Evan laid in his bed for days, only ever getting up to go to school... He had been avoiding Connor, Jared, and Alana like the plague, fearing what would happen if he was confronted by one of them.
He knew Connor wasn't upset with him at any degree, but Evan was upset with himself... He didn't think he deserved love or any kind of coddling. He felt like a monster for what he had said to everyone. As he roamed the crowded halls of the school, he noticed Alana storming straight for him. He attempted to find an escape route, but it was too late, she had him by the collar of his shirt.
"Does it cross your mind to be even slightly sorry for everything you said to Jared? Or as you put it, apologies only go so far, right?"
"Look, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry!"
"Do you really think apologizing to me is going to fix things with Jared?"
"Sometimes things don't make sense, okay? Things are messy- and complicated!"
"Like you having a fight with your mom? Do you know what people are saying about you? A lot of us heard you two yelling."
"Why are you so obsessed with this? I mean, you don't even know what was going on."
"Because, it's important! Because, I know what it's like to feel invisible, just like Jared! To feel invisible and alone, and like nobody would notice if you vanished into thin air! I bet you used to know what that felt like, too!"
She let go of Evan, then began to storm off down the hallway, her held down low. Her words got to Evan, ferociously. He felt as if he was trapped on a train and his bones and the rails were all beginning to crack on this never-ending ride. He needed to find a way to stop it, he wanted off... He ran down the hallway, his eyes filled with tears. He attempted to blink them back, but they came gushing down his face.
He felt highly remorseful for all the pain he had caused... He wanted to apologize... Needed to apologize! He wanted to find a way to change the story, change the outcome... Erase everyone's pain and replace with unfathomable amounts of joy. Joy nobody fully understood, but joy nonetheless.
He entered his home, looking for his mom... Searching for some kind of apology in his thought-filled head.
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry for everything. He whimpered, unable to find her in this always empty house. He held his head in his hands and fell in front of the couch, wanting nothing more than to cry out every single thought to the ceiling, but he felt as if he'd blow the roof right off of the house.
He heard the sound of footsteps and he shot up and followed the sound... "Mom... Oh, mom, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I never meant to mess things up... I didn't know it would go this far, I just- Oh, I don't know what to say... I never had a dad who stuck it out before... No jokes, baseball gloves, nothing! It's upsetting to not have a mom who's just there, because all she has to do is be a mom! I-I'm sorry... I know none of this explains my actions, there isn't a worthy explanation... Nothing can make sense of all of these things I've said- and-and done!"
"Oh, Evan... It's okay. I said some things I shouldn't have, too. I know you love Connor... I love you, my little guy." Heidi pulled Evan into her arms and began to rub soothing circles into his back. She kissed the top of his head.
"Thanks, mom... For everything..."