Wonwoo stormed out of the Mingyu's bedroom and towards the front door. He didn't want to look back and he tried so hard not to but when Mingyu ran behind him and called out his name he couldn't help it. When he saw the tears streaming down golden skin and the whites of Mingyu's eyes turned red he felt his heart break all over again. But he had to stay strong. You should never pity the hunter.
He slammed the door on the way out and took the stairs. He heard Mingyu sob on the other side; loud and broken like the beating of his heart. Wonwoo's stomach clenched as if two arms had wrapped around his torso and squeezed the life out of him. Nothing could fix what had just happened. Mingyu's lips will always stay stained, Wonwoo's heart will always stay broken.
He ran home with a mixture of snot and tears across his face, looking like a total wreck but he couldn't sobbing. No matter how long he held his breath or how tight he shut his eyes the tears kept falling like a neverending storm. Then he burst through his front door and threw himself onto the sofa. Thank God he couldn't see his painted wall through the moisture in his eyes because seeing the two roses intertwined that Mingyu had painted for him would only make things worse.
He cried until he felt he couldn't cry anymore. For some reason his mind wondered to the countless dates Mingyu had taken him on. He remembered the time when Mingyu took him to an arcade and taught him how to use the pinball machine with his body pressed against his back and arms around his waist. He also remembered their date to the cinema in which Mingyu found a screening that showed subtitles, just for him, they didn't watch much of the movie though and instead spent more time kissing on the back row. He loved Mingyu, not only because he made him happy but because he cared more than anybody else ever had. To find him in the arms of another was so shocking Wonwoo didn't know how to deal with it.
Ages ago, when Wonwoo's hearing fully deteriorated he was in school. It was first period and his class had just sat down on the carpet infront of their teacher ready to start the lesson. He had sat next to Myungwon, his very best friend at the time, and quietened down to start the lesson but the teacher didn't seem to speak. At first he wondered why she was staying so silent and why none of the other kids had started talking either but then he saw Myungwon raise his hand to answer a question. He looked to the teacher and her lips were moving but no sound was coming out. Then all the other kids stood up to start the lesson's activity and Wonwoo just sat there crying. He had lost his hearing and was completely clueless. His little heart broke that day.
Wonwoo felt as if he was reliving that moment again; living his life without a problem in sight when suddenly something dreadful happened that took everything away from him. Without Mingyu he was trapped in the silence of his own mind again. All the wonderful sounds he made that Wonwoo loved would no longer be there to make him feel normal again.
-
"And then you left? Just like that?" Soonyoung was in Wonwoo's living room on the sofa as Wonwoo sat silently on the coffee table infront of him.
"Yeah." Wonwoo sighed and moved to the sofa next to his friend.
"And how long ago was this?" Soonyoung was getting a lot better at sign language now, Wonwoo could understand everything he said.
"Two weeks ago." Wonwoo knew one thing for sure: he never wanted to see Mingyu again. He knows it would hurt too much. His perfect cracked lips and sparkling eyes would only bring back memories of something he would kill to forget so he declined all his calls and locked his front door hoping Mingyu would give up trying to apologise eventually. He didn't need to hear a sorry to know that Mingyu felt guilty but words just can't fix this. Nothing can.
"That's rough. I never expected that of Mingyu."
"Nor did I. I guess that's why it hurts so bad."
"You should talk to him though, see what he has to say."
"I don't think I could look at him the same ever again."
Soonyoung nodded. Wonwoo had been through something he didn't deserve and it had hit him hard. For the past fortnight he had cooped himself up in his apartment with a lifetimes supply of ice cream and alcohol, crying away his thoughts until his jaw and head ached. At one point he thought to himself "Is life even worth living without the person I loved?" and that's when he knew he had to call someone before he did something stupid and of course that someone was Kwon Soonyoung.
"You'll get through this." Soonyoung signed.
"I wish I never met him." Wonwoo's heart throbbed as he said it. He swallowed the lump in his throat and held back his tears.
"That's not true, Mingyu has changed your life so much. He let you hear."
"Yeah, and I wish he didn't. Then he wouldn't have been so special to me and I wouldn't miss him like this."
Soonyoung could tell Wonwoo was conflicted. He was torn between never wanting to see Mingyu again and missing him to the point at which he couldn't sleep at night.
"Do you still love him?" Soonyoung signed.
Wonwoo paused for quite a while, he got lost staring at a spot on the floor. If he didn't still love him then why does his chest feel so tight whenever he thinks of him, why do his eyes tear up when he remembers how happy they used to be.
"Yes. I do."
"Would you ever take him back?"
That one was easy, "Never."
The gravity of the situation was crushing them and Wonwoo suddenly felt like crying again. Soonyoung saw the whites of his eyes go pink as he tried to hold back tears.
They both went quiet. Soonyoung got a text and reluctantly took his focus from his friend. It started a conversation he didn't expect at all and every message he received completely shocked him.
"Who are you texting?"
"No one." Soonyoung mumbled forgetting Wonwoo couldn't hear him.
"What?" Wonwoo sniffed.
"Let's go out." Soonyoung signed and grabbed him by the arm. He pulled him to the door and dressed him in his coat whilst he stared blankly into space.
There was one thing Soonyoung was absolutely certain of as he walked down Wonwoo's apartment complex stairs with his friend by his side; Wonwoo was well and truly broken. He hardly spoke on their way down the path towards where Soonyoung was taking him and didn't even blink when a car came up so close beside him on the road he was very nearly hit. He just stared ahead with the eyes of a broken man and that hurt Soonyoung, to see his best friend in so much pain, so he tried his best to fix it.
"Where are we going?" Wonwoo finally asked as the pathway started to look sickeningly familiar.
"Trust me." Soonyoung signed but Wonwoo didn't want to. He knew what his friend was trying to do and it was a horrible idea.
"Don't make me do this, Soonyoung." He shook his head and stopped walking.
"I think you should."
"Why? What good will it do? I swear to God everyone I know is just trying to put me through pain. Why does nobody understand that seeing him again won't help? I'm hurting so much, Soonyoung, you know that. Don't make me hurt even more." Wonwoo was crying now and the cold wind made the tears burn his cheeks.
"Has Mingyu tried to contact you since you broke up?" Soonyoung signed.
"Yes, obviously. But-" Wonwoo couldn't talk anymore, a lump had filled his throat so he resorted to signing, "But I never answered his texts or calls. I don't need to hear any bullshit excuses."
"He messaged you because he needs to talk to you. Let him."
Wonwoo sighed. He didn't want to hear anything Mingyu had to say. Not now, not ever. But he was too weak to stop the hand that wrapped across his shoulders and guide him forwards. Before he could think straight again Soonyoung had dragged him to SVTea's front door. He stopped and stared at the handmade open sign, maybe Mingyu made it.
"Are you ready?" Soonyoung signed.
Wonwoo rolled his eyes and sniffed, "no."
"Me neither." Soonyoung muttered under his breath.
Wonwoo looked through the window in the door at the counter, he saw Jeonghan at the cash register serving a little old woman and another new employee by his side. Seungcheol was sitting in the corner of the shop on his laptop, possibly waiting for Jeonghan to finish his shift. Then he saw Mingyu. He was behind the counter but wasn't working like he was supposed to be, he had one elbow propped on the table and his chin in his hand, the other hand was stirring a cold hot chocolate with a teaspoon. He looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes were dark and his hair was unwashed as if he had just dragged himself out of bed. Wonwoo knew how that felt; not wanting to get up in the morning because everything in the world is against him. Jeonghan finished serving the customer and left the new employee to fend for himself, he then approached Mingyu and tapped his shoulder, Mingyu didn't respond. Jeonghan said something, "It's been two weeks."
Mingyu mumbled a reply, "And I still want to die as much as I did the night it happened."
"It's your own fault."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Because I can't relate." Jeonghan turned away and walked through the staff door.
"Whatever."
Wonwoo tried to lip read but Jeonghan was facing an angle that made it too difficult.
Soonyoung grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. He tried to resist by tensing every muscle in his body and praying he would stay in place but Soonyoung was stronger.
"Don't." He hissed through his teeth but was pulled through the door nevertheless.
Mingyu looked up from the cold hot chocolate to see the commotion and his eyes grew unbelievably wide, Wonwoo froze. For a minute, maybe two, nobody said anything. Then Mingyu dropped the teaspoon, hot chocolate splashed from the cup, and ran around the counter. He wasn't thinking straight and instead let his throbbing heart control his body, he stumbled forward as his eyes turned glassy.
The next thing Wonwoo knew, Mingyu had slammed his body against his and wrapped two muscular arms around his shoulders. He held him tighter than he had ever done before. Wonwoo didn't know what to do or say other than sniffle and splutter into the cheater's chest. He had been hurt so bad that every day felt like an impossible battle of emotions but for some ridiculous reason he felt at home again in Mingyu's arms.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Mingyu coughed onto his shoulders. "I missed you. I love you. Oh my God."
Mingyu smelt, not of vanilla ice cream like usual, of body odour and alcohol. He hadn't showered for quite a while, that was clear- a sign of an emotionally ruined man.
Wonwoo wriggled free and looked at Mingyu's face; his dirty, tanned skin, the dark mop on his head that fell across his eyes. His lips were pale white, his eyes were red and he was crying... a lot.
"I can't do this." Wonwoo said. His heart was shattering yet again, just when he thought it couldn't be broken anymore. He felt it too, a pressing pain in his chest that tingled horribly as if it had just been set alight but then he felt the butterflies that danced in the flames and he knew he was hopelessly devoted to Mingyu. He looked to Soonyoung who bit his lip. "I can't do it. We need to go." Wonwoo turned to leave, to walk away from the pain and hope the feelings would fade but Mingyu stopped him.
"Wait here. Just for one more second." He turned and hurried through the staff door before coming back several seconds later with a parcel and a red notebook, their red notebook.
Wonwoo shook his head, "I don't want it. I'm sorry, I've got to go."
But before he could turn on his heels and leave Mingyu held his hand, a buzz of electricity ran through his arm at the contact. "Please take it. I want you to understand why I did what I did. I know it hurts and I know you won't ever forgive me but I'm willing to do anything and everything I can to at least try and fix this." he was still crying and maybe that's what lead Wonwoo to do as he asked.
He took the things and ran away from the judging eyes of the café customers and the awful mixture of missing and hating that was clouding his head. Soonyoung didn't follow him knowing that he needed to figure this out on his own so he walked home alone holding tightly on to the little red notebook knowing it could either hold a saviour for their relationship or a cold killer.