With a book in my hand, I don't even pretend to be focusing on what's in my hands, instead staring at my girlfriend and my sister on opposite sides of the room back and forth.
It was all part of the spell. That's all. She would never think that way about her. She told me so. She just... wouldn't. Neither of them would. They would never do that to me, I know that, they both told me that. There's nothing for me to worry about. Whatever Faith might have said yesterday, it was all just part of the spell. She didn't really mean any of it.
Except... if she didn't really mean any of it, then doesn't that mean that she didn't really mean to come by the way she did in the first place? That she never really meant to surprise me naked in bed and to be together the way she wanted us to be? I... I don't want to believe that. She did want us to be together and make love. She did. But, if she meant everything about wanting to make love to me, then she must've meant what she said about my sister too.
Only... I know that's not true. Faith doesn't think about my sister that way anymore. She told me so. And Faith would never lie to me about that. She loves me too much to do something like that to me. Faith doesn't have feelings for my sister in that way, and never will. She loves me and me only. But, how can she mean it about wanting to be with me and not mean what she said about wanting my sister to join in on what we were doing? I can't figure it out.
My eyes shift to my sister all the way across the room. She looks very tense sitting there with a book in her lap.
At least I know that Faith would never cheat on me, especially with Buffy. And I know Buffy would never do that to me. She would never go anywhere near someone who means as much as Faith means to me in that way. They both did, a long time ago. After I found out about their past, we talked about it a lot. Mostly because I couldn't really let any of it go right away. I kept asking about how their day went, whether anything strange happened, when the classes started, when they ended, whether they did anything after the classes.
It was just really hard for me to get over the whole thing at first. They had a thing together. They slept together. It gives them a connection, a history that might not be completely over. I've never been sure that it's really ever been over. But they kept telling me it was. They kept telling me that there's nothing between them anymore, and I believed them. I still... pretty much... believe them. But every time they have fun together, every time I see them laugh together... part of me has to wonder.
I know better though. This has to be someone else's fault. It can't be real what's happening. Whatever happened, Faith wanted to do it, but then whatever this spell thing is took over and made it different. It changed things and twisted things to make her say the kinds of things she did. Someone wanted to hurt me, and Faith, by getting her to do all those things.
Looking over in the opposite direction of my sister for a while, I watch Candy for a moment.
This has to be her. She has to have done something to make all this happen. There's no other explanation really. She kissed me, and I told her to go to hell, and now she's jealous. She wants to hurt me and Faith so she can have me for herself. But it's not going to happen. I'll make sure of it. I just... don't have any idea how to prove it exactly. I don't even know where to start proving it.
Something has to happen eventually though. Some clue that will give me the opening to start accusing her of doing whatever it is that she did to Faith. It always does. Whoever does bad things always has something come back to them to show how evil they truly are, and Candy needs to be shown for the evil bitch that she is. I wish I could go over there and punch her in the face. We have to push her out before things get worse.
For a second, I see my sister out of the corner of my eye look up from her book, and I follow her line of sight to Faith sitting right next to me.
What's she doing? Why is she looking over at Faith like that? She... she doesn't need to look at Faith like that. Even if it is a worried, strange look like the one that she's giving Faith now. There's... there's no reason for it. Why is she doing that?
Buffy looks down at her book again, going back to reading.
I... have to do something about this. There has to be something I can do to get Candy to admit to whatever it is that she's done to the woman I love. I can't let her get away with this. She needs to get the crap kicked out of her by someone who can actually do the kicking. I'd do it myself if I thought I could get away with it, because I know she did it. I just wish that the research was going somewhere that I could prove that.
Faith shuts her book with authority and a groan of frustration.
"We're not getting anywhere."
My sister, Willow and the rest of the slayers who are researching with us look up at Faith because of her comment. Buffy's the first person to say anything.
"Not yet, but we will Faith. Don't worry. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out."
Faith sits back in her chair with authority.
"Yeah, sure we will."
Buffy tries to reassure the woman I love.
"We will."
"Right... and while we're wasting our time trying to research something we don't understand or have any real leads to, I have to spend all my time with a mystical dagger over my head."
She's right. I don't like Faith like this.
"Faith's right. There has to be something else we can do."
My girlfriend looks at me and smiles, knowing I'm supporting her. Buffy gets up from her seat, closing her book.
"We're doing the best thing we can right now. All we have to do is find out what spell did this to you and reverse it. Then we'll kick the ass of whatever did this to you."
I can't help but look over in Candy's direction.
Or whoever... if only I could prove that Candy did this to Faith, we could skip over the reversing the spell part and go straight to the beating her up for doing this to Faith, and to me.
"Or we could just skip that part and go straight to the ass kicking part."
Buffy seems a little confused by that statement.
"What are you talking about Faith?"
Faith stands up to meet my sister.
"We've been so focused on what the spell is, that we haven't really bothered to try and figure out who cast the spell in the first place."
Willow comes rushing to my sister's defense.
"The spell could've been performed by anyone. And whoever did it probably doesn't even know they've done it. I mean, where would we even start figuring out who did it?"
So... not trying is better?
"Well, I guess the best idea we can have is not even trying. Because you know, what we're doing is working out so well."
My sister gets really annoyed with my girlfriend. She crosses her arms at Faith.
"All right, if you wanna go that route, why don't you tell us where to start?"
I can't help but look towards Candy with a glare.
I know where I'd start.
"Well, if it's not too radical an idea. I thought we might start with the girls."
The blonde slayer I call my sister's eyebrows scrunch together.
"The girls?"
"Yeah, you know the ones who spend a not small amount of time with their heads in books about demons and spells and stuff like that? You don't think maybe we should spend a little time on the obvious choices?"
Hmm...
Buffy looks around at the slayers around us for nothing more than a split second before looking back at Faith.
"Honestly, no. These are good girls Faith, they didn't do anything wrong."
With an angry look, my girlfriend frowns at my sister.
"So... you're not even gonna bother questioning them?"
"I don't need to Faith. These girls know the rules and they follow them."
Yeah, and Candy never kissed me.
"Right, because we never did anything stupid and broke the rules when we were young."
Maybe this is my chance to get them to take a look at Candy and whatever she's done to Faith.
"Faith's right, we should start trying to figure out which one of these girls did this to her. Whoever did this could be right here in this room making sure that we don't figure out it was them."
My sister looks at me with a bit of disappointed anger.
"We don't know that. It's like Willow said, whoever did it might not even know."
"You can use that excuse as much as you want, but that doesn't make it any less possible."
Buffy gets a little nervous as she looks around at the slayers we've been talking about.
"Faith... this really isn't the place to talk about this. Maybe we should pick this up later when it's not quite so public."
What does that mean?
The woman I love seems to get a little more ticked off at my sister and I'm not really sure how much I like what's happening anymore.
"You may be afraid to lose the respect of these girls B, but I'm not, especially if it was one of them that did this to me."
"FU-... Faith..."
All of the sudden, my sister walks up to Faith and grabs her by the arm, apparently gripping her hard enough to pull her along. They start heading for the back room.
What the hell?
With a quick look to Willow who seems equally confused and a little angry, we start following them.
"Uh... we'll be right back. Just... don't go anywhere..."
Willow and I walk into the back room just in time to hear the argument get worse. My sister and my girlfriend are staring at each other like they want to kick each other's asses.
"What the hell was that Faith?"
"I don't know what it looked like to you B, but it looked to me like I was actually trying to get to the bottom of whatever's going on."
"By accusing our girls of doing this to you? How is that supposed to help anything?"
"Well it certainly couldn't hurt if one of them did do it."
"And if it was none of them? All you end up doing is alienating them and making them wish that they'd done it. How is that gonna help anything?"
"It's better than what's going now at least. I'm tired of feeling this way B."
I honestly don't know what to do. Part of me wants us to start going after Candy for what she probably did, but Buffy's actually making a little bit of sense.
"I spend half my time wondering whether the thoughts and feelings I'm having are even mine. I'm not even sure what I'm doing now is what I'm supposed to be feeling. I want it to stop."
The look of kinda desperate anger and pain on Faith's face makes me feel like someone stabbed me and I really need to make her feel better. Just then, Candy comes in from the other room.
"You know, if you guys..."
Almost like a reflex, I charge her, catching her off guard and sending her back first into the corner of the doorway. She slams against it and I try and hold her there against it with my hands on her shoulders.
"Whatever you did, make it stop. Undo whatever you did and make it stop."
"Dawn, what are you doing?"
I ignore my sister and Willow coming up next to me.
"She did this. She did some spell or something and made Faith like this."
Candy looks at me like she wants to hit me but doesn't.
"I didn't do anything Dawn. And if you're gonna look at anyone who could have done this, you might as well look in the mirror."
Suddenly, everything in me freezes up and I don't know what to do.
My sister turns and stands next to Candy so she can look at me.
"What is she talking about Dawn?"
I...
"I... I d-don't..."
"She did a spell a few weeks ago. I don't know what kind exactly, but I walked in on her casting it in Faith's hospital room when she was in a coma."
Looking at my sister for a second, I turn and look at Willow and then Faith. The woman I love has that blank look on her face that I really hate when she looks at me like that. Her voice gives me this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Dawn?"
I...
"It... it was just a little spell. A... a power of sug-suggestion spell, it didn't..."
Willow's voice doesn't exactly make my stomach feel any better.
"Which spell Dawn?"
My eyes stay on Faith who just keeps looking back at me with that blank look.
"I, uh... I don't remember exactly. I think... it was in the Book of Gormagon?"
"Oh Dawnie..."
There's a bit of sympathy in Willow's voice before she walks out into the other room. Buffy quickly follows and so does Faith, who doesn't even look at me as she passes by. I let go of Candy to reach out to Faith but she just completely ignores me.
"Faith..."
I follow after her and see Willow is digging through a pile of books, but all I can focus on is the fact that Faith won't even look at me.
"You know the spell Will?"
Willow continues to dig through the books as she answers my sister's question.
"I, came across it a few years ago. Back when Tara and I were fighting, around the time we brought you back. But I came across the forgetting spell and decided that was better."
She finds the right book and starts flipping through the pages.
"What does it do?"
"The details are a little blurry, but I think I remember something about hearing the heart, or listening to the heart or... something."
Willow stops on a particular page and reads. After a few silent moments, Willow looks up at me.
"What is it?"
The redheaded witch's eyes go from me to Faith and then back to me again.
"This would do it."
What?
"N-no... I, it didn't. That's not what the spell was supposed to do. It w-was just supposed to let me talk to her when she was in a coma. And it worked. That's all it did, it didn't do anything else."
Then I hear something I really didn't want to.
"Obviously not..."
Turning to Faith, I really want to say something to what she said.
"Faith, I..."
She's not even looking at me. She's just looking at Willow.
"Can you reverse it? Some kind of anti-magic spell or something?"
Willow looks through the pages idly.
"Shouldn't be too hard, as long as I can get the words right."
"Now that we know what did this."
I turn to Faith at her words and she only partly glances at me.
"Faith, I..."
"Need anything from me Red?"
She glances up from the book for one second.
"Not yet, I'll probably need about half an hour to get the incantation right and then we can do it."
"All right..."
Faith turns and heads for the door.
"I'll be back in an hour."
Every step that Faith takes makes me want to go after her, but it isn't until she's at the door and leaves that my legs actually start working.
"Faith, wait..."
My sister stops me, putting herself between me and the door.
"Dawn, don't..."
I have to go after Faith.
My heart feels like it's going to explode in my chest as I see her leave.
"But I..."
Buffy puts her hand on my shoulder and I look at the disappointed pained look on her face.
"You might only end up making things worse."
My eyes start to sting and I know I'm about to cry, so I turn around and run for the back door, shoving Candy out of the way as I go. The tears start coming as I hit the back door and run into the back alley. I hit the wall of the back alley and just cry.