Amber
It's been a week since Alessandro woke up. I wanted to come see him but every time I regretted it before I could even try. How can I come and hold his hand while I've slept with someone else? How can I come and tell him that I love him when I can't? How can I come and look at him and tell him that I can't be with him anymore? How can I break his heart when all I want to do is own it? I prepare myself taking one last deep breath before finally walking in.
I had hoped we would be asleep but instead he seems lost in thought, staring at the ceiling and with a slight frown. He's gotten better with the hallucinating but he still has to work on the physical recovery. I speak but hoping that he won't hear me.
"Hi." I stand there holding my hands nervously and my heart slips a best the moment his eyes connect with mine. Alessandro. I've missed his voice, his eyes, his smile. I've missed him.
"Bella?" His full eyes brighten up immediately and I feel an equal amount of happiness, guilt and shame.
"Oh my God." He sits up and looks at me with disbelief, tears slowly forming. I try to fight it but my body, seemingly with a life of it's own forces me to run over to him and hug him. He latches onto me and buries his face in my neck.
"It's you, it's really you." I feel his tears of joy fall on my skin and tears of pain begin to fall from my own eyes.
"Yeah." It's all I can manage to croak out while he continues to hold me, afraid that I'm not real. I sit there holding him for a few minutes while he composes himself. I feel the hesitation to let me go but he finally does. I stay seated on the bed and he holds one of my hands while tucking my hair behind my ear. It hurts to see that look in his eyes, the pure bliss of having me there.
"How are you feeling?" He smiles before answering my question.
"I feel fine, just getting used to stuff like walking again because after being held prisoner and then being in a coma for so long it's normal to feel weak." I nod and give him a forced smile.
"What's wrong?" He frowns and raises his right eyebrow, something he does when he's curious.
"I just don't think it's fair you have to go through this." What I don't say is that part of 'this' has to do with me.
"Hey, I'll get through it. I have you by my side and I don't need anything more." I give him another forced smile and he notices the strain.
"There's obviously something else going on Amber. Should I mention the fact that you failed to visit me this entire week? I understand you might have been scared because of my hallucinating but after that one time you came to me I hadn't seen you." I see the hurt flash across his face and it's a direct blow to my heart.
"Look, Ale...ssandro. I'm sorry. There's just a lot that's been going on and I'm under a little bit of stress alright? I understand you want to know more and I'll tell you but for now it's important you focus on recovering." I do my best to convince him to calm down but the way his face changes let's me know that I failed.
"No! That's all I've gotten from everyone! No one wants to tell me anything about what's happened! Why is everyone keeping me in the dark?" His grip on my hand tightens and my instincts kick in. I pull away from his as quickly as I can and take a few steps back. The remorse on his face is immediate but I speak before he can say anything.
"Please, Ale. Just...listen alright? We need you back and in order to do that you can't be worrying about anything other than yourself." He sighs in defeat.
"Amber, I'm sorry. Please, just tell me something. Anything. You have no idea how much I've missed you. You're acting so strange and it hurts. No one is telling me anything and I just don't understand." He extends his hand out hoping I'll hold it again, silently telling me that I know he won't hurt me. Selfishly and stupidly I walk back over and oblige.
"Alessandro, I get it but the doctor said we should avoid stressful topics alright? How about we just talk about other things?" He frowns slightly but nods.
"Fine. I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just that I've lost three months of my life and it's hard not knowing what's happened." Silence. Deafening silence. After a few long seconds he clears his throat.
"Anyway, I missed you so much you know that? The entire time I was in that fucking basement all I thought about was you. I knew you would come for me. You're what kept me sane." He smiles at the bittersweet memories but I feel a knot in my throat again.
"I can't imagine what it was like for you bella, I was there for about a month. But, ten years? Mio angelo, whatever respect I had for you has multiplied." I feel the tears threatening to fall. I don't deserve his respect or the way he admires me.
"I admire you so much. You are so brave and so fucking strong." My strength leaves me and I pull my hand away once more.
"I'm sorry Alessandro, I can't." With the tears now flowing freely I bolt out of the room.
"Bella!" I don't turn back.
"Wait!" I'm obviously gaining distance between us as I hear his voice further away.
"AMBER!" One final roar from him that pushes me to my limits. I need to get away and stay away so, I run. I run until I no longer can and find myself in the only place I feel safe.
"Amber?" Nicholas stands from the chair in the office, wide-eyed and startled by my abrupt entrance. I had thrown the door open without thinking but I don't care and so I ignore the men sitting on the other side of the desk and run over to him throwing my arms around him. I begin sobbing into his chest and he clears his throat.
"If you'll excuse us." I hear shuffling and soon the door closes. We're alone now.
"That bad, huh?" He knew I was going to see Alessandro today and when he asked to come with me I foolishly denied and said I needed to do it alone. What a mistake that was.
"He loves me so much. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve his admiration. I don't deserve him... I don't deserve you. All I do is bring chaos anywhere I go. I shouldn't have ever accepted to stay here. I should have left right from the start!" He places his hands firmly on my shoulders and gently pushes me back in order to look at me.
"I've had it with that kind of talk, Amber. I don't know when you're going to finally listen to me but you deserve everything! If you hadn't agreed to stay here you would most likely be dead or in a bad situation, Alessandro would probably be spiraling into a pit of depression because before you showed up he was already on his way down, you would have deprived him from knowing what love is and you would have taken away my chance to meet you, Emily wouldn't be with Marcos, Cobra would most likely still be out there somewhere and Dominic would still be alive. Do you realize that so much good has come out of you being here? So what if there's been some trouble? Since before you got here there's always been some kind of shitstorm going on. That's just part of this lifestyle. We're in constant danger with or without you here so just stop it. You know I hate when you talk like that about yourself." It's true. If I ever talk badly about myself in the slightest, he quickly tells me to stop thinking like that. He's always there for me and reminding me how special and important I am.
"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do. I hate having to break his heart." It doesn't even matter that my own heart gets broken as well because if he dies then I die too. I'd rather hurt him than be the reason he gets killed.
"You know you don't have to. Just tell me who it is and I'll take care of everything." He grabs my hand and looks down at me with those soft eyes trying his best to convince me. Why am I so afraid? I already told him what's going on but I'm just scared that once I give him an actual name, he'll go out and try to confront the man.
"I won't tell you. He has a lot of men on his side and even if we win in that situation, a lot of people are going to die. Besides, that would mean putting you all in danger as well and I'm not doing that. I've made up my mind, it just hurts." He sighs in defeat because he knows that nothing he says can make me change my mind. That's what he thinks at least, every passing day I'm closer to giving in and just telling him who's been terrorizing me.
"Look, I understand why you wanted to come see him but I'm not letting you near him for a while. He needs to recover and you need to take care of yourself and the baby. He'll be pissed but I'll talk to him. I'll tell him you're just not in the right place to deal with all of this." Thankfully, Nicholas changes the subject although I know he still thinks I'm being stupid for not telling him. The thing is that he thinks it's just another traitor but this time it's different, it's not another low rank member. That thought seems to bring the memory of his last call to the front of my mind.
"Mrs. Bianchi. Good morning." I try my hardest to hold my composure before answering.
"What do you want?" I tried to sound as menacing as possible but I failed.
"I would really watch my manners if I were you. It seems you have forgotten who you are speaking with." I stay silent.
"That is better. So, I will be quick. Alessandro has woken up, correct?" I hesitate before answering.
"Yes."
"You are pregnant. Is that also correct?" How does he know all this?
"Yes."
"So you see, I know everything that is happening. I hope you do not forget that. I will know if you try anything." This only confirms I can't tell anyone else.
"I only called to give you a friendly reminder of our agreement. You do just as I said and nothing else will happen." Once again, I stay silent. I don't know what to say or do. Any courage I had mustered up completely disappears.
"As a little incentive, I have someone here." I feel my stomach drop and worry instantly fills my body.
"No! Stop! Please!Don't hurt me!" I listen to the young girl crying and pleading in the background.
"She's fifteen. Does she remind you of anyone,Amber? Yourself perhaps?" I hear a chuckle from his mouth and my fear turns into rage.
"Stick to the plan and she will be fine. If not, I will hurt her. You should remember what that is like. All those years and nobody helped you but you can help her. Just do what I say and she will be fine."
"Also, just in case you underestimate me I have left you a reminder that I know everything. You will know it was me. Goodbye for now."
The moment I heard his disgusting voice on the other end I had frozen in place. What angers me the most is how he sounds so smug, he knows he has me right where he wants me. He knows that at least for now he holds the power. Then, the girl. He made sure she was screaming so I could hear her clearly because he knows that if there's something I care about other than my loved ones, it's the innocent people. Those people that have done nothing but are still somehow stuck in unfortunate situations that they don't deserve. In order to make sure that I got the message he also sent me a short video of the young girl. It broke my heart to see her because she reminded me of my old self. I saw no visible wounds or bruises but her long blonde hair was matted, she was drenched in sweat, her eyes were dull,surrounded by dark circles and full of fear. I need to help her and I can't do that if I let him have his way. What is wrong with me? I'm done with this. I left this frightened Amber behind when Alessandro was taken, I'm not her anymore. I've done so much and fought so hard to let myself become this again.
"Nico?" I sigh knowing that this time I'm telling him everything. I'm done hiding like a frightened animal.
"Yeah?" He looks up at me with curiosity.
"You know how Hank was killed?" He nods with obvious confusion etched on his face.
"It was him." His face immediately hardens.
"How do you know it was him?" He raises his eyebrow, sending me and accusing glare.
"He called me." Oh, he's pissed. There's a difference between him being annoyed, angry and downright furious. I always know when it's the latter because the veins on his neck bulge and his face reddens.
"And you didn't think to let me know?" He's fighting to maintain his composure but I hear the struggle in his words and watch as the vein on his forehead pulses. Hesitantly, I place a hand over his and he lets me, seemingly calming down as I do.
"I'm sorry. I know I should have told you then but I'm telling you now. I was scared and I still am but I'm tired of cowering. I've been through too much to let something like this stop me." He relaxes.
"Before I tell you who he is I need you to understand how serious this is. It isn't just another daily threat, he isn't a low rank traitor. He has power, not as much as you or Ale but he is a serious threat. Not to mention the fact that he obviously has someone working for him on the inside. He knows about Ale, he not only knew about Hank, he sent someone to kill him and he also knows that I'm pregnant." I notice his hands are now in fists, tightened so much that his knuckles are white. He hates people threatening me and even more so now that I'm pregnant. I rub my thumb against the hand I'm holding until he finally calms down enough.
"He also sent me this." I let go of his hand and take out my cellphone opening the only video I have on it before handing it over.
"I hope you can understand why I'm afraid. Before we were all in danger but now she is too. I'm telling you who it is and together we're going to find a way to stop him but I need you to promise this stays between you and me. That means no Marcos, no Ale, nobody." He presses play and I watch his expression change from surprise to worry and finally to anger.
"Alright. I understand and that's probably the smartest thing to do right now. Very few people had that information and all of them are in our circle. I hate to doubt any of them but someone is betraying us." I nod.
"The day he first spoke to me, the day I met him he told me his name is Valentino Damiano. I thought I saw him somewhere before but I'm not sure."
"You probably saw him in a picture with Alex." He seethes. He startles me by standing abruptly and hitting the desk before leaning over it.
"SON OF A BITCH!" He runs his hands over his hair in despair.
"Who is he?" I practically whisper. He won't hurt me but whenever I see someone that way I can't help but feel wary.
"He used to work for Emilio." He answers, much calmer.
"Ale's father?" He nods sharply still leaning over the desk with his back toward me.
"When he was home he would act nice with us. He would help us in different ways and to Ale he was that fatherly figure he never had. We trusted him and told him about our plans for Emilio. He supported us. After it happened Ale gave him power over our men in Florence, a city in Italy. First is Ale or myself, then Antonio and after him is Valentino." He pauses before turning over to face me.
"We trusted him. Alex trusted him and look at what he does." I see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes before he glances down.
"I wonder why though." I finally speak.
"Yeah, so do I. It doesn't make sense. If he killed Hank he could have killed Alex just as easily. He wants him alive. This isn't about power or at least that's not his biggest priority." We both stay there without speaking but thinking loudly. Why not kill him? Why involve me? Then it clicks.
"He wants Ale to suffer." I whisper.
"I think so." His face is hard and he nods.
"BUT WHY?"Why would someone so this?
"I don't know but we'll find out. Amber, I promise we're taking him down. Alessandro is going to be fine, you're going to be safe and that we're getting that girl away from him. Trust me, princess. We're going to stop him." I give him a sad smile.
"I believe you. I'm going to help you and we're going to do this together." He smiles back.
"Can I see the video again?" I nod and give him my phone again.
"What is it?" I watch his confusion.
"She seems familiar. I know I've seen her." He raises a brow.
"Maybe someone you guys rescued in the past." He nods slowly.
"Maybe. She's too young for me to know her any other way." He walks back over and sits next to me.
"I also wonder why her. It doesn't make sense for him to take a random girl."
"I think it has to do with me. He knows I'll do anything to keep innocent people safe." I feel guilty. This is all my fault.
"Yeah. Still, I think there's more to it. We'll do a search on her later. When everybody leaves."
"Alright." We sit there without speaking and after a couple of minutes a question comes to mind.
"Nico? Who do you think is working for him?" He turns to answer.
"I have no idea."