Mallory
Shawn was saying everything I wanted to hear. His words were what I'd sometimes fantasize about when I thought about what I wanted to happen between us. It was like he'd gotten into my head and knew exactly what to say.
The problem was, now that I heard him say that he loved me out loud, I was terrified.
"I need some time to process what you're saying," I told him.
I could tell he was disappointed by his expression.
"Take your time. I know this is a lot to throw at you all at once," he said.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm having a hard time believing you. I want to believe you so badly, but something is holding me back."
"I'd never lie to you, Mal. Especially about something this serious."
"I know you'd never deliberately lie. You are the most pure and honest person I know. But what if you're wrong? What if this feeling is just temporary and not true love?" I asked.
He took my hands in his. "Then give me time to prove to you that this is real. All I'm asking for is the chance. We don't have to jump into anything. Okay?"
"Okay. But what happens now?"
He smiled at me. "We go back to square one."
"Our square one was meeting each other, having sex, and conceiving a baby. All in one day," I pointed out.
"While that doesn't sound bad to me at all, we'll have a new square one this time."
He released my hands and scooted over a bit. He then picked up his phone. A few seconds later I heard my phone alert from the kitchen. I got up and checked it.
Shawn: hi Mallory
Shawn: I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on Friday night
I couldn't help but smile. I stayed in the kitchen and replied.
Me: What did you have in mind?
Shawn: dinner
Me: I'd love that.
I looked over at him. He grinned as he read my text and then looked up at me.
"I'll arrange babysitting," he said.
I walked back to the living room and sat down.
"I really need this glass of wine now," I said before taking a long drink of it.
He laughed. "There's more if you need. I promise I'm not trying to get you drunk, though."
"Given that I just got over being very sick, I think I'll stop with this glass."
He took a drink of his red wine. "Movie?"
"That would be great. I'm going to go change."
I got up and changed into sweats and a t-shirt. Shawn did the same when I got back. He picked Grace up to hold while I scrolled through our movie choices. I chose a romantic comedy.
~~~~~~
For the rest of the week, I lived in a wonderful state of excitement. Whenever I thought of our upcoming date, I'd experience frisson.
Shawn and I managed to be fairly normal around each other, though there were a lot more exchanges of shy smiles and incidences where one of us caught the other staring. It was a bit like middle school.
Actually it was a lot like middle school. I'd go to bed at night thinking, 'Oh my god, the boy I love loves me, too!' and I'd giggle to myself. I only wished I could talk to my friends about it. That was impossible since no one knew that things weren't already perfect between us.
Except for Karen.
I knew Shawn had confided in her and that she'd helped him with the romantic meetaversary dinner. He's told me this the next day. Of course she'd jumped at the chance to babysit on Friday. Shawn's whole family was coming over to watch Gracie that night, though only Karen knew how special this date was.
On Wednesday I was able to attempt nursing Grace again. This was a big deal for me since I was committed to a year of breastfeeding.
Gracie was a bit confused at first. She'd obviously gotten used to the bottle and probably to the taste of formula.
"Come on sweet pea. Latch on. You've always been good at this," I told her as I made the first attempt that morning.
Finally, after some coaxing, and probably out of hunger, she did it.
When she was done, we walked out to the living area where Shawn was having coffee.
"How are the two most beautiful girls in the world this morning?" he asked.
I smiled. Comments like this annoyed me before, but I didn't mind it so much now.
"We're great, because baby Grace just had breakfast provided by me."
"Nice! Although I will miss giving her bottles," he said.
I handed Grace to him and went into the kitchen. I sighed as I looked at the coffeemaker. None of that for me anymore. Instead I made myself a mug of decaf tea.
"What should I make us for breakfast?" I asked as I opened the fridge and surveyed the contents.
We'd been eating leftover Thai food nonstop and I was happy to see it was almost all gone.
"Scrambled eggs," Shawn suggested.
I got out the eggs and broke six in a mixing bowl. I added some milk and whisked it well. I popped some bread in the toaster and then cooked the eggs.
"This is delicious," Shawn said as we sat at the table eating.
"It's just scrambled eggs," I said.
"Mal, you look really good this morning."
"I actually feel pretty good. I'm starting to feel human again."
I'd turned a corner last night, apparently. Until today, most days I'd wake up and wouldn't feel rested. I'd often drag all day. This morning I awoke feeling delightfully refreshed.
"Can we go out today?" I asked.
"What did you have in mind?"
"Remember I said I wanted to get some fall decorations? Maybe we could go to Target. I just want some pumpkins and leaves and things like that."
Shawn grinned. "Whatever you want. Are you thinking Halloween decorations?"
I shook my head. "Not yet. Maybe in the middle of October. This would be stuff we could use through November. Up to Thanksgiving."
Shawn chuckled. "You do know that Thanksgiving in Canada is in October, right? It's two weeks from this coming Monday."
"I did actually know that, but we'll be celebrating two Thanksgivings. In fact, I was wondering if we should go to Virginia to celebrate with my parents. I feel like I need to get back for either Thanksgiving or Christmas."
"Let's go for Thanksgiving. I want our first Christmas as a family to be here," Shawn said as he cleared the dishes.
I got up and got Grace out of her swing. I held her in my arms as I sat on the couch. Something about planning holidays together as a family made me incredibly happy.
"Can we invite my parents here for Christmas?" I asked. "It's Grace's first and they'll want to be a part of that."
Shawn walked into the living room and sat down. He had a fresh mug of coffee in his hands.
"Maybe we should start house hunting. We might be able to be in a new place by December. That way, we'd have room for your parents," he suggested.
I bounced Grace on my lap causing her to squeal in delight. I turned to him. "Okay. Let's start looking."
Shawn grabbed his laptop and started pulling up listings. His mom was a realtor and would act as our agent, but we could find potential listings ourselves.
"Four bedrooms in this same general area," he said as he started typing.
There weren't many choices, but one actually looked promising. It was an older building, but the condo had been completely renovated. It had four bedrooms and a study, which could easily be turned into a studio. The living area was actually big enough to fit a baby grand piano. Shawn had said that was a dream of his. The living space was open with lots of columns and built-ins.
"Maybe we should check it out next week," I said.
"What if it sells before then?" he asked.
I leaned over and looked at the listing. "It's been in the market for 68 days. We should be safe."
Shawn copied a link to the listing and sent it to his mom. He then went to the bedroom to take a shower.
I continued to hold Gracie. I smiled at her and said, "I'm hoping your daddy and I work everything out, baby. We seem to be making plans for the future."