I was watching Sarah across the cafeteria today.
I don’t know why. Dammit, I was doing so good for a while there, and then along comes this Chad guy, sniffing all around Sarah.
He’s one of those good looking jock guys who could pretty much have any girl that he wants. Why is he bothering with Sarah, then?
Why am I so worried about it? And keeping an eye on Sarah now wherever I go?
It’s not like Sarah and I are going to get together again. Or that there’s a chance that we’ll reconcile. I think I’ve come to terms with that understanding. I mean, I have to give up that possibility, especially since she’s not even willing to speak with me.
I mean, the good thing is that I haven’t approached her again, haven’t gone through my pathetic display of hopelessness. Sure, I’m watching her again. I can’t help but pay attention whenever I spot her. But how can I help it?
Sure, a relationship can end, but you can’t immediately turn off the feelings that you’ve had for someone for years.
I can’t, at least. Sarah meant too much to me for too long to just be able to forget those feelings so quickly.
So there’s Sarah, sitting in the cafeteria, not chatting with her friends, but eating her lunch and writing in a journal. She’s been doing a lot of that lately. Well, actually, she always wrote in her journal — but she didn’t do it in the middle of the day. She usually only wrote in her journal first thing in the morning or at the end of the day.
Anyway, she’s writing in her journal and snacking on an apple, and along comes Chad, slips into the seat beside her and starts up a conversation.
I wanted to walk over there, tell him to leave her alone, punch him in the head and then walk off. It took everything in me not to do so. Instead, I just got up from my chair and walked out.
– 4 Comments –
Kim said...
Good for you Peter... I admire your inner strength. Getting it back is a sign of getting better!
FunkyB said...
I just read through this blog from the beginning. It took me a while to get caught up, but I was hanging breathlessly on every word.
Mind your thoughts, Peter. They can take on a life of their own.
Frank said...
I wonder what she journals about these days. Damn it's always a freaking jock they go for.
Trish said...
Damn. Even I'm getting pissed off about this Chad guy!