We all boarded the private jet to fly the 14 hours to the Philippines so I can record my Tagalog only EP. I'm really excited. I've been listening to the songs they want me to cover and they're BEAUTIFUL. Filipinos are known for their beautiful power ballad love songs and these are right up my alley. I got the music sent to me a couple weeks ago and I had been working to transcribe them in my key and making some rearrangements. I typically like to do this when I get a demo song or do a cover just so I can really feel and learn the song I'm going to be singing. I did a ton of research because it turns out my family was right, I didn't know as much Tagalog as I thought. The thing about singing in another language is that you don't have to know what all the words are, its a lot of following intonations and whatnot, but personally, I like to know what I'm saying and how to say it properly.
My family and I are only halfway through this flight and we're kind of already at each other's throats. I decided to make my work trip a family trip as well, even if it's just for two weeks I thought it would be nice for all of us to go home to the Philippines so we can see my family. My manager is also with us.
"What are the songs you're doing again?" my dad asked in Tagalog. We're finally speaking again but not if it has anything to do with Abby or my relationship with her. He'll walk out of the room if we talk about her.
"One is, 'Ngayon, Bukas at kailanman', 'Kailangan Kita', 'Kahit Na', 'Hanggang Kailan', and 'Butuing Walang Ningning'," I said. (Now and Forever, I Need You, Even Though, Until When, and Star Without Shine)
"Oh those are some of your Tita Nerissa's (Aunt) favorites, you should sing them to her, especially Butuing Walang Ningning," my dad said. My aunt is very sick, she was in remission but the cancer is back with a vengeance. So, it works out that we're all able to visit.
"Yeah, Ate (older sister), you should sing the songs now. Let's hear it. See if those Tagalog lessons worked," Kevin teased.
"Right now? No way. You guys can come to the recording studio and listen," I protested.
"Please, anak (daughter, sige na! (come on!)," my mom begged.
"Which one is Tita Nerissa's favorite again?" I give in.
"Do Kailangan Kita. I like that one," my dad requests.
I clear my throat and do a couple scales before singing.
Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman
Kailangan mong malaman na ikaw lamang
Ang tunay kong minamahal
Ang lagi kong dinarasal
Kailangan kita, ngayon at kailanman
Kailangang mong malaman na ikaw lamang
Ang tunay kong minamahal
At tangi kong hiling ay makapiling ka muli
Lee records a video to send to Abby, I assume. I hit the high note of the song with ease. I finish the song and there are tears in my parent's eyes.
"Oh my god, it's not that serious, you guys! Stop crying! Why are you crying?" I laugh.
"It was beautiful, anak," my mom confesses.
"Well damn, Ate, sorry we doubted you," Kevin laughed.
"THAT'S RIGHT! I FUCKING TOLD YOU GUYS I COULD DO IT! HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!" I laugh.
"I sent that to Abby, she's gonna die. Even if she doesn't know what that means, anyone with a heart can feel the power of that song, I mean look at Sarah, she's in tears from it" Lee joked.
"Wait, are you doing the music for all the songs???" Kevin asked shocked.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I? I've been working on it since I signed the contract...it was easy," I said as I showed him the stack of sheet music.
"Jeez...how you do that??" he asked.
"Talentedly," I replied.
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"Let's hit from the top of the second verse please," I say over the mic in the recording studio. We've been recording every day for 10-12 hrs a day since we got to the Philippines. Today my family from my dad's side of the family were in the studio listening to the session. My Tita sitting in her wheelchair with her eyes closed as she listened to me sing and my dad and mom holding her hand. I look in awe at my dad and his love for his sister, it's hard to be mad at him right now about his stand on my relationship with Abby.
"Miss Riviera do you want to hear the playback?" asked the producer Raji your family really likes it.
I specifically asked that my family come today as we record "Butiung Walang Ningning" which is my Tita's favorite song, ever. I come in and my nieces, nephews, and cousins and family clap. There has to be almost twenty people in the studio right now, and that doesn't include my five-member family. It's a full house and I love it, I feel so loved and fulfilled by having my whole family here. It's not even our extended family, I chuckle to myself as they all clap and give me their compliments.
"Maganda ba? (Is it nice?)," I laugh.
The song plays and after the first half of the verse my family has glossy eyes and are trying to fight back years, but I look to my sick Tita who's eyes are still closed with tears streaming down her eyes. I stand up and crouch down to her holding her hand with mine and wiping her tears with a tissue. I sing along with myself and she sings with me, softly we sing the song together and I find a deeper meaning to this song and my heart aches for my dying aunt. All eyes were on us and as we finished the song together her grandchildren, daughters, and sons and my family are all in tears, including myself.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
As the entire family makes it way out of the studio and back into their cars for our last family dinner together, I wheel my sick Tita out of the building, she asks me to stop and I crouch down and, "what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Over there, sit down over there, I want to talk to you," she says. She tells everyone to go ahead and that we'll meet them in the car in Tagalog. Everyone listens but Tiny and Mack, I tell them to wait outside for me.
"What are your dreams?" she asks me in Tagalog.
I chuckle, "what do you mean? My dreams? My whole life has become a dream that's come true. I never even dreamed of getting to do what I do."
"Ano ang pangarap, mo?" she repeats with emphasis. When she said that I could have sworn I saw my dad's mom, my Mama Adoracion sitting in that wheelchair asking me what my dreams are.
"Tita, I just want to be happy. I want to make music. I want to make movies. I want to stay in love..."
"Good. I never dreamed anyone in our family would become what you are. I am so proud of you, our whole family is. You are the pride and joy of the Philippines, but first, you are our pride and joy. Now, promise me. When I pass away..." she starts.
"Tita..no, we're not going to talk about this. We're not going to do this! No!" I start to cry.
"Listen, to me. When I pass away, I want you to promise me. Promise me that you will always forgive your papa, take care of him and your family. You will become the matriarch of our family, they will all look to you. Remember who you are and where you came from. Promise me?" she said crying.
"I promise, Tita. I promise." I close my eyes and tears fall.
"Also promise me..."
"Ang dami mo naman requests, Tita!" (You have so many requests) I joke to lighten the mood. She laughs.
"Promise me that when you win all those Hollywood awards that you tell them that I've always told you to stand up and show them proudly who you are. Stay proud of being Filipino of our country and it's people. That you are the niece of Nerissa Riviera Tamayo who lost her battle with cancer, and I promise you, I will be there with you. I will always be with you, my pamangkin." she said proudly.
I rest my head on her lap and cry because FUCK CANCER.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
"I'm so excited to go home! I love the Philippines and I'm sure I gained 20 pounds but I miss home. We'll be back soon anyway, right?" I say to everyone on the plane as we all started to get situated for another 14-hour flight.
"This trip was super successful! You got a good amount of press in, always great press, this entire country worships you, Liv. You finished the EP and it'll be ready for release in a month, maybe two depending on the label. And lastly, the show that you wanted to produce got picked up by Netflix! WHAT A GLORIOUS TIME TO BE ALIVE AND TO BE EMPLOYED BY YOU!" Sarah joked.
I laughed and picked up my phone to call Abby to tell her we were boarding. Before I could call I had 50 unread messages. As I'm about to unlock my phone and see what was going on before Lee grabs my phone.
"Lee! What the fuck!"
"I'm supposed to tell you first before you see for yourself..." He pulls me by the arm up out of my seat and takes me to the entrance of the plane where we won't be heard.
"What are you supposed to tell me? Give me my phone, Lee!" I demanded.
"No. Listen. Fucking listen to me before you do anything else. Jon sent me photos of Abby from while we were away. All of them were with Matt," he says before I interrupt.
"Yeah I know, Lee. I see those pictures, too. He's her fake boyfriend, duh."
"No, there's new pictures. I told you LISTEN TO ME before you react. Agree?"
"Yeah, whatever. What is it?"
Lee shows me a picture of a half-naked Matt and my girlfriend running after him, both of them with huge smiles on their faces. I scroll. Another picture, this time he's carrying her over his shoulders. Another. He's standing behind her with his arms over her shoulders and her fingers are interlocked with his. I scroll again. He's leading her out of a restaurant, they're holding hands and his jacket is over her shoulder. Another, of the two hugging. Her eyes are closed as he embraces her.
My heart sinks and I can barely breathe. I can't feel my legs or my arms and I'm frozen. I stop breathing but I don't even realize it until Lee shakes me. I felt like my entire world just crashed and fell into Matt's lap. My world was now his as well.