7:44 am
Deep breaths. In, and out.
Azura braced herself on the railing of her balcony, breathing in the fresh morning air. The dew had frozen into frost overnight, covering the surface in a translucent sheen.
Sighing to herself, she pulled herself away from the railing, and throwing one final glance towards the scenery outside, walked back inside.
She engaged herself in her regular morning routine. Brushed her hair, ate a hasty breakfast, pulled on her coat and scarf, and walked out the door to greet the day ahead.
One foot in front of the other, she walked. She walked straight into the oh-so-familiar alley, which she could probably get to in her sleep by now.
Xandar of course, was still asleep but fortunately for her, she stumbled across Sky in the midst of her search for Jordan.
"Hey there," she cooed, bending down to scoop him into her arms. "Where's Jordan?"
Sky let out a worried little whine, which Azura assumed, meant he had no idea. Tickling him lightly under the chin, she walked on, with every intention to find Jordan.
But as a good ten minutes passed with nothing but futile searching, Azura realised that Jordan was nowhere in the alley at least. Her brows scrunched up. He didn't say that he was going anywhere, and she couldn't recall ever really meeting up with him anywhere but the alley.
So where was he?
Determined, she ran straight back home, hoping that Xandar might know something about Jordan's whereabouts.
She rummaged through her pockets, fishing out her keys and unlocking her front door. She marched over to Xandar's bedroom, Sky in tow, a small crease between her brows conveying her worry.
She knocked firmly on the closed door, but when he didn't deign to reply, she walked in anyway.
Amid the piles of mess, she managed to make out her brother's silhouette sprawled across the king sized bed. Worry getting the better of her, she pulled the duvet off Xandar's body. As he blearily opened his eyes, his gaze was met with Azura's bright blue one.
"Where's Jordan?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.
"Why would I know?" he groaned, trying to turn around and go back to sleep. He really didn't want to deal with this so early in the morning.
"Because he's missing, and I can't find him!"
Tsking, Xandar ignored her.
For a few moments, all was silent, and Xandar was convinced that everything would be calm once more, and that he would be able to enjoy a few more moments of precious sleep.
But his fantasy was interrupted by a small sigh. He turned back around to see Azura sitting down on an ottoman, her head in her hands.
"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.
"Yeah, but I have no idea where Jordan is. And I know I'm probably overreacting, but I can't help but feel that something might have happened to him."
She let the insinuation hang in the air.
Seeing that the matter was more serious than he first realised, and just how worried his sister looked, Xandar put away his need for sleep temporarily.
"Have you gone to the Gingerbread House? He works there, doesn't he?" He asked, pulling on a sweatshirt and rising to his feet.
"I've not, because he changed his schedule so that his shifts only ever start in the evenings. He said he wanted to able to spend some time with me in the mornings. He's never had to go this early before." She sighed before standing up and walking to the door.
"I suppose I should go check anyway," she said biting her lip.
"Yeah," he replied with a toothbrush in his mouth. "In the meantime, I'll go check at Jess's house. You know, just in case."
Despite her worry, Azura still smiled a little bit. "Just in case."
He chucked a pillow at her.
In slightly better spirits, Azura jogged to the Gingerbread House, checking her side every once in a while, to make sure Sky was with her.
Arriving at the colorful building, she pushed the door open, to be greeted by a merry jingle. Paying it no heed, she ran to the cashier.
At the register, was a girl with jet black hair and thick black eyeliner to match. She looked as bored as could be, while chewing some bubblegum and throwing Azura a dirty look.
Sighing, Azura approached her.
"Good morning, what can I get you?" she greeted her with a bored expression plastered on her face. Turning her gaze to Sky, she continued.
"We have a no pets policy, so you're going to have to leave your dog outside." She blew and popped a bubble.
"Oh, I was just leaving anyway. I just wanted to ask, umm... have you seen Jordan anywhere? He works here..." She trailed off in embarrassment when she realised she didn't even know his last name.
"Who?" she drawled, raising a pierced eyebrow.
"Um, Jordan? Tall, platinum blonde, blue eyes. Comes for most evening shifts?"
"Oh, him."
"Yes?" Azura asked, hope rising.
"Haven't seen him today."
"Oh." Crushed and dejected, Azura backed away and out of the building. She was pretty sure the cashier wouldn't be any more help. She had no idea where to look now.
She knew that there was a chance that she was overreacting, but she couldn't shake the feeling that Jordan wasn't okay. And she had to know, had to make sure he was alive and safe.
Her phone cut off her worried thoughts with a loud blaring ring. Xandar.
She picked it up and held it towards her ear, just as her brother said "Hello".
"Hi. Have you found him?" she asked, though the hope was a feeble one.
"No, he isn't here. Jess dosen't know where he is either," he replied as expected. The little crease between Azura's eyebrows became more prominent.
She sighed into the receiver and cut the call without saying goodbye. She picked Sky up from the ground and stroked his furry head, her feet carrying her along the cobblestone path.
Until she saw a familiar head of bright blue curls walking towards the Gingerbread House. Her eyes widened and she sprinted over to Brett as fast as her body would allow.
Coming to a halt in front of him, she put a hand on her knee and panted, the other still holding Sky.
"Where's Jordan?" she asked, between deep gulps of air.
He looked surprised at first, but then his expression changed.
"He didn't tell you?"
9:17 am
"Seacrest Cemetery," Azura read off the gray plaque next to the iron gate.
The cemetery was a place that Azura hadn't visited for almost three years now. She simply hadn't lost anyone she really cared about enough to visit.
But stepping out of Xandar's car, she felt an aura of sadness cloud her mind. She couldn't even begin to imagine the pain Jordan was going through.
She wordlessly waved goodbye to her brother who stared on worriedly. Her only comfort being the little puppy nestled in her arms, she walked in.
She spotted Jordan almost immediately. It wasn't hard to see him bracing himself against a gravestone, looking almost as if he were about to collapse.
But she couldn't bring herself to go to him. Frozen in place, she stared at him, as his shoulders shook.
"Tell me what?" Azura asked Brett, blinking worriedly.
"Jordan's parents died on this day two years ago. He's been living alone and isolated ever since."
Azura took a step back in shock. Her heart clenched, and she could feel her thoughts come crashing down around her. Her mind flashed back to how miserable he looked when she first saw him yesterday. Oh God.
"How... how did they... you know?" She stammered, feeling absolutely terrible. How could she have forced him to go to his old home yesterday, when the worst day of his life was coming so soon?
"They died in a car accident. Jordan was there too, but he managed to escape with only minor injuries." Brett sighed and looked at his hands.
"Even so, there were a lot of legal problems too. His parents hit another car when the accident took place and that man demanded compensation. Jordan was forced to give up most of the money his parents saved up. Penniless and alone, he took to the streets."
Azura covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a sob. Not knowing what to do, she just stood there, feeling like the worst scum on Earth.
Brett looked at her and blinked.
"You needn't feel so terrible. It wasn't your fault, neither was Jordan's. He's been happier than I've ever seen him before, since he met you.
Letting out a pitying sigh, he continued.
"He'll be at the cemetery. I'm sure he'd appreciate a little bit of support. I'm late for my shift anyway."
As Azura stood there frozen, he left, leaving her to face the storm on her own.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to approach him tentatively, placing a wary hand on his shoulder.
He spun around, and looked momentarily surprised.
"Azura," he said, wiping at his eyes with the heels of his palms. "What are you doing here?"
"I... uh, Brett told me. I just wanted to see if you were alright," she replied as means of an explanation.
His face fell, and he stumbled on his feet. "Well now you've seen me, so you can go now," he rushed out, furiously wiping at his face as deep breaths came tumbling out as gasps.
He wouldn't meet her eyes, and looked so very tired with bags under his eyes and his hair matted with dirt and snow.
"Jordan," she said firmly. Although inside she was confused mess, she was trying to be strong. "You can talk to me."
He stared at her, for one beat. For two.
And then all of a sudden, the worries, the sobs, and everything he ever wanted to say came rushing out. But he didn't cry. He promised them he would be brave.
"I'm broken, Azura. I'm broken and I don't know how to fix myself," he heaved in a deep breath and choked the words out, almost like they burned his throat to say.
"I'm sad, and depressed and so very angry with myself because I could have done more, should have done more instead of just standing there like the useless freak I am." His words were practically sobs now, and it pained Azura to see him that way. To see him so weak and vulnerable and insecure.
She wanted to do something, anything at all, to make him stop feeling this way. She opened her mouth to protest, but Jordan silenced her with a look of pure desperation.
"Please, just hear me out," he pleaded the tears threatening to spill. He didn't cry, didn't fall. Just stood there as brave and as strong as ever.
If only he'd see himself the way she did.
Jordan gulped, and continued, his voice thick.
"I miss them. I miss them so damn much, and I hate myself because of how worthless I am. They deserved to live, and you deserve so much better than me."
He paused for a second to take in another deep breath, each one shuddering painfully.
" I... I need you, because I've been fighting this battle on my own for so very long, and I couldn't bring myself to go on. I wanted to give up, so badly, but then you came, and then I realised that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But you're so perfect, it actually hurts me to see you waste your life on someone like me. You should be with someone who can give you a better life, who can give you all that you've ever dreamed of, all that you deserve, and so much more. Because you're worth it, and perfect, and everything I'm not."
He finished with a resounding sob, and he finally fell down to his knees, defeated. His head hung low, and it was as clear as day, that he believed all of it. All of this... this rubbish that he seemed to be saying.
That he had given up, and that it was over.
But it wasn't. Azura wouldn't let it be.
Her head spun, and her heart throbbed, but her thoughts were clear and determined.
She dropped Sky gently to the ground, and placed both hands on his shoulders, determined to be heard. Her turquoise eyes as clear and as bright as could be, stared him down until he met her gaze.
"You are the single bravest, strongest and all around most incredible human being to ever live on this Earth. Do you hear me?" She shook his shoulders, determined to make him see what she did. What everyone else did.
"You shouldered all these burdens alone, for so very long. You suffered in silence, and for what? To just give up now?"
Her gaze intensified, and her grip grew firmer.
"Your parents did so much for you, and they didn't give up their own lives so that you could just die. They would have wanted you to be brave and strong, and you are. But they would have also wanted you to live, so do it."
Jordan's arms clung to her of their own accord. But he couldn't blame them.
"There's your next reason," her own voice sounded near tears too. "Live for your parents, who loved you enough to let you go."
She was this pillar of light, this beacon of hope which his soul held on to for dear life. And he realised, that he owed it to her, owed it to everyone, to stay strong. To hold on, and not give up. And he would.
But for now... he would let himself be weak in front of her.
So he cried, he cried as he held onto her. The tears streamed down his face, and he was sure he looked like a mess, but he didn't care.
Right now, it was just him and her and a flurry of emotions. The rest of the world could wait.
With him seeking comfort in her arms, everything was so very similar to the day before. But it didn't matter. He needed someone to lean on, and she was there.
"You know, all that nonsense about me being perfect is totally a lie. I'm far from perfect. Like hundreds of miles far," her voice was soothing, and despite it all, despite everything, he let out a disbelieving snort.
"Fine," he relented, his voice hoarse from tears. "You're perfect for me."
And though he couldn't see, he could feel it. Feel that smile which lit up his whole damn world.
And he smiled too, and so did Sky as he trotted over to join the cuddle-fest. And like every other day since meeting her, in the end he was happy. Despite it all, despite everything that had happened, he smiled. As long as she was there, he could do anything. Be anything. But for now, he just wanted to smile.
And he did.
And he was sure, that somewhere way up there, his parents were smiling too.