Faith should be home by now.
Stepping into the elevator of Faith's apartment building, I press the button for her floor.
I could really use some time with her after the day I've had. She always makes me feel good and I could use some goodness right now. Today was not a good day. All that time I wasted in class, making it seem like I was paying attention to all sorts of classes that don't really matter in the end... pretending that they matter to me when they don't mean a thing. There used to be a time when they meant a lot to me. I remember sitting around in class, absorbing every bit of information my teachers could dish out.
Somehow it feels like a lifetime ago since I was that person. All that time I spent studying and reading everything I could get my hands on and learning everything I can. For what? To have my girlfriend almost die in a fight with a demon? How does my education make that better? How does it help her heal and get back out there to do something worthwhile like fighting evil and saving the world? How is me knowing about facts and dates in history going to make a bit of difference to saving the world?
Not that I could save the world if I wanted to. I don't have anything close to a power that could help save anyone, least of all myself. So all the math, science, and art that I've been learning all these years doesn't make a difference in the big picture. It's all... just useless.
The elevator dings and the doors open up, letting me out on to Faith's floor. Immediately, I leave the elevator and start heading down the hall towards Faith's place.
That's why I need to see Faith. She always makes me feel better about everything. No matter what's happening or how useless I feel, I always feel like I make a difference when I'm with Faith. She always makes me feel like I matter because she knows me, and really cares about me. There isn't anyone else who knows me the way Faith knows me. I have to see her. She'll make everything better again. I know it.
When I get to Faith's door, I immediately knock. There's no answer. After waiting about 30 seconds, I knock again.
Where could she be? She's usually home from the dojo by now.
Again there's no answer, so I knock harder.
Did she go out somewhere and not tell me? Why wouldn't she let me know that she wasn't going to be here?
It takes me a few seconds before I decide to pull out my cell phone and call her. I hit the number 2 on my speed dial and put the receiver to my ear to listen.
She'd be number 1 on my speed dialer if the damn phone company didn't reserve that spot automatically for voice mail.
The phone rings for a while and no one picks up.
What's going on? Is she all right?
Eventually, she picks up.
"Hello?"
Oh thank god.
"Hey..."
"Oh... hey DK..."
Oh? She sounds like something's wrong.
"Hey... is everything all right?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be? Where are you?"
Slowly, I start idly pacing in the hallway.
"I'm over at your place looking for you, where are you?"
There's a short pause before she responds.
"I'm at the dojo Dawn, researching the demon? Remember? We talked about you coming by after school to help this morning?"
Oh, geez, right... I forgot.
"Right... yeah... crap..."
All there is for a second is the background noise of people working and researching.
"Sorry... I'll, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Okay... I'll see ya then."
She doesn't have anything else to say or anything?
"That's it?"
Another pause stretches out for a second.
"Five by five, why?"
Why?
"Well, I... nothing..."
"Cool. I'll see ya when you get here then. I... need to talk to you about something."
Then the line goes dead. Closing my phone gently, I kinda stop in the middle of the hallway for a second.
She, needs to talk to me about something? About what? What could she need to talk to me about? I... I can't think of anything we need to talk about. Why would we need to talk about something?
My legs start working again and I walk down the hallway right to the elevator I left only a second ago. Pushing the button, I wait for the elevator to come back up.
What could be going on?
* * *
The dojo's front entrance comes into view just down the street and I pick up my pace a little to try and get there as soon as possible.
Something must have happened. Something really terrible if Faith is telling me she needs to talk to me about something. But what could've happened? Did the demon come back? Did it have some kind of resurrection power that we didn't know about? What else could've happened that would make Faith need to talk to me? Unless... there could be something happening in Cleveland or something, an apocalypse or something. That happens a lot on a hellmouth. I should know.
It doesn't happen as often as it did in Sunnydale, but it still happens from time to time. Maybe something really bad is going down and they need the leaders to help. I don't like the idea of Faith having to go off and fight any more than I like Buffy doing it, but I know it has to be done.
If the world ends, it doesn't really matter whether they go or stay behind. But they do have all that experience making sure the world doesn't end that I know they're the best people for the job. Whatever's happening, I know it must be something big. I just hope Faith isn't going to have to do a lot of fighting, especially after what she's just been through.
I make it to the front of the dojo and shove the doors open, rushing right in, expecting something big to be going on. All I get is a regular day. There are girls everywhere in the dojo, doing all sorts of different training techniques, but they aren't doing anything that could be considered preparing for war.
It's just... normal.
As I look around at everyone, some of them look back because of the commotion I made bursting through the door and some just ignore me. That feeling of dread I felt ever since I spoke to Faith on the phone a while ago disappears, but it's replaced by this other weird feeling.
Why is everything fine? What's going on that Faith needs to talk to me if everything's fine? I... everything looks fine. What's going on? I... I don't understand.
When I look at the table near the back of the room, I notice Buffy, Willow, and a couple other slayers sitting around the table, looking through books.
Oh, there they are. They can tell me what's going on. But... why isn't Faith with them? Where is she?
Walking as straight as I can through the crowd of slayers, I go right up to the table with my sister and her best friend.
"Hey, guys... what's going on?"
Buffy and Willow are the first to look up at me, followed by the rest of the table.
"Faith said she needed to talk to me when I talked to her earlier on the phone? What's up?"
The people around the table all look at each other briefly before Willow decides to speak up.
"She's in there."
My sister's redheaded witch of a best friend points towards the back room. When I look there, I see Faith standing just inside the door looking at me with this blank but determined look on her face.
Why is she looking at me like that?
Then I see Faith turn around and head into the back room out of sight. I look at Buffy and Willow. Buffy has a look of concern staring back at me whereas Willow has something closer to sympathy.
I... I don't understand. What's going on?
It takes me another second to look towards the door to the back room then back at my sister, and at the door again before heading to it.
Faith will know. She'll explain everything. I know she will.
As I walk in there, I see Faith sitting on a familiar bench in the back room of the dojo, staring at the floor. I'm not really sure what to do, so I slowly approach her.
"Hey..."
My girlfriend slowly looks up at me and there's a little bit of a smile on her face, but less of one then I normally see. There's a little bit of sadness in them.
"Faith, what's going on? What did you need to talk to me about? It sounded important."
She takes a deep breath and sighs. Eventually, she gets up and faces me. Her voice sounds sad when she speaks.
"Yeah, it is..."
Okay...
"What is it?"
Faith pauses for a moment as she looks at me. Another deep breath is taken from her.
"Funny thing happened today Dawn."
It did?
"What happened?"
"Candy and Tess came by the dojo after school, kind've frantic about something."
They did? Why would they...? Oh... no...
"They came in, asking all sorts of question about The Key, saying that it was somehow a threat."
What do I do? What do I say?
"I thought they were crazy at first. I mean, we weren't even researching anything about The Key as far as I know, and if it was somehow a threat again, I would think that someone would've told me. Like say, my girlfriend who actually happens to be The Key they're all talking about."
Neither of us says anything for a second.
"Then suddenly, everyone starts filling me in on all sorts of details about what happened to the demon that nearly killed me that I'd never heard before."
Again there's silence in the room. I wanna say something but my mouth isn't working properly.
"How could you not tell me about this?"
"I..."
I'd like to say more but I don't know what I would say even if I knew what to say.
Faith seems to get quiet suddenly and stares at me, almost pleading for an answer.
"I... I don't know. I... I didn't think it mattered."
From the way the hurt on her face is getting worse, I don't think I said the right thing.
"Why not?"
I...
"I don't know. I guess... I just thought that... the demon is dead so what does it matter?"
She lets silence hit us for a few seconds.
"So... the reason I almost died... doesn't matter?"
Oh my god...
"NO... no, I... I didn't mean it like that I... It's..."
I have no idea how to explain this to her.
"Or maybe it's just me that doesn't matter."
What?
"No, no I... how can you say that? I, I love you Faith."
My angry girlfriend takes up a defensive posture.
"Apparently not enough to be honest with me though..."
There's a sick feeling in my stomach as Faith continues.
"I've been out of my coma for weeks now, and the first time I'm hearing about why I nearly died fighting this demon is from a couple of high school kids."
What's that supposed to mean?
"They're my friends, and they're slayers... or, at least, one of them is anyway. They aren't just in high school and they're NOT kids. And neither am I."
Faith stays locked in her defensive stance.
"I never said you were Dawn. The point is, the person I should been hearing this from was you. But instead I heard it from Candy and Tess, and I don't understand why. Ever since I woke up, everyone's been walking on eggshells around me, trying to act like everything was okay when I knew it wasn't, and I couldn't figure out why. And the only thought that keeps running through my head is... am I not important enough for you to tell me the truth? Do I not matter enough for you to let me in on the reason for the demon's attack?"
"Of course you... I... of course you are Faith."
"Of course I am important enough, or of course I'm not?"
We're... we're fighting about this. I don't want to fight about this. Faith and I don't fight about anything and I don't like it that we are. I just want Faith to understand and stop fighting with me so she can forgive me.
"Of course you're important enough to know why the demon was hurting people. I... I just... with the demon dead, I didn't want you to have to worry about anything. Even if it did want The Key, it's not going to get it now, even if what it wanted did still exist."
I need to make us stop fighting.
Walking up to her, I look in her eyes.
"Faith.... I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have, I see that now. But can't we just let it go and be okay?"
The anger in her eyes seems to lessen and I hope I'm getting through to her.
"I don't know Dawn. I... I'm not sure I can."
"But... I'm sorry, and I love you."
I reach out to touch Faith when I get close enough and she turns away, putting some distance between us. She lets out a painful sigh when she does.
"Dawn... you say that like it just fixes everything and nothing's wrong again. But... it isn't."
When she lets out a deep breath, I can't help but feel like my stomach's being stepped on.
"What are you saying?"
There's silence in the room for a long time.
"Faith?"
It takes her another little while to finally say anything.
"I can't believe I'm about to be this clichéd, but... after everything that's happened in the last little while. I think... maybe I need to take some time and space to try and deal with it."
Wait... wait, wait, wait... does she mean?
"Space... from me?"
She doesn't say anything, but the look of pain in her eyes before she drops her head down tells me the answer.
Why is she doing this? She doesn't have to do this.
"But... I'm, I'm sorry. I really am."
There's nothing but silence from Faith as she forces herself to look at me with glassy eyes.
Or maybe those are mine.
"I, didn't mean to not tell you I just... I wanted things to be like they were. Before the demon, before your coma when life was a lot more fun. I'm sorry."
Again the room is left silent for a while before Faith speaks.
"I know, Dawn. But we made a promise to each other when we got together. You remember?"
God... don't bring this up. I don't want her to bring it up.
"After everything that happened to us that almost broke us up before we even had a chance to be together, we promised each other that we'd always be honest with each other. And you broke that promise Dawn."
No...
"I know... I'm, I'm sorry."
Faith sighs heavily and tries to keep back the sadness I can see in her eyes.
"I can't just let that go, no matter how much I might want to."
Is she breaking up with me?
"I don't want us to break up DK. I love you and still want to be with you. But, I do think we need to spend some time apart. Can you understand that babe?"
No... I don't.
"No... Faith I..."
I try to get as close as I can to her but when we get a few steps apart, she takes a step back and I stop.
"I'm so sorry baby. I really am. Can't I just... remember to be completely honest and tell you everything from now on? Can't we just, work this out together and not be apart? I... I can do better. I can be better. I won't lie to you or keep anything from you ever again. I promise."
My girlfriend looks at me with pain in her eyes for a long time before she closes the gap between us, reaching out and cupping my cheek with her palm.
"I hope so."
The feeling of her hand on my skin makes me turn my face into her touch a bit while I place my hand on top of hers.
She feels so good.
"But for now I have to go."
What? No...
"No, Faith..."
She pulls her hand away from me and I grab her as she starts to move towards the door.
"Faith, please, you... you don't have to do this..."
When I tighten my grip on her arm, I feel her grab my wrist firmly and try to pull me off her.
I won't let go... I can't...
"I can do better. I know I can be more honest, just, please don't do this."
Being ten times stronger than me, it isn't hard for her to peel me off her slowly and gently.
"I'm sorry DK. I have to."
I can feel the tears coming and my stomach turning even more.
She can't. I don't understand.
"Why?"
Her eyes almost look right into my soul as she stares at me, speaking her last words.
"Because it's the right thing to do... and I love you..."
Then she turns around and leaves me behind.