A/N: It’s Xander’s birthday today! 23/6 :) Go to Tumblr to check out this cute lil’ chat I made~
Chapter 25: Beauty, Fear, and Hopes.
Chip’s POV
What should I do? D-Distract Ace?
But wouldn’t that seem suspicious?
I sighed in defeat.
“What’s wrong?” Ace asked as we rounded the bend, just a few minutes away from home.
“N-Nothing…”
The taller figure shrugged, and didn’t seem to probe any further.
We entered the bakery with the sound of jingling bells, and we were greeted with an immediate: “Welcome to the Honeycutt’s Bakery! How may I help you?”
I stared at my shoes, speechless, as Rose came over with a cheery tone.
“My my, is this your friend, Chip?”
“U-Um…”
Ace glanced between Rose and I, a puzzled expression on his face as he replied tentatively. “I um…yeah, I’m Chip’s friend, Ace. Nice to meet you…is Chip a regular customer?”
Rose’s gaze shifted to mine—and I looked away.
And a horrible sense of guilt clutched my chest.
“Chip? Oh no, he’s—well, he’s my adorable younger brother!” My sister smiled like the sun.
No! Don’t say that with such a smile—not when I’m such a horrible brother, not when I can’t even tell Ace that you’re my sister.
What am I doing?
“Oh! Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance,” Ace chuckled, turning to Rose with an equally bright smile.
My sister laughed and asked what it was that Ace needed.
“My Mom told me that you guys had awesome pumpkin bread, so uh—here I am,” He scratched the back of his head sheepishly.
“Sure! I’ll be—“
“I’ll go get them!” I interrupted rudely, dashing into the kitchen towards the bread ovens.
I was just afraid to see the expression on Ace’s face.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Here you go, young man,” Rose handed the nicely-wrapped loaves of pumpkin bread to Ace, and he placed the money on the counter.
“Thanks! So…uh…I’ll be going, Chip!” Ace waved at me as I stood beside the kitchen door timidly.
“Ah—Wait!” Dragging our new customer out of the bakery, I searched his eyes for any sign of mock or scorn.
There was none.
“Y-You aren’t…going to mock me..? Or say something mean?”
Ace looked genuinely shocked. “What? Why would I?”
“W-Well, I work in a family-run bakery and we’re barely making it, and people say that…well, baking is for girls? I-I don’t know…I overthink a lot, haha…” I laughed sheepishly.
I felt someone flick my forehead. “Uwa! What was that for?”
Rolling his eyes, Ace pulled the side of my cheeks. “Baking isn’t for girls, dumbass. There are a lot of people out there—some who don’t give a damn about your feelings, some who refuse to accept anything different—but…I’m not one of them.”
Somehow, deep inside I thought—I knew it.
Perhaps it was my mind refusing to believe that the world wasn’t that bad afterall.
But maybe all of us are already accustomed to the fact that this world was such an ugly and cruel place—and perhaps our hearts have stopped placing false hopes on a world that was beautiful.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
After begging Ace not to tell Vicky, I slipped back into the Bakery, going back to the kitchen to pipe some frosting onto the cupcakes.
Coco came up to me, awkwardly telling me to get three cartons of milk from the convenience store. I was afraid to look her in the eye, so I agreed instantly and set out to get the milk.
When I entered the convenience store, however, there was a strangely familiar voice coming from the back of the store. I hid behind the shelves of cup noodles, perking up my ears.
“Xander! What’s that?” It was a girl’s voice. There was a pause.
“Ohmygosh are you getting lube?” She gasped, albeit in feint surprise. Her tone was slightly sarcastic.
“That’s none of your business Caitlyn…” There was a sickly feeling in my chest when I realized that it was, indeed, the Xander that I knew.
I forgot that his practice ended at six, and it was now half-past six.
“Aw~ come on, let me on in the secret. Surely you’re dating someone right? Wow…so are you guys gonna go all out tonight?” I heard the girl nudge Xander playfully in the ribs, and when I decided to take a peek, I saw that she was standing awfully close to him.
“Mm…” I felt terribly uncomfortable, adverting my eyes.
“What? Is that a yes?” Caitlyn probed, standing between Xander and the counter.
“Come on, just let me off for a moment Cait…” Xander sighed, side-stepping the girl and crossing over to the counter with a pink squeeze bottle in his hand.
I felt my face heat up at the sight of the embarrassing object, but I couldn’t help but think: Why does Xander need th-that? I-It can’t be that he would desire for someone else instead r-right?
There was a voice in my head.
You. It’s all your fault.
You can’t give Xander what he needs.
Of course he’s going to look for someone else.
I felt my blood run cold, and something rooted me to the spot.
My mind went blank and I stared into empty space.
“Um…excuse me are you okay?” A voice sounded beside me like a blasting gunshot—just that the person had been whispering.
Startled, I stepped back and knocked into a pile of empty boxes, collapsing on the cold floor.
“Woah! Hey, kid, are you alright?” The man who had spoken to me lifted the cardboard boxes off my body, proceeding to extend a hand.
Dazed, I murmured something—a ‘thank you’ I think—and accepted the extended hand.
“Chip? What are you doing here?” Xander was beside me in a flash, and when I heard his voice, a strange sense of relief washed over my chest, lifting the weight from it.
I didn’t realize how desperate I was to hear Xander speaking to me until my heart skipped a beat.
And then I realized something else—
That I missed him more than I thought I did.
That I…really liked him more than I thought I did.
And for the strangest second, I felt so lost, so drowned in my thoughts and feelings—that all I could do was helplessly cling onto Xander’s shirt.
Cling onto the hopeless hope of Love.
I wonder where I’ve heard this before—
Love comes not without fear.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Randomly grabbing three cartons of milk off the shelf, I paid at the counter and left the convenience store as quickly as possible.
“Chip!” Xander called, jogging to catch up with my abnormal pace, “Chip, why are you walking so fast? What’s wrong?”
I didn’t dare to look at him, to face Xander, to tell him about my selfishness or whatever trivial nonsense I was thinking about. There was nothing that could will me to look at his face.
There was a tension building up in my chest—you know, the one you feel when you know you’re going to cry. And I didn’t want to trouble Xander any further, what with his majors coming up, there’s nothing he should worry about a weakling like me.
I’m just a coward.
“Angel,” A sudden force grabbed hold of my arm and spun me around. Before I knew it, all that was in my vision was Xander—and only Xander.
His stormy grey eyes were ablaze with a certain emotion that scared me, and his gaze bore through mine. As if seeing everything.
“You’re worrying me. What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “N-Nothing really…I’m just tired…th-that’s all,” I rubbed my eyes convincingly.
Xander’s fingers slipped through my hair, caressing my head in a loving manner.
But that was all I needed. My heart beat slowed to a norm, and the lump at the back of my throat forced itself down.
“Come on, let’s get home.” Xander took my hand in his, and smiled reassuringly.
The sun was almost below the horizon, leaving a warm red glow in the sky as we walked home in silence.
“Xander? Well…um…I-I wanted to congratulate you—on your scholarship achievement…um…you did great,” I said, breaking the silence and managing a smile.
But it was forced.
I saw Xander’s eyes widen for a moment—and then he frowned.
“Angel, you’re not smiling.”
I felt my face go hot, and all of a sudden the harsh lump rose dangerously close to the vortex of my throat.
“W-What are you talking about? Of course…I am…”
My vision blurred and of course, I felt pathetic.
I quickly looked away in shame.
I don’t know how, but the walk home was a blur. Xander didn’t speak, and neither did I.
The next thing I knew, we were in our room.
I was reading a book, and Xander was slumped over his textbook, trying hard to decipher the paragraphs of information.
Of course, this was a rare sight. Xander never ever studied during his stay here—and I doubt he did when he was staying alone.
There was a knock on our door, and Giselle peeked into the room.
“Xandie? What are you doing?” She tottered over, chocolate teddy bear in her arms.
“I’m studying Giselle. I’ve got to cram in some stuff before the prelims next week,” Xander laughed, ruffling Giselle’s hair fondly.
“Nooo…Giselle want to play!” The little girl whined, fidgeting in the spot.
“Sorry lil’ one…not today. Why don’t you go find Rose? Or Coco? Or Gretel?”
Giselle pouted. “Roserose is busy…evil witch is evil…and Cocopie is bathing…”
I smiled a small smile, turning to the adorable girl. “I’ll play with you then!”
Giselle’s eyes lit up, and she beamed. “Yay yay yay!! Let’s play house!”
“Okay sure,” I said, setting down the book in my hands.
“You be Daddy. Giselle be Giselle. And Xandie be Doggie!” Giselle ordered.
Letting out a small laugh, I asked her about a missing role. The Mother.
Giselle cocked her head to a side.
“Mother? What’s that?”
My eyes widened, and I glanced at Xander.
He lowered his gaze.
“Mother and Father? You know? Like…Mommy…and Daddy…” I fished out a notebook from one of the drawers, and doodled a house—complete with two figures.
Giselle looked up at Xander.
“How about the Doggie?”
“Haha! Okay,” I drew a poodle beside the house, “done.”
The little girl took the pencil from my hands and begin to draw on the notepad.
I had to admit, she was good at it. Her proportions were a whole lot better than mine.
“There. Perfect!”
On the notepad, Giselle had drawn a little girl—who she had labeled ‘Gizelle’ with her e’s facing the wrong direction.
What got me hard was the two names above the Mother and Father I drew.
‘Chocolate Chip’ and ‘Xandie’.
And she canceled the long hair that I drew.
Turned the dress into a shirt and shorts.
‘Perfect’ She had said.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When Xander got out from a bath with Giselle, I had already turned off the lights and tucked myself into bed.
The door opened with a gentle ‘creak’, and I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.
“Chip? You still awake?” Xander asked softly.
I didn’t reply.
“Good night Angel. Sweet dreams.”
Fidgeting under the covers, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the burning sensation to sneeze.
“Chip? You’re awake?”
I sneezed.
Sniffling, I went over to the drawers to grab some tissues.
“I-I’m fine…”
“You know, I went to the convenience store today to get something…” Xander started, shuffling over to his duffel bag.
My heart picked up its pace instantly.
“E-Eh? I see…w-what did you buy?”
Xander straightened up from his search in his duffel bag, and brandished the pink squeeze bottle he bought at the store.
Strawberry-flavored lubricator—all the better to taste with!
I was literally speechless.
And then my face went so hot, I thought I would melt.
Fortunately the lights were turned off.
“W-W-Why do you n-need that?”
Xander shrugged, smiling cheekily. “Who knows, Angel?” Then he smirked.
His answer made me all the more insecure.
But of course, I…I can’t possible ask him whether i-it’s for our usage r-right? I mean…that’s so crude!
What are you thinking?
Of course it’s not for you.
I bit my lip.
“W-What are you going to do with it?”
Xander dropped the squeeze bottle back into his bag, legs stretched out on Hansel’s bed. “Have sex of course,” He chuckled, as if stating the obvious.
I gulped.
Desperation tightened its grip on my heart—and I could almost feel my breath being cut like a thin string.
“Why?” He added, as if taunting me. Or maybe it was just my imagination.
.
It forced me to the corner—fear, desperation, love even, tumbled out of my lips.
“X-Xander—? I’ll…I’ll do anything so—please i-is it okay if we…have…s-s-se…x…?” The last word came out in a bear whisper, and it took me a few seconds to realize what I had just said.
To me, it felt as if I was simply saying: Don’t leave me behind. Don’t go.
But I wasn’t.
.
In the dark, I couldn’t see Xander’s expression.
The silence told me he was speechless—puzzled, confused, happy even.
“X-Xander? I-I know i-it’s really…sudden…but…um…I—“
“Okay.”
I paused, and my head snapped up to face the silhouette in the dark.
“W-What?”
“I said okay.”
All of a sudden, I was awfully aware of the bed underneath me, how it creaked when Xander came over to sit on it, Xander’s steady breathing, his movement in the dark.
“U-Um…uh…I…” My voice was really soft, and several pitches higher than normal.
I had asked for it—so why am I so scared now?
“You ready?” Xander asked in a low voice, leaning down to run his tongue along the edge of my ear.
I was trembling. I felt a strange heat spread throughout my body, sending tingles down my spine.
There was a sound of ruffling clothes, and Xander leaned in closer—pressing his body against mine and my mind went blank.
My breathing became labored. “X-Xander, you’re…you’re not w-wearing…anything—“
Xander chuckled softly in my ear, and I shivered once again, and the heat rushed to my face as I realized my predicament. “Of course I won’t be wearing anything. In a few seconds you wouldn’t be too,” And I was sure he smirked at that.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Xander’s POV
(A/N: A-Action content. Slight >_< No wait I think it’s major. Please close if you’re uncomefortable please please >_<)
I snaked a hand around the back of his neck, drawing my angel’s body closer to mine and capturing his soft lips.
Chip’s loud pants were becoming more obvious as he tried to get a grip on himself. But he was melting. Slowly.
Despite the darkness, there was a faint veil of moonlight falling through the window—and that was enough to see the expression on my angel’s face.
I tugged at his boxers, and his hands came down immediately, quivering. Pushing him down on the bed, I towered over his fragile figure—taking a second to admire the porcelain beauty of his skin, and the adorable blush on his cheeks.
His half-lidded eyes were clouded with something. I thought it was lust at first—but then…
Slipping a finger into his boxers, I tugged it loose, and Chip’s hips bucked, instantly bringing his hands to cover the area between his legs.
“N-No not there—“
I lowered my body to press gently against his, running my tongue against the sensitive spot at his neck. “Nn! Ha—“ His pants became more and more erratic, and I could feel his heart threatening to burst out of his ribcage.
Littering kisses downwards, I removed my angel’s hands, slipping one of mine between his inner thighs.
“X-Xander?” Chip said breathlessly in surprise, his thighs trembling slightly. “W-What are you—“
I lowered my head, going down on him.
My angel gasped at the heated connection, and he let out a sweet sound as I flicked a tongue over his tip.
“Un—! H-Haa—“
I raised my gaze, expecting a beautifully lewd expression, but there was none.
Instead, what I saw scarred me for life.
Chip sniffled, wiping the horribly huge wave of tears that overwhelmed his eyes. His lips were sealed shut in a single, thin line—as if in pain.
His thighs were crossed—as if attempting to block the view.
His ears were red—as if in embarrassment.
His palms were clenched into fists—as if holding in.
His eyes were so, so sad.
A sharp sensation, blade-like, stabbed me right in the chest.
I realized what I was doing.
Oh God.
What am I doing?
.
“No,” I pulled back, my hands leaving Chip’s soft skin as if burnt, “I can’t. Not when you have that look on your face.”
I couldn’t see his face as I turned my back on him—but there was a sniffle.
My chest ached.
So painfully.
I wanted so much to reach out, to tell him it was okay, that if he had really wanted the pleasure, I’d give it to him—but I couldn’t.
His eyes were pushing me away.
And he was so far.
“Chip, I…I’m going to the convenience store to get a beer,” I said, my voice barely coming out as a whisper while I slipped on a pair of jeans.
“W-What—? But…why? I-I’m sorry, I must have done something w-wrong, please, please forgive me—“
“No!” I cut unintentionally, and I saw my Angel recoil.
Oh fuck. This hurts.
It hurts so much.
“I…I mean no, no you didn’t do anything wrong…I just need some time to think—my bad.” And those were the words I said before grabbing my coat, and leaving him behind.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What’s going on? Why isn’t he telling me anything?
Is it just me?
Was I too forceful?
I ran a hand through my hair, making my way towards the convenience store in the heart of the night.
It’s my fault. I was too insensitive to his feelings.
I should have known.
Sighing, I kicked an aluminum can.
Will all of this work out if I had just told him about our past?
Or asked him if he remembered that there was a young boy who he gave bread to?
Who he unintentionally saved his life?
No. I couldn’t ask him.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to complicate things, or to try to make my angel remember me.
I realized that:
I simply did not want to hear his answer.
What if he really, really forgot?
Did it mean nothing to him?
What will happen then?
What was there left for me to cling to?
I entered the convenience store.
.
Was the Chip in the past the one I had fallen for?
And…was our love really, really that weak?
I didn’t want to know.
And so, maybe it’s best not to ask.
And perhaps, this way—it’s best to rely on hopes at times like this.
Even if it was false hope.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N:
One of the darkest chapter I have so far on Baked Love. Let me know about your thoughts on where this is going. How do you feel about Chip? About Xander?
I’m really sorry that my updates are super random now! >_< I don’t have a specific day now, and I’ll try to update in a week’s time. The next chapter will probably be on Saturday or Sunday because I have my prelims next week, and I can’t possibly leave you guys with THIS CURRENT SITUATION for two weeks XD You guys would kill me.
I hate this feeling too.
But ah well.
Love never comes without fear. And it’s not Love without obstacles :)
-Cuppiecake.