"My stress is at an all time hiiiiiigh," I sing into the mic in the studio lot of Universal where all acts for DSMN can use to rehearse. All of us are hysterically delusional. We're two weeks away from DSMN and all my focus and attention is on this show, it honestly feels like the first time all over again — the nerves, the uncertainty, the overall fear of failure and criticism...all of it.
"Break it down now..." there's literally nothing left for me to do than to dance it out with Julia because I feel like if I sit still long enough or think about it for more than a minute I'll break down and cry from all the overwhelming, roller coaster of emotions. Julia plays one of the songs that we both know full choreography to from our dance classes that we take as a workout — this makes for great BTS for the video release of the show on Netflix.
This is the first time the band and I are performing together. Together we're doing the entire setlist. There's no better time than right now to test to see if we have each other's back. "Rehearsals have been going fucking great, right?" Fabian asks me taking a big drink of water as I reply to an email with one hand and swing the mic stand back and forth with my foot and catching it with my free hand.
Fabian isn't wrong, the four of us have undeniable chemistry and it translates when we play but I'm just slightly worried that when the time comes — when we're in front of thousands and thousands of people things might not go as swimmingly as I like. It's one thing to play together it's another to play for the masses.
"Olivia, come on...you know we're doing amazing! This is what we do, it's what we're all good at. We're not gonna choke," Fabian reassures me, if he can tell what I'm worried about then he's right. We got this.
"Yeah, you're right. I'm just nervous," I stop swinging my mic stand wrapped in scarves from my fans. "This whole show is putting me over the edge because it's new — all of it. Every part of the show is new, including us," I blurt out rubbing my face. "We got this, you gotta trust us like we trusted you with all — of — this," he pointed at the entire studio filled with the rest of our band, dancers, tech people...everyone working really hard on this show.
I nod in agreement ready to completely kick ass with my badass band, "let's do I Want to Break Free!" I request but my excitement it cut off by Julia, "uhhhh let's just start from the top? Like run the whole set list together?" She tries to assert. "Uh, okay, weirdo..." I shrug and we run the set from beginning to end perfectly!"
It's almost 3 AM when I get home, so late that the dogs don't even get up to greet me. I clumsily make my way up stairs in the dark, "ow, fuck!" I obviously miss the last step of the stairs and fall on my knees. I creep quietly into my bedroom, trying my best not to make too much noise and wake my sleeping lump of girlfriend.
I'm exhausted, I don't bother changing into my pajamas even though tonight would be the best night since sleeping Abby won't try and snake them off in her sleep. I manage to leave my clothes in a pool on the floor, pull out the makeup wipes from Abby's bedside table and wipe away whatever makeup I have left after my 20 hour day. I finally climb into bed and wrap my arms around my lady who has the warmth of sleep all over her naked body. I snuggle up behind her and breathe her in, "mmmm."
"Liv?" She musters up moving herself to mold herself against my body as my little spoon. "I missed you, munchkin," I kiss her on the head falling asleep the second my body lay still next to my sweet, sweet lady.
My alarm goes off and it feels like I haven't even slept, like I just got home and closed my eyes. "Turn it off," Abby groans rolling on top of me to get my alarm. "No...I have to workout," I mumble with Abby's hair in my face and her crushing me. "No, sleep in you only got home a couple hours ago," Abby quietly says wrapping her arms around me and nestling her head in the crook of my neck, her naked body pressed against mine.
I look at the time to my right, it's almost 6 AM and Abby is right, as usual, I just got home a couple hours ago. I have a workout session scheduled in 30 minutes that I guess I could reschedule and I'm not due to be on set until lunch, I was going to go into the office this morning but they won't need me until at least 8 AM the earliest so that's a good hour and half of extra sleep I can get in.
"I can hear you thinking," my lady growls into my neck. Why does she know me so well? Or was I that obvious that I was already calculating my morning. I reach for my phone and select the group chat with Julia and my trainer telling them I was out this morning since I got home so late, thankfully it isn't just me that's dead, Jules is too and Bradley is okay with cancelling this morning. The second I put my phone down I'm instantly sucked back into a deep sleep with Abby in my arms.
I wake up with my face in my pillow and Abby not in my arms where I last left her. I prop myself up, "Oh fuck..." I go straight into a panic because I definitely overslept and won't be able to make it into the office to get any extra work done. "Uggghh!! I'm late!!!" I groan looking for clothes to wear to the office. "Babe, what are you doing?" I hear Abby come in. "I overslept! I was gonna go into the office before going to set! I have a ton of stuff I need to get done," I burst out before shoving my toothbrush into my mouth.
"I cancelled your morning and pushed your call time to 2 PM with me," she tells me handing me a cup of coffee and running the bath for me. "Wha?" I stare at her through the reflection of our bathroom mirror. "You heard me, Olivia. I haven't seen you in weeks and you're exhausted. You need a break! You need a minute to catch your breath and enjoy this moment — your accomplishments for the concert," she says sprinkling her favorite bath salts into the tub without looking up at me.
"Munch...I really can-" I try to explain to her that I should be at the office helping my team. "Yes. You. Can," she firmly says to me in a way I know better than to argue with. I whimper because I love when she gets this way — dominant and strong, taking charge of our relationship and me because I know I would never give myself this morning off or any morning off this close to DSMN weekend.
I give her a suspicious look with my toothbrush still buzzing in my mouth, "so I don't have anywhere I need to be until 2 o'clock today?"
"Mhm, Angie has assured me that everything is running smoothly at the office, Jules said the band ran through the whole setlist last night to perfection and that you guys didn't have the rehearsal space today to begin with," she looked at me through the reflection in the mirror and unbuttoned my jeans, gently pulling them off with my panties. She lead me towards the tub that was filled with perfectly heated water and bath salts to soothe my aching body.
"In. Now," my girlfriend demands. I situate myself in the deep tub that has the sun shining directly into it, making it truly picturesque, "looks like you're not just dominant in the sheets, Ms. Ricci."
"You'd be surprised how versatile I really am," she giggles handing me a bathbomb. She sits on the floor outside the tub with her knees brought closely to her chest. "You can come in too, you know," I joke. "Nope, this is you-time. I'm here to make sure you don't sit here and answer emails and because I miss you. This time of year is always hard for me," she said with a sense of shame. I sighed heavily because I know she's right, "if we didn't have the show I feel like we wouldn't see each other at all," I said in a perpetually tired voice. "Sssh, just relax," she firmly shushed me and hands me a cup of steaming hot coffee.
"Baby, I see you working hard and I wanna let you know I'm proud and admire what you do. My life would be purposeless without you," she quietly confesses with her chin resting on the edge of the tub and poking bubbles with the index finger of her left hand.
"Anything I want, you get it. When I ask you for something, you provide it. You inspire me to be better, challenge me for the better...so let me take care of you. I just wanna take the stress away from you, let me do my part. If you want it, I got it. I promise you that I'll stay the same girl you fell in love with," she continues to pour her heart out to me and I sit up so I can hold her hands in mine and look into her big doe eyes.
"You blow me away. Nothing can tear us apart, you're all I want in a girlfriend. Through the good, the bad, the ups and the downs — I'll still be here for you. I'm glue, baby," she leans forward just enough to meet me halfway for a kiss, I will always meet her halfway. More than if I need to.
"I love you, munch," I smile into a warm kiss. "Why the sudden love letter?" I tease slipping back into the tub because my body is finally allowing me to feel how achy and sore I actually am.
"Because I can read you look a book, Olivia Nicole! I knew as soon as I said that I missed you and that I haven't seen you in weeks you would blame yourself," she raises a brow at me as if challenging me to say she's wrong.
"I just wanted to reassure you that I'm better this year, I'm seeing how much work you put into this one weekend to make everything perfect and seamless, I get it and I'm not mad, but a girl can miss her sweet girlfriend can't she?" She chuckles kissing me on the cheek before getting up. I grab her by the wrist and try to pull her into the tub with me but she stops me and holds herself up, holding both sides of the edge of the tub so she's hovering over me.
"Inside," I demand. "I have clothes on!" She counters. "Muuuuuunch..." I whine annoyingly until she strips her clothes off and joins me in the tub. She keeps her promise to me and does her part in taking the stress away, at least for the time being. God, I love magic time after not having it for a while!!!!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
"How many shows are you doing today?" My sweet lady asks me from bed with my favorite fuzzy blanket wrapped around her. It's barely sunrise and my entire glam team, including Lee is downstairs waiting to work their magic and make me look like I got a full night's rest and have flawless and symmetrical features aka photoshop. I roll over and bite down on Abby's exposed shoulder, "I have E!, Ellen, Extra, Access Hollywood, and Jimmy Kimmel." I sit up and stretch my entire body hoping to wake it up more.
"Go back to sleep it's not even sunlight yet," I insist, slipping my glasses on face and reaching for a shirt. I don't normally need to wear my glasses unless it's to read but when I'm especially tired — like DSMN season I find myself reaching for it more often than none.
"Mmmm, I will," Abby says sleepily when I look back at her from the bathroom she's already fast asleep, holding on to my pillow and sprawled out diagonally across our bed.
"Morning," I mumble to my team — Chad, Lee, Brad, Calvin, and my new assistant, Alisha are all in the glam room prepping for our very long day.
I'm carrying some muffins on a tray for everyone to eat while we get ready, as well as coffee brewing in the kitchen. "Abby still asleep?" Brad asks steaming all my outfits for the day for probably the tenth time. "Yeah, she had a night shoot last night," I yawn.
"I don't know how you do it every fucking year, bud," Lee says blending in my foundation. "Like we do this together every year — the press, the show but that's not even half of the work you put into it every year and I'm already like dead tired," my older brother says to me in complete awe. "I don't know how I do it, honestly, like I really don't. I got home at like 2 AM last night, woke up and did a 30 minute workout, and now this," I reply releasing yet another yawn. "But it's honestly worth it when I do the show and see everyone loving it and the charities that get the proceeds...it's worth it."
I may be lying when I talk tell Lee that it's worth it because I'm at that point of exhaustion that I just wanna cry — like a toddler. I know DSMN is always worth it, I just hate how draining and all consuming it can be. Every year for months and weeks at a time it consumes me and becomes my entire life. I would never give up DSMN but one day I won't have to be so consumed by the show.
"Alright, done. You're ready to go, I just need to pack up and we can all leave," Lee announces. "I'm done too," Chad reply with the last spritz of hairspray. "Okay, I'll be back...load up the car," I place my hand on Alisha's shoulder as I head upstairs to my lady.
"Munch, I'm leaving," I say quietly poking my head through our bedroom door. She's still in bed but wide awake now, I smile at the sight of my girl wearing another pair of my glasses wrapped in my favorite blanket. "Did you know that people are trying to resell your wristbands for $1200?" She said with astonishment. I hand her a cup of coffee and crawl on all fours to kiss my adorable lady sprawled out in our bed. How could someone be so adorable and so sexy at the same fucking time?
"You know what else I realized?" She looks up at me after taking a sip of the coffee I brought her. "Hmm?" I admire the girl in front of me. "You never actually asked me to be your girlfriend. Like you never said the words 'will you be my girlfriend?' To me," she said with mock astonishment, sipping her coffee. "Well, you didn't ask me either, munch!" I chuckle and lean in and hover over my lady before kissing her full, plump lips.
Abby pushes herself up to further deepen our kiss. She brought our mouths together and I pulled her lower lip between mine and sucked. My sweet lady pushed her tongue deep into my mouth and I grunted in approval. I closed my lips around it and sucked lightly. Abby shivered.
A knock on our bedroom door prevents things from going any further which may have been for the best because I could've had my way on top of Abby right then and there. "Ah fuck...sorry!!!" Alisha gasps slamming the door shut again. My tiny brunette and I double over laughing, "looks like Alisha has officially been initiated."
"Alright, I wanna welcome my guest for the hour, my dear, dear friend...god, I love her! Olivia Riviera!" Ellen announces and my newest single with the band plays as I dance my way out to the seat across from my friend.
"I want you to do something for me...I'm gonna list things off and I want you to-" Ellen requests looking at me then back at her studio audience. "Oooh is it a game?" I interrupt excitedly. "No, not yet," she chuckles. "I want you to count off on your fingers the things I'm listing, can you do that for me?" Ellen asks holding up a note card.
"Singer, songwriter, pianist, composer, music producer..." she lists off as I slowly raise five fingers up and give her a confused look because I don't even know what she's listing or what it means. "Actress, producer, record label, CEO, band member..." Ellen laughs because I'm already holding up all ten fingers and she doesn't seem done with her list. "Andy, can we get a hand?" Andy runs out and kneels beside me to hold up fingers to count off. "Friend, daughter, sister, and girlfriend...Fourteen! Fourteen things that I've listed, what do you think? Who do you think I just described with these fourteen things?" Ellen ass with a raised brow. "...me..." I say bashfully, covering my face with both hands.
The crowd audibly oohh's and ahh's over everything and I am noticeably blushing. Ellen knows how much I hate getting this much attention drawn to me like this. "Oh my god, it's not even...it's not as crazy as it sounds!" I giggle. "Well, no, no...you're how old?" Ellen presses. "Twenty-five..." I reply covering my eyes with one hand.
"You're twenty-five and these are all the things you are currently doing, is in your job description...everything. You're amazing. Seriously amazing...you blow me away and listen, I am so proud of you! You know that. You know how much I love ya. You're so down to earth and your heart is one of kind and you're so incredibly intelligent...I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge you and all that you've accomplished so far, Liv because I know you and I know you're grateful but you should give yourself at least a pat on the back," Ellen says standing out of her seat and clapping, her audience following suit.
"So, explain this year's weekend concert because things have changed, right?"
"Yeah, yeah! Everything is new and different this year. You know, compared to the very first DSMN I did five years ago — in an empty backlot studio with 50 fans, then the next year at the Saban theater with 1,200 people, and then last year at the Greek theater. The little concert I had planned has grown exponentially in such a short amount of time and I'm so, so, so proud of our team. This year we're doing it on the entire lot of Universal, we're utilizing the space to its fullest potential, the backdrops are being used, everything! It's amazing! I've never seen anything like it. I don't think many people know that this has been something in fruition for almost two years, the year we did the concerts at the Greek we had already started planning this year's show!" I explain as photos of the concert space are shown behind me on the big screen.
"That's amazing! I honestly, cannot wait. Portia and I have gone every year and we love it! It's the best concert experience anyone could ask for and it really has grown so much since the first time I saw it, it's literally being called the Coachella of LA or LIVCHELLA!"
"Okay, so I have one more question for you before bring out something special for the audience, right?"
"Right!" I chirped very excitedly for the big reveal!
"My question is..." Ellen drags out making everyone laugh. "Well, it's not so much as question but, let's just talk about someone we both know..." she drags out again. "Oh my god...I already know where you're going with this," I shake my head.
"Here, let me just...let's talk about this adorable, beautiful little picture," Ellen says holding up a photo of Abby and I with the dogs from Abby's instagram. All I can do is laugh hysterically and awkwardly because I don't know how else to respond, "those are my dogs! They're so cute aren't they?" I shrug.
"Yeah, is that all you have to stay about that picture?" Ellen guesses. "Yeaup!" I smirk. "What about this one?" Ellen holds up a second photo of Abby and I in Hawaii. "Oh that's me in Hawaii, so pretty!" I tease again, not acknowledging Abby. "Alright, fine, what about this one?" She holds up another photo of Abby and I at Coachella. "Mmm...that was this year's Coachella!" Ellen laughs at my evasiveness. "And this one?" she holds up a picture I can't deny because it's a photo of Abby and I with Jon and Lee. "Oh that's my brother and future brother-in-law. There's a cutie in it too, I guess," laughing, finally caving and sort of acknowledging my girlfriend in the photo.
"Well, I'd just like to say how honored I am to have watched you grow as person and you'd never looked happier, it shows from the inside out and Portia and I truly happy for you, you have a special place in our hearts," Ellen says before breaking for commercial.
The band and I perform two of our songs before we play Ellen's game "Know or Go"
"Today we are going to test your knowledge of each other and we can see if it isn't too late to find a new band in time for DSMN..." Ellen jokes.
"Julia, how does Nathan take his coffee each morning?"
"His coffee?? OHMYGOD...black?"
"Correct!"
"Nathan, how many sisters does Fabian have?"
"Ha! Four !" Nathan answers cockily. "Including the one he dated," Fabian glares at Nathan, making for good TV.
"Fabian, what's Olivia's favorite type of cuisine?"
"All foods, she doesn't discriminate," Fabian laughs but gets dropped under his feet for the "Go" part of "Know or Go"
"Wrong, the correct answer was Italian! Olivia, who is Julia's number one favorite entertainer that she claims you haven't let her meet?" Ellen teases.
"Ugh! Beyonce?" I scream because I fall quickly through the floor and I scream bloody murder.
"Ohhh....the answer was Kelly Clarkson! Looks like you two should start your own band and ditch those two that clearly don't know anything about you!" Ellen says to Nathan and Julia laughing at the results.
"So, I hear you guys have a small announcement to make?" Ellen segues.
"Yeah, our EP just dropped...literally right now! Our EP is available now! We worked so hard and can't wait for you all to hear it!" Nathan cheers very animatedly on the couch and everyone loses their minds!
"We just dropped it digitally, it's available now on iTunes, Spotify, and Tidal where we have an exclusive track!" Julia also screams.
"Can we get the room, please?" I ask everyone to clear my dressing room so I can take a minute to calm my nerves and just be held by amazing girlfriend before I run out on stage and lose myself in the music and energy of DSMN.
Abby pulls me closer to her and we stand in the center of the room, me in complete stage hair and makeup and my costume for the first few songs. She holds me with my hand over her heart and her free hand over mine. I look into her eyes and I'm grounded and anchored back to the ground, my heart goes back to beating steadily. "I'm so proud of you Olivia — Nicole — Riviera" she finally says kissing me between each part of my name. My breath hitches because of anxiety of the show running smoothly. "Just breath, baby. I'll be right there," my lady smiles so brightly I'm blinded and ready to kick some ass!
I walk out with Abby by my side, her hand interlocked with mine. Fabian, Julia, Nathan, Abby, and I and the rest of our band huddle together, "Tonight...we're gonna have ourselves a real good time..." I start to sing in the center of the huddle with a shot glass in one hand and Abby's hand in the other. "We'll feel alive and the world, we'll turn it inside out and floating around in ecstasy! So DON'T STOP US NOW! DON'T STOP US CAUSE WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME! HAVING A GOOD TIME!!" Together we sing the namesake of our concert — the song that started it all for me, for us. We take our shot and I turn to kiss Abby, "break a leg, baby!" She shouts into my ear because the bass has started before she's swept away by Tiny to her seat.
The first half of the set is explosive! The band and I are KILLING it!!! The crowd is crazy! They're so into it and I can feel their energy coursing through my body!
"How's everyone enjoying tonight?" I yell into my mic and put it out for them to answer. I smile so warmly because my heart is overflowing. "God, I fucking love you guys!!!" I laugh into the mic knowing full well my grandma and aunts are rolling their eyes at my language. "Ed, why don't you come out here for me?" I smirk and the crowd loses it when my friend comes on stage with his scruffy red hair and guitar. I sit at my baby grand piano on stage, Julia, Fabian, and Natha ready for our next song and Ed with his guitar in front of me and the piano.
He plays the opening chords to his hit "Thinking Out Loud" and I join him for the second verse and the remaining of the song — our voices blending perfectly but my eyes scanning for my lady.
When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
The second I start singing I hear the crowd cheering again and I pause long enough for them to react before singing the next line.
And the crowds don't remember my name
I look out into the audience and give a big pout spotting Abby.
When my hands don't play the keys the same way I sing, without taking my eyes off Abby but my heart aching a bit at the thought.
I know you will still love me the same
'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, IT'S EVERGREEN!!! I sing especially loud and point directly at the love of my life sitting dead center and I swear the entire concert space fills with my love for Abby!
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory I belt my verse before Ed joins me on the hook and chorus and the remainder of the song.
After a quick change for the four of us, I head back on stage to do my solo of a song I've never performed but Julia begged me to do. I wanted to do this song to prove to myself how far I've come — how far Abby and I have come in the last two years.
I walk out to the piano with a single spot light following me — the crowd completely silent, anticipating what I'm going to do next, except for one fan that shouts, "I LOVE YOU, OLIVIA!!!!!"
"I love you so much more," I wink out into the audience knowing the camera is on me for the big screen footage.
It's obvious you're meant for me
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep
But I'll never show it on my face
But we know this, we got a love that is homeless
Why can't you hold me in the street?
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't we be like that?
'Cause I'm yours
I don't know what it is but I can't finish the rest of the song, I just keep playing the notes over and over but Jules comes out and saves me, sitting on the piano bench with me — together we sing the song. At the end she hugs me and whispers, "I'm sorry" in my ear.
We're at the halfway mark, meaning it's time for the Queen song of the night! This song is soo fitting for this entire year for me and I'm so glad, Julia suggested this song! The lights cut throughout the entire concert stage and the four of us are perfectly lined up on stage ready to hit our marks for the choreography. Fabian opens the song with his guitar...
I want to break free
I want to break free
Nathan belts out solo
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free
Julia and I join in with her violin and we belts out the first verse soundly, looking at each other and really feeling the song!
I've fallen in love
I take a step forward and sing at the edge of the stage with my arms open wide, as if letting the whole world, "YES! I AM SO IN LOVE WITH ABBY RICCI RIGHT NOW!"
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I keep singing but there's another voice singing with me — a voice I know like the back of my hand! IT'S ABBY!! ABBY IS WALKING ONTO THE STAGE FROM THE WING AND SHE'S SINGING THE SONG WITH ME!!!! I don't let her surprise stop me from singing but it definitely shows I wasn't expecting it and neither was the audience because they are absolutely losing their shit, frankly so am I!
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love
Abby cups my face with her hand, moving the hair that's blowing in my face away she's looking at me with her big brown doe eyes and her smile that could brighten anyone's darkest day. I hold her hand against my face with the mic up against my mouth, but nothing's coming out.
It's strange but it's true
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
I let Abby sing on her own — I don't mean to but I let her take over because I'm speechless and in complete awe of my lady's surprise. It feels like she's singing just to me, no one else is in this concert stage but me — and — her.
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free, baby
Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free
She twirls around and dances all around the stage with me in toe. My heart is glowing so bright I don't even notice the single spotlight following the two of us. What is my lady doing? I chuckle covering my face with one hand as she wraps me in her arms and kisses me with her soft full lips — center stage of DSMN during the instrumental break led by my band!
Fabian kills his guitar solo and Abby points to me and I know that I need to sing again. I belt the biggest notes I can because I am on top of the world after Abby surprise serenading me!
But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side
I wrap her arm around my waist and look out to the audience, but all I see are the bright lights shining on us.
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see
I've got to break free
I've got to break free
I want to break free, yeah
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free
The band and I harmonize together and end the song with fireworks going off behind us and above us. Abby pulling into a kiss one more time for the entire world to see.
The crowd literally goes wild — there's confetti and firework going off and for once it's not all in my head. "YOU'RE NUTS!!! THAT WAS INSANE!" I shout with Abby's arms wrapped around me. "I LOVE YOU OLIVIA RIVIERA!!!" She laughs her undeniably contagious laugh, turning us both out of the hug and kiss we were just in to bow in front of the entire audience. "I'LL SHOUT IT FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS, BABY!!!!" She laughs before running off stage, leaving me in a complete daze! What just happen? Did she really just...? Oh my god! That was the most amazing, liberating thing of my life!!
The night ends with more fireworks and confetti, Nathan insisted someone get him a confetti gun and we did so he's running around the stage shoot confetti out at the audience.
At the end of each DSMN show, I sing "My Heart Beats For Love" with the audience acapella and this year I have my band mates to sing along with. While Julia, Nathan, and Fabian take over a verse and chorus, I take the stairs down off the stage, much to Tiny and Mack's disapproval, and I run to Abby's seat dead center in the middle of the audience. I drag her up on stage to sing the rest of the song with me. I can't even hear what she's yelling back at me while we run on stage with the camera's following us.
"I love you, Abby Ricci!!! With all my heart! You're it for me!" I yell into her ear over the music, bringing her in for a quick kiss. "I love you, endlessly, baby! You're mine for life!" She yells back.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
"With DSMN done for the next six months and the show wrapped we have a lengthy trip to New York planned," I explain to Shann while we're working out. "So, you're leaving me again...I swear since you've started dating Abby it's like I never see you anymore! Like there's only room in your life for one girl," Shann says half joking and half seriously. Her response makes me stop everything I'm doing and I shove myself between my best friend and the gym equipment she's using, "what do you mean by that? Stop! Stop...and talk to me, peaches," I beg.
"It's nothing! We have crazy schedules that's all," she deflects but I press her again to answer my question by getting in the way of her workout once again. "Peaches, stop. Just drop it!" She snaps. My stubborn ass wasn't going to take this from Shann, no way. "Answer me!! Stop it! Shann!" I'm begging at this point for her to talk to me. "It's exactly what I said, Liv. It's like since you've been with Abby you don't need me anymore — you don't need my shoulder to cry on or someone to have dinner with because you have her! I'm happy for you, I really am but I miss my best friend that actually needed me," she said throwing the medicine ball on the floor and walking outside with her hands on her head. "I'm always going to need you, there have been times when I needed you but...I didn't want to come to you just when shit got rough, peaches and I didn't want to keep venting to you about Abby knowing it might lead you to hate her! I can't deal with that...I don't know how to deal with my best friend hating my girlfriend for hurting me..." I stand next to Shann under the overcast skies.
"I don't hate her and you can always come to me...I come to you for everything..." Shann quietly says sitting on the grass and pulling chunks out. "You will though, just like how you hate Lucas because he hurt me...anytime Abby hurts my feelings I know you, peaches, you'll hate her guts for it..." I sit down next to her and lay my head on her shoulder. "I guess...I'm just jealous of my best friend and her girlfriend," she chuckles. "I miss you, too, peaches," I shove her playfully.
"I don't hate her...not anymore, at least. I probably did when she had her stupid pretend boyfriend because it killed you, but I'm good now," my best friend stands up and puts out both her hands to hoist me up next to her. "Yeah, just like how I don't hate Matt for splitting his time between being with you and Toronto," I raise a brow at her and she hip checks me as we go back into the gym to finish our workout.
"Hey! I made you two breakfast!" My cute little girlfriend shouts from the kitchen to Shann and myself who are stretching after our workout. "Come on, she makes a really good egg white scramble...then we can go get more food after," I laugh and Shann and I drag out feet into my house.
"Where do you two usually stay when you go to New York? You guys go so often you'd think you'd have a place there already...well you used to," Shann waves her fork at me. "Yeah and that place is my brother and future brother-in-law's place now and when it's just me I stay with them but when both of us go we usually get a hotel," I reply sipping on my protein shake. "I wanna get a place but that's not a decision I make on my own," I look at Abby who is also eating breakfast with us. "I wouldn't mind renting out a little one bedroom spot...your friend on the other hand wants to buy out a brownstone or a condo on the upper west side by Central Park," Abby said sarcastically.
"Ha! She's gets a Rolls Royce and now she wants to buy a brownstone in New York! AAAYYE BIG SPENDERRR!!!" Shann laughs. "Shut up," I shake my head throwing a piece of bread at Shann.
"I'm teaching that class in the morning then I'm done for the day," I answer quietly passing the cup of coffee I made to Abby after taking a sip, watching her in the bed of our hotel room. We pass the cup back and forth in silence for a few minutes. "Which show do you wanna see tonight so I can get us tickets?" Without hesitation I answer, "Fun Home?"
"Yeah! Let's do it, I'll get us tickets," Abby bite her lower lip, taking one last sip of coffee before passing it back to me.
"Maybe, you can go to the eye doctors this morning and get yourself a pair," I tap the frame of my glasses that are perched on her nose. "Why? When I have yours?" She scrunches up her nose I take them off her face and put them on my own. "I'm serious! These are probably the wrong prescription for you, anyway!" I lean forward holding myself up with both hands on either side of my lady, my face only centimeters away from hers, I wait for her to meet me halfway with my lower lip between my teeth. "Mmm, I'll see you later, Ms. Riviera! Go teach!" She chuckles after kissing me tenderly.
"Ohhh...Ms. Riviera, huh? I kinda like that," I smile devilishly. "Yeah and I might be hot for teacher," Abby attempts to wink but bats both her eyes instead with her glorious lashes, I don't mean to snort with laughter but I do, taking all the sexiness out of the moment we just had.
"Stop laughing at me!!" My lady whines beneath me, pulling the covers over her face. "I'm sorry, munch, you're just so fucking cute when you try to wink!" My giggles die down as I walk towards all my stuff. "I can't wink sexy like you," she whines, her voice muffled under the covers. "No, you can't but I still love you. I gotta go, babe. I'll see you in a few," I pull the covers down from the edge of the bed to reveal Abby's adorable face, her hair all in her face. "Love you," she waves goodbye.
"Hi, everyone! My name is Olivia Riviera, you guys can call me Ms. Riviera or Ms. R, let's go ahead and introduce ourselves first..." I smile brightly at the five students in front of me, ready to learn as much as they can about music in this short amount of time with me.
"Great job today, Jonas! You too Carson!" I high five them on their way out. "See you girls tomorrow! Awesome job, Sienna! Krystal! You too, Taylor!"
I meet with my band mates for lunch after we all go to our respective schools to teach a music class as part of our curriculum. "How was your first day? Mine was shit, I'll just tell you now. The kids I got were mean," Nathan whines, crossing his arms. "You're just not good with kids," Julia teases. "Mine were great but it was only day one," I shrug. "Nah, you're just good with kids," Fabian waves a hand at me while taking a bite out of his sandwich.
"Where's Abby?" Julia asks stealing a fry off my plate receiving a death glare from me. "Oh my god...relax, it's just a fry!" She rolls her eyes back at me. "Running errands or with Jon," I guess. "You guys have Kasey's wedding this weekend right? In Colorado?" Julia wonders. "Yeah, it's snowing already, I don't know how to dress for a wedding with snow," I mentally shrug.
"Mmm, when do you guys wanna sit down and have a writing session or something? How's our symphony coming along, Liv?" Nathan asks bringing it back to business. "We can do tonight," Fabian suggests. "I can't tonight, I'm seeing Fun Home with Abby. The symphony is coming along...it's a lot harder than you guys think, I can't just start yours where mine ends kind of thing," I reply complacently. "But it's coming along, no?" Fabian waves his hand in Nathan's face because we can all tell he's getting antsy about it.
Phil and I already talked about how we have about six months max to get out full album out, including our possible digital album we want to do. We all have songs because we decided we would put work into this album that we worked on while in school and our symphony as sort of our culminating moment in our album, as graduates.
"It's going, trust me, you guys work on your part of the group project and I'll work on mine," I tease because it's become an on-going joke that our album is the ultimate group project. "Mmm, I gotta go, I'm meeting Lee and his wedding planner," I rush, dropping a $50 on the table for my share for lunch.
"Hey, bud," Lee brings me in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek before we head into Christian Siriano's offices. The wedding is three months away and the ball is really rolling! I'm here for my dress fitting and Lee's tux fitting. "Do you think everyone will like the stuff we designed for them?" Lee reluctantly said in the quiet elevator buzzing up. "I think everyone will love it, because it's your wedding and we want it to be perfect and special for you!" I hip check him watching the number on each floor light up. "Stop fucking around with your answers, bud," he rolls his eyes at me. "I'm not fucking around! You know I'll tell you if I hate it," I reassure my snarky brother before showing him pictures Kevin sent of him and our parents at their fitting in LA.
"I think we should take your dress in another half inch and really make it form fitting right here to accentuate your body," Christian says pinning back the dress. "I wanna be able to breathe," I laugh. "Fine we'll keep it as is, Abby wanted to keep hers as is too even though I wanted to take hers in a bit too," he says sassily unpinning my best wo-man dress.
"You know what makes me giddy just thinking about it?" Lee grits his teeth with excitement. "...what?" I ask flatly. "You're gonna walk down the aisle..." I look over at at Lee through the reflection of the tri-fold mirrors in front of me, we're back to back and he's in his tuxedo and I'm in my best wo-man dress, both of us looking at one another.
"Ugh, stop. We're not gonna do this, Lee!" I protest. "I mean, it makes me giddy thinking about you walking down the aisle with Abby!" He sings, looking at his own reflection in the mirror. "Oh wow...I am..." I blush looking at my reflection in the mirror and a tear escapes my eyes.
"Why are you crying?" Lee jumps over to me also sniffling from tears. "It's just a lot...I mean, look at us! Mom should be here, so should dad and Kevin! This is a moment you want to remember forever," I pout, trying to hold back my sobs. "We'll have our moments with them, bud!" He sniffles wiping the tears out of my eyes.
I collapse to the floor crying because of the reality Lee brought up, that I would be walking down the aisle with Abby...and my dad would be there and my heart instantly breaks. Our relationship is so strained and broken and this is only going to make matters worse when he sees me walk down the aisle with my girlfriend — even if it isn't for my wedding. "Sorry, no, I'm okay. I don't mean to make this about me, fuck I'm sorry," I take a deep breath wiping my sobs away and standing up, pushing whatever feelings I'm having down for my brother.
"Shit, I didn't even think about dad when I thought about you and Abby, I'm sorry, bud...I really am," Lee helps me up, holding me in his arms. I push my feelings aside and smile through the tear that escapes my eyes. "It's fine, babe. Come on, let's take some pictures for mom and Kevin," I wipe the tears off my eyes and my brother's eyes one last time before we take a bunch of pictures.
"Babe," I call out for Abby in our hotel room, I check my phone to see if she messaged me about where she would be because she's not in our hotel room. I sit on the edge of our bed and fall back to lie down. I cover my sore eyes from crying at the fitting with my arm over my eyes and before I know it I'm fast asleep.
"Babe, it's your turn," I hear Abby's muffled voice and I wake up to the sound of a crying baby coming from baby monitor. "Mama! Mommy! Wake up!! I'm going to the zoo today!!!" A little girl comes rushing into the room, jumping on the bed on top of me and Abby who has rolled off me and wrapped her arms around the little girl who looks a lot like me when I was younger but has Abby's nose and smile.
"Ellie's going to the zoo with Lolo and Lola today? Nooooo!" Abby teases the little girl in her arms, tickling her and feathering her with kisses. "Morning, peanut," I lean down and kiss my daughter and my wife. "I am! I'm going today!!! I'm gonna see the elephants and the tigers and the monkeys!!!" She shouts with excitement.
I walk into the next room where a there's a crying baby boy in the crib, "ohhh good morning my little tater tot! What's a matter? Why the tears, huh?" I pick up my son who already looks like a carbon copy of Abby and I paint him with kisses as I change his diaper and pajamas. "Come on, let's go see Ate, she's in mama's bed already!"
"There's my boy!! Good morning, Abel!" Abby cooed, taking the baby boy out of my hands so the five year old version of me can jump in my arms. "Mama, how much longer until Lola and Lolo get here to take us to the zoo?" She asks again nuzzling her face into mine the same way Abby does. "They'll be here after breakfast and as soon as Kuya Ezra gets here with Nino Lee and uncle Jon," I explain blowing as raspberry on her chubby cheek, making the little girl in my arms giggle madly like my tiny brunette.
"What should we have for breakfast today?" Abby asks with Abel in her lap bouncing up and down. "Pancakes!!!" Elle jumps with joy and runs out of the room like a hurricane.
I look at the clock and it's barely 7:30 in the morning, "let's go munch, your daughter demands pancakes," I lean over to my gorgeous wife and kiss her on the lips, sucking lightly on her bottom lip, provoking a moan. I scoot out of bed and out the bedroom door with Abby and Abel right behind me.
"Mama, I want whipped cream with my pancakes!" Ellie shouts from the kitchen where she's already taken her seat at the counter so she can help. "Uhm, excuse me?" I cock my head at the five year old at the counter. "On your bottom, you're gonna fall," I tap her butt prompting her to sit properly. "Please! May I have whipped cream with my pancakes?" She repeats with a bit of sass. "Yes, you may. Can you get the milk for me, please, peanut?" Elle jumps off the barstool and over to the fridge.
"Tita, look at my new shoes!! Papa said I could wear them to the zoo!" My nephew runs into my arms showing me his snazzy new shoes. "Whoa!! I bet those help you run SUPER FAST!" I say animatedly with Abel on my hip. "Hi Abel!" Ezra kisses his tiny cousin on the cheek before leaving to find his other cousin. "Morning!" Jon greets me and takes Abel off my hands. "Where are the girls?" Lee chimes in behind Jon while he swoons over my baby boy. "Upstairs getting Ellie dressed, did you guys eat breakfast? We have pan-" I offer walking into the kitchen. "Tita where's Ellie? I wanna show her my new shoes!" Ezra runs up to us after searching downstairs for his cousin. "Hey! What are you supposed to say? We were talking, son," Jon cuts me off again before I can answer where his cousin is. "Sorry, papa. Excuse me, where's Ellie?" He repeats politely. "She's upstairs changing with Untie Abby,"
"Hello! Where are my babies?" My mom cooed, coming through the front door. "LOLA!!!!!!" Ezra screams jumping into my mom's arms. "LOLO! LOOK AT MY SHIRT! I GOT IT FOR THE ZOO! THERE'S ELEPHANTS AND TIGERS AND BIRDS ON THEM!" My daughter screams charging down the stairs after my dad.
"Ellie! Look at my new shoes! They make me run super fast! Watch!" Ezra runs to the back yard with Ellie right behind him. "Hi, mom. Hi, dad," the six of us exchange greetings.
"ELLE! Ezra! Come on! Lola and Lolo are waiting! Abel's diaper bag and stroller are all ready," I point to his stuff by the door. "He has a fresh diaper on, extra clothes, and baby food if he doesn't wanna eat anything there."
"Are you sure you guys wanna take Abel, the two are a handful as is," Abby asks concerned because a five and six year old are definitely two handfuls for my parents.
"We'll be fine! You act like your kids are out of control," my mom scoffs.
"ELLE! Ezra! COME ON! TIME TO GO!" My wife shouts again for the kids behind us in the backyard.
"Why don't we come with you, mom?" Lee says with concern. "Stop! We can handle the kids for a few hours! It wouldn't be our special day if you came!" She snapped at Lee.
Elle and Ezra coming racing through the house, "hey! Come here!" I snap at my daughter pulling her aside, "behave. You're going to the zoo to see the animals, not to act like one with Lolo and Lola, do you understand?" I tell her firmly bent down so I'm at my daughter's level. She nods in understanding, "let me hear you..." I raise my brows at her. "I understand, mama. I'm not acting like an animal at the zoo," she stated.
"Thank you! I love you, peanut," I smile, hugging my daughter and smothering her with kisses goodbye. "I love you endlessly, mama!" She giggles infectiously in my arms.
"Let me see my boy!" My dad exclaims reaching for Abel who is now back in Abby's arms.
I look at Abby who warmly hugs my dad and hands my son over to him who happily leans into his arms and squeals with joy when my dad kisses him because of his stubbly beard. I hear my daughter and nephew laughing and playing and everything feels just right.
"Babe, wake up," Abby nuzzles her face into mine in our hotel bed and I'm in the same spot I was in before I fell asleep. "Mmm, hi..." I mumble, kissing Abby on the head, she made her way into my arms cuddle right up against me while I was asleep. "Hi," she smiles, looking up at me with her big brown eyes.
"You fell asleep," she said quietly, running her fingers up and down the inside of my sweater. "I didn't even realize how tired I was," I draw circles on her arm. "We gotta get ready for dinner," she pushes herself up, her hair falling over her face. I point to my lips waiting for my hello-kiss, she bites down on her lower lip and hovers over me, kissing where I pointed to.
"How long was I asleep?" I wonder, sitting up and searching for my bottle of water. "I don't know when I got back you were already asleep, snoring like this," and Abby makes fun of me, exaggerating a snoring sound. I smack her on the leg, playfully to get her to stop.
"How was your fitting? Your dress fit okay?" Abby pants as we quickly walk through the cool November air of New York City on our way to the Circle in the Square Theatre to watch Fun Home. "Nice try, Abigail. Lee and Jon said no sneak peeks, even for us!" I snap back. "Ugh! Why can't I know what your dress is going to look like? They don't have to know that I know!" Abby pleaded, tugging at my hand on her shoulder. "They told us they wanted it to be a surprise, just think of it as preparation," I smirk leading Abby into the theatre with paparazzi hot on our tails.
"Preparation? For what?" Abby hisses as we're escorted to our seats minutes before the show. "Our wedding," I smile, kissing Abby on the cheek before the lights dim and the show begins. She's still staring at me with her jaw open when the audience first applauds for the entrance of the main characters, I turn and kiss her open mouth making a hollow sound.
After we go backstage to meet the cast and exit the theatre to the car waiting to take us back to the hotel I notice that Abby's gears are still going, "stop overthinking it," I lean in and whisper in her ear in the backseat of the Uber. I can see the corners of her mouth turn upwards and she lets a smile escape, "I'm not, I'm just in shock."
"I haven't proposed, yet!" I chuckle, kissing her dimple twice. "I know but I was still really surprised by it," she turns to me. "Why? You always said I had to be the one to do it," I tease with my hand gripping her thigh. "Yeah, I know I said that I just was caught off guard," she turns back around, placing her hand on the nape of my neck. "Guess there's still chance of surprising you," I chuckle.