He takes my hand again and we were about to run to meet them until I hear my dad yell for me to come back and that we were heading back home. I stop for a moment and he turns around, curious as to why I stopped.
"I have to go. My dad is calling me so we can go back home...Sorry."
He nods and lets go of my hand and we stand there for a moment. "Awww, well that's OK. Next time we can hopefully meet each other again."
"Yeah,that'll be nice" And my shy smile turned into a happier one. I turn my head back because my dad called for me again and he was starting to sound annoyed and even more upset. I slowly start to run towards my parents and look back at the boy and he smiled back and made his way to meet his parents. I wanted to see him again and I couldn't wait for that moment. It was my first time that someone actually talked to me without being made fun of. It was my first time ever talking to a boy. It brought a smile to my face, my stomach was filled with butterflies; it was all a brand new feeling. He was cute, he dressed well, he has a sense of humor and made me feel slightly better about myself.
I finally reach my parents and I see my mom with a black eye and her face was swollen and slightly red. Her eyes were red and filled with tears that she failed to hide. She was trying to cover it up by rubbing her eyes and saying it was her allergies. I looked at y dad and he looked at me.
"Don't worry sweetheart. Everything is fine. We're taking you and mom home since you're mom is having bad allergies from being at the park. Right, honey?" and he looks at her with a warning.
I held both my parents hands and we walk down the three blocks to our house. It was quiet, painfully quiet. There was no smiling, no joy, no laughter, nothing at all. I was afraid to ask how, or why my mom had a black eye because I feared he would either yell at me or hit me, even though he has never laid a hand on me. It pained me to see my mom like this, in fact in pained me to see her broken, sad and hurt like this all the time. I loved my dad but I was afraid of him because of how he would shift from sweet and kind to controlling and vile.
We reach our house and we entered the small and slightly cramped two bedroom apartment. I go straight to the kitchen and grab a capri sun and two granola bars and sat down at the small table in the kitchen. My older brother wasn't home because he was spending the weekend with his friends so I was left alone for a while. My mom calmly walks into the kitchen and stands there until she asks to go to my room, lock the door and don't come out until she says it's OK, and finish my snacks there. I see my dad approach behind her with anger in his face and his fists clenched. I didn't question any thing because I know what was going to happen, so I quickly ran into my room. I lock the door get on my bed, turn on the TV to some cartoons with a capri sun in my hand and the two granola bars on the other. I jump and almost scream when I heard a glass plate fall to the ground and the blood curdling sounds of my mom screaming, crying and pleading for him to stop. The sounds of fists landing on my mother's beautiful but fragile face, the vulgar words that spewed out of my dad's mouth such as "Whore" "Bitch" "Piece of shit" "Worthless" "You would't be here if it wasn't for me!" Slut" plagued my innocent mind. I hated it. I moved to the corner of the room and hovered myself and closed my eyes and ears to block out all of what was happening. I was crying because I was scared and my older brother wasn't there to hold me, to tell me why my mom was getting hurt or why our parents were constantly fighting.
After hours of fighting and domestic dispute, my mom knocks on the door and in a sweet and gentle voice tells me that I can come out. I slowly get out of the corner and crawl my way to the door and open it only to see my mom with another black eye, bruises on her arms, face and chest. I bring myself to a standing position and look up at her and she was just smiling. Not the smile of trying to disguise her pain but a smile the moms give when she see's their children coming home from school after a long day. I was worried but her warm and gentle smile made me forget about what happened once again. She takes me to the living room and we both watch TV and I sat on her lap as she caresses my hair. I fall asleep into my moms arms after watching TV for a couple of hours. It was late in the evening when my dad came in with a bouquet of pink and red flowers and a box of chocolates he had bought from the local flower market. While I was still sleeping I'm carried away into my room and I'm laid down on my bed and my mom tucks me in.
I wake up to the sound of sweet, angelic but romantic music playing in the living and I got out of my bed and slightly opened the door and took a peek at my mom and dad slow dancing. Their bodies moved into sweet and steady rhythm and they lovingly looked at each other as if nothing happened today... yesterday... or years before. Suddenly my mind spirals and goes dark and I'm sucked into a dark world that I couldn't escape. A hand covers my mouth and I couldn't yell or scream for help. I couldn't fight back as both my hands and arms were tied by a mysterious dark figure. His features were a blur, just a man with cold piercing eyes. I close my eyes hoping to go back to see my parents but it was no use and the images of my mom and dad fade away. I opened them again and the dark and mysterious man jumps before me and yells "There's no escaping me!" and I'm immediate taken back to dance studio were a group of women stare at my with amazement and Namjoon standing there with wide eyes. I could't move nor couldn't say a word...... Who was that mysterious man and why does he continue to haunt me?