So, do it. Decide.
Is this the life
you want to live?
Is this the person
you want to love?
Is this the best you can be?
Can you be stronger?
Kinder? More compassionate?
Decide.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
And decide.
INCEPTION
A starting point.
The silhouette of a man lured over her, effectively making her sit up abruptly with her heart on her throat as she tried to choke back a scream. And although James' warm features were always a pleasant view to see she didn't particularly enjoy seeing him next to her bed at 2 a.m. on Monday morning, the darkness of the room making him blend in with the shadows, nor did she appreciate the heart attack he almost gave her with his unexpected visit. "What the hell are you doing here?" She whisper-shouted, trying to be considerate to her dorm mates who were sound asleep whilst an intruder creeped on their room.
"I couldn't sleep," he answered vaguely, lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug.
"Maybe you should try returning to your bed," she muttered as she tiredly rubbed her eyes, "I'm sure it'll come to you."
"I can't. There's some things I can't get out of my head and it won't let me sleep," he explained.
"And you couldn't talk it out with Sirius?"
"No. It has to be you." A sheepish smile adorned his lips as he spoke.
"Out with it then," she sat up straighter, giving him her undivided yet slightly foggy attention.
"You kissed me."
Alexis threw herself back into her bed with a groan. "Is that why you woke me up?"
"Well, not entirely," a blush creeped up his cheeks, "I just couldn't get it out of my head." He took a seat on the edge of her bed, feeling her intense gaze on him. "Come with me. I have a surprise for you."
She covered her face with a pillow and whined into it. "It's two in the bloody morning, James."
He inched closer, gently pulling the pillow away before looking at her with the best pleading eyes he could muster. "Please?"
James was far too ecstatic as he led the way to the Astronomy Tower, not the least bit concerned with the fact they weren't even supposed to be out of their beds at such an hour. He held her hand as they raced up the staircase, pushing the door open once they arrived at the very top, revealing what appeared to be a small picnic waiting for them and.... a girl? Upon noticing their presence, the girl in question jumped up from her place near the edge of the tower, awkwardly dusting herself off whilst keeping her gaze on the ground.
"Thank you for keeping an eye on it," James told her gratefully.
"No problem," she smiled shyly before darting off the room.
Alexis' eyes followed her until she was out of view, a frown settled between her eyebrows. There was a peculiarity about the girl, making Alexis feel as if she knew her but couldn't quite put her finger on who she was. "Who is she?"
"Valerie Churchill," replied James, making recognition instantly dawn on Alexis with the renowned last name. "Fifth year Gryffindor, I believe."
"Yeah, yeah," Alexis nodded, remembering the fuzz that had ensued when the Sorting Hat had called out her name back in second year. "Winston Churchill's granddaughter, innit? I hadn't heard from her in a while."
James chuckled. "I didn't even remember her and we're on the same House. I have a feeling she likes it that way, though. But anyway, she so happened to be here when I arrived with this," he gestured at the hot chocolate and donuts, "so I asked her to keep an eye on it while I ran off to get you."
She nodded again before focusing her attention on his little set up. "You made the poor house elves work at this hour?" She giggled as she sat cross-legged on the floor. The smell of the cocoa instantly filling her nostrils, its warmth a pleasant sensation on the crisp spring night. She attentively watched his every move, admiring the confidence he carried himself with yet aware of the nerves that constantly fiddled with him.
"They were happy to see me, I'll have you know." He chuckled softly just as he sat across from her. He hadn't been lying when he said there were plenty of things he needed to get out of his head, it was evident on the clouded look in his eyes, but he seemed to struggle with the task of connecting his mind to his tongue.
Alexis decided to spare him the trouble and spoke up instead. "I did kiss you, and although I don't regret it, I still think we should take our time with things, you know?" She paused to take a bite from a glazed donut, admittedly doing so as a distraction to try to hide the sudden nerves that were making an appearance. "I want to give us a chance, but I'm still a little... I don't know, uneasy? Hurt?" She sighed and found the courage to look up at him, weary of how he was going to take her next comment. "James, I love you, I do. But I'm not as crazed about you as I used to be. We need to work our way there again. We need to start over."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he commented as he uneasily scratched the back of his head, "I don't want to pressure you, Lex. The fact that you're even willing to give me another chance is more than I could ever ask for. But I want you to be ready for it, I want to do it on your own terms. I can wait, that's okay, I just want you to be happy and a hundred percent sure of your decisions."
Alexis had to stop herself from groaning at his words. As always, he was being so considerate and understanding it was painful. "You're not pressuring me James. I want to do this. Let's just—let's take baby steps."
James chuckled softly, his gaze set intently on her as a glint shimmered on his eyes. "Yeah, I get it. We don't have to rush what's forever."
"Do you have to be so sappy all the time?" She looked up at him with a teasing grin playing on her face, receiving a roll of the boy's eyes.
"Remind me to never be romantic with you again, woman," he reached for the donut on her hand and took it from her grasp, taking a big bite from it before offering her a silly smile.
"Oh no, so does that mean you're not going to serenade me in front of the entire school?" She placed her hand on her chest with fake outrage.
James nodded. "And the banner I was planning on hanging out in the Quidditch pitch for you? Cancelled."
"Oh, bummer," she fake pouted, "now no one is going to know James Potter is hopelessly in love with me." She bit her lip as the corners of her mouth quirked up in a grin. A glint of mischief flashed through her eyes, so before James had the opportunity to gather his thoughts she leaned in closer, rubbing her nose against his while their lips rested mere inches apart. She could feel his breath hitching and his body tensing, instantly slipping into a dazed state that allowed her to place a quick peck on the tip of his nose and take back her donut.
"What a tease," he grinned, his entire face flushing as he looked down embarrassed. "So, in a different note," he cleared his throat, his mannerisms suddenly turning fidgety, "what—what's the deal with Tom now?"
She raised a brow. "What do you mean?"
"Does he—uh—do you think he approves of this now?" His nervous and suddenly shy demeanor made Alexis break into a fit of giggles that only made his already pink cheeks turn scarlet.
"I thought you didn't care about what Voldemort thought about us?" She playfully reminded him before finishing the content in her mug.
"I don't. But not being on Voldemort's killing list sounds promising," he chuckled while reaching for her hand.
She intertwined their fingers together and leaned in to place a brief kiss in the corner of his mouth. "I won't let him hurt you. If he ever attempts to do such a thing he'll have to do it over my dead body." James caught her off guard by pressing his lips against hers in a deep kiss, that although brief, it left them both breathless. "However, I do think he's warming up to us."
It didn't take long for Alexis to recognize the person who had occupied the spot next to hers, leaning his back against the tree as he stared ahead at the Black Lake while the surrounding grounds remained quiet and peaceful. There was something so soothing about Remus Lupin's presence that it was unmistakable, however, his preoccupied demeanor also was.
"What's wrong, Rem?" She closed the book resting on her lap and set it aside, focusing her undivided attention on the seemingly troubled boy. She had taken a couple minutes from her afternoon to catch up on her reading, an activity she found calming and much preferable than joining the Marauders and Ivy on some complex planning for a grand end of year prank.
By the looks of it, Remus wasn't too keen on partaking on the scheming either. He kept looking ahead, clearly not ignoring her but too caught up on his disarray of thoughts. "I need to get some things off my chest."
"Go on," she nodded, "I'm all ears."
"I'm using people, Lex. I'm using people I care about, people that care about me, to try and forget personal issues instead of dealing with them." His features remained stoic but Alexis could sense the venom in his voice, an anger that was directed towards himself. She opened her mouth, wanting to question his statement for she had no idea what the poor lad was going on about but Remus beat her to it. "Catherine and Sirius, I mean. I'm using them. I think they're both great people, they're amazing—and I love them, I do—but maybe my romantic feelings aren't as genuine as I believed." There was a slight break in his voice that made her chest tighten, then he finally turned to look at her and allowed her to see the disappointment and distress reflected upon his eyes. "Maybe I'm just lonely."
"Lonely?" Confusion clouded her features as she questioned him. She could understand to some extent, but it still baffled her that a person she cared for so dearly felt lonely.
"I want to feel loved—romantically loved—and I know it's not an uncommon feeling for a seventeen year old. But that's the thing, I'm not just a seventeen year old boy. And it doesn't matter how hard I try to pretend that my lycanthropy doesn't define me, it simply does." He pulled at his hair slightly as he exasperatedly explained himself. "I'm forced to turn into a werewolf every goddamn month, and it's a hard truth to live with. One which, if I'm honest, I'm still having trouble coming to terms with. It's scary to think I'll have to continue facing this for the rest of my life, and the thought of having to go through it alone terrifies me. So maybe I didn't have genuine feelings towards them, maybe I was just acting out of fear."
Alexis carefully analyzed each and every one of his words. Not only was it a sensitive subject, but it was admittedly one she could relate to. Granted, she wasn't a lycanthrope, but she had once been in a position where she'd tried to force herself into relationships and flings simply because she was unsatisfied and confused regarding her condition. We all want love but the truth of the matter is that sometimes we're not ready for it. Forcing yourself means that you're not in the right place and it's not the right time, because when love finally makes its grand appearance it does it on its own terms, with a person you weren't expecting and at a time that catches you off guard. It made sense for Remus to be indecisive on how to handle his insecurities and burdens. It made sense for a seventeen year old to not have life figured out.
"With Sirius I understand," she said, "because the entire thing was all too sudden and you were both drunk. It's completely normal that your emotions got the best of you once you had one too many drinks, and well, Sirius is Sirius, not only is he the most charming twat around but he also always plays along with everything. I'm pretty sure if it had been Peter instead of you he would've still played along," she scrunched up her face at the thought, an action that Remus mimicked, "so don't beat yourself up too much about it, but do talk to him. Tell him how you feel, there's no doubt in my mind that he'll understand. But Catherine—are you sure that wasn't genuine?"
Remus took a deep breath as he pondered about it. "No, I'm not sure. I mean... I think at some point it was. I think at some point I truly genuinely loved her. But god, so many things have happened since then and no matter how hard I try I just can't see her the way I used to. There's something there and I'm trying to hold on to it but I don't know if it's worth it. I don't know if it's genuine or if I'm holding on to a memory."
"You know, despite the turbulent history we have with her, we have to give the girl credit and admit that, up until she lost her family, she was one of the most supportive and understanding people I've known." She began to soothingly run her hand up and down his back in a comforting manner. "And I think it's quite obvious she's putting effort on returning back to her old ways. So sit down with her and have a long chat about it, maybe you'll work things out, maybe you won't, but at least you won't have to be tormented with what if's anymore."
It was clear that the distress that had been burdening him had disappeared, or at least had diminished significantly. He placed his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a purposely suffocating hug. "You're such a good therapist, Alexis."
"Thanks. It's going to be five sickles for the session."
"I'm buying you a butterbeer when we go to Hogsmeade and that's all you're getting from me." He let go of her and stood up, offering his hand to help her up as well. "Come on, it's dinner time."
The two friends made their steady way back to the castle, walking across the mostly empty grounds as the sun was nearing its disappearance and the threatening yet beautifully breathtaking moon took its place. "And Remus." Alexis turned to face her first real friend, "you're not using anyone. We're all in your life because we want to be."
"Flooding it isn't going to work. We need to go bigger than that." Sirius firmly slammed his fork on the table. "We need the fireworks!"
"Alright, listen carefully pea-brain," Ivy leaned over the table and threateningly pointed her spoon at him. "Fireworks are not an option and that's final."
"Says who?" He leaned in as well, apparently forgetting who he was arguing with.
"Me." She stated before using her spoon as a weapon and hitting him on the forehead with it.
"Making great advances I see," Alexis amusedly commented as she and Remus joined their friends in Gryffindor's table at the crowded Great Hall.
"Oh yeah, plan's almost done," Peter said sarcastically, resting his head on his hands with a bored expression.
James, on the other hand, looked like an excited puppy. "Maybe we haven't figured out what we're doing yet but it's going to be wicked!"
Everyone was too engrossed in their scheming that no one but Alexis noticed the other Slytherin that had joined the Lions' table, and it was none other than Regulus Black himself. He looked cheerful as he chatted with an equally animated Valerie. Alexis mentally cursed herself when Sirius, of all people, followed her gaze and made him notice Regulus' presence. Feeling his brother's intense gaze, Regulus' attention turned from Valerie to Sirius, making the girl shift uncomfortably as a stare down ensued.
Regulus offered Valerie a brief smile before standing up and making his way towards his disowned brother, making Sirius instantly grow tense. The younger Black shamelessly took a seat across his brother, a sardonic grin on his lips as he greeted his friends. "What a coincidence, I was just thinking about you," he told Sirius.
"I'd rather you not." Sirius replied through gritted teeth. "It's repulsive."
"It's April 23rd, isn't it?" Tauntingly, Regulus questioned a seething James. "You know what that means? It's been nine months since you got thrown out of the house like the filthy dog you are."
Chaos ensued as Remus and Peter tried to stop Sirius, James, and Ivy from hexing Regulus into a different dimension, making the boy obviously pull his wand out in defense, all of this getting McGonagall's attention and making the Professor rush towards them.
Alexis wasn't paying them any mind, though. Her attention had been solely focused on Valerie's demeanor. She was visibly upset about the altercation, but although most people would think she was concerned about Regulus, she wasn't fooling Alexis. She had seen the dazed look in her eyes when she looked at Sirius.
-
A/N:
We won't be hearing much from Valerie in this book..... because sis is going to have her own! I briefly introduce you to the main character of my Sirius' book that I will be posting once LR is completed. (Because it follows this timeline so 😉) And as some of you may know, it will be about Sirius dating Regulus' crush!
It's such a breath of fresh air to leave the drama aside for a while and let them focus on being teenagers dealing with simple teenager issues.
I want to use this next few chapters to sort of show what all of the characters are going through personally. So, for example, Remus is having issues with not wanting to be lonely but also not feeling worthy of anyone's love. I'm slowly introducing Sirius' family drama (that will lead to his book). I also want to touch on Peter's fear of the war that's happening. So yeah, I'm bringing light to all this issues so I can give you all a proper conclusion on each character at the end and not leave any lose ends or leave you wondering what happened with a certain character ☺️
I hope you liked this! Please vote and comment! And follow me, maybe? 😉❤️❤️