Nicholas
I finally finish up and open the door. I barely make it out of the bathroom when I feel someone pull me down and kiss me. I try to be gentle as I push Amber away.
"Amber." I hold my breath for a second as I lock eyes with her, once more I'm mesmerized by her golden irises. Her eyes are still red from earlier but that by no means takes away from their beauty.
"Nico, why do you always do this?" She talks with frustration that is not only evident in her voice but on her face, she has a frown and furrowed eyebrows.
"What do you mean?"
"Every time I try to kiss you or more you always hold back or push me away. Why?" She's angry but I know it's mostly anger toward life and how unfair it's been to her. The news she received today isn't easy to process and I know she's probably wondering why her life has been nothing but a series of tragic moments.
"Princess, you drive me crazy. You can't possibly imagine the amount of strength and energy it takes to resist the urge I have of being able to hold you and kiss you. I want you to be mine Amber, so incredibly bad but I would never...could never take advantage of the situation. Never think it's because of you, you're perfect. The thing is that you're going through a lot right now and even if you think you know exactly what you want, you might regret any hasty actions in the future. I can only control myself for so long and you doing these kind of things really doesn't help."
"Nicholas, my entire life I've been told what to do. Even if I regret things later, that's part of being free. I get to choose what I do or not. Don't try to make my choices for me, I appreciate the concern but please just focus on yourself for a minute. Forget everything. Forget the fact that your run the Italian Mafia for now, forget about who I am, forget about Ale, forget about responsibilities or guilt or whatever it is that's holding you back. Just close your eyes, please." It's as if by magic she's able to control me. I close my eyes without a doubt because if I'm honest, I would jump off a bridge for no reason if she asked me to, I would do anything and everything for her. I feel her attempting to wrap her arms around my neck and I bend down slightly. I feel her hand caress my cheek and her breath just a small distance away. Finally I feel her lips on mine, this time at a much calmer pace. I feel a spark shoot through my entire body and a warmth grow inside of me. Just like she said I forget about everything and focus on her and me. Without thought I pick her up and as if it were a common occurrence she wraps her legs around me without hesitation. I groan as she runs her hands through my hair.
I decide to move and make my way over to the bed and sit down, placing her on top so she's straddling me. She pulls back for a moment and I worry that she's about to tell me she doesn't want this but instead of that she surprises me and pulls my shirt off of me. She looks down and runs her hand over my stomach and chest, then over my arms as if admiring me. She looks up and smiles before kissing me once more. I feel her hands on my back as she uses her fingers to draw imaginary circles on it. I grab onto her thighs and pull her closer to me, I expect her to hesitate or move back but she doesn't. I don't know how long this fantasy will last, even if Alex doesn't ever wake up it doesn't mean she'll want me. I have no idea when or if I'll have a chance like this again so for the first time I decide to be selfish, completely selfish and focus on myself. If this is the only time I'll get to hold her like this then I'm going to take advantage of it, I'm going to memorize the feel of her, of every inch of her. I slowly move my hands up toward her hips and then I put them underneath her shirt as I make my way to her waist. Her breath hitches but she doesn't stop. I wait for a few second and I move my hands to her bare back. I pull back and we both take a moment to look at each other while softly panting. I hold the bottom of her shirt and lift it slowly, silently asking her for permission. She nods and I take it off. I gulp as I take in the sight before me. I look back up and notice that she's uncomfortable. I hold her face and make sure she's looking straight at me.
"Amber, you're beautiful. So fucking beautiful." I crash my lips onto hers and she seems to relax. I keep one hand on her face, cupping her cheek while I use the other to run across her skin. I use my fingers to trace every single one of her scars with love, making sure to memorize them all. I feel a pang of anger and sadness as I think of the pain she must have felt when they were made. I forget all about it though when I feel her move, I open my eyes and pull back just as she undies her bra. She blushes while biting her lip and pulling it down. I suddenly forget how to breathe as I look at her bare chest. I've dreamt about this and imagined it but none of it comes close to this. I sit there for a few seconds before she speaks.
"Nico?" There's worry on her face because I'm not moving. Instead of speaking I decide to just act. She gasps as I lift her and maneuver so that she's laying down and I'm on top of her. She seems stunned and I decide to help her. I grab her legs and wrap them around me once more. We resume our kisses that are now much more eager and loaded with underlying passion. I eventually feel her lower her legs and reach for the waistband of my sweatpants. I shudder as another jolt of electricity runs through my body. She makes me freeze completely by putting her hand into my pants and holding onto me. I close my eyes and groan as she moves her hand up and down.
"Oh, fuck Amber." I open my eyes for a second and look at her smirking. She knows what she's doing to me and I can only imagine the faces I must be making but I can't help it. I finally wrap my hand around her wrist to stop her. She frowns and I chuckle.
"Sorry, princess." I kiss her neck and trail some more down passing her chest and reaching her navel before making my way back up. I hold the top of her shorts in my hands and she gulps.
"If you want to stop, you know you can tell me." She shakes her head.
"Do it." I pull them down along with her underwear and throw it carelessly onto the floor. I stand up and take off my sweatpants as well. I stand there completely bare, not only physically but emotionally. Even if she isn't mine, I'm hers. I lean down and position myself in between her legs.
"Amber, you don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that I love you. You're the first woman I have ever cared for this way and I wanted to remind you." She smiles before wrapping her arms around my neck once again and whispering into my ear.
"I know, Nico. I know." She places a kiss on my cheek before looking at me with a warm smile and nodding. I kiss her forehead and after that, I have the best night of my entire life.
___________________________________
I squint as I open my eyes, a beam of sunlight is shining through between the curtains hitting my face. My brain finally begins to function and I raise my hand to shield myself from the light. Then, I decide to simply turn around and when I do I come face to face with an angel and last night comes back to me. It was perfect and I just hope she won't completely regret it. I lay there admiring her before moving closer. She shifts and lays her head on my chest and I wrap an arm around her still bare back. I can't believe what happened last night and I think I never will, I never imagined it could actually happen but here I am laying in the same bed as her, holding her after a night together. I lay there looking at the ceiling and going over the events of last night in my head and after a few minute I feel her move while groaning.
"Ale?" I feel some pain but I shouldn't because I already knew she's still thinking of someone else.
"No princess, it's me Nico." She opens her eyes and she takes a moment to fully wake up.
"Nico?" She looks at me with confusion.
"Yeah, it's me." Now, I feel my heart racing. I hope she doesn't regret last night. This could ruin our friendship. Even if I want more than that, I wouldn't be able to handle not having her at all. I sigh in relief as soon as she smiles at me.
"Good morning." Instead of taking her head off my chest she places her hand on it and comes closer into me. Comfort, she wants comfort. It should hurt me to know that she's using me but it doesn't. I also can't be angry at her because she doesn't know that's what she's doing, either way I'm completely aware of the fact that I wasn't even supposed to get a chance to do this with her. She may be using me to forget about her pain but I really don't fucking mind. She can use me all she wants, I'm going to be selfish for once and live this to fullest for as long as it lasts.
"Morning, beautiful." I kiss her forehead which causes her smile to grow.
"Sleep well?" She mutters an affirmative answer and I settle back into the bed, putting an arm behind my head and staring back at the ceiling.
"Amber?" I sigh, I'm afraid of what her answer might be.
"Hmm?" She starts running her fingers on my chest.
"Do...do you regret what happened?" She stops and stays silent for a moment before sighing.
"No. I enjoyed it." She's holding something back.
"But?" I look down at her and she looks at my chest.
"I feel guilty. I still can't accept what the doctor told us last night but it should be relief. Knowing he probably isn't waking up should help me move on yet I can't help but feel that I'm betraying him. I did want to do what we did last night and I do want to be able to kiss you without feeling guilty but I can't. Just don't think I regret anything I do with you, because I don't." She doesn't regret it.
"I feel guilty too. Like you said, I feel like I'm betraying him but if the doctor told us he's probably staying like that we can't stay hung up on the past forever, at some point we have to move on no matter how much it hurts. As long as he's breathing though, we're going to feel this way because there's going to be hope somewhere inside of us that he's going to wake up. Right now, it's still a large possibility that he does." I move onto my side to be able to face her and cup her face with my hand.
"I also feel guilty because I know you're going through a hard time and you just want to forget about it and I'm taking advantage of that." I rub my thumb over her cheek.
"Nico, have you forced me to do anything? No. What happened last night wasn't even your suggestion. I started it, I always do and all you've ever done is hold back. You shouldn't feel guilty, I'm the one who knows that you love me and I still lead you on."
"Hey, like you said you aren't forcing me to do any of it. How about we stop thinking about the past or the future and just try to focus on the present? You and me, two adults who can do whatever they want." She smiles before answering.
"Okay." She looks at me and everything feels alright. This is all I want, all I need.
"Okay." I answer and she looks down at my lips. Before she can look back up I move forward and kiss her and for once I can't feel her hold back even it is a chaste kiss.
"Breakfast?" I raise an eyebrow waiting for an answer.
"Definitely." She smirks.
"Pancakes?" I already know it's going to be a yes.
"Is that even a question?" I laugh and give her another kiss before getting up and picking up my pants from the floor and she does the same.
I turn around to admire her and she doesn't notice. She's perfect but I stop for a moment as I notice she seems to have gained a little bit of weight. I smile. She's naturally thin and when we first met her she was very underweight. She eventually gained some but lost it again after Alex disappeared. This is the healthiest I've seen her look in a while. The dark circle under her eyes have faded and her smile seems just a little bit brighter. I pick up my shirt and put it on. We're both dressed and head down to the kitchen. We have fun making and eating our breakfast. Sadly, it's not the weekend and I have to go to the safe house and Amber always comes with me and trains. We hurry to get ready because it's already late. Once we reach the safe house we go our seperate ways, she's probably going to spend the day at the gym and talking with Emily who's been spending a lot of time here since she and Marcos started dating. Maybe she'll tell her about last night.
"Someone's happy today." I feel a hand pat my back and I turn to face Marcos.
"Had a good night's sleep." I shrug, trying to act as innocent as possible. I don't want him interrogate me.
"Yeah, I'm sure you did." He winks at me as he playfully drives his elbow into my ribs.
"Can we just get down to business?" I walk over to the desk and sit in the chair behind it.
"Yeah, yeah. You sure have become bossier than usual." He takes a seat across from me on the other side of the desk.
"Just shut up will you?" I roll my eyes and he laughs. We continue to bicker for a while before actually discussing business.
The day flies by as I take care of the usual things and throughout the entire day all I can think about is Amber. I wonder what she's been up to. She probably went to catch up with some of the team member and Em. Right now she should be halfway through her workout. I'm still not done and today's been busy so I decide to go look for her. I take the usual twists and turns through the building. It's an extremely large building but you get used to it after a few years.
"Hey, Nico!" I bump into Emily who's waving enthusiastically.
"Em, how are you?" I offer a smile.
"I'm fine what about you?" She takes her usual stance and places her hands on her hips.
"Good, thanks. Hey have you seen Amber?" She nods.
"Yeah, she left about an hour ago to go train. You know her." She rolls her eyes. Usual Emily.
"Alright, thanks. See you later." I try not to be rude but I really want to see Amber.
"See you." She winks and smiles and I walk past her only to turn back around when she yells my name.
"Hey, Nico! Remember to use protection next time. K?" She winks. Of course Amber told her but she's right. I got so caught up in the moment I forgot about that.
"Goodbye Emily." I say with a straight face to let her know I'm not discussing anything. I turn back around and smile as I hear her fading laughter.
The halls are mostly silent and all I can hear are my own feet moving over the floor. Two minute later I'm standing in front of the training room door. I press my ear against the door as usual, trying to listen to Amber but instead I hear nothing. I open the door and look around for her.
"Amber?" No answer. I guess she must have finished already.
I'm about to turn around and leave but I stop when I notice her bag is in it's usual place on one of the benches. She has to be here. I start to panic and look around until I spot her feet. I rush over as soon as I notice she's sprawled on the floor. Oh god, please let her be fine. I practically throw myself onto the floor next to her. No blood or visible wounds, that's good. Her breathing is steady and her pulse is strong. She only fainted which still isn't right but that means no one tried to hurt her. Unless someone gave her poison or tried to drug her. Why must I always invent overly elaborate explanations? I push those thoughts aside and put my arms underneath her. I pick her up and carry her to the medical wing. She's a little heavier but I manage to get her there. I look around for the doctor who's on a phone call. She seems worried and I'll make sure to ask her about it later but right now I need her to tend to Amber.
"Doc!" She talks into her phone before hanging up and rushing over.
"What happened?"
"I don't know, I walked into the gym and found her on the floor." She comes over and examines her head first.
"She didn't hit her head too bad." I shake my head.
"I actually found her with her upper half on the mat floor." She nods in understanding.
"Right. That's good. Bring over here so I can draw some blood and hook her up to the machines." She walks into one of the few rooms and I follow her in. I place Amber into the bed gently and turn to look at the doctor who's getting things ready.
"I'll let you know as soon as I get something." She sticks a needle into Amber's arm and begins to draw blood.
"Can I wait in here?" She shakes her head.
"It's best if you stay outside." I know better than to protest, all it will do is keep the doctor busy and in the end I'll still have to wait outside.
"Alright." I walk back out and sit in one of the chairs. I sit there waiting and after about and hour my eyes start to close on their own.