Ever since Ryan kissed me, I haven't spoke to him. What do I say? How do I act? I'm just afraid of making a fool out of myself, he was my first kiss and also my friend. What if he just wants to stay friends? I didn't realise that I'm chewing my nails, they're now down to a stub. Sighing at myself, I dangle my legs off my bed, thoughts circling my head.
Hearing a bang at my door, I'm hoping it isn't Ryan. "What's going on Mia?" Jodie burst into my room, face full of worry.
"What do you mean?" I reply, looking to the floor.
"You know exactly what I mean Mia, what's happening between you and Ryan?" Jodie asked me, prying.
"Look I just don't know what to do okay? I've never kissed a boy before and then he just goes and kisses me like it was nothing. And I don't even know if he felt anything but I did, I don't care that I hardly know him. I like him but he's my friend SO WHAT DO I DO?!" I'm panicking at this point, tears threatening to pour out.
Jodie sat on the edge of my bed, "You know, I'm not very good at 'girly' problems but if it helps then I can tell that he likes you. I've seen the way he looks at you. And yes, maybe sometimes he can be a bit... mean? But he's trying, I can see it. Okay?"
I nodded, not knowing what to say or do anymore.
Jodie got up and walked out of my room, leaving me alone. Being alone is the last thing I want right now, I just want to hide away. Crawling into my sheets, I let the tears stream down my cheeks. Sobs fell out of my mouth, everything's getting too much. I pulled out my diary, writing all of my feelings down. Flicking back through it, I'm getting even more upset.
Tucking the diary under my pillow, I sit up and decide to go find Ryan.
I opened my door and looked over towards Ryan's, letting my hand knock softly against his door. I hear no sound so I knock again, "ONE MINUTE!" Ryan shouts from inside. The door swings open and he smiles when I walk in. "Hey Mia" and I just smile slightly back.
I close the door behind me and slide down, putting my head on my knees. "Speak to me." He says, sitting down next to me. I still say nothing, what was I supposed to say. "Mia speak to me." He rests his hand on top of mine.
I pull my hand away, crying into my knees.
"I know you don't mean it, Ryan." I whisper.
"What do you mean?" He sits up.
"I know the kiss didn't mean anything to you, that's what hurts the most. And I didn't want to lose you as a friend but that kiss gave me butterflies and I don't know what to do." I cried even louder, not caring about makeup running down my face.
I felt Ryan's hand lift up my head, "And who said I didn't mean it? Who said that kiss didn't give me butterflies? Why would I kiss you if I didn't mean it Mia? Of course I meant it, don't be silly."
"R-really?" I look up and into his eyes for the first time in days, and he nodded.
"I'm sorry.. I just assumed that-" he cut me off, "I know, I know it looks like I don't care sometimes. But I do, I really do."
"I'm sorry that I ruined your first kiss." He rested his chin on my head, I leaned back into his chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Where does that leave us Ryan?" I mumbled.
"I'm not rushing you into anything, let's just leave it for tonight. You need sleep." Ryan answered, lifting me up onto his bed.
"Thankyou Ryan" I told him as he kissed my forehead gently.