It rained all through the night and into the early morning when my alarm went off.
I groan when I hear the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the ceiling, and make a mental note to take a raincoat out with me- the barn and arena are covered, but walking in between, I don't want to get wet.
I tug on a pair of jeans and a Stanford University sweatshirt, knowing the rain has most likely cooled the air overnight. After putting on my boots and grabbing the black raincoat my mom packed for me, I head out to meet Avery.
"So, what's on the schedule today," I question once he comes into view. He glances up at me and offers a wry smile.
"I was thinking after you groom Trigger, you could try tacking him up," he replies.
"Like, to ride him? Today?" I ask in disbelief.
"No- just to see if he'll allow you to tack him up. He's been ridden before, so it shouldn't come as too much of a shock to him. I just want to see if you can handle it," he answers.
"And after that? Grooming shouldn't take longer than 20 minutes no matter how much trouble he gives me, and tacking should only take like 10," I estimate. "So then what do we do?"
"You could ride Disel if you want to- it wouldn't hurt you to work on your lope. Or you could just chill until everyone wakes up," he offers. "I kind of need to work with Dakota for Chrissie anyways."
"Why?" I ask. She seems like an extremely well trained horse, I don't see what he would need to work on with her.
"We put in a new jump yesterday while you and the girls were out, and I just need to get her used to it before Chrissie has her lesson today, otherwise Dakota might freak out," he responds.
I nod, debating whether or not I should ask him about his relationship with Chrissie. I'm curious as to why they are so close, but I don't want to pry. Ultimately, I decide against it.
"Let's get started then," I chirp, shooting him a tight smile.
I walk into the tackroom and grab Trigger's blue lead, before heading over to his stall.
"Hey Trig," I coo, in an attempt to get his attention. It works. He lifts his head and looks over at me, snorts, then turns away. He seems to look relaxed, and I smile. Maybe he's finally starting to trust me a little.
I cautiously open his stall door and slip into his stall, careful to make sure he knows where I am at all times. I stay pressed against the corner of the door and the stall, not wanting to make any sudden movements.
And then the strangest, most unbelievable thing happens.
Trigger turns and walks towards me.
I stand where I am, shocked, for a moment.
"Trigger?" I question, more to myself than to him.
He doesn't make any effort to walk away or attack me, so I reach up and clip the lead to his halter. I slide my hand up to his cheek and let it linger there for a moment, before dropping it and leading him out of the stall.
"Wow," Avery mutters once I've clipped Trigger into the cross ties.
"My sentiments exactly," I whisper. "Did that really just happen?"
I take a few steps back from Trigger, not wanting to overwhelm him, although he seems very at ease right now.
"You better believe it," he laughs. "I'll go get the brushes for you."
I nod, watching his retreating figure as he heads to the tack room.
I move closer to Trigger, till I'm less then arms length away. If I wanted to, I could reach out and touch him.
But I don't.
I feel as if he's playing a trick on me and any minute now he'll flip out and start kicking and biting in all directions.
But he doesn't.
Hesitantly, I reach out and stroke his side, a smile coming over my face.
"You know Trigger- you aren't half bad," I murmur.
----------------------------------
I reach up to feel the locket around my neck, making sure its still there. It is. I'm sure it won't fall off again- I have no idea how it fell off in the first place.
The rain stopped about an hour after I woke up, while everyone else was still sleeping. Avery went out to work with Dakota like he planned, but I didn't tag along.
I headed out towards one of the trails and walk for a few minutes, keeping the house in my line of view. I see a fallen tree and take a seat on it, tilting my head up to scare at the sky.
I start to think about the trail at home, which has me thinking about Chey.
I left her alone that day. I was bored and I left her alone so I could go out on a walk. I left my best friend, who I knew had a history of self harm, alone in my house.
It's my fault. If I would have stayed with her, or maybe convinced her to go walking with me, she'd be with me. I wouldn't be here. I'd be in California, with Chey. Maybe she would be dating Jace, and maybe she'd finally have her shot at happiness. Maybe I would, too.
But I left her alone, and she slashed her wrist. She bled out and died in my arm, an image that will forever be burned into my brain.
I notice that its started to rain again, but I brush it off. It fits my mood anyways.
I didn't understand what had happened at first- we had both cut before and never had anything that bad happened. About a week after she died, I looked it up online. Apparently, their are two arteries in your arm: the ulnar and the radial. If you cut them, you can bleed out.
I still don't completely understand everything about it. Did she do it on purpose? Did she want to die?
I'll never know. Maybe its better that way.
I bury my head in my hands and let a noisy sob ripple through my body.
" Chey," I whisper, trying to blink the tears away. "Why did you leave me?"
I know she can't hear me, but a part of me wishes she could.
Since we were kids, we always leaned on each other. She would catch me when I stumbled. But now, if I fall, I'll just hit the ground.
Another sob escapes my throat, and I don't bother to try and fight it.
My hand reaches up to clutch my locket again, and I hold it tightly, it as if its my lifeline.
"Grey?" a voice softly calls. Avery.
I jump, and turn my face away, not wanting him to know I was crying.
"Why are you out here? I thought you were with Dakota," I croak, failing to mask my my tears.
"I saw you come out here earlier, and it started to rain. I had already finished with Dakota, so I came to get you," he tells me. "What's wrong?"
I feel him sit down beside me, but I refuse to look at him.
"Nothing. I'm fine," I mutter.
"Grey, look at me," he quietly requests. When I don't oblige, he lightly grabs my chin and turns my face towards him.
I keep my gaze fixed on the floor, almost afraid to meet his eyes.
"Avery, I'm fine," I repeat.
"No, you're not," he state, wiping tears of my cheek with his thumb. "Listen, Grace, you don't have to tell me what's wrong. But you aren't fine, so stop saying you are."
I sigh, and lean into his side, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. He wraps an arm around my shoulder.
"Grey, sometimes it's okay to not be fine. I know you must have been through something or you wouldn't be here, and if you go through something, its okay to fall apart."
"God, you sound like my therapist," I laugh, my voice sounding weak and shaky.
"You know, for a star to be born, a nebula has to collapse. Sometimes, you have to fall apart in order to be born," he comforts. I look up at him and smile.
"That was really deep," I sass.
"I know- I read it somewhere on the internet," he admits.
We sit in silence for a few minutes as I collect myself.
"Thanks," I say after a while.
He stands, and then pulls me up.
"Don't mention it."
A/N
Avery is so sweet when he wants to be.
Anyways- this chapter isn't long but it isn't short. Its decent length.
I wrote this while watching Scream, one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time. Its literally perfection. You should all watch it fifty times.
It is currently 2:44 A.M. and I am tired.
Goodnight my lovelies!
(Or good morning if you want to be all technical)