Dear Kamita,
One of the turning points in my life had been my college graduation.
Turning point in a paradoxical kind of way.
1st--- It had meant freedom and incarceration. Freedom from university responsibilities and incarceration for a new set of responsibilities; bigger ones this time.
2nd--- It had meant I could officially do what I had wanted to do and yet I did not know what I had wanted to do. I had already known my father was expecting me to join Demi in the family business, but it wasn't what I wanted. Even though I hadn't realized what I want; I was pretty clear about what I didn't want.
3rd--- It had meant I was officially a responsible member of the community. I was an adult and was about to live a life as one. I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
Still, it was something to celebrate. College graduation was not something that happens every year. Plus, the hell I had experienced in college had finally paid off-I was graduating and with honors--- I was Cum Laude.
I was supposed to be happy, but I wasn't. Why? Because it had been weeks since we had last talked. I had thought after my initiative to call you, we were okay. But then, you had started "getting busy" and then you had just stopped contacting me for that same unknown reason you had started avoiding me.
I had been hurt, of course, but I had kept silent about it.
So during a genuinely wonderful day, I had put on the phoniest smile I could master--- there was still a reason to celebrate after all--- and had tried to act normal the whole day.
Ryu and Gene of course had seen through my façade, but didn't comment, much to my relief. Words weren't needed when you have such awesome friends.
----
Ateera was absentmindedly gazing at the glittering gold orb hanging down her neck, unmindful of what's happening around her. If it weren't for Gene's natural bounciness and enthusiasm, there wouldn't be a single photo of her on her graduation day.
"Will you at least smile," Ruyu muttered through his small grin. Demi's still not getting tired of taking their photos and she doesn't seem to mind that her sister seemed out of it too. She's always been the type to ignore nonsense moods.
Ateera sighed and nodded, forcing a smile onto her face and allowing Gene to kiss her on the cheek for a wacky pose.
"Let's go?" Demi finally asked, earning a nod from the three friends. "My treat, of course. We'll go wherever your stomachs want us to go."
"It's not like we're waiting for someone," Gene answered while rolling his eyes. He was still bitter about the fact that his best friends' parents didn't attend their college graduation. Ruyu's parents knew he would graduate with honors and wanted nothing but to have him in the company. For them, a college diploma was just formality. Ateera's parents were too busy. Period. Ruyu and Ateera didn't particularly care, but Gene does and he's the one most affected.
Demi smiled and hooked an arm around Gene, pulling him with her. "Stop it with the sulking already, Eugenio. Lighten up because we have a lot to plan for our trip."
"Trip?" Ateera asked, finally alert.
Demi nodded as they walked down the stairs. "Yes. I am coming with you, of course. I need a break too. We're going to Hongkong."
"Hongkong?" Ateera asked, her brows furrowed as she looked at her best friends. "I thought we're going to Japan?" She sounded a little disappointed. She has always wanted to go to Japan.
Gene snorted while Ruyu gave her a meaningful look. Ateera looked at them, confused for a few seconds, before realization lit up in her eyes.
"Ah," she said, finally getting it. "Yes. Hongkong is better. I'll just... well... there are other chances for me to explore my... inner Geisha."
Ruyu would have scoffed, but then Gene giggled (cutely at that) and he was immediately a puddle of goo, which only Ateera witnessed of course. Demi merely lifted a perfectly plucked brow at her sister and continued walking, pulling Gene with her.
"Shopping is on the list of course," Demi continued as if she wasn't interrupted. "But I still want to see Mickey Mouse so we're going to Disneyland."
"How old are you?" Ateera asked with a mocking tone, earning her a hit at the back of the head. "What? Seriously, you're the next CEO of the Carlos Enterprises and you're still in love with Mickey Mouse."
"Embracing your inner child is not a sin," Demi replied coldly.
Ateera would have retorted, but Ruyu cut her off.
"It will be nice to become a child for a while, Ateera," he said almost wistfully. "It's less complicated. A child sees the beauty in everything, regardless of his other feelings and thoughts."
And she knew what he's talking about.
"Yeah," she agreed. "Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is what I need."
"Okay," Gene intervened. "What the hell are you two talking about?"
Ateera smiled at him. "Nothing. Let's go," she replied, this time, pulling Gene along with her as Demi handed her the keys to her car, which was parked twenty meters away.
"Gene is still a child," Demi said casually. "Even though it gets on my nerves sometimes, I truly envy him. He doesn't seem to let anything faze him."
"Yes," Ruyu replied, a tender smile on his usually serious face.
"That's why you love him."
Ruyu glanced at Demi, not even surprised that Demi knew. "Yes. Gene's my inner child, Demi. Whenever I'm with him, I just forget everything. He doesn't know that though and I'm not intending to let him know for now."
"Why not? You both just graduated," Demi said. Gene's graduation was two weeks prior to their graduation. Ateera and Ruyu were there together with Gene's family.
"I don't want to destroy that inner child," Ruyu replied. "It would be tainted once he knew his best friend has been in love with him for years. Gene's straight, Demi."
"Hmm," was all the reaction he got from her.
They watched as Ateera and Gene chased each other around the car like lunatics.
"Is everything set?" he asked, breaking the small silence between them.
"Of course," Demi responded. "She'll kill us for sure."
"Doesn't matter," Ruyu replied. "She'll be too busy to get revenge."
----
Ateera has always loved Hongkong International Airport. It's like stepping inside a five-star hotel, elite mall, and airport all at the same time. But as of the moment, she's nothing but irritated. They were stuck, standing beside Post no. 10, waiting for their rental car.
"I can sense a migraine coming," she whispered to Gene, whose shoulder she was borrowing at the moment. Ruyu was buying them coffee while Demi was on the phone, obviously furious.
"Let's sit there," Gene said, pointing towards the rows of benches a few meters from Post no. 10. Ateera nodded and let Gene pull her. Even her usually talkative and bubbly best friend knew it meant business when she complains about her migraine.
"Do you want candy?" he asked, wrapping an arm around Ateera's shoulders.
"No," she replied, her eyes closed. "I just wish the damn car rental arrives so I can finally sleep this off."
"Well, Demi seemed a little angry," Gene replied, his gaze on Ateera's sister. "They'd better send a driver soon or hell will break loose."
Ruyu came back in fifteen minutes and sat beside Gene, handing him his coffee. "Is she all right?"
"Nope. Migraine," he said. "So no coffee for you, Ateera."
Ateera pouted, but didn't respond. She always hated that medical news Gene had found, saying coffee is bad for migraine. She thinks it was a lie! It has to be!
"See?" Gene addressed Ruyu. "No smart comeback. She's really not feeling well."
Ruyu nodded and leaned his back on the bench. "I'm hungry," he declared. "It's almost lunch."
"You and me both," Gene replied and he in turn rested his head on Ruyu's shoulder, failing to see the sudden blush on his friend's cheeks. He even closed his eyes and nuzzled his cheek on Ruyu's shoulder. "So warm, Ruyu."
"Shut up," Ruyu whispered, his tone lacking its harshness. "That's so gay."
Gene didn't reply, but there was a small smile on his face.
Demi approached them a few minutes later, looking relieved and exasperated.
"Car's here," she said. "Let's go?"
Ruyu nodded and lightly pushed Gene away. "Eugenio, you take care of Ateera while I'll take care of our luggage."
Gene nodded and nudged Ateera, who started whining the moment her eyes opened.
"Stop whining," Gene complained. "People might think I'm harassing you or something."
Ateera stood up straight and glared at him. "Migraine here. Why can't you all let me rest?"
Gene rolled his eyes. "What, you want me to carry you, bridal style? That would be humiliating. Let's go," he said, hooking her arms on his while snatching a luggage from Ruyu, as they followed Demi and Ruyu, who were having a quiet conversation in front of them.
Finally, they reached the exit. And in only a few minutes, a van stopped in front of them. The driver, a middle-aged man, jumped out from the driver's seat to help Ruyu and Demi with the luggage while Gene slid the door open and helped Ateera get inside the back seat.
She was so out of it that she failed to notice the man she was currently using as pillow.
Demi got in the passenger seat while Ruyu got in and sat beside Gene on the second row. Ruyu turned to look Ateera, whose eyes were closed.
"Comfortable?" he asked.
"Hmmm," she said sleepily. "Very."
Gene snickered.
"Good then," Ruyu replied while sitting properly. "Kamita, you've done your purpose well."
"Yeah," a voice answered. "Seems like it."
It took Ateera a full minute to realize what she just heard. Completely forgetting her headache, she abruptly lifted her head. Her round eyes met small ones.
Gene finally laughed while Ruyu smirked. Demi simply looked smug.
"EH?"
Kamita gave her a cheeky smile as he wrapped an arm around her and lightly pulled her head back to lean on his shoulder. "We'll talk later. Sleep."
With a mumbled promise of killing Demi and hurting her best friends, she succumbed to sleep, aware of the warmth surrounding her.
----
Ateera woke up to the smell of coffee.
She opened her eyes and blinked furiously, before rubbing them with her knuckles. She sat up properly, the blanket falling down to her waist, and ruffled her own hair.
"Coffee?"
Ateera almost jumped off the bed as a cup of coffee was shoved right in front of her face. After letting out a sigh of relief, she took the cup without glancing at the one who gave it to her.
She rested her back on the headboard and took a sip of the golden liquid. She can't help but feel a bit elated that he knew how she liked her coffee--- black and without sugar.
Ateera felt the bed dip and from the corner of her eyes, saw him mirroring her position.
They were enveloped in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until she finished her coffee and placed the mug on the bedside table.
"Where are my best friends and my sister?" she asked, breaking the silence.
"Hiding from you," he replied. "Demi's gone shopping and she pulled my sister and your best friends with her."
"Sister? You brought Ami-kun along," she replied.
"Hai. She's always wanted to meet you."
"So...what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to surprise you."
"Uhuh. By not contacting me in weeks and then suddenly showing yourself in my supposed graduation vacation."
"I was busy. I needed to take a few days off so I had to compensate by shooting everything in advance. I'm sorry for worrying you."
Ateera didn't reply. Right, she thought, not being able to decide whether to feel touched or more irritated.
"When did our friendship became this complicated?" Kamita asked, his voice that of wonder. "Why are we having a hard time talking about this when we used to just breeze over the most complex of topics before?"
"I wonder that too," Ateera admitted. "Do you think, maybe, we should stop being friends then and just go on with our lives?"
Kamita looked at her. "Gomen. No. Never."
Ateera sighed and unceremoniously plopped her head on Kamita's lap. "Thought so."
"Yeah," he replied as he ran his fingers through her long hair.
"Are you sorry for making me worry?" she asked.
"Definitely," he responded nonchalantly. "I didn't know you'll be that affected though. Did my absence break your heart?"
Ateera fought the smile threatening to form on her face. "Nah. I have Ruyu and Gene to compensate for your absence. It's not like you're the most important man in my life."
Liar. Was the response of Ateera's traitorous brain.
"Itai," Kamita replied.
She chuckled. "Where's your gift for me?"
Kamita rolled his eyes. "It's in my luggage. It's the album of your favorite J-Pop group with their autographs."
Ateera's eyes went wide as she looked up at him. "Seriously? The newest album? The one that was just released?"
He smiled at the childlikeness on her face. "Yes. I asked, more like demanded from them, to give me a free autographed CD when we taped an episode for our show three days ago."
"I love you!" she exclaimed, unable to stop herself. It caught Kamita off-guard for a while, before the casual smile returned to his lips. Ateera was aware of her slip-up, but decided it will look more casual if she didn't comment on it.
Silence enveloped them for a moment. Surprisingly, it was comfortable-a contrast to the emotion building up inside Ateera, which she ignored for the sake of retaining that atmosphere.
The irony.
----
That was the first time I had uttered those words.
I love you.
Those three words were probably the most taken for granted words of the century. The statement was, still is, so used profusely that sometimes you just have to wonder if the person saying it still meant it or it merely became a casual expression.
For me, I had meant it. I am the type who utter words carefully, so if I utter them accidentally, I meant them.
It wasn't a cheesy moment and I thank God it wasn't. Cheesy moments make me want to barf and fart at the same time.
But now I am curious whether you took my Freudian slip seriously that time. You had acted so weird, spacing out and being clumsy that made Ami-kun tease you to hell and back.
She was adorable, by the way. I loved her since that day.
If you really had taken it seriously, well, I apologize with all my heart. It was really just a slip from my cathartic tongue. I never would have confessed to you, Kamita. I wasn't ready to have my first TRUE heartbreak. I was too young for that. I knew I was special for you, but not romantic special. And I never will be.
We had parted in good terms, albeit awkwardly, and you had promised not to stay MIA for long without informing me WHY. Ami-kun had promised me that she'll make sure you will not break that promise.
You had never broken that promise. Ironically though, I wish you just had. You being MIA was far less hurtful than the things you had done next.
Was I really that much of a pain magnet? I swear you're such an S, Kamita. You had done nothing but break the already broken pieces of my stupid heart.
I am still wondering how I had managed to survive until now.
Love,
Ateera