Kaija.
We all sat in the living room in a circle sitting in chairs. This had to be the most confrontational thing I have ever done, and I really did not like it but I wanted all of the drama to be out the door between me and my family.
I haven't said a word to Harmony since I walked in the house because the last time she spoke to me she was rude, and I wanted to hear what she had to say. I wasn't mad but I was tired of always forgiving her so quickly when she hurt my feelings. She's my sister and I love her but it has to come to a point where all of this stops.
"So we are all sitting here as a family to address issues going on with us, and become more closer. I want to know how you guys are feeling and what bothers you guys between me and your father so we can try and work on it. Also with each other because all of you guys are siblings and when me and your father leave this earth your all each-other have."
Dad chuckled at her comment and shook his head. Ma rolled her eyes and I could tell she was past her limit.
"What is so funny?"
"Nothing my bad."
She rolled her eyes and turned away from him mumbling something under her breath.
"Jerry! Jerry!" Prince said banging his fist on his knees.
"Can you be serious for one moment? This is not a time for your jokes." I said annoyed at him.
"Okay stop. As I was saying I need you guys to get everything off your chest no holding back.. and no talking while others are talking..no arguing, and we're holding our comments until the person is done speaking.. and no calling each-other out of names..and no phones." She said looking between me and Harmony.
"Okay I'll start." Siyah spoke up when after the room hit an akaward silence. "I just feel invisible in this house sometimes, and nobody listens to me or even has time for me. Dad you were supposed to take me out but you forgot..Harmony you told me you were going to start helping me with my English work and never did the last five times I asked you so I just gave up..and you told me you were going to take me to get my nails done but that never happened.. Kai to be honest I don't even know you but I want a relationship with my adopted sister because I think it's cool. Prince your a dweeb, King your cool but I don't know you like that either and mom..you spend all of your time and attention on Kai and work. So I just feel alone in this house. I need love people I'm going through puberty and I even started my period like a month ago and I tried to tell you I was scared mom because you didn't tell me what it was but you weren't listening. I had to get help from my friend and do you know how embarrassing that was? I had to go and search for the stuff I needed in Kai and sis room."
"I told you it wasn't me that took your pads Kai." Harmony said looking my way.
"Don't start this." Mom jumped in.
"Can we stop talking about womanly stuff y'all making me feel uncomfortable." Said King
"Same." All three of the rest of the guys repeated in unison.
"Okay..does anybody have anything they would like to say to what Siyah just brought up?"
"Your a dweeb also."
"I'm not even mad at you though King because you show me love and attention even though your younger than me. I know you will always have my back. Although you can be annoying sometimes when I want my space. But it's like if it stopped I would miss it and feel even more alone."
"It's my job to annoy you..it's fun. I love you sis and if I'm not looking out for you who is?" He said and beat his chest making us all crack up.
"I want to start by saying I never intended to make you feel that way. I love each and every one of you to pieces equally and I promise I will try my best to show love to each and every one of y'all from now on..and I'm sorry you had to share that experience alone..I just get too caught up but I need to be there for moments like that..I'm sorry and I will try my best to start showing you more love. But you have to give me something to work with at the same time..I had no idea you felt that way because you always want your space and have your door closed..I wanted to respect you and your privacy as you get older but I had no idea you felt that way."
"Sometimes when I'm not bothering anyone I feel out the way. That's why I shut my door all the time because you guys treated me like I was invisible so I just went along with it. It did hurt me and that's why I would sneak out and hang with my friends..sometimes even guys because I knew I could talk to them and they showed me the attention I needed and could relate to me during times."
"Well I'm going to start doing the things they can do for you. Don't be scared to talk to me either if you feel like it and when you want to I promise you will have all of my attention." Mom said. She came over to Siyah and gave her a big hug.
"Siyah it's not that I don't want to help you with your stuff but it's just that I have been going through a lot for the longest. I am still in the process of figuring out who I am and dealing with things about me. I guess I got too caught up in myself and I'm sorry I haven't been helping you and keeping my promises."
"It's okay."
"I want a relationship with you too Aasiyah..I feel like I automatically clicked with Harmony because she's my age but you need attention and love also. I had no idea you wanted a relationship with me but I am willing to hang out with you and us getting a chance to know each other better." I said.
She smiled at me and I did the same. "Your just as much of my sister as Harmony is."
"Sweetheart you already know I love you to pieces but yesterday it was a lot going on and that's why I wasn't able to take you out like I wanted..forgive me..I promise I will make it up to you." Dad chipped in.
"It's okay dad."
"I just wanted to let all of you know I might be living here soon. I decided that I no longer want to live with my mother and I had the courage to tell her. I want to be around you guys because I love y'all and I love being over here and maybe us being together will drive me closer to you guys because honestly I feel so disconnected at times. My mom said it was fine."
"Thats great King." Ma said.
"Yes! I can get some help with Parker because sometimes he acts younger than me..he needs all the help he can get." Prince said making Parker cut his eyes at him.
"Least I dont make noises in my sleep." He shot back.
"Can we all agree and be mindful of the way Siyah feels? To work on our relationships with her individually?" Ma asked.
We all nodded our heads, and said yes and she put a smirk on her face. "Excellent. Okay who is next?"
"I can go but I'm not going to say much. Everyone already thinks I'm the one who gets all the attention so I'm not going to be selfish today because y'all matter more than me. The last thing I want to do is break up a family or make you guys feel like I'm stealing Asia." I spoke up.
Them feeling that way honestly made me feel some type of way because I swear that was not my intention. I had no idea Siyah or Harmony felt that way until recently. Thats the last thing I wanted to do is ends someone's relationship with their mom because I lost mine with my mom at a young age.
"When I was adopted by Asia I was happy I could finally call someone family again. I was in the foster system for at least five years when I lost my parents and those were the hardest years of my life..I miss my real family and think about them a lot but you guys have helped me make the process easier and helped me except the fact that I will never see them again on earth..Asia is like a real mom to me now just as much as y'all and I love her to death buy I never meant to hog her and for that I am sorry. I can't help it and when you guys told me that I honestly thought about leaving for good. Harmony I'm sorry for everything and you know I love you like a sister but sometimes the things you say to me are out of line and I can't keep forgiving you so easily because I'm tired of being disrespected..stop talking to me like I'm an enemy and then love me later."
"You disrespect me also and I just go in defense mode..but part of it is because I am jealous of you..you've never been through anything—
"I witnessed all my family die right before my eyes at a young age. I had a brother who was bullied and picked on and the bullying ended up with him dying. Are you not looking at my face? How could you possibly think my life has been great and I haven't been through anything? And then I come in here and finally think it's cool and I can finally call someone family not having that feeling for a while and I get accused of trying to steal you guys mother. Do you know how that makes me feel? Everyone goes through things but you can't take it out on others..and it's no reason to envy me because I am no better than you."
"Kai when you came all of the attention fell on you and you know it. For the longest it was just me, mom and dad and then Siyah came and I really needed my parents during that time because of the things I was going through at a young age..and then after you came and my relationship with my mom broke I felt like she was taken from me when I was the most vulnerable. I didn't want another sister at that time and I just knew when you came this would be an issue. I still loved you and treated you like you were my blood though and I never meant to take my anger out on you."
"Well you did and you still do."
"I would like to move pass that because I don't want to lose you Kai..your my sister and I need you..I'm sorry."
"Im sorry but sorry is not enough for me because you've said sorry before but still treated me like an evil step sister. Actions speak way louder than words."
"How am I supposed to show you I am serious this time?"
"I don't know figure it out." I said with mo emotions.
She was going to learn to not be so mean to me.
"Hold on now Kai don't put this all on her you have said some hurtful things to her also I heard it out of my own ears." Mom said, and I rolled my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me."
"I never start anything it's always her. I don't feel a need to apologize the only thing I do is defend myself when I feel like I'm being attacked..Apologize for what?" I felt my eyes watering and I immediately wiped my tears away while Harmony wasn't ashamed to hide them.
"Babygirl stop crying and go in the room and y'all talk. I don't want y'all coming out until y'all make up and I mean that. Hand me y'all phones now..and go to the guess room." Dad said and I smacked my teeth.
Harmony got up and handed her phone to him walking off into the guess room. I sat there for a second with my arms crossed mad that I was being forced to talk things out with her. It was starting to become I was the problem that was tearing this family apart.
Dad leaned in from his seat to look me in my eyes. "Go." He said in a strict and firm tone with a serious look on his face.
I stormed off and slammed the door behind the both of us. I was so mad that I forgot to give him my phone. Seconds later there was a knock on the door and it was dad.
"Phone." He said putting his hand out and I gave it to him and he closed the door behind us.
"Kai please talk to me we can't leave until we make up." She cried and begged.
"No I'm getting out of here one way or another I don't have nothing to say to you."
I went over to the large window and tried to open it up but it wouldn't budge. I knew if I was able to get it open then im free because the room was ground level.
"Kai! This is ridiculous."
I ignored her still trying to open it up but I especially had trouble because of my long nails.
I gave up frustrated and annoyed after my nails broke. "Okay talk..but I don't care what you say it's not going to make a difference to me."
"Kai when I was younger I was raped..not just once but a lot. By strange men and I was only six..I'm still not over that stuff or even the fact that someone stole me from my family and abused me. Eight months of my life and it changed me so drastically. I always wonder what I would be like if that stuff didn't happen to me but it did and nothing will ever change it..when I came back home I remember not talking for months because I was so traumatized..I was happy when you came but I don't think I was mentally ready because I just needed them during that time and you now had that spot. It was hard for me Kai truly, and I am only human I make mistakes I'm sorry."
"Im sorry that stuff happened to you, no one deserves to go through that. I didn't mean to steal anyone's place though..at that time I was going through things too being that both of my parents died right in front of my face and then after that for a long time..I didn't know what it felt like to have parents. When Asia adopted me I had that feeling again and I guess I did steal her from you guys but not intentionally.. When I was younger I thought that if she stopped liking me they would give me up so I tried my best to be under her 24/7 and be that perfect child, but I didn't know it was hurting you and Siyah all along and I apologize."
She came over and gave me a hug and the hug felt so warm and loving and I never had that feeling from her. She always had her guard up, never showed any emotions of love and we both needed this at this moment.
My eyes started to water hearing about all the stuff she just told me, and I felt like our relationship was only going to build after this moment.
She started to sob on my shoulder in tears and tears fell from my face and it started to burn because of the scars on my face but I couldn't help it.
"I'm so sorry Kai I promise I'll try my best to be a better sister to you."
"Its okay. I'm sorry I took your mom from you and you went through those things. God I can only imagine how you were feeling during that time."
"Alone. Scared. Hopeless..I wanted to die and I was a happy kid before all of that stuff happened. I want to be happy again, and I don't want to take my anger out on others but nobody understands and then they bullied me in school because of the way I acted and I never felt like I belonged on earth after those events. I was suicidal but I never told anyone and I just learned to keep all my anger and hurt bottled up or take it out on other people." She cried.
"Shh.. it's okay I got you from now on okay? We can stick together and you will learn to be happy the way you used to be and I will help you you hear me? I love you." I told her grabbing her face so she was looking at me to know I was serious.
She nodded her head and sniffled, "I love you too."
"Come here lets pray." I told her and wiped the tears on her face with my thumb.
She grabbed both of my hands, "Father we come to you today to ask you for help. Me and Harmony have not always had the strongest relationship but I am asking you to help us become the loving sisters you intended for us to be. I know you bringing this family into my life was not just a coincidence, and I'm praying that you will help us lord. We need you during this time period to heal and build on us. We don't know why you do the things you do and why you let bad things happen to us yet but im asking that you cover us so that stuff will not happen again. Help us heal from those things and accept those who want to help us and not stray away from them... Help me to know my worth, and not to let anyone treat me any less that I deserve and god please keep those guys who have no good intentions out of my life. Im asking in Jesus name I pray amen."