SCARLETT
I didn't know much about Alice Cooper. To be quite honest, I knew practically nothing, but I remember where I had seen her the first time and when I had run out of my room that had been the first place I had to think about. She obviously knows that the police and the FBI are looking for her, so she can't go back home or to any property bought or rented at her name.
While I walk through the branches of thick pines, that scratch and sting my skin, I immediately notice, from afar, a very easily spottable red color of hair. I start cutting the distance between us with long strides, because she can't escape me this time. It's actually scary how similar this situation is, it's just reversed this time; she's the one being hunted and I'm the hunter. When I'm near enough, she must hear the noise of my boots hitting the branches and leaves on the ground and that's when she turns toward me.
When she recognizes me, her eyes open wide, just like her mouth. She tries to back away, ready to run away from me, but I'm fast enough to take out the gun from my backpack and pointing it at her figure.
"Don't you dare!" I glance at her and she immediately stops, raising her hands up. She knows I'm not kidding, but after all... after everything she's done to me and to others, how could I ever be. She's paler than usual and her eyes are red and puffy, it looks like she's been crying.
"Don't shoot, please..." She cries, keeping her hands up where I can see them. Tears are slowly streaming down her face now, but I don't feel the minimum compassion for her. I have desired to be face to face to the person that had held me down there, that almost killed me and killed both my sister and my baby for a long time and every fucking time I've dreamed about pulling the fucking trigger. I've never imagined a different ending. Every happy story ended this way. Spencer is right; revenge is just going to make the world blind, but sometimes it is the only thing you have left.
"You killed my sister!" I scream at her, waving the gun in the air, still pointing it against her. "And when I almost bleed to death and you left me rotting in a hole I was pregnant..." A tear streams down my face, while I scream these words against her. "All the shit you injected inside of me killed my baby!" I sob, forcing myself to keep my arms up, even if I feel the necessity fall down on my knees and crawl on myself, because I'm just exhausted. I'm exhausted of everything.
"I'm so sorry..." She sobs too, hiding her face with her hands. "I can't stop... I'm not strong enough." She keeps crying and sobbing and if I didn't know already it would be very obvious that she needs help. "You and your sister were my prettiest dolls..." At her words, I tighten the hold on the trigger, feeling ready to pull it now, but just when I'm about to I hear some steps coming toward us. I keep the gun on her, but I look behind me to check and when I see Harry I really don't know how to feel. Nobody was supposed to find me before I had done what I had come here for.
"Put the gun down, Scar!" He immediately says, as soon as he's near enough. I can see, by his eyes, how terrified of what I can do he is, and maybe concerned too.
"Don't tell me what to do!" I glance at him, not moving my arm of a centimeter. I keep looking at the woman in front of me, the one that deserves to pay and I try to find in me the courage to pull the trigger as I had promised myself I would do.
"Your father is coming and so is the rest of the team... they're gonna arrest you." He warns me and I find myself hesitating for a second. I didn't want my father to see me shooting at an unarmed person, but the truth is that it doesn't matter anymore. Before I can say or do anything else at all I hear voices and steps, coming from behind and I immediately understand that they've been faster than what I and Harry were expecting.
"Scarlett, put the gun down!" I recognize my father's voice. There's conflict inside of me, between what I want to do and what I know is the morally correct thing to do.
"Listen to them, Scarlett..." Alice whispers, completely terrified in front of my loaded gun, and it only makes me want to pull the trigger more.
"She killed my baby!" I scream at all of them, trying to justify my need for revenge and the hate I feel in my chest toward this woman. A hate so strong that is eating me alive and I'm still sure that this is the only way to stop it.
"Yes, and you're obviously hurting but if you shoot her she wins," Harry tells me and for a second I have to bring my eyes on him, to make sure that the words really had come from him. "Don't let her have the power to destroy your life a second time, Scar." I think about his words, about how he's begging me to put the gun down. I could pull this trigger, she would be dead and I'd have my revenge and after that, I'd spend the rest of my life behind bars. I could pull the trigger and let the always growing hate inside of my chest eating me alive, once and for all. I could let it devour me or I could put it down and see her living the rest of her life behind bars. The truth is that I've already embarked on a journey of revenge and the first time should be enough of a lesson.
I take a deep breath and then I let my arms fall down my body, hearing Alice breathing a sigh of relief. Before I can fall down on my knees, my father quickly wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest.
"It's over... it's all over!" She holds me tight and caresses my head, while I cry against his chest, letting everything I have inside go, or at least I try to. I don't know if I'm going to regret my decision, but I don't right now, as I watch Wes handcuffing her and bringing her away. I feel lighter and maybe that's positive.
*
"You scared the shit out of me, Scar!" My mother sobs, as soon as she sees me coming back home safe and sound. She wraps her arms around me and holds me tight against her. On the ride back home, I've managed to calm down and things are starting to feel slowly better. I'm not going to forgive but I feel better about myself without that accumulation of hate and rage condensed inside of my chest. It feels better not to be mad all the time and maybe that's what I need to start living my life again.
"I'm sorry mom..." I sigh and lightly smile at her, once she manages to let me go. I walk inside with my father and Harry, that wanted to make sure I was ok. My mother drags me to the kitchen and immediately fills up my hand with a fuming cup of chocolate.
"Sugar can be a great cure-all!" My mother smiles, caressing my cheek with the back of her fingers. "Fuck tea!" I giggle at her words, just feeling simply happy to be back home with her. I sip on my chocolate, while she starts prancing around the kitchen again.
"I'm gonna cook you your favorite meal!" She tells me, trying to take out a million different things from the fridge and the food storage.
"I'll tell Harry goodbye and I'll come to help you!" I rest the cup on the kitchen counter, before walking out of the kitchen. Once I leave the room, I hear my father talking to Harry.
"I wanted to thank you for what you did today!" He says, clearly referring to Harry's words and how much they've helped me realize what I was doing. "You did a great job!" He adds, with a tight smile and gives him a pat on the shoulder.
"Thank you!" Harry says. Before my father can add anything else, he notices me staring at them and Harry quickly does too. He turns toward me and observes me, so I decide to walk toward them.
"Do you feel better?" He asks me again and I just nod my head with a smile.
"Yeah... I'll help mom in the kitchen and I'll feel even better." I giggle and he does too. "If you have to go, you can. Don't worry about me!" He smiles and then he takes a step toward me to kiss my forehead as he always does before leaving.
"I'll be back for dinner, honey." I nod my head and I look at him walk away. The situation feels immediately more tense, once I'm left alone with Harry.
"I wanted to thank you for what you did..." I glance up at him and he just smiles at me. I'm not sure I can still look at him the same after what he's asked Cielo and for the way he's treated her. I wonder if I see the same Harry everyone else sees, or if he acts differently just with me.
"I'm just glad you're fine and no one got hurt..." He shrugs his shoulders.
"I talked to Cielo..." I decide to confess. The look in his eyes seems immediately alarmed at my words and I can tell, by the way, his body tenses up, that he's definitely nervous now. "I didn't tell her anything but she told me she's pregnant." He nods his head at my words and looks down.
"You were so unfair to her!" He furrows his eyebrows and looks at me with a mix of confusion and surprise. He wasn't expecting this reaction at all. He wasn't expecting to get scolded for his behavior.
"Scar, I don't want kids!" He sighs with exasperation. "I'll give them everything they need but I don't want to be part of their life. Not with a baby."
"What is it that scares you so much?!" I question him and I can tell that he feels immediately uncomfortable by my assumptions but the fear in his eyes was evident to me. "You say that I'm the one that got to know you better and yet I know and understand so little about you." I sigh. He immediately looks down, feeling extremely vulnerable under my attentive eyes.
"You're a fool, Harry..." I shake my head and sigh, when he stays silent. "God is giving you a second opportunity and you don't realize how lucky you are," My voice breaks down at mid-sentence and I have to suffocate a sob while these words leave my mouth. He looks up at me and I can tell how sorry he feels now, because he knows what I've been through and how important it was to me.
"You're gonna have kids too, Scar..." He smiles down at me, bringing his hand to my cheek. "Maybe not right now, but it'll happen." I like to believe so. "Maybe not with me... with someone that is gonna love you in the right away and that you'll love back." He sadly smiles, making my heart ache at his words. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to think about anyone but him, but I keep getting stuck in the past. I'm holding onto the memory of a relationship that did nothing but hurt us both, all the time. And maybe it's time to look forward to both of us.
"Don't talk like that..." I glance up at him, not wanting to hear it. There's no need to think about it now.
"I'd be happy for you..." He shrugs his shoulders and sadly smiles. "It'd drive me crazy but I'd be happy." He giggles, caressing my cheek again. I have to remind myself that things have changed for us now because looking at his smile and at his forest green eyes I risk forgetting all about it. I take a few steps away from him and cross my arms over my chest. He understands, by the look in my eyes, that it's time to go now.
*
"How does it feel to go around without security following you around?" My mom asks me, as we walk back home to our apartment after a whole day at the mall. I had deeply missed these afternoons consisting of just my mom and me.
"It feels fucking amazing!" I nod my head and then laugh with her. It really feels good. I'm slowly getting back my life and I'm taking it back in my hands. "You have no idea!"
It's been one week since both Alice and Joanne have been arrested. One week since I've tried to put my life back on track. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I don't have any intention to spend my days in bed crying. I'm thankful for the second chance someone has decided to give and I'm not going to waste it. I want to live and I want to do it fully. I've started with little steps, but before going to bed I've started to check various university faculties to see what I'd be interested in more. I haven't found anything that has completely captured my attention so far but I won't stop looking.
"Yeah, I can imagine..." my mother giggles. "Hey, who's that?" She captures my attention when she points to the woman waiting on our house's door. There's a brunette woman standing right in front of it but we can't see her face.
"No idea!" I shrug my shoulders continuing to walk with my mother toward our door.
"Hey Mrs., are you looking for someone?" My mother politely says when we're near enough. The woman immediately turns around toward us and in that moment I recognize the familiar face.
"Uh, yeah... I was looking for Scarlett." In her hands, she has a bouquet of flowers and she looks at me with a kind smile on her face.
"Do you know her?" My mother turns her head toward me and I nod my head, feeling quite confused on the reason why she's here.
"I think so..." I observe the traits on her face again, trying to make sure she really is who I think she is. "You're Harry's mother..." she nods her head at me.
"Oh, let's go inside then!" My mother takes out the key and opens the door to get in. "Do you want something to drink?" My mother asks Harry's mother that quickly shakes her head with a polite smile.
"Thank you so much, I'm fine!" We start walking toward the living room and we both sit down on the couch. She looks a lot like Harry and she hasn't aged a lot. She's still a beautiful woman. She's wearing a purple sundress with a jeans jacket and a pair of black sandals.
"My name is Sandy. I know it must be weird for you..." she starts saying, chuckling out of nervousness. "I don't even know if Harry's told you about me."
"Harry doesn't talk a lot..." I just shrug my shoulders. Harry has always told me that his mother didn't care about him but I doubt she would be here if she didn't.
"Oh, but he does talk a lot about you, instead." She nods her head with a wide smile on her lips. I feel my heart rushing into my chest at her words. I wonder how he talks about me with other people. I'd like to hear that. "Not with me but with his sister. He tells her everything about you." I didn't know that. I was telling the truth when I said that Harry doesn't talk a lot. He just doesn't like talking about himself and private matters. "So I wanted to see you and meet you..."
"I'm really happy to meet you too." I honestly say. I don't know a lot about her and I could find out more this way but I don't think Harry would be happy with it.
"My daughter also told me what happened lately... Harry's heartbroken." Her smile slowly decreases thinking about her son. I can tell she cares and I don't get why Harry's so stubborn about not wanting to see her. I also wonder if she knows about Cielo and the baby she's carrying.
"Yeah, trust me... I am too." I sadly smile.
"He really loves you, Scarlett." I don't have a doubt about it, not anymore, but it doesn't mean that it can fix everything. Sometimes love is not enough and it can fix nothing.
"I don't doubt it but... it's complicated." I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. I lower my stare and she stays silent. When I glance up she's attentively looking at me, probably examining the traits of my face and trying to memorize them.
"You're a gorgeous girl..." she stretches her arm to my face and softly caresses my cheek. I just smile at the compliment, probably blushing a little bit.
"Can I ask you something?" I ask her.
"Of course..."
"Why haven't you tried to talk to him?" I genuinely ask her, not making it sound like an accusation. I just want to know. I want to know why Harry despises her so much when she's driven until here to find me, just because she wanted to know the woman her son is in love with.
"He hates me... he wouldn't want to talk to me." She shakes her head and chuckle. She looks down, almost incapable to look at me in the eyes while she speaks. I can tell she's not proud of whatever has happened between them.
"I think you're wrong... I think he's scared to admit that he misses you and that he wishes he could change his relationship with you." Sandy chuckles at the thought of it, probably thinking it's ridiculous but I really mean what I've told her.
"You don't know what I've done... he hates me, trusts me." She insists and at this moment I notice that tears are streaming down her face now.
"I can't think of anything you could do to bring him to hate you." They haven't been in contact for over 10 years and yet here she is, caring and loving her son. I can't imagine her as a bad mother.
"I slit my wrists in front of him." She looks up to me. I can't help but slightly open my lips to her revelation. I can't manage to hide my shock. Harry has never told me about it and I can't imagine how it must be for a child to grow up remembering something like that about his mother. "I almost killed myself in front of him..." she sobs, hiding her mouth with her hand. Now it makes sense why she thinks he hates her. I bring my hand on her back and I rub it, trying to comfort her in some way.
"I've been diagnosed with the depressive disorder when he was just a kid... he didn't know what it meant, he just saw the worst of me..." she says almost in a whisper and sighs, finally managing to stop her tears.
"You were ill, Sandy." I bring my hand to her. Now I understand why Harry used to react like that when I went through depression after I started using drugs. He had already seen it and he didn't want to see me end up like his mother. "Maybe he didn't understand back then but I'm sure he'd understand now." No wonder Harry doesn't want to have kids. He doesn't know what it means to raise a child. He's never had a real parental figure in his life and that's probably where all of his fears come from. He's just scared, he's not a bad person. "Depression is not a joke and especially it's not a choice."
"Do you really think he would understand?" She sniffs, glancing up at me. I nod my head, without any doubt in my mind.
"I think he would." I smile. "You should go to see him and talk to him."
"Thank you for talking to me, Scarlett. Now I know that he saw so much more apart from your beauty." She stands up and when I do too, she wraps her arms around me, holding me in a hug.
"It's my pleasure!" I smile, hugging her back. I love Harry, I really do. No matter what has happened, I want him to be ok and to be happy and maybe his mother is something he truly needs and has always needed.
ONE WEEK LATER
I had thought a lot about going to see Harry in the last week. I was excited to see whatever his mother had found or not the courage to go see him and deep down I also simply wanted to see him and that's why I had stopped myself. I can't keep doing this. It was necessary to distance myself from him and it still is, but it's been a week and talking to him for one last time is something I retain fundamental before distancing myself from him for good.
I've taken my decisions. I know what it's the right thing for me to do and I can't look back now, but I have to talk to him. I need to see him one more time and I need to get a closure before I can go on with my life.
I've been thinking a lot about him, about our relationship and where it can go from now. I've also talked to Annalise and to Celine. There's no doubt me and Harry are in love with each other, but sometimes it's not enough. It's not enough when all we do is hurting each other and keeping sacrificing ourselves into the relationship, instead of prospering together. It's not good and it's not healthy. And especially, I don't feel like a relationship could ever prosper if I can't love and take care of myself first. And Harry needs to think about himself too first. A relationship is the last thing we need in our lives, at this precise moment. It takes an extreme strength to realize and to accept, but it's something we both need. Maybe will have another time, or maybe that was our time. It was brief but intense... it doesn't mean that it's any less worth living and it's something that we sure won't forget, for as long as we live. His print will be on my heart forever.
When I knock on his door, I feel my whole body tingling at the idea of having him in front of me. He takes a while to open the door and when he does, he seems quite surprised to see me. He was probably expecting someone else.
"Scar..." He softly smiles at me. "I wasn't expecting you!" He says surprised, looking at me almost to make sure I'm really here.
"Yeah... can I come in or you're too busy?" He immediately opens the door to my question and steps aside to let me in. Once he closes the door behind me I turn toward him. The whole house is full of boxes and a lot of furniture is gone. It seems like he's moving.
"You were expecting someone else?" I ask him with a smile and he nods his head.
"Yeah, I thought it was my mother..." he rubs his head and proudly smiles at me. It's like he already knew it was something I wanted to know and he's definitely right; at his words, a spontaneous smile immediately appears on my lips.
"You see her again?" I fake my best-surprised area and it's not that hard, considering how genuinely happy I am for both of them.
"I've been seeing her every day for the last five days..." he nods his head and smiles again.
"That's amazing... I'm so happy for you!" I pat him on the shoulder as a way to congratulate him.
"I know you two have met..." he rolls his eyes with a smirk on his mouth. Well, maybe I should've have faked it. "And I wanted to thank you for whatever you've told her for making her come to see me." He adds and his smile immediately softens.
"I haven't told her anything at all... I've just told her how I thought you felt about her and apparently I was right..." I smirk at him with pride and he chuckles, nodding his head.
"You've always been better than me at reading me... I've always loved it about you." He slowly raises his hand to my face and caresses my cheek. "You've always cared... you have never pretended."
"You just had met every wrong person before me." I shrug my shoulders and smile at him. I can't help but notice how near me he is and it would be so easy right now to just kiss his lips but it's not something I can allow myself to do, no matter how desperately I want it.
"So you're moving?" I have to break the silence when I notice that his stare focuses too much on my lips. I slowly back away from him and stars pacing around the room, observing the various boxes around.
"Yeah, I couldn't stay here after everything..." he shrugs his shoulders and glances at me moving around the room.
"Yeah, I totally get it..." I nod my head. What I'm gonna miss the most are the memories — good and bad — that were made in this place, even if they were completely ruined and appropriated by an evil being. "What about your job in New York?"
"I quitted." Harry chuckles and nods his head. I look at him pleasantly surprised by his choice. He's never liked it and I'm glad he's decided to follow what he believes in. "I want to find my own road..."
"I'm really proud of you!" I genuinely tell him.
"What about you? Any ideas on what you'll be doing?" He asks.
"Yeah... I've been undecided for a quite long time but I've made my decision now." I nod my head and then I take a deep breath, while he looks at me with his attentive and interested stare. "I'll be living in Paris for a bit. I've been thinking about it and it's something I feel like I need to do." His whole expression completely lights down at my words. He wasn't expecting it and maybe it's not what he would've liked but it's not going to change my decision. I've been thinking about it since Celine first proposed it to me and both my mother and my father thinks that distancing myself from all of it is something I really need right now. They'll come to visit often, especially since my father has a relationship with Celine and I feel sure of my decision now. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to him.
He stays silent for quite a long time, before he nods his head in understanding and then a soft smile appears on his lips. There's sadness, but also genuine happiness and understanding. Maybe he's realized what I know too, that maybe right now it's just not our time. That if it's meant to be, no matter how long we'll stay apart, our hearts will always belong together and find a way back to each other. For once, I'm not scared and neither he is.
"I wish you all the best, Scar..." he takes a few steps toward me, cutting the distance between us and he grabs my hands.
"I wish you all the best too." I nod my head and sadly smile at him. It still pains me to let him go. He draws me toward his body and immediately wraps his arms around my figure, to tighten me in a hug and I do the same; I hold him tight memorizing behind my fingertips the curves of his body and through my nostrils the smell of his skin and hair, or the way he holds me tight. I want to remember everything about him.
Before letting me go, he kisses the back of my hand and when we look at each other in the eyes again both of our eyes are watery now.
"Don't forget me..." I tell him, almost in a whisper, not trusting the sound of my voice right now.
"I could never forget you." He caresses my cheek with a sad smile. When I turn around, toward the door, I feel my heart aching.
I'm not brave enough to look back at him, when I open the door and start going downstairs, but when he calls my name I can't do otherwise.
"I'll always love you." He tells me, when I turn to meet his face one more time. I smile at him, looking him right in the eyes and he knows; there's no need I tell him back, he already knows that I'll love him for the rest of my life too. While I go downstairs, leaving him behind me, I realize that I've left a piece of my heart with him.