Picking Up The Pieces
By: Stacy Leonhardt Gravely & Nichole Harrison
© All Rights Reserved - 2010
5.
I woke up the next morning with regret filling my mind, knowing that I would start my job at the pharmacy on Monday making what I could only guess as minimum wage, ugh. I needed to get a jump on looking for a place to live just so I knew what I was up against. Then it would be time to sit down and ask my mom for the biggest favor ever, babysitting the kids, maybe I could even convince Krista to help out when or if she has the time something to question when I can.
I got out of bed taking the morning head on, getting the girls something to eat, clothed, and out the door. I wanted to check out a few apartments, and houses in the area for rent getting an idea of rent rates, what I would be able to afford, and what kind of deposit they would be expecting.
"Sommer, Riley, we are going to be running around a lot today. I need you to stay with me and be patient today." I told the girls with severity in my voice hoping they caught onto the gravity of our errands.
Of course Riley would be okay with whatever I asked of her, Sommer on the other hand, decided she would roll her little eyes at me and then just nod at me.
"Sommer, I need to hear your words in order to understand, I don't read head language." Again nothing, just staring out the window into oblivion like I was talking to a wall.
We pulled into the parking lot of the first place that had a sign "apartments for rent", I was not pleased with the way they looked on the outside. Swallowing my fear, I walked into the office and asked about the apartments after seeing a floor plan, the price, and what they called a model I was not sold on anything like this one.
We went through the morning looking at several different options, the girls were bored I could tell but I had to get an idea. I wish that I could just sit down and have an adult conversation with my children about getting out of mom and dad's house, the divorce, and everything else on my mind. That's what my friends are for, not my children. After everything we had seen today, I was not totally convinced I would ever make it out of their house, but I was determined.
I decided while in town to take the girls to the park next to the pharmacy let them stretch their legs and rid their little bodies of all the energy they had. While I sat there watching my children running around playing with one another, I knew I needed to call Krista and see about the whole babysitting thing. I pull my phone out and dial her number, "Hey Lynds!"
"Hey Krista whats up?"
"Nothing much, but I can tell something is wrong with you, whats going on?"
"I'm just depressed after looking all morning for a place to live in this shitty town." I sighed deeply feeling more lost than I had when I set out this morning.
"Don't let it get you down girl its only day one." Krista was always the one that had my back, always there to reassure me things were going to get better in the future.
"Yeah but money is going to be so hard to come by, if my rent is out of this world."
"You got that right and I know just where you are coming from."
"Well I have another problem child care?!"
"I know what you're going to say and girl, I can only help out two days a week."
"REALLY?!?!" I was elated that she could spare even two days.
"Yeah, Tuesday and Thursday are about all I can offer you."
"Hell, that's better than nothing, honestly." Feeling a slight bit of weight released from my shoulders I breathed a small sigh of relief.
As the conversation drummed on, we chit chatted about how she had child care assistance for Lily and maybe I should just suck it up and do the same. It would still have to be paid for, but at least it would be at a discounted rate. God, I hated to admit that I needed charity from everyone I knew, figuring for now I would ask mom for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and having Krista watch the girls on Tuesday and Thursday. That would allow me to save up some money and then look into the whole child care assistance thing after all Sommer is in school, when school is in so that would help there too.
Why didn't someone tell me that putting my life together, when I started with nothing but the clothes on my back was going to be so hard?
I like to think that I am a self sufficient person and figure things out on my own, however everyday I feel like I'm relying on people more and more for everything. The rest of the weekend passed by quickly the closer it got to Monday, the more I was thinking about the offer Chaz had made. Would it really be worth my time to work in his office? I had a degree in pharmacy, why would I want to work for a lawyer? There were just too many questions to be answered.
I worked things out with my mom about sitting for the kids while I worked, if I was working those days. The pharmacy could never guarantee me hours but would try Monday through Friday. With mom doing her part and Krista being a life saver, it was here comes Monday full speed ahead.
Monday morning was upon us, stepping out into the sunny morning I was a bit nervous for my first day on the job. Having never worked before was giving me butterflies literally, and it made me kinda queasy. Walking into the pharmacy five minuets early to make a great first day impression, I was greeted by Molly, "Hey, how are ya this morning?"
"Hey Molly, good to see you. How was your weekend?"
"Pretty good and yours?"
"You know still getting settled in."
"Well now that you are here, shall we go over employment details?" Molly asked cheerfully.
"Umm, sure better now than never... Ha"
"Okay, so hourly we will be paying you $15.00 hourly." She smiled at me
Molly kept on talking, I was not taking in or retaining any of the information that she was saying because I was stuck on that hourly rate of course. I was adding it up in my head, thinking how many hours, minus child care, would it take to get a car. I was thinking of all the things I could buy once we moved into a place of our own, how I would decorate the girls rooms, to make it all their own. I was still going off on a tangent in my mind when Molly pulled my attention back to the current time and place.
"Oh, I'm sorry yes, everything sounds great!"
"Alright then, lets get you started."
Molly showed me around the pharmacy introducing me to other techs that worked behind the counter, giving me a set of keys for the controlled substances. I felt privileged to have this job working on my skills that I inquired over the years getting my pharmacy degree. I would be able to tell the girls come some day that if you work hard enough, and put one foot in front of the other you will get to where you are going no matter how long it takes you to get there.
Finishing my first day of work, I was high on life loving my job for the moment after all it was only day one. I encountered no problems everything went as planned and no unhappy customers to report today.
I arrived home to two very anxious girls wanting to know all about my job, where it was, and why it took me so long to get home. In time I answered all of their questions telling them that I was helping sick people by giving them medications and helping mommies of sick kids find the different kind of cold medications they would need for home care. It was fulfilling to watching them sit there and hang on my every word as if I was a super hero. Their eyes glowing with wonder and excitement knowing their mom was doing something worth while for other people considering, I had never worked a day in my life according to Mike. If you ask me taking care of two children and a home that's a job beyond means because your job is never done.
Dinner was served we sat around the table eating with light conversation, mom and the girls taking turns asking me more about the day and the people that I work with. Of course dad has nothing to say doesn't even look up from his plate "Dad what is it?" nothing not even a shake of his head.
I get up from the table clear the dishes for Sommer, Riley, and myself and head upstairs to give them a bath. There was something different about dad tonight, he seemed more distant and pissed off than usual I just don't get it?
I got a job a respectable job, what is it going to take for him to see that I won't be stuck here forever?
Maybe he is pissed off because I'm going to get out for a second time, well as far away from here as I can which might only be ten miles, but still the point is what is his flipping deal?
I feel like I have accomplished something in my life, with Mike yes, he was a loser that kicked my ass to the curb and I gave up. Sommer and Riley are everything to me and they are not a mistake, unlike the douche bag they call daddy. I will support them, myself, and stop asking everyone around me for favors but damn can't I have some time to fucking get there?
Nothing in life is handed to you, nothing is given to you on a silver platter, well maybe Chaz has given me a few things, and Krista. You get the picture I could be a loser just sitting at my parents house doing nothing on my ass waiting for it to rain money, well not me and I can't let him get me down. I take my cell phone out of my pocket and call Krista, "Hello?"
"Hey Kris whats happening tonight?"
"Nothing much just hanging with Lily."
"Well call Chaz and see if he will sit for the 3 of them. We need a ladies night."
With that I hung up the phone anxiously waiting for Krista to call me back. I desperately wanted to go out tonight have a few drinks, adult talk, gossip and just have someone be happy for me about today. Not that my kids didn't make me happy, I just needed to get away.
I waited and waited by the phone, but it never rang. I tried calling Krista back, straight to voice mail. Fucking great, did I piss someone else off?
This seemed like a never ending nightmare between me and the relationships I have with people. Fine, I'm going to call Chaz myself and see if he will watch Sommer and Riley, so I can go out alone since Krista was being a punk.