Suzanna woke up the next morning, pushed all negative thoughts aside, and eagerly prepared for her trip to the village. She dressed and skipped down to the kitchen. With Rose and Tristan newly married and Rose taking up new duties, Suzanna had offered to help at Rose's beloved home more often. It was good, regardless, for her townspeople to see their Princess more often.
The cook had already prepared an early breakfast and Mistress Eudora had packaged it inside a basket. She did not have to be at the village until noon but she had decided to go early. The surprise would excite the children, and she was sure the workers would appreciate it.
Suzanna took the basket from the kitchen and lifted the handkerchief covering the food. She pulled out a pastry and nibbled on it as she walked through the castle halls. It was surprisingly quiet for the morning after a royal wedding. She nodded at a few guards as she passed them; her thoughts drifting as she imagined how boring it must be to stand in a hall all day.
Distracted, she bumped into someone. She looked down to see big brown eyes staring up at her.
"Emily!" Suzanna said, surprised to see her younger sister. "What are you doing awake so early?" Emily's bottom lip quivered. Suzanna's heart released a painful pang in response to the tragic expression. "What is it? What's wrong?" Suzanna dropped to her knees and took her sister's hands.
"I couldn't sleep," she whispered.
"Why not?" Suzanna asked gently.
"I was thinking about Mummy," Emily finally said. She immediately erupted into a flood of tears. Suzanna felt grief touch her own soul. Their mother had died when Emily was only months old; hence Emily had no memories to treasure. The family rarely talked about the painful loss. Emily, however, often seemed to grieve what she had missed out on.
Suzanna reached out and pulled Emily against her chest. They held onto each other tightly, comforting the only way they could.
"It's okay," Suzanna whispered. "It's okay to hurt."
"I don't have a Mummy," Emily cried. Suzanna felt crushed, unable to provide an answer. She pulled back and wiped Emily's tear-stained cheek.
"You have a family who loves you more than anything in the world."
"Do you think she's-she's proud of me?" Emily asked with a little hiccup.
"Oh Emily, if Mother were here she would tell you every day how proud you make her. You have a wonderful, pure, gentle heart, just like she did. You make her proud, I promise," Suzanna answered, swallowing her own tears away.
"Will you tell me about her again?"
Suzanna smiled and stood up. "Of course." She held out her hand and Emily took it. Suzanna led her to the hallway where her family's portraits all hung. They walked past the noble painting of their father. Next to him hung the last portrait of their mother they had commissioned before she had passed away.
She was a timeless beauty. Big, brown eyes, fair skin, a soft smile, and delightful auburn hair that glowed red in the sun. Suzanna and Emily stared up at the painting. It was moments like these that brought tears to Suzanna's eyes. She had often been told she resembled her mother.
Emily had stopped crying and instead was staring at the woman she had never known.
"There she is," Suzanna whispered before she cleared her choked-up throat.
"Was she kind?"
"Very kind." Suzanna led Emily to a seat against the opposite wall where they could still see the picture. "Mother had the most wonderful laugh; it was full of joy and love for those around her. She ruled with warmth and kindness and she loved nothing more than to spend time with her children."
"What did you used to do with her?"
"We used to go on picnics and ride our horses as far as the eye could see. There was no adventure Mother was not up for. One time she let me climb a tree to pick fruit - but I became stuck! She climbed all the way up, skirts and all, and we stood in that tree laughing until it felt like our lungs would give out." Suzanna teared up at the memory. She subtly wiped her cheek, not wanting Emily to become upset again.
"What did Father think?" Emily asked, the slightest sign of a smile on her face.
"He laughed and said 'My girls are fearless and stubborn'," Suzanna answered with a laugh. "He did not think, of course, that Mother would actually climb a big tree instead of calling for help. Then again, she was always surprising him. Mother and Father loved each other dearly and deeply. There was nothing more important to her than family."
"When I'm older, I hope I'm just like her," Emily finally said.
"I hope I am too," Suzanna answered gently. She hugged her sister tightly as she gazed once more at the portrait. No words could describe the pain, agony, and loss she had felt when her mother had died. But little by little, day by day, her family began to heal and restore. Maybe there would always be a wound on her heart where Mother belonged, but it no longer caused the pain she had once suffered.
Suzanna and Emily eventually left the hallway, sombre yet peaceful. Emily announced she wanted to go to find Father and dashed off. Suzanna smiled as she watched her sister. With a sigh, she turned around and continued where she had left off - the walk to the village.
The carriage was always an option, of course, but Suzanna liked the fresh air and peace that came with a morning walk. She walked with nostalgic thoughts and chewed automatically at her breakfast, no longer paying attention to the flavours.
When she reached the village, she walked with her head down, cloak hood up, distracted and somewhat gloomy. The village people miraculously did not seem to notice her or want her attention. It was a rare and appreciated moment.
"Suzanna." A hand on her shoulder; a voice belonging to the only person she wanted to see - the only person who could immediately cheer her up. "Are you okay? I called out to you a few times." Suzanna looked up and stared into his wonderful eyes, her heart pounding just from seeing him.
"Samuel-"
"What is wrong?" he asked immediately, as soon as he had seen her expression.
Suzanna gave a small shrug, hoping to play it off as nothing major. "Emily was asking about Mother."
Compassion touched Samuel's expression. He touched her hand lightly and gave it a small caress - no one seemed to be watching, after all. The feeling was delightful and addictive.
"I'm sorry," he said honestly.
Suzanna stood on her tip-toes and hugged him tightly.
"People may recognize you," Samuel warned, a delicate whisper in her ear.
Suzanna held on even tighter. "I don't care. You are the dearest, most wonderful person to me and the only one who cheers me up instantly. I am going to hug you, and I don't care who sees it," she mumbled. She did not even care that she had confessed so much. Right at that moment, so close to Samuel, all she wanted to do was stay with him forever. Samuel instantly responded to the hug, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. Suzanna was in heaven.
"Do you miss her?" he whispered.
Suzanna pulled away slowly and averted her eyes. "Only sometimes. I'm used to it now, mostly. But sometimes it hurts so badly I wonder how I will ever bear the pain. Once I become sad it is hard to feel happy again."
"What will make you feel better?" Samuel asked, his eyes concerned and intense.
"A holiday," Suzanna said with a bitter laugh. "A holiday from all the pain, the anxiety - everything to do with Caden and Duke Wilson. A break from trying to figure out my future and my decisions."
"You're carrying too much on your shoulders, Suzanna."
"What else can I do?" Suzanna asked, feeling tears of pure stress and emotional exhaustion rising once more. "I cannot simply run away from everything."
"Then let go of trying to figure everything out on your own," Samuel murmured. He leaned forward and gently placed a light peck on her forehead - the same action he had performed the night before. It instantly dried her tears. "Do you trust God?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes," Suzanna answered, smiling.
"Then trust that everything will work out. You are not on your own. Let the future come as it comes and enjoy the moments you have in the present."
Suzanna thought about everything he had said for a minute. "I suppose you are right," she finally admitted.
Samuel gave her a smug, teasing smile. "I am."
Suzanna looked in the direction of the village home. Samuel gave her an understanding look. "I should go; they will be expecting me soon and I wanted to arrive early," she explained.
"Very well," Samuel said. Suzanna was reluctant to leave - it was hard to go when she was at her happiest with him.
"Goodbye, then," she eventually murmured.
"Suzanna, wait," Samuel answered, taking a hold of her forearm gently. "Can we talk later?"
What was it about those words that had the ability to instantly make her anxious? Suzanna gave him a brave, confident smile despite her sudden nerves. "Of course."
Samuel released her arm, and with shaky steps Suzanna walked to the village home. It was a delightful chaos inside. There were children running through the hallways; the sound of loud footsteps and excited giggles. A group of women were in a far corner, watching intently as a volunteer taught them to sew and embroider. Men stood talking and working in the kitchen. Suzanna's heart was rapidly full of joy.
How could she be sad when there were children here with so little, yet they were so happy.
Suzanna walked through the main hall into the large children's play room. There were toys strewn across the floor and one solitary person working steadily, picking up the toys one by one. The woman looked up and made eye contact. Suzanna did not recognize her.
On a whim, she said "Adeline?"
The woman's eyes flickered with surprise. "How do you know me?"
"I am Suzanna, I am -"
"My brother's betrothed," Adeline stated.
Suzanna cringed. "Well... yes."
Adeline stood still and did not say anything else.
"Are you well?" Suzanna finally asked.
"As well as I can be."
Suzanna saw the reserved, withdrawn expression on Adeline's face. Surely this was a woman who had suffered and felt grief. Suzanna decided not to try to force the woman's friendship. Instead, she gave her the brightest smile she could muster and began to help pick up toys.
"Do you visit here often, Princess?" Adeline eventually asked.
"As often as I can. I am telling the children a story shortly. You would be welcome to listen, of course." Suzanna bit her tongue to keep from beginning to talk too much and too fast. There was once again a long, drawn-out silence.
"I suppose you know the details of my brothers and the current situation," Adeline sighed. "We may as well not avoid the topic and pretend all is well." Suzanna looked up at the woman hesitantly. Her eyes were watery but she blinked furiously to clear them.
"Yes... I know everything," Suzanna answered gently. "It's going to be okay, though. We'll find Wilson and I'm sure he'll be overjoyed to see you again."
Adeline's eyes were doubtful, and in her heart Suzanna wondered if she should promise such things.
"Can you tell me what will become of Caden?"
Suzanna hesitated. "I suppose that is only for the king to decide."
"Your brother," Adeline stated.
"Aye. But fear not, Tristan gives mercy to many. He is not cruel."
"He sent me away, left me for nothing but the dirt, and laughed as he left. But even so, he is my brother and I would not want to watch him die," Adeline sighed.
"I understand."
A clamour of noise broke the conversation as a stream of students filed into the room, herded by two older women. Excited squeals broke out when they recognised the Princess. Immediately Suzanna was surrounded; the children pushing towards her and asking for hugs. Suzanna knelt and opened her arms, nearly knocked backwards as the group of children leaned in as one.
They all spoke to her at once; asking her questions; telling her stories; trying to show her something new. Suzanna laughed and did her best to pay attention.
"Children, children," one of the older women said, clapping her hands to gain their focus. "Let's give Princess Suzanna space and if we are lucky, maybe she will tell us a story."
The children cheered and scrambled away to sit down, eager eyes staring. Suzanna righted herself and sat down on an offered chair. She watched as Adeline slowly knelt against the wall, clearly deciding to stay for the story.
"Tell us a story!" one particularly excited child cheered. Suzanna laughed again.
"As you wish, good sir. It was not so long ago, in another time, another year, there lived a young girl," Suzanna began. Movement to the side caught her eye, and she hid a smile as Samuel slipped unnoticed into the room.
"What was her name?" a girl asked. Suzanna flicked her eyes back to the children, pushing Samuel out of her mind.
"Her name was Emelin and she lived with her parents and four brothers. Now, their family was well known by many of the local people."
"Why?" a loud boy said with a tilted head.
"Because the family was known to be filled with exceptionally talented children. Why, Emelin's eldest brother could answer any question, gifted with wisdom and intelligence. Her second brother was, they were sure, the strongest man alive - there was no task too difficult for him. The third brother was eloquent - he could make anyone listen to him, convince anyone to do anything, and always earned their attention. Even Emelin's youngest brother had a gift - he could play any musical instrument placed in front of him," Suzanna explained.
"What could Emelin do?" another girl asked with enraptured eyes.
"What could Emelin do, indeed? That was the biggest question. Everyone knew her brothers were talented and special, but no one knew what Emelin's gift was - not even Emelin. Her parents promised she was important and gifted, but eventually Emelin began to question the truth. She could not answer difficult questions like her eldest brother, Aaron. Neither could she perform incredible acts of strength and energy like the second brother, Stephen, could. When she spoke, people were not enchanted like they were with Gerard. And while she loved music dearly, Emelin could only play one instrument, which paled in comparison to the talent of Eric.
"Indeed, Emelin was sure she was not as special as everyone around her. So it was, Emelin began to desperately want to be like her brothers. She was sure with some hard work and determination she could become just as important as they were. So, with great anticipation, Emelin went to town with her parents one day, searching for a moment where she could be wise like Aaron. As she passed a group of men, she could hear them arguing about the location of one man's satchel of coins. They bickered fiercely, accusing each other of stealing the money. Emelin was sure this was her moment. She approached the men, and with a quiet voice said 'Perhaps you left the money at home'. It sounded smart to Emelin, but the men gave her one look and laughed at her so loud and for so long that Emelin was sure she would crumple to the ground. She fled from them quickly.
"No, Emelin was not full of wisdom like Aaron was, but she was sure she could be fast and strong like Stephen. When Emelin returned home, she asked to join Stephen on his next hike. Stephen warned her it would be difficult, but she agreed nonetheless.
"What a horrible surprise. Emelin could not keep up with Stephen, even when he slowed down for her. She did not have powerful legs and arms like Stephen. She could not climb over rocks with one bound like Stephen could. She could not run for as long as Stephen could. So with a heavy heart and breathless lungs, Emelin turned back to go home."
"It's okay, Emelin," a girl in front of Suzanna whispered, adorable sad eyes watching Suzanna.
"When Emelin returned home, she told herself that she could still be like her two other brothers. Maybe if she tried extra hard, then she would be special. Gerard could make anyone listen to him. Emelin did not have a loud voice, but she had a big smile and sweet face. She was sure she could still make people listen to her. When her parents were about to ask Gerard to go to town and convince the fruit-seller at the market to lower his prices, Emelin volunteered to make the journey. Her parents were sceptical but allowed her to go.
"When Emelin reached the market, she squared her shoulders, raised her head, and gave the most determined expression she could muster. She walked right up to the fruit-seller and with her loudest voice said 'Sir, I am here to tell you that your prices are too high and you must lower them.' There, Emelin was sure she had made an impression. However, the fruit-seller gave her only one glance and scoffed at her. 'Leave, little girl, I have no time for you,' he laughed before turning his back on her.
"Emelin was heartbroken. She was not wise, she was not strong, and she was not eloquent. Who was she? Why was she not special like her brothers? Emelin headed home, dragging her feet. A small glimmer of hope inside reminded her that she still had one more brother - she still had one more chance. She could already play one instrument! Maybe she was gifted like Eric and simply had not tried enough to show her talent. Emelin raced home!
"Eric was in his special music room, which had many strange and wonderful instruments. Emelin humbly asked if she could try an instrument. Eric agreed and said she could, as long as she did not break anything. Eagerly, Emelin walked up to the harp. She could already play the harpsichord - the names were so similar, Emelin was positive it could not be much harder to play the harp.
"But when she sat in front of the harp she realised just how different the instruments were. When she plucked away, the strings hurt her fingers and the notes clanged against each other and sounded terrible. She was awful at the harp. Eric tried to help her, but Emelin knew she could not do it. She fled from the room, tears running down her face.
"There was only one explanation - she simply was not special. She had no talent, she had no gift, and she was overlooked. Emelin hid inside her room for the rest of the day. Two days later, her brothers decided to go on a walk through the village. Emelin did not want to go, but her parents told her she had to go outside. Emelin dragged her feet the entire walk to the village. 'What did it matter if she went with her brothers, anyway?' Emelin bitterly asked herself. All people would care about would be the gifted brothers. Emelin doubted anyone would even look at her.
"As they walked through the town, Emelin saw a poor old man. He had dropped a basket of fruit and was struggling terribly to pick them up. No one was helping him. 'Stop!' Emelin said to her brothers. 'We have to help that man,' she said. Her brothers glanced the man's way and shook their heads. 'We have not the time for him, Emelin. We have important places to go and important people to talk to.' Emelin was saddened. Her brothers believed the man was beneath them. Emelin pushed away from her brothers and ran up to the old man.
"One by one, she helped pick up his fruit and place them in his basket. The old man gave her a grateful smile as she placed the last piece of fruit in his basket. 'Thank you, dear child,' he said. 'I am mightily lucky to have someone as special as you helping me.'
"'You must be mistaken, sir," Emelin answered, "for I am not special at all.' The man was surprised. 'Whatever do you mean?' he asked. 'For when I was in trouble, even the most gifted of them all refused to help me. But you gave your time and energy to help me. If all were as kind and loving as you, there would not be so much trouble in the world. Do you not see? You are special. Your heart is your gift, and that is the most precious gift of all.'
"Emelin was shocked. Her heart was her gift? She had never thought about that before. Emelin hugged the man and said thank you. She turned to catch up with her brothers. When she looked over her shoulder, the man had disappeared. Emelin never saw him again, but she always remembered his words, and always remembered that she was special.
"Here is the moral of the story - we are all Emelin. We can spend our lives trying to be like other people, trying to earn approval, and trying to be special. Or we can learn that we are all created uniquely and for a purpose. Only you can do what you were created to do. People will never be able to be like you, and you will never be able to be like them. We are all special, and all deeply loved by God," Suzanna ended.
The children clapped. Against the wall, Suzanna watched as Adeline wiped away a tear. Her gaze shifted to Samuel, who gave her a slow nod and proud smile. His expression meant more to her than all the praises of the children.
"What happened to Emelin?" one child eventually asked.
"She lived a wonderful life and helped everyone she met. She loved the unloved and cared for those who did not care for her."
"Did she fall in love?" a young girl asked.
"Yes, she did. She married well and had her own family, whom she lavished with love."
"I hope I will be like Emelin when I am grown up," one girl said.
"Me too!"
"Same!" another cried out. Suzanna was touched. She smiled at the group of children.
"Never forget to be yourself, love yourself, and love others. If you do these things, you will always carry on the story and the heart of Emelin."
Suzanna swallowed back one tear as the children chatted among themselves. Perhaps one day the young children would realise... the story of Emelin was the story of her mother.