Chapter Six
I’m an idiot. I’m actually an idiot. Why did I just agree to that? Now he’s going to think that its all ok; that he can just step into my life. I don’t want anybody in my life. I can’t have anybody in my life. I'm better off on my own. Everyone else will be better off as well. They'll only get hurt; I'll only get hurt. I can't believe I let this man into my apartment! This is my safe house. The one and only place that I feel a little secure and I've just ruined that. What is wrong with me?! I can't trust him; I can't trust anyone.
A plate and a person appear in front of me. I shoot backwards and put at least 6 feet between us while pointing his gun at him. Six feet is still closer than I'd like, but it's better than having him right next to me. Eli jumps away from me, like I've just thrown boiling water on him. "Dani, it's ok, it's just me, Eli. It's ok, shhhh. Just take deep breaths."
I kept a close eye on where he was and kept the gun pointed at him. I don't know what prompted me to do it, but I looked into his eyes for a brief moment. I saw hurt in them and I felt bad. He'd made me breakfast; he'd come to check on me. My frightened side was screaming at me to be sensible, that he was just like everyone else and he was just trying to get me to trust him before he broke me.
I whispered, "Just stay over there please sir."
"Ok, ok. I'll do whatever you need me to. I'll eat over at this counter. Please sit to eat Dani. I don't want to make you uncomfortable in your own house."
He must have seen something pass through my mind because he quickly corrected, "I don't want to make you more uncomfortable than you already are. I know you don't really want me here and I am thankful that you let me in. I know that must have been hard for you. Please eat. I won't come anywhere near you."
I slowly returned to my seat and picked up my fork, still holding onto the gun.
Eli watched me carefully as he ate. He noticed that I ate very cautiously and slowly. He saw the pain and torment in my eyes but he also saw the slight enjoyment that crossed my features as I put some of the food in my mouth.
"Does it taste good?"
His voice startled me and I jumped a little. "Yes sir, it does."
"It's one of my mama's recipes. I think my abuela taught her it."
"Hispanic?"
"Yes ma'am. Well, three quarters anyway. My mama is full Mexican and my papa is half Mexican, half Irish."
I nodded so he asked, "Are both of your parents Russian?"
I sighed and whispered, "They were."
"Were?"
"Yes sir. They died when I was young."
"I'm sorry. Have you always lived here?"
"No sir. Please, I'd prefer not to talk about this, if that's ok with you."
"Sure. So, what's your favourite food?"
He shot me a smile, letting me know that he was ok with the subject change.
I thought for a bit. "I don't know. Italian or Mexican maybe."
"Good choices. What about music?"
I didn't hesitate before saying, "Blues."
He chuckled, "Wow, you didn't even need to think about that. Got a favourite artist?"
"Buddy Guy I think. John Mayer comes a close second."
"John Mayer is cool. I've seen him in concert a few times."
He saw a tiny sparkle in my eyes, so he continued describing the concert. "He is actually pretty amazing live. If you take away all the lights and just listen to the music it can take you away for where you are standing and lift you to another world."
I stared at my plate. "I know."
"Dani?"
"Yes sir?"
"Were you really sick yesterday? Or were you just embarrassed?"
I gasped out of shock. How did he do that? How could he know?
"I took a guess. I had a suspicion that it was because of what happened with the guys. Can I ask why you have panic attacks?"
I refused to look at him. I wouldn't even lift my head. He took a step forward which made me panic and I pointed the gun at him again. His voice was soft when he spoke, "Dani, it's ok. It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not going to touch you. Calm down sweetheart. It's ok, it's ok."
He was trying to reassure me, but it wasn't working. Tears were streaming down my face and I kept shaking my head.
"What? What's wrong, Dani? What's the matter?"
I just kept shaking my head and my hands were shaking. I couldn't keep the gun pointed at Eli and that was making me even more upset. I couldn't even protect myself when I had a gun in my hand.
"What is it Danica? What did I do? Talk to me..."
I managed to choke out, "Please, don't come near me..."
"I won't, I promise. Just calm down, please. Breathe with me... That's it, just count with me."
When I'd returned to some sort of normal, Eli said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Can you at least let me know what sets you off, just so I know what not to do?"
I was silent for a little while, having an internal battle with myself. I didn't know whether I should just say something or not. I wasn't sure if I could trust him with that information. Eventually I bit the bullet and whispered, "I don't like people in my personal space..."
"Ok, so as long as I stay a safe distance away, you'll be ok?"
I didn't answer. I was scared to say no, but I couldn't say I'd be ok. For one thing, I didn't know if I would be ok. I also didn't really want to deal with this. I was too scared to have people try to be in my life. I couldn't handle everything that went along with it.
"You'll be ok Dani. I know you don't think it now, but you will be."
I didn't believe him. I was not fixable. I didn't voice my thoughts to him though.
After I had finished my food, Eli said, “I should let you get back to whatever you were doing. I’ll see you on Monday, Dani, and please try to get some rest.”
“Yes sir. Thank you for breakfast.”
“You’re very welcome.”
I went back into work on Monday, not feeling particularly rested. Eli was waiting for me by the stairway and he shot a dazzling smile at me as he greeted me.
He kept up his babbling the whole way up to our floor, and when I got to my desk there was a flurry of activity. The Captain wanted me to be the guys’ eyes on the ground for their next op. It was just routine security and escorting a South American Diplomat.
Captain Michaels explained, “Danica, I need you to be on all the surveillance cameras on the route. Keep a look out for suspicious vehicles, anything out of the ordinary or anything too ordinary. You think you can keep up with that?”
“Yes sir.” I logged on to my computer and switched on my four monitors. I brought up the New York surveillance systems and started logging into the cameras along the route.
All the guys looked shocked and Ash as the first to ask, “How did you do that? And how do you know the route?”
I shrugged, “I saw the route on the file just now. You just have to log into the main surveillance system and you can get control of any camera in New York.”
The guys let out a low whistle and Eli said, “Captain, I think you underestimated Dani’s ability.”
The Captain agreed and sent the team out. Once they were gone, he whispered, “Is there something you’re not telling me, Miss Romanov?”
My heart actually stopped beating, as I froze. He couldn’t know, I made sure that there was no trail back to my real name. If he knew my history then it would only be a matter of time before everyone else knew. Then I’d have to leave my job.
I think the Captain saw the fear in my eyes, so he clarified, “Are you some kind of genius or something?”
I actually let out a puff of air and said, “No sir. I just like computers.”
“How did you memorize the route so quickly?”
“I, I...” I muttered and stuttered, so the Captain looked at me closely before saying, “The truth, Danica.”
I whispered, “I have a photographic memory...”
I dropped my head even lower, if that was even possible.
“Really?”
“Yes sir.”
“That’s amazing! How does it work?”
“I can pretty much remember everything I see or read. I can speed read too, which is how I learned the route.”
“Is that how you can see four screens at once?”
“Yes sir.”
“Can you read more than one book at once? I read about someone who could do that.”
“Yes sir.”
“That is amazing. I knew hiring you would be a good idea.”
“Thank you sir. Are you going to tell everyone else about this?”
“No, it’ll be our secret. A handy little weapon to store, don’t you think?”
I just nodded, not really knowing how to respond. The radios crackled to life, saving me from any more awkward conversations.
The operation went without any problems, and the team returned in one piece, thankfully. My nerves were already fried; I didn’t need any more surprises.
*I know this is more of a filler chapter, but I wanted to try to show how awkward holding conversations are for Dani. I don't know if I'm happy with this chapter so I may change it. Bet you didn't guess about the photographic memory. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think :)*