I spoke briefly to Chase before going back to my room. He said he had Flooed while I was away to see if I wanted to pay him a visit. I agreed to visit him as soon as I was feeling well enough to go home, which was not that night. Thought of Collin Creevey were circling around in my head, and I needed to lay down and try to sort it all out on my own. After all, I couldn't tell anyone I had killed him. I was too ashamed.
Afterwards I went back to my room. While I was gone, Lucius had joined Narcissa, and they were both waiting for me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I told them I wanted to stay here over the night, and the rest of the day tomorrow. As I readied myself for bed, they asked if I was feeling okay. I lied and told them that I was just a little bit panicy, but it wasn't anything. They bought it, and asked if Narcissa could stay with me tonight instead of Lucius. He needed to be at the Apothicary the next day, and it was easier for him to stay at home and get some rest himself. Although I really wanted to be with Lucius, I agreed to let Narcissa stay with me.
I slept pretty well that night. Narcissa said I had had a night terror, but I couldn't remember it. She wouldn't offer much information, probably in fear that it would make me upset. So, I left it. Through out the day, I stayed in my room. I ate the food that was offered to me, but never all of it. Just enough to make everyone hpappy. I didn't leave to talk to Gildy, but he did come to visit after my nap. When he wasn't there, my thoughts kept running back to Collin and his tear streaked face. The desperation in his voice as he begger me not to hurt him. As he begged to spare him so he could care for his brother.
His brother who was probably still alive, and with his brother, all because of me.
That night I had a Therapy Session with Healer Phillips. It wasn't that productive, since I wasn't going to tell him about Colin, and that's all I had thought about all day. He asked if I was feeling well, and I said no to get him off of my back. It wasn't really a lie. I was feeling crumby, just not in the way he was asking. So he took my tempurature and did a small exame, but deemed everything seemed fine. Even so, he let me leave early, with wishes of getting better.
So I went back to my room and told Narcissa that I was ready to go home. I wouldnt' tell anyone at Mungo's what I had done, so there was no point in me staying. Either way I was going to feel anxious and guilty, so I might as well feel that way at home.
We surprised Lucius by arriveing home around nine o'clock. I was already ready for bed, so all I had to do was get into bed. I slept inbetween them that night.
The next morning, Lucius went to work, along with Draco, who I was still trying to keep my distance from. Narcissa gently woke me up around nine, and said I needed to get up, take my Combination, and eat breakfast. She mentioned I had had a night terror, but, like always, I couldn't remember it. I quietly ate breakfast as she tried to hold a conversation. When I finished eating, I sat in the sitting room and leafed through the book Narcissa had gotten me on Volcanos. I had made it through ten pages or so when the fireplace lit up.
"Hey, Elle?" I put the book down and looked into the flame. A firey version of Chase's face was smiling back at me. "Hey, are you coming today?"
"I... I don't know." I bit my lip. I knew that I had told him that I would come overa s soon as I got home and was feeling well enough to do so, but now I was having second thoughts. I wasn't sure if I was ready to go there by myself, so far away from Lucius or Narcissa. Everything would be new: I didn't know were he lived, or who he lived with, or even, know that I thought about it, how old Chase even was.
He let out an agitated sigh.
"Come on, Elle. You said you would!" His used an acusitory tone. An flash of anxiety flared into my chest.
"I know, I know... I just..."
"You're home. Aren't you feeling better?"
"Yeah..." I lied. And even if some of the anxiety had gone away, it was back now due to his quetions.
"Do you not want to come?"
"No, that's not it, I just..." I trailed off. He looked so disapointed. I didn't have the heart to tell him no. I let out a sigh. "I'll ask Narcissa, okay. I'll be back..." I forced myself to get off the couch and walk through the house. "Narcissa?" I called.
"I'm in the dinning room, dear!" She yelled back. I went into the dinning room to find her drinking another cup of coffee and reading The Daily Profit. "What is it, dear? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, just... Chase is Flooing me and wanted to know if I wanted to visit him..."
"At his house?" She asked. I nodded my head. "Is that the nice boy from your Group Therapy? The one who had Flooed earleir?"
"Yeah..."
"And what was he in Mungo's for?" She asked. I couldn't tell she was concerned about the possibility of me going to a maniacs for the day. I shook my head.
"Kleptomaniac." I replied. She considered this for a moment.
"So, he steals things?"
"Yeah, but he's home, so I guess he's better." I shivered: Every patient in the Psych Ward knows that they will never be better, but I wasn't going to bring up that argument now.
"Well, then, I guess it is okay you go over, as long as you behave. But you still have to take a nap."
"Okay." I nodded my head. I wasn't arguing with that, either. She stood up.
"You go on and tell him you will be there soon. Get his adress so you can Floo, and I will go pack you a bag, okay?"
"Okay." I nodded my head, then went out the door infront of her. She turned down the hallway, and I went the other way back to the living room. Chase was still waiting for me, a bored look on his face. His eyes lit up when I came back into the room.
"What's the verdict?" He asked. I forced a smile.
"She said it was all right, but she's packing me a bag."
"A bag? For what?"
"Who knows." I shrugged. But I knew what would be in there: Melvin, my Combinations, probably a pair of night pants for my nap (although I had been dry for monthes, not including the Italy trip, she still worries), and extra Floo Powder.
"Okay, then. I guess I'll see you in a bit?"
"Yeah." I looked down. "But I need your address."
"Oh yeah." He quickly gave it to me. I wrote it down on a piece of stationary from the desk across the room, and he scattered the ashes, leaving me alone. A few minutes later, Narcissa came in with my big, black bag in one hand and a change of clothes in the other.
"Here, Elle, change into these." She handed me the clothes. I looked from them to her.
"What's wrong with what I have on?" I asked. I was wearing a pair of black sweat pants and an old Quidditch shirt that used to belong to Draco. She looked me up and down like I had asked her to join the circus.
"You know the answer to that, Elle." She insisted. I rolled my eyes and began wiggling out of my pants and putting on the dark pair of jeans she had handed me. After I slipped on the light weight, green sweater, she handed me a pair of plain, black flats. I slipped them onto my feet. "There, see. You look much better. Just let me get that hair out of your face."
"I am 19 years old, Narcissa! I think I can dress myself!" I snapped. She shook her head.
"No, Elle. I'm getting that hair out of your face. Now sit down so I can braid your hair."
"Narci-"
"Sit." She used a tone that wasn't loud, but seemed very intemidating. So I sat down infront of the sofa on the floor, and she, after pulling a hair brush from my bag, sat down behind me. After five painful minutes, she had everything brushed out and braieded, and I was allowed to get back up. "There." She ran her hand over the tight braid gowing down my back before giving the top of my head a light pat. I winced, then crossed my arms.
"Are you finished now?" I asked. Narcissa handed me my bag.
"Yes. Do you have his address?"
"Yes." I showed her the parchment I had written it on. She took a pinch of Floo Powder and threw it into the fire. It turned green.
"Listen, Eleanor. I want you to take your nap. When you wake up, I want you to Floo me so I know everything is alright. Do you understand?"
"Yes." I was getting annoyed with all the coddling.
"Remember, if you need anything, you can Floo me, or Lucius at the Apothicary. Be careful."
"Ok, Narcissa." I said one last time before turning to the fire and clearly saying the address. Before I could step through, Narcissa grabbed me and kissed the top of my head.
"I love you. Be good." She wispered as she pulled away. I bit my lip.
"Love you, too." I mumbled, before finally going through the fireplace.
I entered a small, cluttered looking living room. It wasn't cluttered in the sense of dirty, but in the sense of the room was too small to hold everything in it. Books were all fitted in on a shelf on the wall across from the fireplace, but were also stacked up on either side and on top because all of the spaces on the selves were filled. Infront of the fireplace was a sofa, which had a chair on either side of it. The sofa was facing the fireplace, but the two chairs were facing some kind of square thing on a table. It was on some other little table, with a cabinate built into the bottom of it. Thick looking blocks were stacked up around it. Pictures of Chases at all ages were hung up around the room, along with some tacky potted plants and a generic sign that said "Bless this Mess". A cat looked at me, then jumped up and squeezed itself out of the cracked window, which was draped with ugly, blue curtains. I srunched my nose; I hated cats. They made my nose itch.
"You finally came." Chase stood in the doorway, his arms crossed.I took afew steps into the room.
"Yeah, I did." I replied, slipping my bag off of my shoulder and onto the sofa. He came closer.
"So..."
"So..." I trailed off, looking at the ground. this was really awkward. Maybe this was a mistake, coming here. The awkwardness was almost enough to go running for Draco instead.
"This is my house."
"Yeah..." I sat down next to my bag, and eyed that square thing again. Chase noticed.
"Oh, do you not know what this is?" He asked, walking up to it. I shook my head no. "This is a telly. You watch things on it?"
"What do you mean?" I leaned forward.
"It's like a picture, but different. Look." He pressed a button, and a light lit up on the front. Then, it showed a lake, with a small fish happily swimming in it.
"The Koi is an excelent addition to your home or garden." The someone said. I looked around as it continued to talk.
"Who-who is that?" I was looking for someone to be speaking, but the only people in the room was Chase and I. He laughed.
No, it's just the telly. It has sound, too."
"But... how?"
"I don't know how." He replied as if I had just asked the stupidest thing in the world.
"And what's so exciting about watching a fish?" I was quickly losing interest.
"There are others things besides fish." he pushed a button on the front of the box and the picture changed from the fish to two guys standing in some kind of office. One of them said something, and then a crowd of laughter sounded. I looked around again, even more confused. "It's on the telly." He explained again. My head was swimming.
"Make the picture change again." I asked. He pressed the button again. This time there was a woman eating a hamburger. "Again." He pressed the button yet again. Now there was a picture of space. The stars were orbiting like they do in real life. A man with a deep, clear voice was talking about the planets. "Oh, keep it!" I leaned forward in interest. He rolled his eyes yet again.
"You are so lame." He laughed, and plopped down beside me on the sofa.
"Oh, hello. You must be Eleanor." A woman came into the room behind us. I turned to face her.
"HuH?" I had seen her once before, at Christmas. She was just as plump and short as before.
"It's nice to have you." She came right up behind us and put her hands on my shoulders. I stiffened, and wiggled out from under her grip. Great. A toucher. "I'm sorry. Do you not like that?"
"No. Not-not really..." I reached my hand down into my bag and grabbed onto Melvin, but didn't take him out.
"I'm sorry. I won't again. I was just popping in to say hello and asking what you would like for lunch?" She had a loud, but clear, cheery tone. I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know..." I looked down. She smiled.
"Well what do you like?" She asked. I bit my lip.
"I'm thinking chicken-" Chase started, but was interupted by his mother.
"I am not talking to you. You can get your own food. You have legs." She looked back at me. "What do you usually eat."
"A sandwich. And fruits and vegitables..."
"What kind of sandwich?"
"Peanut butter..." I was getting very uncomfortable.
"With or without the crust?" She continued. I took a deep breath: I hated questions, even if they were simple and I knew the answers to them.
"With."
"Alrighty." She grinned and turned towards the door. "I can do that." She nodded, then went off through the house. I turned my attention back to the -telly?- to see that the front was now showing what looked to be saturn.
"Why haven't I seen one of these things before?"
"Probably because it's a Muggle thing. You're a pure-blood, right?" He replied. I opened my mouth, then closed it, then opened it back up again.
"A...Muggle thing?" Oh great. Was Chase a crazy like Sarah Beth? Did he like all the stupid Muggle things? Although, this picture box thing wasn't that stupid... It was actually pretty amazing...
"Yeah. You probably haven't seen one because you're PureBlood."
"I'm not Pure-Blood..." I reluctantly admitted. I was trying to listen to Healer Phillip's advice: Blood Status doesn't matter, but as much as he had told me that, it was hard to feel that way. If Blood-Status didn't matter, why did it exist.
"You're not?"
"No... My mother was-" I swollowed. the word was sticking in my throat, not wanting to come out. "Muggle-Born, and my father was a Half-Blood."
"Really? My Dad's Muggle-Born. That's why we have a Telly. He still works in the Muggle World, sometimes. He paves driveways during the summers."
"What's a drive way?"
"Never mind. Anyway, I might have to do it with him. With my record, no one's going to want to hire me, much less with out an diploma."
"You didn't Graduate?" I asked. I know I hadn't, but that was for different reasoning.
"No. I should be Graduating this year, but I hadn't been to school since third year."
"Why? Did you get kicked out?"
"No. That was the year Umbridge was there. I might have stolen some of her dumb Cat Plates..."
"You didn't!" I exclaimed, actually laughing. I hadn't laughed like this in a long time.
"Yeah, I did. She kicked me out, but when Dumbledore came back, I was invited to come back, but Mum decided it would be better if I stayed home and she homeschooled me."
"So... That means you're seventeen?" I said in amazment. There was one question answered, but I couldn't beleive it. He was only seventeen?
"No, I'm eighteen now. How old did you think I was?" He suggestively raised an eyebrow. I cackled, slapping him hard on the arm.
"I don't know! I just... thought you were older!"
"No. But I have that effect on people." He ran his hand through his hair and pouted his lips.
Yet again, I laughed.
.............................................................................
"Did you have fun today?" Lucius asked me later that night. He had gotten home from work, and I had been back from Chase's for a while now.
"Yeah." I grinned. It had been a very fun day. Although we had watched the Telly thing until it was time for my nap, the rest of the day was exciting. We went hiking in the hills outside of his house. Then, when he had gotten back, his mother gave us some lemonade, and we sat in the shade under a three and played with his dog, Rover. We went to Group Session together, and then after that, I finally went home. It had been a long day, but a fun one.
"That's great, dear."
"She didn't Floo for me all day, either. She did very well." Narcissa smoothed down my hair. I had taken it out of the tight braid, so now it was trying to be wavey, but was more sticking up and straight out.
"You have been very independent lately." Lucius observed. I nodded, then reached into my still packed bag that was at my feet. I pulled out one of the knitting needles, then looked for the other one. After a few minutes of searching, I sighed, but smiled. Chase must have stolen the other one while I was there.
"What is it, dear?" Narcissa asked. I shook my head and put the needle back down in the bag.
"Nothing. I'm just tired..." I yawned and got up. She shook her head.
"Take your Combination." She reminded as I walked towards the door.
"And Elle?" Lucius asked. I stopped and turned to look at him. "Would you try sleeping in your bed tonight?"
"I..." I trailed off. I wasn't sure if I could. I felt some comfortable between Lucius and Narcissa.
"Please? You need to try and branch off. You did today, and you have a good time." Narcissa put in.
"We would just like some alone time." Lucius added.
"But-" I stopped, my eyes widening. "Wait, do you mean- ew!" I covered my eyes. It didn't help the mental image I had in my head, and another thought that entered it:
I had been sleeeping in a bed that they had probably had sex in.
"Elle, calm down. That's not what we-"
"No! I don't want to hear anything!" I shook my head, grabbing my bag. "I'm going to bed. Just... don't let me hear anything or see anything." I turned and left the room.
My heart was quickly beating from the shock. I quickened my pace, shivering running up my back. This was so gross, and so wrong.
My thoughts were so obsorbed in my thoughts, that I didn't see what was ahead of me. I ran straight into Draco with out even realising he was there.
"I'm sorry." I quickly said, looking up at him. He stood there a minutes, looking at me. Our eyes locked.
I hadn't looked in to them in a while: I couldn't let myself, not with me not being able to kiss him, or show him affection. I could see sadness in them, and a little bit of hurt.
We stood like that for a while, until he finally broke away.
"Sorry." He said, then started to walk by me.
Before I knew what I was doing, I reached my hand out to stop him.
"What are you-" He started, but I stopped him by placing my lips on his. My chest tightened, and my eyes began to tear up. It was hard to breath, but I kept my lips there. I had to do this. I had to break what ever it was that was casuing me so much anxiety.
When it got too much to handle, I pulled away. My hands were on his arms. We locked eyes again, and he looked surprised. Not only that, but happy. He put his hand on my chin, and leaned in. My chest tightened harder than it ever had. I couldn't do it again. I pushed him away and ran down the hallway, tears blocking my vision. But I knew the halls by heart, atleast on this floor, so I didn't need to see.
I ran into what was my room and dived into the bed, pressing my face into the pillow. I snatched Melvin from my bag and pressed him to my chest. I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and my emotions were going crazy. I had had fun all day, and now my anxiety was through the roof. But, it was for the first time that day. While at Chase's, I hadn't thought about my relationship problems, or Collin Creevey, or anything like that. I had been distracted, although I had pushed myself to be away from Lucius and Narcissa. That just proved that if I pushed myself to do stuff, I can do it. It would just take some getting used to, and some sorting out.
Tomorrow, at Therapy Session, I was going to talk about Draco. We were going to find out why I couldn't show affection towards Draco.
But either way, tonight, when I kissed him, I had made a breakthrough. I had kissed him, and although only once, it was more than I had been doing.