I start to pack my things up at the end of the day, Odette has informed me that tonight's food menu is pesto tagliatelle and I'm more than excited to try some, her cooking skills never cease to amaze me - today, she made me an egg salad sandwich for lunch and it was one of the nicest things I've ever eaten. The day seems to be really busy so far, I've been in meetings all day, Odette had a hospital appointment to review her scars, the lads and I are having a night in tonight and all of the girls are going to a club, I'll be lucky if I see Odette at all, I'm guessing that our meal will be rather rushed tonight.
Odette:
Dinner will be ready soon, hurry home and drive safe. I love you x
I read the message that flashes onto my phone's screen and subconsciously my movements become faster, I just want to get home and see her before our plans both tear us apart. "Harry." I feel a surge of whiplash as my head shoots in the direction of the voice, my heart not ready for the sudden sound that rips me from my perfect silence, just my breathing and ruffling papers. Wesley stands there with his hands loosely in his pockets, the once straight and professional looking piece of material that lay in the centre of his chest now missing and the top few buttons of his work shirt undone.
"Wesley, I was just leaving." I explain, packing the last few files and pieces of belongings into my satchel.
"Yes, I wanted to catch you before you left. Please, sit." His hand gestures to my desk chair and I wonder what the hell is going on, he doesn't look like he's in a bad mood, if anything, he just looks exhausted from tedious emails and vexatious meetings, probably what you look like most of the time, my subconscious observes and I roll my eyes internally, even though he's most definitely right.
"What can I help you with?"
"Harry, Ethan and I have been giving you more responsibilities to see how well you cope under the pressures of a more authoritative role." I take in his words and think back to what William had mentioned to me during one of our many lunch dates, remembering that he said he would have done the same thing in Miller's position, I guess he was right, as always. "You have shown us on multiple occasions that you are too advanced for your position as branch manager, and deserve a higher role. Gail called us today and handed in her notice, she has been told by the doctors not to return to work so we are now looking for a southwest area manager. We would like to promote you to the role, permanently."
My jaw drops at his words. Permanently, an area manager, that would mean travelling all over the southwest and staying in hotels most of the week, only really being home three full days. I can't do that to Odette, but it's more money Harry, you can finally settle down- no. I stop myself from thinking any further, I don't care how much money or responsibility I get, I can't just abandon Odette when she needs me the most, I could never do that, even the thought of it is like a stab to my vulnerable heart. "Have a think about it Harry, we are interviewing for the position so if you change your mind just prepare a presentation and we'll arrange an interview for you." And just like that his drifts from the room like a wandering ghost.
The opportunity will be amazing, I'll get to travel all over and meet so many new people, not even mentioning how much I would learn whilst on the job; but then I think back to my life now, going home every night and lying in bed with the woman I love, having hand made sandwiches with a love note in every day, or smelling coffee when I wake up knowing that my wife-to-be has already had her morning fill, I couldn't bear to leave any of that behind.
The drive back home is almost haunting as I think over Miller's proposition having no idea what to do about the whole situation, my chest feels heavy as if the weight of my future is resting above my heart and the closer I get to home I realise why that is, I'm nervous to see her, I'm nervous to know her reaction to the news. Should I even tell her? No Harry don't tell her, make your mind up and then tell her before you tell Miller, you need more time. I think over my subconscious' words and rub my hand across my face tiredly, I'm exhausted from the pressure of not disappointing her, Odette's happiness is all I care about, and I don't want to put my own selfish needs before her.
The smell of tagliatelle pasta and pine nuts enters my nose and warms my blood stream as I open our apartment door, the click of the lock silent to Odette but it's never been as loud to me as it is now. Pots and pans clash together and I hear the kitchen tap running, no doubt she is doing the dishes as she goes along, Odette is a clean freak when it comes to cooking, she never likes to leave a big mess. I stand at the kitchen doorframe and watch her intently, her back faces me and her behind sways lightly in contentment, I never want to leave this moment but I know at some point reality will set in and this bliss will be just a distant memory.
'Welcome home love.' Odette kisses my cheek, a light blush apparent on her face as she realises I've been watching her and having no idea how long for. 'Dinner is ready.' I grab the heavy plates of food from her struggling hands and place them on our dining room table, Odette following behind with the cutlery. 'How was work? You look tired.'
'It was busy, there's a lot going on at the moment with the expansion project.' I use my spare hand to sign in order to continue eating, my body is famished and I'm sure I look like an animal ravishing in its final meal, not attractive.
'Any news for me?'
My mind reels back to its earlier argument and I'm once again torn with how to respond, should I tell her? 'No baby, no news.' Her question irks me slightly and I wonder if she already knows somehow, but then I realise how ridiculous I'm sounding considering I myself only found out three quarters of an hour prior. It doesn't matter anyway Harry, it's not like you've made a decision about it, I tell myself to support my decision - knowing that no amount of pep talk is going to rid me of the guilt I am consumed with by lying to the woman I love. It's not 'lying', it's just concealing the truth.
I roll my eyes at my subconscious. That's literally the same thing.
'How has your day been? What did Dr Richards say?' I enquire, a feeble attempt to change the subject.
She swallows a mouthful of food and smiles at me, showing me the scar behind one of her ears, 'my hair has started to grow back.' She signs happily and I can't help but smile at her glee, it's a small victory but a victory nevertheless. 'He said the scars are healing really well but still to be careful not to knock or bang them, they could still re-open. He's set up an appointment with an audiologist in a few weeks.' I accept her words and am silently praising their efficiency during this whole process, they really are taking care of my beautiful wife and I'm pleased that she's so excited about everything as well as I am, it'll all be over with in no time.
'What time are you going out with the girls?'
'I'm meeting them all when I've finished eating, I'm already late, but I wanted to spend time with you before I left.' Odette concentrates on her food but I can tell by her blush that she's slightly embarrassed by her confession; regardless of if we are getting married, I still seem to be Odette's weakness, and her exposed vulnerability gets her embarrassed, she's adorable, God I love her.
'I love you too.' I smile knowing she's thinking it as well, my empty plate rattles in my hand as I walk through to the kitchen and empty it into the dishwasher, the cutlery almost falling from my grasp as they slide unexpectedly from my plate - the clash causing my heart to jump in my chest and my eyes to squint in order to protect myself from the noise, I don't know why we do that. "Sorry." I call out to Odette, rolling my eyes seconds later when I remember who I'm in company with, I'm still doing that even now.
The woman in question walks in seconds later with her empty plate, so clean you could probably eat off of it, Odette isn't one to waste food, it's one of the things I love about her - she has an incredibly impressive appetite. 'I love you Harry, I'll see you later.' She presses a light kiss to my cheek and I embrace the flutter that races up my spine at her touch but am brought back to reality, catching her arm before she scuttles from my view.
"Hey, if you need me at all during the night just let me know okay? I won't be drinking so if you need me to pick you girls up just message me." She nods and salutes in a regimented way as if I was her father ordering her around, "I know you think I'm being tough but you're not invincible yet missus, you need to be careful and I'd hate if anything happened to you and I wasn't there. So call me when you want picking up, it doesn't matter what time, just call me." Her smile fades from amused to adoring and her mockery of my attitude simmers as she respects my proposal, I know that she'll call me if she needs to.
'I love you, have I ever told you that?'
My arms grip her waist and I pull her small frame closer to my body, "you have, but not nearly enough."
"I love you." I hear a voice whisper.
"You tease. I love you, go on. You're already late." With a wink from me and a small chuckle from Odette she wanders from my view and out the door.
• • •
"You're late?" Liam checks his watch, his beer in one hand and a crisp in the other.
"Oh sorry mate, I was just trying to catch half an hour with my wife before we were separated for the evening, but I should have realised that our friendship is more important."
Niall injects, his eyes glued to the tv but very much a part of the conversation, "sarcasm gets you nowhere pal."
Louis waltz' in with a full bag of crisps, taking as many as he can before filling a bowl up with the rest, "yeah what the hell is up with you, no need for the sass."
"Sorry, I'm just a bit stressed out, my mind is all over the place at the minute." My mind reels with worry for Odette, I'm not used to being without her, and we've normally always gone to clubs as a group.
"Harry, Odette will be fine, she's with the girls. You know how they can be when something happens to their own, in fact, good luck to anyone that decides to cross them. They'll get their asses handed to them." Louis' remarks makes me chuckle, he's right, the girls get really defensive when they think that someone is feeling uncomfortable; they're like a pride of lioness', I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to get on the wrong side of them.
I place myself next to Liam and rub my hands over my face, "it's not just that I'm worrying about tonight. I know she'll be fine with the girls."
I see Niall's head flick over to me in my peripheral vision, "why, what's up mate?" His brow furrows in concern and I can tell that I've torn his attention away from the golf displayed on the tv.
Just rip the plaster off Harry, these guys have been with you for years, they'll be able to help you out. "I got offered a promotion in work."
"Why are you worrying about that? That's great mate."
"I haven't told Odette."
"Oh shit." I hear them mumble collectively. I think anyone that knows me well understands how much Odette contributes to my life, she could be mistaken for the air I breathe on a daily basis - our relationship is built on trust and honesty, we are bound by our mutual love and adoration, so the fact that I haven't told her something straight away is a big thing. My skin crawls at their reaction, this was a bad idea, I should ring her now and tell her. She's deaf harry you can't ring her!
For fucks sake, why do I keep forgetting that?!
"Calm down mate!" Liam pats my shoulder, obviously noticing my mental breakdown. "Just breathe, you'll be fine."
Louis steps up and tries to take control of the situation, his age and wisdom coming forward to calm me down, "there must be a reason why you didn't tell Odette so what is it?"
I think back to this afternoon when Miller offered me the promotion, what was running through my confused thoughts, I feel like my strength has been stretched to limits I didn't know it could reach today. "It's the position I'm filling in for now, but if I were to do it permanently it would mean travelling all over the southwest. I'd rarely be home. I couldn't do that, I won't do that." My head shakes involuntarily and I only take notice of how much when I feel Niall hands on the side of my head to keep me still.
"Why don't you just tell her?" An Irish voice questions behind me as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"I know what she'll say, she'll tell me to go for it because it's more money and a better opportunity."
"That's Odette's opinion, and if you value it you'd listen to her."
"It's not that I don't value her opinion, but I can't leave her. She thinks she'll be okay but what if something happens and I'm not there?"
"Harry you can't live your life based on 'what if's'. If Odette says she'll be okay, then you have to trust that she will."
"Mate." Liam hugs me, noticing the dripping turmoil leaking from my glistening tear ducts, "Harry, it'll be alright. Everything will be fine. She has enough people looking after her."
I feel Niall's hand rub against my arm as he slides next to me, trying to console me equally as well as Liam. "I have never," I take a breath before continuing, "I have never loved anyone as much in my entire life. Never. I struggle being away from her during the day, I have trouble sleeping if she's not there, I worry constantly, so much so that I'm probably overbearing. I do it because I love her, and because if I were to lose her, I don't know what I'd do with myself." My eyes well even further due to the possibility of not having Odette in my life, the thought is unbearable and I struggle to catch my weakened breath. "You have no idea what it's like, everywhere we go I have to scan the area for a potential incident, whether it be someone knocking into her, or her not waking up in a morning, or her scars becoming infected. There are so many variables that you couldn't even begin to imagine, and I think about them all because I love her, because I can't live without her."
"We know mate, we know." Niall hugs me from the side.
Louis silently perched himself on the table in front of us during my monologue and I watch through my tears as his head hangs low, "I think you've already made your decision mate." I nod in realisation, he's right, there wasn't really much else I needed to think about was there?
_______________________________________
Do you think he has made his decision?
Hello hello, I know that I've been extremely inactive and I personally would like to apologise to you all - despite what anyone may think, this book means the absolute world to me - and I have actually been taking a writing course to extend my vocabulary in order to perfect it. I've been doing some heavy editing of my drafted work, and rearranging the future of this book. I think you'll enjoy it, but if not, it's been an incredible experience for me anyway.
Thank you for all of my reads and likes, I genuinely appreciate it - and please feel free to comment with anything you'd like, I always reply no matter what!
- Pianogirl56