For the first few days of my junior year, I didn't really notice much. It was as if my mind was still stuck on the break and honestly, I was nowhere near ready to get back to school. One day I sat in Chemistry taking notes to look up and find no one other than Bree doing the same. Bree, the girl who had pissed me off so much the year before in bio. She was thrusted back into my life just like that and I had just now noticed. I honestly don't know why she got under my skin so much. But on this day, I didn't really feel like I disliked her but something else. I continued to take notes until the bell rang. Soccer tryouts would be in a few days, so I was spending all my off time making sure I would be perfect with everything Jason had taught me. Speaking of Jason, we hadn't really been talking lately. He was way too busy with school and when I called I would only get his voicemail. I knew it would be hard, being that this was my first long distant relationship, but I didn't know it would be this hard. I rushed off to my next period class and she slipped my mind completely.
On that first day of soccer practice there were a lot of faces I knew and a few I didn't know. Shelly and Amilie came out to support me but they did not want to join me. There was one face that I did notice, Bree. Since we had class together again, and I sat diagonally from her and she was the only person I knew in the class, and I was the only person she knew in the class. We did the awkward nod to each other every day, but that was really all. After a bit of time mingling with the people I did know and like, I walked over to Bree and said hi. She said hi too and we spoke for all of two minutes until the coaches came to start practice. I was happy, I thought the conversation was started to get weird. We ran a few drills and met up again for the same time the next day for the final assessment. At this point I was feeling pretty confident in all I had learned. The next day in class Bree and I actually spoke to each other, we bonded over tryouts and how we felt about it. We both thought we made the team and was happy with how tryout went. It wasn't too hard but still interesting enough to raise the hairs on our body. It was funny to me that just my sophomore year, I didn't like this girl. And now we were sharing laughs. She was starting to seem like a cool person. She actually showed up for this class too.
In the end Bree and I both made the soccer team. The more I spent time with her the cooler she became. With back to back practices each week and classes together every day for two periods back to back, she quickly became one of my go to people. I found myself gravitating to her more and more, even if it was just to goof off a bit before practice. I admit Bree was one of the better players on our team, along with Mandy. Now, Mandy; a long haired, bright eyed, Latina babe that was as intense on the field as her looks were, and Bree were closer than all the other girls on the team, they were even closer than Bree and Lucy were. Because Bree and I were getting closer, that meant that Mandy and I were getting closer as well. The three of us spoke so much that we would stay up each night messaging about all the crazy things that had went down that day. The more we spoke during our individual time alone, the more I wanted to be around Bree. A few months into us becoming friends Jason and I decided to break up. It was one of the worst and probably the only real break up I had ever had in my young life, funny enough, Bree was going through the same thing with a soccer player named Wesley. He was an attractive athletic build latino guy; with really nice hair. I never liked him, but that's only because he really hurt my new friend, I think.
Bree was there for every bit of my break up and I was there for hers. She helped me to move on in ways I never knew I could. She let me complain about all the bullshit Jason put me through and the ways he made me happy without ever criticizing me, and always found a way to lift me up. To say she was a best friend would be an understatement in my opinion. At this point, I felt so strongly about her in a way that made me want to show off for her on the field, to be as good as she was. The feelings that I was having for her were familiar, but I couldn't let myself feel that way. It wasn't right. Bree wasn't the first girl I had a crush on and I knew she wouldn't be the last, but I knew it wasn't something that wasn't normal, so I hid it all my life. I was secretly wishing she would feel the same about me. The feelings felt strong with Bree and I didn't know how long I would be able to hide my feelings. I had a strong crush on her, the kind of crush a girl has on a guy she pines for and doodles in her notebook about.
Soccer season came and went, and Bree and I were still the best of friends and to add, Mandy and I were now also the best of friends. It was crazy how it worked out, but the three of us were almost inseparable. Just as soccer ended, Bree talked me in to playing softball with her. It was something that I had thought about doing years before but just never had the time. With no surprise, I made the team with Bree's help. This would be the defining moment in my life that I would be free. Practices were almost the same with soccer, a few times a week after school with alternating games, right before the actual games started Bree and I started to get surprisingly closer, if that was possible. On one night; possibly a Sunday, as we spent the whole day messaging each other I mentioned to her that I had a secret that I had never disclosed with anyone else. Of course, she berated me into spilling the beans. After numerous acts to dodge her request I told her what she wanted.
"Okay! Okay, but promise that you will let me know exactly what you're thinking" I said, trying to ensure I didn't lose the only person I wanted to be friends with.
"I promise, now stop stalling and TELL ME!" She said impatiently
"I just don't what it to be weird between us, I don't know how you will react to it."
"Aless, just tell me."
"Ok, but if we stop being friends over this, then it's your fault."
"Stop being weird, just tell me."
"OK...Ever since I was a little girl, I always had these feels, like crushes, on other girls. " As I sent that message it was like unloading a dump truck and at the same time feeling like I just signed my death sentence. As I waited for her response I felt like it took ages and I got to impatient.
"Oh, like how old were you when you first noticed?" I was dying, I was expecting a bit more from her.
"I was like 3-4 years old, I remember I had a crush on my teacher's daughter that was in my class." Still on the edge of my seat.
"Wow, Aless! That's a long time, so are you like a lesbian?"
"No, I guess I'm Bi. I mean I still like guys but I just like girls too. I told Erica about it a few weeks ago. I guess that's why I wanted to tell you"
"Oh yea? Are there any girls that you have a crush on now?" WHAT!!! I thought to myself, what kind of questions is that. Now I had to tell her.
"LOL, yea" I said trying to not really respond.
"HAHA, like any girls that I know?" She's killing me!
"Uuuugggghhhhh!!! Yea" I said, trying to keep what she truly wanted to know hidden.
"Okay, like who?"
"Okay, do you really want to know?"
"HAHA, duh Aless, that's why I'm asking you silly!" There was no way out.
"Okay, uhmm... Jessie, Mandy, Julie (all from our soccer team) Cat (from the softball team) and you." Once again, I had signed my death certificate and I couldn't sit here and wait for her response. I got up and walked away, not knowing what would happen next or what she would say about it. I waited about 10 feet away from my desktop until I saw the message pop up, then I ran back to my computer. I took a deep breathe then calmly read through what she had laid out in front of me
"Oh, okay...Me? There is nothing special about me HAHA." She was being modest I guess but I couldn't see how she didn't see all that I had seen her in. I felt that I had gotten to know her more than she knew herself in the short time that we had been friends. She was beautiful, and funny, and amazing, and kind, and all those qualities, I admired.
"Yea there is, you're awesome! But anyways, what are you up to?" I tried to change the topic in case she was feeling uncomfortable and didn't feel the same way. I don't think I could go through rejection the first time I told a girl I had a crush on her.
"Well, talking to you and finishing my math homework. I so hate this class why do we need math anyways HAHAH."
"I definitely agree with you, it is not one of my favorite classes at all. I wish I could help but I suck at it, like really bad. HAHA."
"Oh, you're fine, I'm almost done anyways."
"Holy crap, dude look at the time. So, yea, I think we should head to bed. As fun as it is talking with you, I gotta head off to bed. Like I said though, if our relationship changes after this. It's your fault."
"Aless! HAHA nothing will change. How did Erica react when you told her?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, she is bi too, so we were just happy to share our secret together, HAHA"
"Oh wow, that's cool"
"Yea" I felt confident about it, but I was still scared, I guess that's one thing messaging provides that face to face doesn't, more comfort. But having to face it head on the next day. I would just have to stay tuned. It was already Monday morning and we were still up talking even though school was in a few hours. We said our goodbyes and headed off to bed. I couldn't sleep, I was so excited that she finally knew my secret and she didn't reject me. She accepted me and even though she may not feel the same way, I was still happy. EEEPPP!!