Sometimes I wish I could read her mind but then I wonder if I'll be strong enough to know the truth.
Damien
I woke up today from my room being illuminated with the sun, cascading on every part of the room. I loved that it was bright, but I didn't like that it made my room hotter. I sat up in my bed with my basketball shorts stuck to the back of my thighs.
I stood up, stretching my sore arms from a work out I did the day before. A sudden realization hit me. I didn't have a dream or if I did, I couldn't remember it.
I had fun yesterday with Mae. Despite her falling asleep halfway through the movie, I felt her shake from laugher, occasionally letting a sound slip through her silent laughs.
She tried hiding but her ears peaked out of her hair, making her look sort of like a pixie. I smiled fondly at the thought. She was cute. I laid back on my bed, letting my legs hang off the side of my bed.
Mae. I couldn't keep her off my mind. I kept thinking back to last night. Bennett suggested we wake her, but I didn't want to so they put on another movie. I loved the way she slept. How peaceful she looked. It was more peaceful than I could have slept.
The way my arms were around her, making me at ease; maybe even her as well. I didn't feel the need to protect anyone. I didn't feel on edge because I thought something bad was going to happen.
'Apart of me does feel bad because I have a voice that others dream of having yet I still choose not to use it. But if you've lived through what I've lived through. Been through what I've been through, maybe you'd be silent too.' Mae's words repeated again in my head.
I couldn't help but worry about her. What if something happened to her, and I couldn't protect her?
You weren't there. You couldn't have protected her. I thought.
I knew I was right, but I couldn't help think maybe in some way, I could have helped her, if not save her. When I went downstairs after showering and getting dressed, I saw my friends.
"Why are you smiling?" Ryder asked, curiosity ringing in his voice, bringing me out of my daze as I sat down. I shrugged and pretended to not know what he meant. Although Ryder was the smartest out of the three of us, I had to admit that even the youngest one, Bennett, had me beat and took second as the smartest. He loved to read and did that often when we had nothing else to do. An entire conversation could be held with him while he was reading but he wouldn't hear any of it until you called his name.
"Would it happen to be about a girl?" Bennett raised his right eyebrow. Arrogance flooded his face as I stayed composed. Not showing any emotion to him was actually an answer on its own.
"Not just any girl," Ryder mused, grinning lopsidedly. They both stared at me, waiting for me to confirm what they've been trying to insinuate.
"Why am I friends with you guys again?" I joked, teasing their feelings, knowing that I could distract them enough to stall the inevitable conversation. They knew I liked Mae. They've always known and held nothing against me for only ever wanting something with her.
Ryder occasionally teased me about my... virtue still being intact but nowadays you either were or weren't a virgin. There was nothing shameful about it, so I felt no pressure or insecurity when he teased me about it.
I looked at Ryder, and his theatrics were on full display, putting one of his hands over his heart and feigning pain. He gasped, pulling his eyebrows together and cringing his face in agony. "Can't... breathe..." gasped for air like a fish out of water. "What have I done to you to deserve this?!" Bennett comforted him with pats on his head.
"There-there... there... there," Bennett said, apathetically while patting Ryder's head with each word. I shook my head and started eating a bowl of cereal. At the slightest inconvenience for Ryder, he'd turn to his theatrics as a way to get what he wanted. When we were younger, it worked but now that we were used to it, it gained him nothing. Although I'd be lying if I said it wasn't entertaining.
"I could be having a heart attack and be dying on the floor, and you don't even care!" Ryder shouted, incredulously. I laughed and continued to eat. Ryder was healthy as a horse. He's not going to be getting sick anytime soon. The virus would be infected with Ryder than Ryder with it. Bennett poured himself a second bowl of Coco puffs and began chowing down.
"Did you have another nightmare?" I looked at Declan, my youngest brother and smiled as I shook my head. They've grown accustomed to my... nightmares. I wish could I say the same. I used to wake them up with my screaming, but they've gotten used to it by now, and they don't bother coming to check on me like they used to. Once in a while, if Bennett sleeps over, he'd come check on me. He's the only one who still does. They looked surprised but happy for me.
I took in their expression one at a time, and they all had the same look, besides happiness. It was a question, and I had no doubt the question that caused their curiosity was, how long that was going to last? They didn't know, and neither did I. After we finished eating, we headed out. Ryder drove today. He's been itching to drive to school ever since the last time they raced. While we were driving, we saw Mae's car.
"I'm gonna race her."
"You mean you're gonna lose again."
"Have faith in me, Bent!" Ryder stopped at the spotlight before the one Mae was at and revved, preparing for the light to change. There was a red challenger next to her car, and we could hear her rev, making us laugh. "Shut up!"
"Ryder yours sounds like a cat purring while hers sounds like a tiger roaring"
"Shut up, Damien!" Mae's light turned green and she floored it, racing the red car. Ryder revved again then his light turned green. He raced down the street, trying to catch up. Ryder couldn't catch up to Mae and his light was turning yellow.
"You better slow down!" Bennett said.
Ryder didn't listen until he was close to the light and it turned red. He started pressing down on the brake and our bodies propelled forward, locking the seat belt as it was extended to its full length.
"Dammit!" Ryder shouted.
"You are the world's worst driver!" Bennett shouted at him. "The King would kick your ass."
"Take that back," Ryder told him.
"No, I don't think I will," Bennett told him, stubbornly. They stared into each others' eyes, challenging the other. They were both immature kids. They liked to get each other mad because they found it funny. A honk interrupted their challenge and Ryder blinked first. "Hah!"
"Shut up, Kid," Ryder bit.
"Old man," Bennett smiled. Ryder was eighteen while Bennett was sixteen. Bennett's birthday is in October, so he'll be seventeen but still making him the youngest of us.
"You're an infant," Ryder muttered.
"You're ancient," Bennett chuckled to himself. I found that joke funny.
"He bothers me," I said, looking at the red car that was racing Mae. I knew it was the same car from yesterday. It belonged to Axel.
They were already alike, and I didn't know how she felt about me. If she felt anything for me. It made me feel insecure not knowing, and I didn't like feeling that. I hated it.
"Don't worry about it, man," Bennett told me as he was texting. "You're the man." He spoke absentmindedly.
I looked at his phone and he was texting his partner for Math. Maya. "Gotta thing for her?" I asked in his ear, and he flinched, hitting his phone in the air, having it hit the roof and fall on the floor.
Ryder and I laughed while Bennett turned off his phone. "She's cute," He said. "Drive. The lights green."
"Don't be shy," Ryder told him as he started to drive and pull into the school. "If you like her, go after her. Don't be like Damien and wait."
"Hey!" I said and Ryder laughed. Someone tried taking the parking that was on the right side of Mae but Ryder pulled in crazily, securing the spot.
Something you should learn how to do.
Ouch.
"I swear that guy pisses me off. First, he takes my parking and now, he's trying to race my cupcake." I looked at Ryder or more like glared at him, but he just smirked at me, knowing what he was doing. He loved to irk me and he knew how.
I slapped his back and he hissed. "I trust you," I told him and he smiled. I knew he wouldn't go after Mae.
"You shouldn't," Bennett laughed, shaking his head and I looked at Ryder.
"Things changed when you were gone, Man. They ain't the same no more," Ryder said and got off the car. I looked at Bennett and he laughed.
"Ever notice him gone all the time at lunch. What do you think he's doing?" Bennett laughed, insinuating something other than Ryder just not being at lunch.
"Hurry up," Ryder said from standing outside the car.
"Doing the dirty?" I asked, and he nodded before getting out. I was surprised. Ryder was never the type to go after girls. He's only ever wanted one, and he got her. Well... he had her. I got out of the car and looked at Ryder.
I was never there for him in a time when he needed me. I upped and left so I could protect my family, but I left him in the process. I left when he was hurting the most, I wondered if he forgave me, or if the ire still lingered.
"Hey, Ryder," a girl smiled at him. He nodded once, acknowledging her before turning halfway to Mae. "You didn't call me."
"Sorry. Busy," he said, curtly. He never spared her another glance beside the one nod. He was facing the school, while she stood to his right, facing him. It was as if she was some stranger to him or some enemy, but I've seen them communicate several times at school. He knew her.
"Well, do you have my number?" She asked with a hopeful tone as she waited with her friends. He looked straight ahead, not bothering to look at her.
"No, and I don't really care," he said, harshly and turned around, his back toward her. She looked at Bennett and me with an embarrassed look on her face. I felt bad for her. I gave her a small smile and she walked away.
I looked at Ryder and I wanted to know what the hell that was about. "Don't," Bennett told me. "Just... don't."
"What was that?" I asked quietly, only so Bennett could hear.
"Like Ryder said. When you were gone, things changed. Things... and people," he told me but didn't say anything else.
"Hey, Mae," Ryder smiled. She smiled at him, and I really questioned if he would go after her knowing my feelings for her were real.
She looked beautiful as always. She was wearing her usual high tops with dark, blue jeans and a simple shirt that said F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
How does someone as beautiful as she exist in the world. She could wear a trash bag, and she'd be the most beautiful girl in this entire world. Or she could wear nothin-
"Damien, stop checking out my sister." I gasped quietly and choked on my own saliva. I coughed awkwardly at Zach's comment and straightened up, putting my confident exterior on.
"Well, when she looks that beautiful how can I not? But don't worry, Ryder can check you out." I worried if that was good enough. Was what I said too much? Maybe it wasn't enough. I started analyzing what I said and internally cringed. The more I analyzed, the more I cringed.
Don't think, I told myself.
I ignored the bickering Ryder gave me and looked at Mae to see her, but I couldn't tell if she was blushing or if she was hot because of the blaring sun. She looked to her left, letting her hair cover the right side of her face. Maybe it could have been both. She looked back but there was a smile playing on her lips and my day got a whole lot better.
"Hey, Mae," Solan greeted her, waving.
She looked up at him and smiled. "Axel says you look pretty," Daniel complimented.
"Couldn't he just sign to her?" Bennett asked.
"But where's the fun in that?" Daniel asked, shooting me a glance before looking back at Bennett. Axel started signing and Mae smiled while she signed to him.
I was extremely curious because I wanted to know what they were talking about. I looked at Zach but he was talking to James.
"He said he's excited because they're math partners for the project and she said she's just as excited," Daniel translated.
"Thanks," Ryder said with a monotonous tone. He didn't look happy with what they were talking about, but I couldn't tell if he was unhappy because he knew what Daniel was trying to do or because he didn't want Mae to be excited to talk to Axel for himself.
"Hey, Mae. We were talking earlier and Axel suggested that we should hang out later today. You could show us around, and we'll treat you to some food. How does that sound?" Daniel asked. So they were talking about her when she wasn't even around? Great, my insecurities were really showing up today!
In some ways, being a guy really sucked. I couldn't show any other emotion that made me less manly. Jealousy was okay, so was anger and possessiveness, to a certain extent of course; but to some, if not most but not all of society, a man couldn't be sad or feel depressed. I couldn't cry or feel insecure. Definitely, not insecurity. Apparently, a man with insecurity was no man at all but a boy. I knew I had insecurities and I wanted to work on that. I called that progress.
She signed something but Ryder interrupted her. "Sorry, but cupcake has plans with us today." he rushed to her, putting his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. Was he doing that so she wouldn't hang out with them or so she could notice Ryder?
You're doing the most. It's Ryder. Our life long friend. Relax. You're the one Mae likes. I tried reasoning with myself.
But am I? Guess the optimism can only last so long.
"Actually, that's not what she said," Daniel told him.
"I'll see you later, Mae," Solan smiled and walked inside, leaving his friends.
"I'm surprised you're not jealous," Daniel told me in Italian and my stomach sank a little because I wasn't expecting to hear Italian. At least not from him.
"Why would he be?" Bennett asked in English and Daniel shrugged. Ryder let go of Mae, and Daniel laughed.
"Should we go to math?" Daniel asked Mae and she nodded. She started walking toward the school but as she was approaching me, she slowed down a little so I saw that as an opportunity to walk with her. As she was going to pass by me, I started walking with her.
"I like your shirt," I told her. She pointed towards the shirt and then at me. Was she asking if I liked Friends? Or if I knew Friends? "I watch it whenever it's on. My favorite is Joey. Who's your favorite?"
She opened the door for me and I smiled and thanked her. I held the door for Bennett and Bennett held it for Ryder. Ryder rushed in and pulled the door closed, closing it on Daniel and Axel. Mae was going to turn around so I asked her again to distract her from Ryder's stupidity.
"Real mature," Daniel said when he walked in and Ryder laughed.
She formed a C with her hand.
"Chandler?" I asked and she nodded. This time I opened the door for her to our math class. She touched her chin with her hand and brought it down. "Is that thank you?" I asked and she nodded. I mimicked her and she nodded. It was an easy sign.
"I want you to sit with your project partners for today," the teacher said. Mae pointed to her sit as she sat in Axel's so that we were still sitting next to each other.
*~*
The bell to last period rang and we all stood up. "Ah-Ah-Ah. The bell doesn't dismiss you. I do. Sit back down," the teacher said, so we all sat down. "You're dismissed." He said as soon as we all sat down.
"Ugh! I hate it when teachers are like that. We're seniors. Treat us like adults," Ryder said when we walked out. I had history with Ryder, Bennett, and Mae. "So are we going to hang out?" Ryder asked.
Actually, Daniel asked me to hang out with them this morning. Remember?
"I thought you said no," Ryder told her, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion and she shook her head. "Can't you cancel?" She shook her head again.
"That's okay," Bennett said like it was no big deal, and Ryder and I looked at him. "I mean if that's what she wants. She has new, new friends. She doesn't need us anymore," he shrugged with a sad look in his eyes.
"You're right," Ryder said, looking down and the corners of his lips tugging downwards.
"We want to hang out with her, but she doesn't want to hang out with us," Bennett mumbled and Ryder nodded while looking down.
I looked at Mae and she had a small smile on her full set of lips as she looked at the guys. She was thoroughly amused.
I'm so glad you guys understand.
I laughed when I finished reading.
"OooOOooh, so it's like that?" Bennett said and her smile grew.
"Mae!" Someone called. We looked to where the voice came from and saw Axel, Daniel, and Solan.
"Are we still going to hang out?" Solan asked with a happy smile as he gripped the strings to his backpack. Daniel's phone rang, resulting in him stepping away and answering the call. He kept nodding until he hung up.
"Actually, we're going to have to rain check. Somethings come up. Sorry, Mae. Tomorrow for sure," Daniel said and Mae nodded.
She waved to them and they waved back before they walked out. She turned to Ryder and Bennett with a small smile and amused eyes.
"It doesn't work like. We're not your second choice," Ryder said. He checked his phone and nodded. "Yup, my schedules full."
"Maybe next year," Bennett said and small chuckles escape through her nose. I smiled and noticed the tips of her ears that were peeking out of her hair were red.
"Are you still busy?" I asked and she shook her head.
"We'll be like your back up friends... I guess," Bennett said while looking down the hall at no one in particular.
Or real friends.
"How do you sign friends?" Bennett asked. She held out her left and right index finger and curled them so they both made a C-shape. We followed along, and she put her right index finger on top of her left index finger, gripping onto it and then reversed it so that her left index finger was gripping onto her right finger.
"Friends," she signed.
"Friends," we signed.
We were heading to my house, and I was glad Mae wanted to come over, even though the guys probably guilted her into it. She could have still said no but I don't think she would have.
Ryder pulled up with Mae following behind us and we parked our cars. "You got this," Bennett told me.
"Don't screw it up," Ryder laughed and I nodded.
"I got this," I said and the conviction in my own voice surprised me. After we got off the car, we walked inside with Mae first because we're gentlemen, but my brothers were fighting with water balloons and threw them to her.
She gasped and covered her face. That was the fourth sound I heard of her. I think we're making progress.
Not the time!
I shook that thought and rushed to her. She was smiling while she held her heart. Adrenaline junky. I smiled. I loved Adrenaline. That rush coursing through your body, shaking you up.
"Mae, we're sorry we thought you were Ryder or Damien," Declan apologized.
"Hey!" Ryder exclaimed.
"Aww, I feel so honored that you wanted to protect me," Bennett said but looked to his left corner in thought. "Yet, I also feel left out." He looked back at my brothers.
"We didn't know you were coming over," Dylan defended. She held out her hand, and they hesitated before figuring out what she was asking for. They handed her a water ballon each, and she turned around to us and smiled.
"Do it," Bennett laughed. She tossed one at Bennett, Ryder then me.
"Stop before the house gets drenched," I told them and she looked at the boys. They tossed two balloons to her. She caught them then turned to us.
"The honor is yours," Dylan said with a terrible British accent.
"That's not fair. Four against three, and we don't have any balloons." They shrugged in unison.
"We'll give you some, brother." My brothers said in unison. They tossed the water balloons at us and now, we were all drenched.
The games began and everything was getting wet, the couches, the rugs on the granite floors. The walls were covered in splashes of water, streaking down and drying before they hit the floor. The frames that were on a table in the back of the couch were splashed with water. We needed to move elsewhere before everything got ruined. We moved to the back yard because we didn't want to get the inside of the house wet, or wetter than it already was. We're responsible teenagers.
"Okay, truce!" I called out but still held a water balloon with my right hand behind my back.
I was hiding behind the side of the house, waiting to see any of them. I saw Bennett behind a tree sitting and hiding. He peeked on the side but hid back fast. He looked at me and mouthed, "Nine o'clock."
"Okay, truce!" They called out except Mae. They sounded close. Too close. I came out from the side of the wall and saw Deacon and Declan. There's two missing.
"Give up," Dylan demanded. I turned around and he was standing in the back of me. They came in through the side of the house. Sneaky.
"Now, brother... what are you going to do with that?" Deacon asked. All of their hands were empty except Mae's. They were behind her back.
"Drop it, Mae," I told her, but she pointed to me with her free hand. I took a step forward and so did she. I took another and she followed. We kept walking closer toward each other, challenging one another to see who would back down first until we were standing in front of each other.
She made me nervous. Something I didn't feel very often. I looked into her eyes but it didn't feel like she was challenging me, it felt like she was just looking into my eyes as I was doing the same to her. I noticed little green specks in her Hazel eyes.
The light freckles on her nose which I found extremely adorable. I noticed a small scar on the side of her eyebrow, at the very arch but not touching her eyebrow.
If felt like the world had gone quiet but it was a good kind of quiet. It was one that felt light, like listening to birds chirp at five in the morning and then having them go silent as they flew to a different tree — to a different location.
She examined me as I examined her. Her existence was so important to me, but she didn't know that. I wanted her to know. Her eyes stopped looking into mine and started looking over my features.
I brought my right hand up to her cheek and she flinched a little. I think I surprised her. I touched her cheek so lightly, she smiled a little and I knew it tickled. She looked down, unable to meet my eye contact, and I could feel the heat from her cheeks. They were warm. As if she was sitting in the sun, warming up.
I grazed my thumb over her freckles and her skin was smooth and soft. Her eyes were closed as she leaned into my touch.
Kiss her.
I didn't realize I dropped the balloon. I moved my left hand on the right side of her waist and the other cupping her cheek. Her bottom lip went into her mouth, and I knew she licked them because when she took her lip out they looked soft.
I leaned closer to her face, inches away from her. My face could feel her body heat radiating off of her. The stray strands of her hair tickled my face when the wind blew our way, but I didn't mind because I've wanted this for so long. I've never wanted to kiss her so much before.
Splash.
"What the heck?" I said. She laughed, and I couldn't even be mad because her laugh was beautiful. My brothers looked at her with taken back faces. They didn't know much about mutes. Just that they didn't speak, so they were surprised to hear her laugh.
She had a happy laugh. One that made you smile. Good day or bad. She could make you happy. She covered her mouth like she did last time, and I noticed the small gaps in her teeth. I wondered if that's why she covered her mouth. Was it because of her teeth or was she shocked that she laughed aloud? She had straight teeth just the two small gaps. Besides the caps, her teeth were pretty and white.
"You have a nice laugh," Deacon smiled.
"I don't think I could ever get tired of hearing you laugh," I smiled at her. The red in her cheeks came back, and I was starting to love it. She looked down, again with her wet hair covering her face but it did a poor job because some strands of her hair were stuck together. Her being shy made me feel okay about being shy myself. I couldn't help but smile like a fool.
"Let's get you dried," I led the way to my room. Once we walked in, she got curious eyes. She tried to not look around but she couldn't help it for long. She looked around. "There's not much to see," she shrugged. It wasn't a big deal to her. I smiled and told her it was okay to look around. She went to my desk as I walked to my dresser and pulled a shirt out for her and a clean towel that was on top of the dresser.
She looked at my posters on my wall until she walked over to my music collection and pulled one out, but I couldn't see which one because it was in front of her and her back was facing me.
She moved left to my book collection and one caught her eye. She reached for it but it wasn't a book. It was my journal that I write for her.
"Here's a towel and a shirt," I said quickly. She looked back at me and smiled. I pointed to the restroom and she put the book back and walked into the restroom.
I walked back to the book collection, taking the book and putting it under my pillow.
When I walked towards the door to leave, the restroom door was a little bit open. I saw her back toward the reflection. She was shirtless but that's not why I stopped.
It was because of the scars that I saw on her back. How did she get those? I was thinking so hard that I didn't notice when she opened the door.
She looked horrified. She ran out of my room with her wet clothes in her hand, so I rushed after her but she was faster. I ignored all the calls and went after her. She rushed into her car and I watched her leave. I rushed back inside and headed for the stairs.
"Damien, what's wrong?" Bennett asked. I turned back to Bennett, and he looked worried, so I replied with an honest answer.
"I think someone's hurting Mae."
**********************************************
A/N: Get ready for some turn of events to happen in a couple of chapters. I hope you're enjoying my story so far.
What's your favorite color?
{Mine is purple. It was always my favorite color. When I was younger my mom would buy me purple, my middle sister pink and my older sister blue things. So basically my mom chose my favorite color but I ended up likening it. 😂💜}