"Finally, a place for some rest!" I say as I twist the lock and open the door.
"Oh God, I'm so tired!" Hayley adds while bringing her suitcase in.
"What do you mean? You live here!"
"I don't! I just live in this city."
"Hey, you have that house." I remind her as I place my suitcase on the table by the window.
"That I can't live anymore ever since my piece of shit brother turned it into a gambling den." She puts her suitcase next to the nightstand and hangs her tan coat on the stand. "Can you see me living with cigar-smoking Apaches playing baccarat and howling like wolves at 3 in the morning?"
"Well, where do you live now?"
"I don't know." She takes off her boots and leaps backwards onto the bed. "My stuff's with Jayda but I crash in Roan's place sometimes."
"Things that tough, huh?"
"Yeah, especially with her cats fighting every night. It's hard to sleep over there."
"At least we'll have some peace and quiet here."
"Exactly." She looks at the cream ceiling, at the lime green walls covering the room. "By the way, why'd you ask for two beds?"
"I wasn't comfortable with the idea of us sleeping on the same bed." I take my loafers off and hang my tartan jacket on the stand. "And besides, wouldn't you sleep better on your own bed?" I ask.
"I don't want to sleep on my own, I want to sleep next to you." She turns to me with eager eyes. "Isn't that what you've always wanted?"
"We'll get to that soon. Right now I just want to unwind." I sit on the bed and turn on the TV but the cooking show is interrupted by a hail of gunfire outside. "You hear that?"
"Probably just someone shooting somebody," Hayley answers nonchalantly, as buzzing police choppers zoom around us. I'm surprised at how calm she is over everything.
I watch the lady on TV baking mille feuille pastries, then I notice Hayley in a fetal position, her back on me. "You okay there Hayley?"
"Fine, I'm fine," she says, but I sense uncertainty in her voice.
"Seriously, what is it?"
She doesn't say anything at first, but eventually she gives in. "I'm just sad you don't want to sleep with me. It makes me feel bad."
"Aw, don't be like that Hayley."
"This is our first night together but you're putting a boundary between us. It shouldn't have to be like that."
"I'm sorry. I can't help myself."
"Argh, Zach. You frustrate me sometimes, you know? God."
Feeling the shroud of guilt hang over me I sit on the edge of her bed. "What are you doing?" She asks, unsure as to what I'm up to.
"It's alright," I say, "I hate it when I make you like that."
"Zack, stop it. I get your need for space."
"But seeing you feel bad about it makes me feel bad."
"Look," she sits on the space beside me, "I know this is your first time sleeping with someone, so don't be too hard on yourself."
"Okay." I turn off the TV and hang my head back. "So what do we do?"
Hayley turns on the small radio on the nightstand, and I Really Wanna Know You by Gary Wright starts playing. "What else do we do? Let's enjoy this night."
"How?"
She puts her hand on my leg and eyes me suggestively. "You can start by telling me what you want to do."
I'll admit this is quite intriguing of her, but it sounds too good to be true so I stand up. "I don't quite know exactly," I say as I walk to the window.
Opening the blinds I watch as muzzle flashes blink from the side of that police chopper above. From inside someone with a loudspeaker orders people below to surrender.
"Crazy, isn't it?"
Hayley appears behind me and looks at the chopper. She puts her hands on the base of my neck and starts massaging. "I hate this neighborhood. Feels like the early 90s."
"In case you forgot, this is the closest place to your home."
"Exactly. It's like a warzone, minus the insurgents."
I take her hands and kiss them. "What a crappy world we live in."
She leans her head on my back and sighs. "Doesn't mean we have to live crappy lives though, right?"
"Right." I pull her arms around me in a tight embrace. What a crazy way to start the night.
"By the way," she adds, "I ordered pizza. Domino's. It should be here in ten minutes."
"Sweet."
10 Minutes Later
"Ah, let's see what we've got here," Hayley says while checking out the delivery. "Well, this is nice."
"What is it?" I ask, preoccupied with the two-liter bottles of Fanta orange soda included.
"They got the pizza right. Meatballs and chorizo. And with the cheese stuffing in the crust."
"Thank God they didn't screw up this time around, or I would've ordered a refund."
"You do know they won't return the money, right?"
"Don't be such a pessimist Hayley. I would've come down on them harder than an angry Jewish lawyer."
"Do you really believe that's possible?"
"Just let me indulge my imagination, will you?"
"You want to be indulged?" She shoves a pizza slice into my mouth and giggles afterwards.
"Ach! Hot! Hot! Hot!" I gasp, the still-steaming slice scorching my tongue and taste buds. It takes me a while to eat the entire slice. "What the hell was that for?" I ask after the ordeal.
"Oh, you should see the look on your face!" She continues laughing hard, eventually dropping on the floor. "You looked like you hadn't had water for days!"
I respond by lifting her up in the air. Except she leans on me when I hold her, which causes me to lose balance, which results to both of us crashing on the carpet.
Once we got to our senses we realize we were in a sticky situation. She's right on top of me, her hands on my shoulders, and her long, spiral brunette hair lightly touching the sides of my face. Her hair blocks the view of the room, leaving me to focus on her shocked face only inches from mine.
"Oh shit," I say. We remain there, stuck and stunned, unsure what happens next.
Three knocks on the door interrupts us, and a female voice calls outside. "Room service!"
Like a triggered mousetrap Hayley puts her hand on my mouth and turns to the door. "Come back later!"
The voice outside continues. "You sure?"
I didn't catch what she said, for the musk of the pizza slice wafts from her hand into my nose. So much so that she doesn't notice me licking her palm till she turns back to me.
"Jesus Christ Zack, what the fuck are you doing?!" She reacts, almost jumping away from me.
"Nothing, just tasting your hand," I reply innocuously.
She wipes her hand on my shirt and helps me on my feet. "You're disgusting. Now I have to wash my hands," she says as she heads to the bathroom.
While she does so I take some more slices off the box, eating them as I contemplate on what to do next. Since I pretty much paid for the night, I can do whatever I want. But what exactly do I want?
"Hey Zack," Hayley says as she slides next to me, looking out the window with another pizza slice on her hand, "What you thinking?"
Since I have no ready excuse available I come up with whatever is on my mind. "Thinking of how I'm spending this night with you."
She turns to me with inquisitive eyes. "Well, what do you want?"
I return the look to her. "What do you want?"
"Come on, I asked first."
"And I'm returning the question."
"You're a difficult guy to talk to, Zack."
"And you're a hard girl to converse with, Hayley."
She finishes the slice and sits on my bed. "I guess you're not used to dealing with women before."
"Maybe that's the case," I add as I sit beside her. Stuck with nothing else to talk about I drop on the bed and stare languidly at the cream ceiling.
Surprisingly she drops next to me and stares at the ceiling as well. We stay like that, silent and lost, letting the hours pass by like sand.
"What you thinking?" she asks again.
"I'm thinking how relieved I am to be away from all that bullshit back home."
She turns to me with a look that signals curiosity. "I don't get you Zack. Why are you so eager to get away from your country? I know I hate this place a lot, but it pales in comparison to your entrenched hatred."
I keep staring at the ceiling, trying to think of an answer.
"Zack?"
"I don't know if you'd believe this, but I wish I could claim asylum here. Home is not home anymore, it's a toilet filled with shit and dynamite waiting to explode. I can't stand being in a place that degrades itself so openly, and where people live in ignorance and blind reverence. I don't know what you see in there, but it's got to be more than I can see."
"Come on, it can't be all bad," she placates.
"Hayley, I come from a place where beating up your kids is commonplace, even encouraged. They smack them and whip them and even have TV shows promoting it. They don't even know there's a law banning the practice."
She sits up, trying to keep calm. "Okay, there's that, but I'm sure there's more than that."
I sit up as well, but all the deep-seated anger I had is now flowing out uncontrollably. "Trust me, you wouldn't want to be in my place. Life back there makes you an adult before you're 15. Your parents expect you to care for them in their old age, even if it means giving up your dreams. People think you're inventing issues if you say you're depressed. And if you decide to do what you want they'll say you're being selfish."
"Zack, just try to see the bright side..."
"Hayley, sometimes all I want to do is to watch it all burn. There's nothing for me over there. Blessed land? More like cursed land. We couldn't listen to each other without killing each other first."
She stands up and crosses her arms, looking down on the carpet as if being weighed by something. "I'm so sorry," she says, breathing unevenly, "I'm so sorry you had to go through all that."
Sensing disappointment in her I come close behind her, hoping to ease the tension. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would upset you so much..."
Out of the blue she charges at me and wraps me in a hug. It was so quick I failed to see I'm on the bed now. "Oh, let me take you away from all this." she says, her voice muffled by my shirt.
"Away from what?"
"This whole messed-up world we find ourselves in."
"What are you...?"
She puts her hand on my mouth to stop me from talking. "Shut up."
For a minute I look at her, wondering what she's up to, before I start noticing her leaving a trail of kisses on my neck.
"Mmmhmm?"
"Shhh." She keeps going with some more kisses on my cheek and upwards to the edge of my eye.
I take her hand off my mouth. "Hayley, just wait."
She pauses just after she lands a kiss between my eyes. "What?"
It takes me a while to muster the courage, but I manage to say it. "I'm kind of scared about this."
I lift my chest to get up but she pushes me down. "Don't be scared Zack, I'm here for you."
She comes closer to kiss me but I get myself up again. "But Hayley..."
"Look, would you just relax and let me handle this?" She wraps her arms round my neck and stares intently at my eyes, and I can feel her hands slowly gripping the ends of my hair. The weight of expectation is bearing down on me, and her magnetic stare and enticing smile only confirms it.
Oh, sweet Jesus. Her eyes, they're focused on me, peering into my soul. How she makes suggestions without uttering a word is my guess. She moves one of her hands along the side of my face, sparking that dormant energy I never knew I still had. I try to back away from her, to think of what I'll do next, but she comes closer the more I retreat. My desires, those primal emotions I've buried for God knows how long, are slowly bubbling up like trapped gasses under the sea floor. Even once I've hit the end of the bed she inches herself ever closer to me, unrelenting in her quest for that ultimate expression. In this moment where everything I've longed for is ready for me, it surprises me that I haven't taken it yet. What's holding me back?
"I don't know how to describe this," Hayley says, her eyes fixed on me and moving to feel the nervous beats of my fast-beating heart. "Somehow I don't have the words to tell you how I feel for you. I feel so much that I can't define them properly. But I will tell you, I love you so much it scares me. I love you for helping me through everything, and for simply being there for me. I love you so much Zack, I love everything about you and I love you for all of it."
She doesn't stop with the heartfelt declaration, as she takes her chance and makes her move with a swift hit of her hungry lips to mine. As I start taking in the taste of her pizza-scented kiss I feel a wave of bliss within me, thinking how all those late nights and doubtful periods all led to this long-awaited consummation of desire and longing.
I don't know how long the feeling lasted but she pulls back, gripping the ends of my hair with giddy excitement. "Hayley..." I call for her, trying to recall what I was about to say but losing the thought anyway.
"Don't speak, shhh..." She says, speaking the lyrics of the song playing from the obliging radio on the nightstand. You're The Only Woman by Ambrosia is playing and she goes for a second try while the Hammond organ interlude fills the room with melodic passion. She's moving her hands now, gently guiding them along my arms and covering my eager palms. It's funny thinking about the entire escapade, with all the armed gangs and police choppers and the rampaging violence outside and the polar opposite here. Her eyes are closed but she's letting her emotions guide her, submitting to them and going to wherever they point her to. It's almost surreal, really.
The song hits the second part of the interlude where the saxophone belts away and she's feeling the rhythm of it. She consumes me with such disarming leisure and loosens whatever control I have over myself. Her force of will goads me for some sort of initiative and it rises and rises and fills me with so much vigor that I have to grip the wooden board above the bed to stop my hands from shaking.
As the band begins to sing the chorus for a final time she pauses to catch her breath, the desire crystallizing into something of a tangible idea. I stare at her, her eyes clouded with the mist of physical gust flooding out like champagne bubbles. "Zack..." She calls, hoping to get her words in order but only resulting in stuttering and confusion.
Like a spring releasing pent-up energy I rush right at her, facing her eye to eye and unbridling myself from all my faux-chaste inhibitions. I start taking her fiery red blouse off and biting her lips, and she responds by removing my cream cargo shorts and my socks. She undresses her black miniskirt first before I could take off my green polo shirt, and because the annoying DJ went on air and disturbed the mood I turn the dial to a station about to play Molecules by Atlas Genius. And that's when all hell breaks loose.
She squeezes my ears and pushes me off the bed and before I can get up she jumps on me and tugs me up to her level, only to propel me all the way into the empty wardrobe cabinet to fire a volley of kisses to my face. Without letting her finish I lift her on her hips and slam her on the minibar, which gives me a moment to pause for a quick drink from a root beer can. Halfway through my drink she kicks the can away from me with her foot, and her wicked grin is all I see as we turn and role in circles in a cyclone of lips and tugs propelled by adrenalin and oxytocin. Her powerful force and my unrestrained thoughts are merging into something magnetic and inevitable, and it leaves us both breathless and senseless as to what was happening around us. I think I remember at one point holding her wrists with one hand and tickling her stomach with the other as we lay on the bathtub, and every time she laughed she got a kiss from me in return. And there was another where Hayley shoved a pizza slice in my mouth and ate the other end as she wrapped her legs round my hips like a python, and when she finished it she struck me with a blinding kiss on my lips while putting her arms on my neck. I can recall her laughter heading inside my throat and into my lungs. I didn't know such a thing was possible. I didn't know such unspoken lust can be translated into actions, even for those who have never come across the language before. I didn't know so much, but she found ways to introduce them to me and made me feel comfortable and sheltered with them. She has so much more than I'm able to illustrate them. How is someone as complex and mysterious as her able to make things so legible and clear? How is someone like her able to fall in love with me? How will I ever explain all of these and more? How will I ever get her to know all these things I couldn't express?
Hours have passed, two or three maybe, before I realize my position and come to my senses. I find myself staring at the ceiling, wearing nothing but black boxer underwear, lying like a log on the bed. The radio has been switched off and the carnage of our sexual tempest lies all around the room, from the bottles of scotch and gin from the minibar now resting on the carpet to the overturned chairs and the clothes we were wearing scattered all around like rubble after the storm. The violence outside has subsided and the only noise left is the flickering bulbs and the television showing a hand-painted cartoon of an old lady and her dog in a remote seaside town.
"Louise by the Shore. That French-Canadian animated film released in 2016," I say to myself.
"I didn't know you saw this film before." I turn around to see Hayley sitting on the bed, engrossed with the scene of Louise's younger self playing with two of her male friends. Dressed only in black lace lingerie and red nails on her fingers and toes she manages to look both simple and classy. "What's this film about?"
I sit next to her and watch the film. Louise is making out with one of the boys until the other boy discovers her. He runs away as she chases him along the cliffs. "It's about an old lady finding herself alone in a seaside town filled with sad memories," I explain. "I love the storyline and the film soundtrack."
Eventually the boy runs to end of the cliffs and sees Louise coming after him. He leaps off the scene, leaving her to watch the waves crashing into the cliffs, with no sign of the boy.
"Hayley, I don't want to be alone anymore." I say as the scene reverts to Louise as the old lady.
She snakes her arm along mine and holds my hand as she puts her head on my shoulder. "Don't worry Zack, I'll always be here with you."
We keep watching the film, and it shows Louise calling for her dog. Saddened that it hasn't returned, she puts on her best dress and finest pearls and calmly walks to the waves, hoping to finish herself beneath the waves. As she slowly drowns under the currents her dog returns, tugging her back to the shore while pushing past the tides.
"Zack, promise me you'll be here for me," Hayley says. Louise has safely landed on the shore. "Promise me you'll never give up no matter what happens."
"I promise. Through success and failure, through everything and anything, I'll be here for you Hayley."
The film now shows a train arriving on the station, unloading packs of revelers and visitors to the seaside town. No longer alone, Louise sets off with her dog, her destination unknown. The soundtrack plays as the credits roll.
I kiss her on the cheek and wrap my arm around her. "I love you Hayley. I love you so much."
She returns the kiss and squeezes my hand so hard it hurts. "I love you too Zack. I love you so much."
Finally, after months of procrastination and writer's block I finished. It's a huge relief and I'm proud of the progress I've made with this. Vote, comment, and share, and thanks to all of you for getting me through the times with your love and support. I appreciate it so much.