A/N: I think this is the worst chapter I’ve ever written, but a kind reader said otherwise.
Chapter 26: This is for those who do not believe in love, or have given up on it.
[Xander]
Exiting the store, I began to make heavy footsteps to the bakery, wondering if anyone was awake at the moment, or to state bluntly—whether Chip was still crying.
Taking a gulp from the aluminum can, I felt the beer run down my burning throat.
There was a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. But I wasn’t entirely sure whether it was just the beer—or something else.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I took tentative steps up the stairs, trying my best to reduce the creaking.
Apparently I was too heavy.
Must be the muscles. Don’t forget the abs.
Great, I think I’m drunk.
Stumbling into the living room, I collapsed into the sofa—dragging an arm over my eyes to shield the veil of moonlight filtering through the window.
A sigh escaped.
How long I stayed like that—I wasn’t sure. I probably drifted in and out of sleep.
But what seemed like a minute later, there was a cough.
Lifting my arm seemed tougher than I thought, as I opened a suspicious eye to glance in the direction of the sound.
Oh, it’s Chip’s brother.
What was his name again…?
Luke?
“Hey Luke. What’s up?”
Luke sighed. “It’s Loki. And shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”
I straightened up, rubbing my temples slightly. “Sorry Luke. Uh…yeah, I’m just thinking.”
“In the middle of the night? What—oi, did you drink? You smell of alcohol,” Luke frowned, turning to the wooden chair next to the sofa.
“Yeah…”
There was an awkward silence.
Not that I didn’t expect it—I mean, Luke and I rarely even see each other.
“Girl problem?”
Tell me about it.
Oh right. He doesn’t know about me and Chip yet.
Shit. I shouldn’t have drank.
I felt like I was on the verge of throwing up—not literally, but more like throwing up my feelings, and telling Chip’s brother about everything.
My gaze shifted, taking in Luke (Loki, whatever, I’m drunk). He looked like an older version of Chip. Just taller, and his hair was a darker blond.
“How old are you?” I asked out of the blue, turning to face Luke.
“…Twenty-two,” Luke stated, but I swear, I thought I saw him blush.
“Why do you like to read newspapers so much? Even Giselle calls you an old man,” I laughed. “And what—are you really twenty-two? I mean, I’m taller than you and four years younger.”
Luke glared. “Tsk…it’s not like I want to be…”
Aw, he’s actually kinda like Chip.
“Are you gay?” I asked bluntly, looking at him with the straightest face I could manage.
Guess that’s what alcohol does to me.
Luke’s eyes widened.
“W-W-What—? Why do you…where do you…”
I raised an eyebrow. “Is there something wrong with being gay?”
“N-No…I guess not…”
I shrugged. “Great. Cuz’ your brother’s gay.”
Luke stared, unbelieving. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “H-Huh?? What do you mean…? Chip’s…gay?”
I didn’t answer.
“No way…w-why…?” Luke whispered, lowering his head.
“What do you mean ‘why’?” I snapped, “Chip loves me, and I love him—‘the hell is wrong with that?”
Luke’s head jerked up, gaze meeting mine.
I caught myself.
“At…At least that’s what I…hope it is…” I cursed under my breath.
I can’t even say that without doubting myself.
All of a sudden, Luke frowned. “What do you mean by you ‘hope’ it is? Are you saying that you don’t believe in Chip’s love? Or that you don’t even believe in your love?”
“God, you’re pathetic. That’s why men are idiots. Being gay doesn’t do you any good—there’s nothing to like about men. They pick you up, throw you away like you’re some kind of…toy!”
Woah woah woah…Luke, don’t say that and tell me you aren’t gay—‘cuz that was totally gay.
“Look at you! You aren’t even sincere to your own feelings. You’re so half-hearted, I’m not surprised that Chip would be insecure!” Luke glared, as if flaring up at his own boyfriend.
“…” I felt like defending myself, but at the same time, I was too tired to do so. Side-glancing at Luke, I wondered whether he knew what he was saying.
He glared back. “What? Don’t try to defend yourself.”
I let slip a smirk.
Luke looked flustered. “W-W-What’s with that look? Y-You…You better stay away from Chip, you got that? Don’t you dare hurt him!”
Sliding my hands behind my head, I lowered down on the couch, kicking my legs up.
“I know your little secret, Luke,” I smiled, albeit creepily.
“H-Huh?? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m going back to sleep,” Chip’s brother stuttered, turning away to climb the stairs back to bed.
“Sweet dreams~” I closed my eyes.
What the hell—since when did I have a gaydar?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I swore.
God, my head hurts.
From the lack of sleep, or liquor, I didn’t know.
“Xander! What are you doing out here, young man? Hurry and get to the bathroom!” I opened an irritant eye to see Rose standing at the edge of the stairs, a stern look on her face.
My head pounded.
Damn, I really felt like skipping today.
Stumbling across the hallway, I opened the bathroom door.
It wasn’t my fault.
The door wasn’t locked.
I didn’t hear the shower, sure. But…still, the door wasn’t locked.
Chip was just about to pump some body gel (yes, I stared long enough to notice that) when he realized the door was open. And I was standing there.
“X-Xander!” My angel flushed an adorable red and instantly lowered his body to crouch on the floor, hiding himself. “W-what are you…the lock’s spoilt! You can’t just…barge in like that…” The red mess stammered.
“Oh God I’m so sorry…uh…I’ll just wait outside…”
Well, that was eventful.
I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of ice water, splashing some on my face. Loki lowered his newspaper, sending me a glare.
I smirked.
He looked away.
“Xandie!” Giselle’s bright voice sounded from the stairwell. “Chocolate Chip told me to tell that bath is ready!”
“Got it!”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chip was avoiding me.
I knew it.
Was it because I seemed mad at him yesterday?
Or…that he was embarrassed? After all, it did take a whole lot of courage for Chip to ask for sex.
Damn, I guess I really scared him yesterday…
.
“—der. Oi. Xander!”
My head snapped up.
“Dude…are you even listening? This is important man. Don’t you want your scholarship?” Blake, the team captain frowned.
“My bad,” I sighed.
Blake’s face softened, but he slapped me on the back. Hard. “I don’t know what’s on your mind—but you gotta focus alright? Prelims are next week, and we have another match soon.”
“…Got it.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Last period was Home Economics.
“Well, everyone—I believe you all know that this is our second last session of Home Economics with the seniors. Their finals are coming up soon and we need them to focus on their main subjects,” Mrs Harry announced and several sighed.
“Now now, don’t be disheartened. Let us enjoy whatever time we have left with each of our seniors here and make the most out of it!”
I glanced at Chip.
He had his head down.
“Today’s theme is Eggs. You can make anything you’d like, as long as it involves the use of eggs. You can make French Toast, Quiche, Pancakes, Waffles—anything. Go out of the box, keep it simple, do whatever you want. I have a standard recipe for Quiche and Pancakes right over here for beginners, so if…”
Mrs Harry’s voice began to fade as soon as the class began buzzing around, going to the ingredient cupboard, starting up the ovens, deciding on their recipes.
Even Vicky, who was in the station before us, was flipping through the recipe book with her partner.
Our station was awfully quiet.
“Hey…so…what should we make?” I started.
Chip’s blue eyes darted up shyly, meeting my gaze for a moment before flickering away. “I-I’m fine with anything…h-how about omurice?”
As realizing what he just said, Chip slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Omu…rice? What’s that?”
“U-Um…i-it’s sort of like…a Japanese style Omelette,” Chip stammered sheepishly.
“Hmm…sounds good to me. Ingredients?”
“I’ll go get them,” Chip said softly without eye-contact, “can you get out the frying pan and bowls?”
“Sure,” I sighed in return.
I placed two aprons on the counter and rinsed the bowls, thinking of where I can find a whisk.
My angel was back in a couple of minutes, arms full will ingredients.
“So…um…let’s make the rice first!”
I nodded, merely following instructions. I left Chip to put on his apron while cutting open the rice bag.
“One cup of rice will do, a-and…um…do you know how to wash the rice?” Chip asked tentatively.
I almost laughed. “Well, no.”
“Just…see here…”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chip was sniffling.
“Angel, you okay?” I asked, turning around to check on him while beating the eggs.
“I-I’m fine…it’s just the onions,” Sniff.
Chip’s eyes were brimming with tears, and his face flushed.
“C’mon, let me do it—“
“It’s okay! R-Really…” He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, slicing the onions carefully.
The rice cooker beeped.
“Ah! Xander could you—sniff—cool the rice on a plate, please?”
I nodded, taking my eyes off my angel for a couple of seconds.
“Oh, remember to add the grated cheese to the egg later okay?”
“Got it.”
There was a few minutes of silence as my Angel and I worked separately.
“Did you get some sleep last night?” I asked, breaking the ice.
“Mmhm,” Chip nodded, flashing me a gentle smile.
“You sure? You look awfully tired…”
“S-So do you…” My angel glanced upwards at me, then blushed.
Aw, his apron makes him look so cute. And erotic.
“D-Don’t look at me like that!” He blushed harder.
“Huh? What did I look like?” I asked, slightly surprised.
“L-Like…you know…like you’re really hungry…y-you always give me that look…” Chip stammered shyly, turning back to his baby carrots.
“Really…?” Hmm…I guess I do. Since I’m always thinking of eating him anyway.
But…
I sighed.
I can’t.
Not when I did such a horrible thing to him.
Great. Just when we were going so well.
“My bad, I’ll try not to, okay?” I said, turning to the fluffy mess.
Chip didn’t reply—simply continued to chop his carrots.
Getting back to the frying pan, I tossed some garlic in, adding the onions that Chip diced not long ago. (As instructed)
Just as I was turning down the heat, I heard a small mewl beside me, followed by the metallic clink of a knife dropping.
I spun around instantly, registering the cut on my angel’s index.
My first instinct was to grab his hand.
“Chip! Shit you’re bleeding really badly—“
“The carrots—“
“Tsk,” I made a sound of annoyance, “who the hell cares about the carrots when they’re bleeding so badly??”
In a flurry, I whipped out a couple of tissues from the counter side, blotting the blood on Chip’s finger.
This is so weird…I’ve never been this worried about someone before, apart from Giselle.
‘The hell—I thought my heart was gonna stop when I saw blood.
Chip flinched as I applied more pressure on the cut.
“Damn, it’s pretty deep,” I said—and even I could hear the strange concern in my voice.
“U-Un…” My angel bit his lip. “I-I’m really sorry, I…I think my mind slipped a little a-and I wasn’t concentrating.”
I know. We both aren’t.
Removing the tissue, I stared at the slit at the tip of his index finger. It began to bleed once again.
Without putting much thought into my actions (who does?), I lowered my head, flicking my tongue over Chip’s cut, cleaning the wound.
“X-Xander!” My angel’s hand retracted instantly, and his cheeks flushed. “W-What are you doing?”
I smirked. “It’ll heal faster like that.”
Chip’s head tilted to the side. “…Did you make that up by yourself?”
I chuckled, taking his hand once again to check the wound.
“X-Xander! The onions are cooked—quick, add the meat!” My angel exclaimed anxiously.
“Oi, you’re injured—stop worrying about the food,” I commented with a straight face. “Do you have a band-aid or something?”
“Un…I-I think it’s in my back pocket—“
I reached behind Chip, groping his ass playfully. Of course, I made sure that we were blocked by the station counter.
The reaction was immediate—my angel gasped softly. “W-Where are you—“
“I’m just finding the plaster~” I hummed just beside his ear. Reaching around in his pockets randomly, I finally found the slip of plastic wrapped in paper.
“Th-That was mean!” Chip huffed adorably, trying to be indignant.
I laughed, tearing the paper to reveal a pink band-aid that had cupcake designs on it.
Oh God why was everything about him so adorable?
Even his band-aids?
I covered the cut skilfully, wrapping the plaster around his index.
“Quick quick, add the meat already!” Chip shook my arm urgently.
“I got it I got it…”
“I’ll go get more carrots—there’s…there’s blood on this one,” Chip said guiltily, and I agreed, laughing a little.
While Chip was away, Vicky turned around from her purple concoction, giving me the weirdest look that sent goose bumps all over my skin.
I gave her the ‘what the f***’ look.
She just frowned and rolled her eyes.
Haha, her sun burns were so funny.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That afternoon, Blake gave the team extra practice again.
We were released only at 7, with the team deciding to walk to the bus stop together.
“Hey, so are you guys really going to that famous College in—“
“What do you mean by ‘really’? Dude—of course they are! Who the hell would miss this chance? A friggin’ scholarship!”
Blake laughed. “You juniors don’t be too complacent—doesn’t mean that you’ll get it next year.”
“Aw c’mon capt!”
“It’s true we are incredibly talented though,” I cleared my throat and smirked. “So Blake, you’re all yes?”
The captain raised an eyebrow. “All yes? Do I really have to answer that?”
“Who wouldn’t miss this opportunity?” He added.
I looked away, forcing a smile. “Dunno.”
“…You’re not thinking of denying the scholarship are you?”
I didn’t reply.
.
By the time I reached home (the bakery), the sky was already dark.
“Xander! You must be so tired—Chip left some Lasagna in the oven for you—“ Rose hurried over from the counter.
“Xandie Xandie Xandie!!” I could hear Giselle from the kitchen, and woah was she loud.
“I’m home,” I called, and Giselle ran out to hug my waist.
Gretel waved from the dining table.
Loki (I’m not drunk anymore) looked away, but went to get a glass of water, setting it down on the table in front of me.
And then I could hear his sweet footsteps coming down the stairs.
Cheesy as I may sound—it sounded as if an Angel was descending from above.
I laughed inwardly.
How deep did I fall?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“X-Xander! You’re back!” Chip smiled coyly, cheeks slightly pink.
“I’ll go heat up your dinner, the bath’s ready so you can go ahead first! I-I already bathed with Giselle,” He said, sounding slightly too enthusiastic.
“Sure.” I chucked my bag in our room, grabbing a towel on the way.
If only this would happen every single day of my life.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was almost 10 o’clock. Chip was rolling on his bed, his latest edition of homework spread out on the pillow—unfinished.
“A-Aaauwaaaa this is so hard!” He whined adorably, giving the papers a glare.
I laughed, closing my textbook. “How’s your finger?” Reaching into my book bag, I slipped something out.
“Um…i-it’s fine really…” Chip said, suddenly quiet when he caught sight of the papers I slid out.
“Is…Is that the form for the…”
“Yeah. For the scholarship,” I finished, faking a smile.
“…I-I see…”
My angel’s eyes lost focus for a moment, and he lowered his head.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, frowning.
Every time the scholarship comes up, Chip starts getting distant.
“I-It’s…nothing…really…”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
[Chip]
I’m standing at a station, and he’s boarding a train.
He’s going to explore.
He’s going to find.
He’s going to find someone better than me.
I’m standing at the station. Watching him board the train.
Watching the train start moving.
It’s going faster.
It’s going away.
It’s so far.
And Xander doesn’t look back.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“There are a couple of affiliated schools that offer the scholarship program. There’s this one in Australia, and then there’s this one in America…What do you think?”
I think—
I want you to stay.
To stay by my side forever.
Because I’m a selfish brat.
Please, don’t leave me.
“I…I heard from my cousin that there’s a r-really good sports school in Australia…y-yes I think it’s this one…” Should I smile? Will he believe me? But if I smile—I think my tears will fall.
My cheeks hurt so much.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
[Xander]
His voice was quivering. Like a feather in the wind.
Please cry. Please cry and tell me what’s wrong. We can make this work.
We will make this work.
“Chip.”
He didn’t raise his head.
“Angel, it’s probably just me being selfish—but, I want to know everything. I want you to lay your heart out for me. I want to know what’s on your mind. I want every single part of you.”
“Will you give it to me?”
Chip was silent.
I could hear the ticking of the clock.
And then the soft pattering of his tears on the floor.
“No.”
The words whispered hurt.
They tore through my chest like the blades of a pen knife.
“No? Why? Angel, this isn’t some joke—“
“Because I don’t want to!” He cried out.
“What? Why?”
“Be-cause you’d leave me if I said! Because you’re go-ing to leave me a-anyway!”
I felt my face contort in such pain that I had never experienced.
“Leave you? Who said I was going to leave you?”
“Life said!” He cried.
“You’re moving on! So fast—and I can’t do anything. I can’t do anything but watch! Watch you explore, watch you grow.
I’m so stupid. So selfish. SO JEALOUS OF THE ONE I LOVE!
I’m such a horrible person.”
I stared.
If you’re horrible, then what am I?
At that instant, I felt so angry, so annoyed, so frustrated.
In a blink, I had him pinned under me.
Hey.
Hey, do you remember me?
“I will never, ever leave you. Please carve that into your mind!” I whispered in anguish—almost frustration as my tone remained dangerously soft.
Chip’s eyes widened, and more tears formed at the edges of the amazing blue orbs.
I reached down to capture his lips—but I was shocked. Literally, shocked.
Something electrical, hot and sudden, ran throughout my body—as if lighting something from within.
I felt it ignite, and the warmest chill ran down my spine.
That was when I realized that I wasn’t in love with the Chip in the past—
I was in love with the present Chip.
The one right in front of my eyes.
I loved every single thing about him. His eyes, his smile, his blush, his stupidity, his adorable naivety, his beautiful, caring self—I loved Chip—the silly human he was.
It wouldn’t have mattered even if the thing of the past didn’t happen—I would still fall for him.
I would fall in love with him. All over again.
I loved Chip in this life, I would in the next life, and the next, and the life after that—forever, and ever, and ever.
I would fall in love with him. Again. And again. And again.
So what if Chip couldn’t remember me?
I’m such a fool.
Of course I’d still love him.
Even if he didn’t remember.
“X-Xander…?” Chip’s voice was weak from the kiss, and he looked up at me with the eyes of an Angel.
I thought about the words that ran through my head mere seconds ago—wondering whether I could have sounded any cheesier.
How can anyone not sound stupid talking about the most foolish thing in the world?
And for the second time of the day, I laughed at myself.
It’s so silly huh—
Love.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Hello :)
It’s not a problem, if problems can be solved so easily. Love is bitter-sweet. There are a lot of things in this world that are bitter. And a lot of things in this world that are sweet.
But only Love is bitter-sweet. Love and Dark chocolate. :)
Stick with me. I’ll be back in two weeks :)
-Cuppiecake.