hi this is cute and (surprisingly) not triggering lmao
He wakes up alone.
And he winces, as he pushes up into a sitting position and rubs at the sleep in his eyes. He reaches across to the nightstand for his phone.
Awsten's cane is gone.
He freezes.
His hands are shaking as he presses the home button on his phone. His heart is racing.
Just about an hour has passed.
He's alone.
Did it really happen was it all a dream did he hallucinate all of it are he and Awsten really dating did he really kiss him was it a dream it feels like a dream is it real is anything real-
He almost falls as he slides out of the bed, trips over his own feet in his haste to get out of the room. He doesn't know where Awsten is. He doesn't know what's going on. It all feels like a dream, one of those cloud-like ones that begins to float away as soon as you wake up. It's silvery, laden with glitter and dripping with stars, light and airy, a delicate breeze wrapping around him and coating everything with a spray of fairy dust.
It doesn't feel real.
And then he remembers how Awsten squeezed his hand and leaned down to kiss his cheek and promised that everything was okay, remembers how he put his head on Awsten's shoulder and turned his face into Awsten's neck and breathed in, felt the flecks of sunshine travel in through his nose and throughout his body, smiled and breathed and eventually drifted into a place of sparkles and fairy dust and the sound of Awsten's laughter, the best soundtrack he's even known.
He walks out into the living room and stops again.
Awsten is curled up in Otto's lap on the couch. His face is mostly hidden in his neck – there's only a half of his cheek showing, and Geoff can see the reddened skin and dampness – and Otto's lips are moving rapidly as he rubs his back.
His heart is still racing.
What if he made a mistake what if he's regretting it what if Otto is telling him how to break up with you what if he said all those things to get you to stop crying what if you never meant anything to him what if he doesn't want to be with you what if he doesn't want to be with you what if he doesn't want to be with you.
What if he doesn't want to be with you.
"A-Aws?" He tests, sidestepping the coffee table and moving right in front of the couch. He meets Otto's eyes and receives a nod from him. He doesn't know what that means. Is he saying they're good or are they need why is Awsten crying he can hear him whimpering and sniffling what is going on why is he crying what's happening.
He drops to his knees in front of the couch and touches Awsten's arm. "What's wrong?"
"It's okay," Otto says from behind. "He just got a little overwhelmed and panicked a bit, but he's okay now."
"Aws?" He prompts. He moves his hand further, onto Awsten's back, and wiggles his fingers between Awsten and Otto's bodies. He pulls and Otto leans back. Awsten goes into his arms easily and he hugs him tight, slipping an arm under his ass as he moves to the other couch. "You okay? You can talk to me, y'know. I know 've been a mess lately, but...m'here for you too, okay? S'not just me."
"I know." Awsten's voice sounds wrecked. Geoff bites his lip. He rubs Awsten's back, presses his hand against Awsten's skin and kisses the top of his head. "S'just. Stuff happened. Before I met you. M'fucked up too."
"Don't say that," Geoff says firmly. It feels like a piece of his heart has broken off, hanging from the rest of the muscle by a thin thread. It's dangling dangerously and the thread is about to snap. Awsten holds a large part of his heart and a piece of that just chipped off, wavering precariously, about to fall into the abyss at the bottom of his chest cavity. "You mean so much to me. You don't- you don't even know how much, okay?" He pauses. The explanation he gave Awsten, the description of warmth...it's not even half of what he actually feels. Putting into words everything Awsten makes him feel is impossible. He doesn't even know where to start. "Whatever happened, it's okay. We'll get through it. You're not alone, I promise."
"You said 'we'." Awsten lifts his head. Geoff breathes out as open air hits the damp spot on his neck that's covered in Awsten's tears.
"Yeah," Geoff replies. "'Course I did. S'you and me now, isn't it?" His heart is racing as he says the words. What if Awsten doesn't want it to be we what if he doesn't want you what if he's trying to break up with you and you're not getting the hint what if this is too good to be true the other shoe has to drop things like this don't happen to you you stupid fucker- "I mean- if you want it to be!" He rushes to add.
"No, I..." Awsten's voice is soft. "I just...'ve never had anyone but Otto. S'weird."
"A bad weird?" His voice breaks. What if this is too good to be true what if this is too good to be true what if this is too good to be true-
"The best kind of weird," Awsten whispers. His voice sounds like the fairy lights, stars twinkling in the night sky and banding together to shine so brilliantly. It's soft and airy and warm, all at once. The warmwarmwarm is everywhere.
Anxiety usually makes him feel like he's in a blender, whirling around on liquefy, lacking all control. It steals every ounce of energy it has, rips it from his body and funnels it into making the machine go even faster, uses his own fuel against him, laughs as he collapses because he's at the root of the reason.
But Awsten turns the blender into a carousel. He's still spinning in circles, but now he's feeling the warmwarmwarm burst and send out sparks and explode in his chest, send tendrils to the furthest parts of his body until everything feels light and airy and delicate. He's looking at Awsten and smiling when he laughs and inhaling with his voice and exhaling with his touch and everything feels different. Possible. Warm.
"Can I-" He hesitates. This didn't exactly go well last time. "Can I kiss you? For real this time?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
He cups Awsten's cheek with one hand and leans down to press their lips together.
It feels like fireworks. The warmth has exceeded maximum capacity. It just keeps coming in tsunami style waves. He closes his eyes. Awsten moves one arm to the back of his neck. It's soft. It feels like a breath of fresh air, renewing, revitalizing.
He doesn't remember the last time a kiss felt like this.
It feels like air.
He can breathe again.
...
They find themselves back in Awsten's room later.
Awsten has his head on his chest and he's running his fingers through his hair with one hand, the other intertwined with Awsten's, fingers laced together. Awsten is drifting of from the looks of it. His breathing is getting heavier and he's staring to snore softly. He smiles and turns his head to press his lips against Awsten's hair. "I...I don't know how ta say thank you for this, Aws. I-I don't think 've ever felt better. And it's all 'cause of you."
"Y'all are cute."
He looks over to the doorway. Otto smiles at him, shifts the basket of laundry on his hip and shoulders his way into the room. He pulls open Awsten's closet door and starts to put clothes on hangers. Geoff watches one, two, three skirts, followed by a bunch of crop tops and that soft pink sweater. The one Awsten was wearing the first time he hugged him.
And now that same boy is lying on his chest, that same boy is the taste on his lips, that same boy is his boyfriend.
"You're...okay with this, right?" He ventures. "I don't-I know how protective you are of him. Why do you trust me?"
"Why don't you trust yourself?" Otto replies, shutting the closet doors and picking up the basket. He turns around to face him.
"It's not that I don't, it's just..." He trails off. "I dunno."
"Stop overthinking it," Otto says. "Just let it happen. See where it goes. Don't freak out about the future. You're not even there yet."
"What- what happened to him?" He asks. "What's he so- what was he crying about?"
Otto's smile starts to fade. He looks down at the floor. Geoff sees the whiteness in his hands as he grips the basket tighter. "That's not my story to tell. You'll know when he's ready."
"Is he okay?" Geoff demands. "At least tell me that."
"He is, now," Otto answers. "But he wasn't. Not for a long time."
"What are you-"
"It's not my story to tell," Otto repeats. "He'll tell you when he's ready."
He leaves the room without another word. Geoff turns back to Awsten. He strokes a finger down his cheek and presses another kiss to his head. There are broken blood vessels in Awsten's eyes and his face is still slightly pink from crying.
Whatever it is, it can't be good.