Chapter Seventy-Four
Eli
It's nearly 8pm and I'm sitting in Dani's hospital room, watching her sleep. Dr. Stone said he gave her a sedative so she could sleep while they x-rayed her arms because she'd freaked out when he tried to touch her. He said she just keep calling for me and trying to move away from him, so much so that her heart rate was elevated too much and he was worried she'd do herself more damage. She's been doing so well and at first I couldn't understand such a drastic change, but Dr. Stone informed me that he reduced her drugs this morning and now she's on a minimal amount of pain relief. That would explain why there's been such a major change in her behavior.
Dani is dreaming and I can hear her muttering something in Russian. It's amazing how quickly she slips back into her native tongue. Since she's been working at the precinct, she's only really spoken Russian when she doesn't want us to understand her. I know before, she only spoke Russian, but these two years have been mostly English speaking. I can make out Dani apologizing to someone and then I hear my name. She's apologizing to me? What for? She's distressed, I know that much but there's nothing I can do about it. She's under sedation, and while she's supposed to wake up soon, I can't wake her out of it. She needs to do that herself. Just as I'm trying to make out the rest of her words, my cell vibrates and Arrow's name flashes on the screen.
“Hey. What's up?”
“I found them. They're in hiding. It looks like a safe house. I've got names too.”
I let out a deep breath, “Good man. You're the best, seriously.”
“Let's hope we can keep these guys, huh? I'll text you the names and their location. Get your detectives to pick them up.”
“Will do.”
As soon as Arrow's text comes through, I read it and call the Cap to pass the information on to him. He promises to give Baker and Jones the information right away and he tells me to stay where I am. He doesn't want me anywhere near the precinct while this is going down. As hard as it is to admit it, I know he's right. My decision is made a lot easier when I look at Dani again. She's still dreaming and she looks so upset that I know I'm right where I should be. I take Dani's hand in mine. At first she fights against the movement but then she relaxes against my touch. It's now that I notice both casts are removed from Dani's arms. Her leg is still plastered, but at least her arms have healed enough. Hopefully she'll be able to go home. That's a subject we're going to have to approach, especially if she's going to be released soon.
My pops stops by to bring me some dinner and he sits with me for a little while. When Dani starts stirring, he takes that as his cue to leave, patting me on the back in reassurance on his way out.
Dani's eyes shoot open and then they close again quickly as she groans in pain. I take in her pained expression and I whisper, “Dani? It's Eli. You ok?”
She grinds out, “What happened?”
“You had to have x-rays and Dr. Stone had to sedate you for it. He said he reduced your meds and you kept freaking out...”
She looks ashamed and disappointed and she quickly apologizes.
“It's ok, sweetheart. I did warn them that this could happen. Did you remember anything?”
“No sir.”
“You were dreaming...”
“I know.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No sir.”
I nod, a little disappointed. It's like we're going backwards again. Dani is shutting down all over again and it seems like there's nothing I can do to stop it. I take a deep breath and I whisper, “What's going on, Dani? Why won't you talk to me?”
She looks down at her hands and she notices that the casts are gone. She slowly lifts her right hand and tentatively touches the bandage on her head. I read shock and confusion on her features and she quietly asks, “My hair?”
Such a simple question holds so much emotion on both our parts. Her long, flowing hair has always been something she's taken pride in. I loved her hair as well, especially when I eventually was able to run my fingers through it without her panicking. I shake my head slightly and look her straight in the eyes as I say, “They had to cut it.”
Her eyes widen, “All of it?”
“Yes ma'am. They had to be able to get to the wounds. I'm sorry, baby. It will grow again and I know it's not what you want to hear, but it will grow.”
I hear her mumble, “I don't even know what I want to hear right now...”
I repeat my last question, trying to find out what is going on with her. I know that things have changed and she must be confused and scared right now, but I don't want her to shut me out. I don't think that's going to do either of us any good.
In response to my question, Dani just says, “I don't know what's wrong with me.”
I run my fingers through my hair, partly out of frustration and partly out of despair. I just have to lay it all out there.
“I get that you're confused. I get that you're scared. I know that you have no idea what happened and that scares you even more because you're not used to that. You're probably wondering if not knowing is worse than actually having those pictures stored in your memory. To be honest, I don't know what's worse myself, but what I do know is that you can't just shut me out like this. It's not healthy for you and it certainly isn't healthy for me. It's killing me that you're pushing me away all over again. I'm trying, sweetheart, really I am, but everything I've tried hasn't worked. I don't know what to do any more. It's like you're dying in front of me and I don't know how to stop that. Tell me what you want me to do or what you want me to say and I'll gladly do it. Just tell me what you want...”
She stares at me in shock. I don't think she was expecting any of that. Neither was I to be honest. There's silence for at least a few minutes before she whispers, “I'm scared...”
There's the opening I've been looking for.
“Scared of what, baby?”
“The list of what I'm not scared of is probably shorter.”
“Can you be specific? If you talk about it, maybe I can help to ease your fears.”
“They must know I'm not dead. They'll try again. They'll keep trying until they finish the job. They know I'm out there, so they won't stop until they get me...”
“So we try to get them first. As soon as you remember what happened, then we'll have a starting point. If we can link them to this, then we have a reason to get a warrant to search their homes and hideouts. I know I let you down before, but I'm going to everything within my power to protect you.”
I hope she doesn't notice that I don't promise she'll never get hurt again. I can't, in good conscience, promise something like that.
Dani is silent for a few minutes, like she's thinking and tossing something up. Eventually she whispers, “Who found me?”
I take a deep breath. I knew this question would eventually pop up, but the emotions running through me are not something I could prepare myself for.
“I did.”
“How?”
I can tell it's taking a lot of courage for Dani to speak these words, so I try to shove my feelings to the back of my mind and be strong enough for the both of us.
“We hadn't heard anything from you in a while, and at first we were so caught up with the bomb scare that we didn't really notice. When the first device was found to be a hoax, something felt wrong to me. I called the Cap and asked if he'd heard from you. He hadn't spoken to you since early morning, so he relieved me of my duties so I could check on you. I knew something was wrong as soon as I stepped onto your floor, but when I saw the door blown off the hinges, that's when reality set in. I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Dani. I should have taken you to the precinct. I should have done more to protect you. I'm so sorry...”
“They'd have just got me another time or they might have killed you or your family. I know it was them, I just don't remember the details.”
“I was so scared.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It's not your fault, baby. Don't ever think that. Blame the scumbags that did this.”
She nods, but I'm not sure she's entirely convinced that the blame doesn't rest on her.
Her voice is so faint as she asks, “Was it bad?”
I find myself getting choked up at the simple question. Although I lived the memory of finding her, I've tried my best to shut it out. I haven't discussed the details with anyone, knowing Dani wouldn't want anyone to know. Thankfully, I've managed to skirt round the detectives questions, answering them, but not giving away details that Dani would be ashamed of. I can't manage to speak, so I only nod. I'm looking at Dani, but she's staring at the bed sheets, so I have to answer her verbally.
“Yes.”
Her eyes flicker to mine for a brief moment and I notice that her cheeks have a blush on them. She's nervous and embarrassed.
“Do you want me to tell you? I will, if that's what you want me to do, but I don't know if that's going to help you.”
“You saw them, didn't you?”
I'm confused. I didn't see the men who did it, otherwise I'd have killed them on the spot. “Saw what, Dani?”
She chokes back a sob, “The scars...”
Her skill at reading people never ceases to amaze me. I let out a deep breath, my heart breaking for this poor girl in front of me. She never wanted me to see the scars. But the fact that her choice in the matter was taken away from her must be distressing. The little bit of control she had over her body has been taken from her yet again. I fight back the tears that want to escape, because I know if I do cry she's going to think I'm ashamed of her or disgusted by her.
“Yes ma'am, I did. But I have to be honest with you, I didn't pay much attention. I was too concerned with trying to save your life and assessing the scene. There was so much blood, Dani... So much blood...”
A knock on the doorframe interrupts our conversation. It's the Cap and Captain Greggson.
The Cap looks between Dani and myself, before he says, “I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to have a word with Dani.”
I nod and sit down on the chair by Dani's bedside. The two Captain's enter the room and I take this time to study their faces. My Cap looks tired and stressed, but determined. Captain Greggson looks tired and stressed, but nothing like the Cap. I suppose this is because we know Dani personally. I hear the Cap sigh before he speaks.
“Hey Dani. How you doing?”
“Ok, sir.”
“You have your casts off...”
“Yes sir, just today.”
“Good. That's progress. I need to talk to you. Are you ok to do that?”
“Yes sir.”
Dani
“This is Captain Greggson, Dani. I believe you've spoken with him on the phone.”
“Yes sir.”
Captain Greggson says, “Hey Danica. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances, but it's nice to put a face to your voice.”
I don't reply to this, I just nod slightly. There's nothing I can say to that. I'd really prefer that he wasn't here to be honest, so I'm not going to pretend it's nice to meet him.
The Captain takes a deep breath and gets right to it, “We have people in custody, Dani, but we need you to see if you can identify them. Obviously, you aren't able to do a formal line up, but we have some pictures that I'd like you to take a look at. Is that ok?”
I'm not sure about this. I feel too exposed and vulnerable, so if I do remember, it's going to go bad. I think Eli reads my mind, because he asks, “Does she have to do this?”
The Cap clears his throat, “If she doesn't, then we're probably going to have to bail them until we get some test results back.”
He's trying to be vague, but I'm pretty sure what those test results are. I don't know why I'm shocked by this piece of information. I should know by now that my body doesn't actually belong to me. No matter how long I am away from these people, I will always be their toy, the play thing for them to live out their sick fantasies on.
Eli's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, “Can I do it with her instead?”
I don't hear a reply, which means there must have been a silent exchange. I don't take my eyes off of Eli's boots. I study the laces and the creases he's made in them by the way he walks. I notice that his right boot has more creases on and I take guesses at all the reasons why this could be.
Eli speaks in Russian, “They have to be here, Dani. They need to be sure I'm not influencing you. You can do this, ok? We want to put these guys away for as long as possible. You can do this...”
It's not like a have a choice in the matter, so I nod a tiny bit. The Cap hands Eli some pictures and he says, “Dani, I need you to tell me if you recognize any of those people.”
Eli holds some mug shots in front of me and instead of looking at the faces, I count the squares of the shots. I count 15 pictures, but the faces are a blur because I'm not focusing on them. I'm trying to work up the courage to do that. Eventually, I realize I can't put it off any longer and I start at the bottom right corner of the page. That's as good a place as any to start, right? I don't recognize the first few faces, but then I get to the fourth one across the page. I suck in a sharp breath. I let out a curse in Russian, completely forgetting it's not the 'proper' thing to do. I feel a tear escape and I whisper, “No, no, no... Eli?! Make it stop... Eli?!”
I see the paper drop and Eli's face appears in my line of vision. He speaks softly in Russian, “It's ok, baby. I'm right here. I'm here. It's ok. You're safe; you're ok... Shhhh, it's ok, baby...”
I grab a fist full of his shirt, trying to get a grip on reality. Everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. All it took was seeing a face and it's brought everything flooding back. I remember the beating, I remember the taunting, I remember the rapes. I remember it all. Even down to the way I was before I passed out. Eli pries my fingers open and places his hand in mine. I feel him squeeze my hand as he says, “Look at me, Dani. Just look at me. I'm right here and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. I know you've remembered something. I know you're scared and upset. I know you don't know how to process any of this right now, but I need you to focus on me right now. You want to recite the periodic table for me? Start with Spanish...”
I was too distraught to even think of doing this for myself, so Eli reminding me helps me to focus. I start reciting in all the languages I know, and somewhere in the back of my mind I can feel Eli holding my hand. That serves as a link to this world and it helps me to not get completely consumed by the memories.